To not want to cook for my lodger’s friends?

[Itmustbeaproblemwithyourdoodad]

So we’re a household of 6 - me, my husband, our 3 small kids, and our lodger (late 20s, male, family friend we have known for years).

Since lockdown we eat together - I do the food shopping, meal planning and cook most of the meals. Lodger cooks one night a week, DH sometimes cooks at the weekend. Lodger washes up and cleans the kitchen while we’re putting the kids to bed.

I often feel a bit like our lodger is like having an extra child - although it is nice to come down from bedtime to the washing up all done.

This weekend our lodger has friends staying over from abroad and I asked if they were eating out or if he was planning to cook for them. His response surprised me a bit - he asked what I was planning to cook and when I said “probably macaroni cheese” he said “that’s quite easy to bulk up isn’t it?” Making it clear he is expecting, or at least hoping that I will cook for them. He made me feel a bit unreasonable for not wanting to cook for them but I feel like as his guests it is his responsibility to feed them. And that includes food shopping for them instead of just using the food in the cupboard (which he does financially contribute to but he literally never goes food shopping). I just don’t really fancy spending my weekend cooking for 8!

"I'm not sure if it's easy to bulk up, but I'll put your portion aside for another night if you like and you can make dinner for your friends after we put the DCs to bed. Or feel free to get a takeaway!"

Make it clear, he cooks for his guests and buys extra food for them especially as you'll be paying extra for electricity water and gas. Etc

Completely not the point of the post but you must have a huge house for all these people…..!

I think you just need to be really clear with him. Otherwise he will expect this again and again.

Perhaps he feels uncomfortable doing shopping and taking up space in the fridge and cupboards. I think it’s rather nice that he wants his friends to join in the family meal, tbh.

Are his friends staying with you? As if so you’re already doing him a massive favour.
just say politely you weren’t expecting to be cooking for them and he needs to host and provide for his guests himself. make it clear you are not shopping for them either.

How many friends does your lodger have staying with you? I assume he asked permission before inviting the friends to stay? Massively cheeky to expect you to feed them ... are you charging extra for them staying?

YANBU. Last time I cooked macaroni cheese for a lot of people I found it took quite a bit longer. But more importantly the entitlement would bother me - it becomes your responsibility if they don't like it or whatever.

I cant say I have ever seen or witnessed a lodger/housemate type situation where they don't have their own cupboard/freezer/fridge space and sort out their own food.

I don't think he is being unreasonable in assuming the usual arrangement of a big group meal would continue if they weren't planning to eat out. I don't think you're unreasonable for wanting to say no. You can just say it's too many people so you think it's best if they cook and eat separately or go out to eat on those nights.

This is daft. You need to say simply and clearly I'm not prepared to cook for your friends whilst they are here. They are your guests and you will need to cater for them..

There's no real need to agonise about it. Just be straightforward. If he says anything else I'd look extremely surprised and repeat that you are not spending your weekend cooking for eight. This is not your problem.

That would be a no from me. To the friends staying over, I mean.

You need to be clear that you won't be feeding his friends.

"I'm not cooking for x number additional people. You'll have to sort that out yourself"

Where are his friends sleeping?

Are the lodgers friends actually staying in your house? If so, that seems very unusual.

This I'm afraid. I think its quite generous of you to agree to this.

It is indeed lovely. So he can cook for everyone.

Why would he feel uncomfortable doing shopping and taking up space in the fridge and cupboards?

You’re unreasonable to have allowed this farcical situation to start to begin with. Planning, shopping for, prepping and cooking for a lodger?! Are you a wee bit insane? 😄

cheeky lodger! No you do NOT cater or cook for his friends. Either he shops and cooks for the whole family plus his friends; or his friends eat out.

The visitors should be taking you and DH out to dinner as a thankyou for letting them stay

I really could t get upset about making 7 portions of macaroni cheese rather than 6. I'd be happy for an extra adult to do the washing up etc if he's happy to eat what you cook and isn't fussy.
It sounds like quite a familial set up so I'd not be surprised that he hopes you'll stretch to a bowl of pasta for his mate.
Would it be an absolute faff if he wanted to start using the kitchen every evening and stopped doing your washing up?

Being a family friend as well as lodger is blurring the boundaries a bit. Tell him they are his guests so he is responsible for shopping and cooking for them. And if they are staying he needs to prepare their bedroom, tidy up after them and clean the bedroom and bathroom, and do their laundry (bedding and towels) they will be using after they leave.

Ha ha thanks for the replies everyone! Yes I think I am a bit insane - it started in lockdown when the shops were empty and we decided to pool our resources - and it was quite nice eating together and having 2 extra adults around for meal times with the kids. But now we’re out of lockdown and I’m working (was a SAHP when we started) I’m feeling more and more resentful of it.

I'd gladly make an extra meal if it means all the clearing and washing up etc is done haha.

But I don't like the way he's basically telling you how easy it is to bulk a meal up. He should be offering to cook those meals imo.

Yeah he should be cooking for all of you as a thank you for allowing his friends to stay.

How entitled of him. I wouldn't have the nerve to ask something like that. He's far too comfortable having you doing the catering OP.

Definitely. I would have established from the start that no friends,girlfriends etc stayed at your house ever. If that didn't suit then he is welcome to live elsewhere

Is this a good opportunity to broach the subject?

”Lodger, this is a good opportunity to discuss the temporary arrangements we introduced during covid. The pooling of resources worked really well over lockdown but now I’m back to full time work and things are back to normal it isn’t really working for us anymore. We think it would be best if we went back to the prior arrangement where we cook and shop for ourselves and you do the same, ok?”

Or something like that…