Paying £65 for a meal for a fussy eater

[Bouv72]

Im In a bit of a dilemma . A family member has arranged for a private chef to cook for my dads 73rd birthday . I have recently found out that the cost is £65 per head which I’m happy to pay for myself and my husband but not for my two children .aged 11 and 13. My daughter is a particularly fussy eater and only eats small amounts of food . I don’t want to seem unreasonable about it but I really can’t justify paying £130 for two children . Help ??

@BarbaraofSeville not all families can afford to splash out on £250 for a meal, that can be their food budget. What are they going to do not eat for a fortnight but live on the memories of that meal?

Well obviously if the OP can't afford it she should decline. The indication from the OP is that she is unwilling to pay for the children's meals due to the children's fussiness rather than unable to pay.

Even if you can easily afford £65 it would be both a waste of money and food if your DC won’t eat it

The thing is if you don’t pay they don’t get a meal. So will either need to sit and watch or eat something you brought. Are you ok with this? I wouldn’t be. My kids aren’t second class citizens and on this occasion I’d wish them to feel included.

Of course many families can't afford to spend that amount of money, but 3 courses in some quite average restaurants cost nearly that amount these days and if they're providing their own wine, so at supermarket not restaurant prices, £65 pp probably isn't that expensive if it's good quality food and chat with the chef etc.

But the OP doesn't say whether or not they can afford it, or if it's a normal amount to spend on eating out, more that she doesn't think it's value for money for the DC, which is a different consideration.

Of course many families can't afford to spend that amount of money, but 3 courses in some quite average restaurants cost nearly that amount these days and if they're providing their own wine, so at supermarket not restaurant prices, £65 pp probably isn't that expensive if it's good quality food and chat with the chef etc.

But it sounds like (and I may have this wrong) somebody else in the family - maybe somebody without children and therefore only looking at paying for two adults - made the decision and went ahead and booked it and then sprung it on the others as a done deal.

However exquisite the food may be - whether at a fancy restaurant or with a home chef - nobody should be pressured into paying for expensive meals if they can't afford it and/or aren't willing to.

for all those saying it's outageously expensive - it's presumably restaurant quality food, prepared by a chef who is going to be cooking a menu for a small number of diners - not full service in a restaurant where his costs would be split over many more meals, and a lot of the prep done by more junior team members on lower pay.
Not a cheap option, but it's what has been chosen, I agree maybe a small discouunt if no alcohol - but is the chef providing the drinks? Could be that they are being provided by a family member - or as at supermarket costs, not pricey (£5 for half bottle PP?).
If you have a chef in a domestic kitchen, expecting him to work around people bombing in and out heating their own pizza and ice cream isn't going to work.

If OP had been asked to attend without the children, or bring them to a meal but provide their own sandwiches, presumably might have been posting about children excluded from a family event?🙄

....Even if they eat well and enjoy a good meal, most children of that age are not likely to properly appreciate top quality food, and I highly doubt they will be bothered about their chance to chat with the chef and pick up culinary tips, if that's what part of their £65 is paying for.

Did we establish whether the £65 was the set price per person or the result of splitting an all-in fee?

I'd have bloody LOVED a posh tasting menu when I was that age, but I was an extremely food-obsessed child! If your kids really won't want to eat the meal, then I agree with PPs - explain that to your family member and say you'll bring something along for them to eat instead, or that you'll order them a pizza and a tub of Ben & Jerry's for them while the rest of the family have the fancy menu.

Another option might be to ask if the caterers could provide a streamlined kids' version of the meal - a small simple main and then the same pudding everyone else has, maybe? - for a reduced price, if you think that might be more feasible? But if I was the relative organising things, I'd be more than happy for you to bring the kids and order them a takeaway!

Just leave the kids at home if you don't think they'd enjoy it. To have them rock up with peanut butter butties would seem v rude.
Seems a shame that they'll miss out on a fine dining experience though. Can you work on the girls to get them up to speed for being more open to new taste sensations prior to the event?
Also a bit rude to expect guests to pay anyway! If kids don't eat it pop in your handbag for later.

What average restaurants charge £65 for three courses?

At 11 and 13!!!

I remember the first time I joined and adult dinner party. I would have been 11.
It was New Years Eve and a family we were friends with invited Mum and Dad and another couple they were all friends with for dinner. The hosts and the other couple had slightly younger children ( 8 and under) and these younger children were all going to be after having greeted the guests (the child of the other guests were sleeping over). I, on the other hand, was invited for the dinner. I still remember how grown up I felt when the younger children were packed off while I sat up for dinner.

It is close to 50 yeas ago but I can still remember the first course. Prawn cocktail. Which might not sound adventurous these days but this was the early 1970s - chances are hostess had to shell the prawns and make her own mayonnaise. I had never tasted anything like it. I bloody loved it.

Anyway, it just seems to me lots of people on this thread are prepared to infantilize children who are not really that young, a teenager in one case, when it comes to dining.

Kid's table at 11 and 13. Honestly?

going to bed*

My child would enjoy it at that age, as would I have done. And as an adult I’d really have no desire to chat to the chef and “get tips”, go to a cookery class if you want that.

for me, this is about including all guests, including children. And these are not young kids, they are 11 and thirteen, and it’s their grandfathers birthday party.

there’s no way I’d make mine sit and go without whilst I and everyone else tucked in.

op either say you don’t want to pay this and to find another option, don’t go, or pay for all of your family, you simply cannot have your children sitting at the table watching you all salivating over the food whilst they sit watching. It’s an appalling thought.

Is @Bouv72 coming back

what other ages are the children going, assume cousins

can you afford £260 for one nights food

What? Absolutely don't do this. The point of booking a top chef for a private occasion is to put yourself in their hands to experience the high-quality and complex fine dining they offer, not to insult them by demanding they bung chips in the oven for the kids while they're at it. It'd be like booking Beyonce for a private concert then demanding she sings you the Macarena.

You can request small tweaks based on dietary intolerances but not entirely different meals.

I don't see what's unreasonable about the family member booking this either. It sounds like an amazing treat and it's bonkers to suggest the whole family is held to ransom by a fussy tween.

Contact the chef or the family member who booked it to find out what the menu will be. Show it to the fussy child and see if they'll eat it, emphasising how much it costs and how special it is. If the answer is no, leave them at home. Fussy eaters get left out of these dining experiences, it'll be a good life lesson.

It’s not really a treat for the guests if they have to pay for it

73rd birthday, how random. Just feed the kids separately.

So what? Maybe they have only just heard of someone who provides this service and think this would be a good occasion to try it.

My dd is 8 and she would love this. Getting dressed up for a 'surprise menu' is what she calls a tasting menu.

But she's not a fussy eater. My friends dd is and I'm so lucky.

Surely your family know you have fussy eaters and at 11 and 13 they know they are too and would know £65 is a lot of money if they won't appreciate it, so a bit of sensible discussion amongst you can work out the best way to proceed??

I think it sounds like a lovely thing for your dad.

Is there any reason you can't just say it will just be you (and OH) joining in? Does that impact the cost for everyone else or would it just be a case of two less people being catered for?

well of course it is, do you never, or have never heard of people going out to dinner, going for drinks etc and it being a treat. Most people pay for themselves

it’s not the ops birthday. Why would someone pay for her meal.