Paying £65 for a meal for a fussy eater

[Bouv72]

Im In a bit of a dilemma . A family member has arranged for a private chef to cook for my dads 73rd birthday . I have recently found out that the cost is £65 per head which I’m happy to pay for myself and my husband but not for my two children .aged 11 and 13. My daughter is a particularly fussy eater and only eats small amounts of food . I don’t want to seem unreasonable about it but I really can’t justify paying £130 for two children . Help ??

Who's providing the drinks?

And it it actually £65 per head, or have they divided the total cost by the number of attendees to get to that figure? If the latter then I wouldn’t have expected them to include children in the numbers.

I was wondering that too - and I agree with you.

Even if they were good eaters, most children of that age are very unlikely to fully appreciate gourmet cooking. I wouldn't personally pay £65 for myself, but that's an entirely inappropriate amount of money to spend on a child's meal. Yes, at that age, they would likely be ordering from the adult's menu, but most probably a burger and chips, roast meal or equivalent - this would be like a pre-teen ordering a lobster with crudites and alcohol-free prosecco.

This sounds very badly thought-out, if they're effectively expecting you to sub the rest of them because you happen to have children. I'll bet they wouldn't do it the other way around - if you hired an all-in-cost kids' activity and expected them to pay 'their share' to make it cheaper for the ones (well, their parents) who will actually enjoy it.

Aged 11 and 13, I'd think they're old enough to join in with the main meal

But if not, I suppose OK to arrange something else for them. But don't get in the way of the professional chef who's using the kitchen / oven, as that's not fair on them

And agree with PP, would be unfair to op out, but then have your DC join in with parts of the meal eg dessert that do appeal to them

I thought this sort of thing only happened on Billions.

But with a private chef, although it's in the home it's more analogous to a restaurant meal. There's been no indication from the OP that this is a gift. Every family works differently with regards to paying for meals and I don't know OP's dynamics, but in many families the cost of the meal is split between the diners. With toddlers eating a small cheap meal or eating from parents' plates then leaving them off the bill division makes sense, however for secondary aged children this doesn't apply any more. Their food from the chef will cost the same as an adult's would so their parents would cover their expenses. If the children aren't eating the meal, of course they shouldn't pay..

It's not like you're proposing taking a packed lunch to a fancy restaurant. It's a family member's home.

I would definitely second having the kids in the lounge with a takeaway pizza or similar while the adults enjoy the expensive experience in the dining room/kitchen.

If one of your children refuses this then you take a packed lunch. If your other child wants to eat the food then pay for it.

were you presented with fait accompli or did you agree to it? I'd be a bit peeved to be told to cough up for the adults let alone the kids.

We had fresh lobster at home just a few days ago that had been caught by my son and my 7 year old grandson asked for his to be cooked a certain way.

Children grow up not distinguishing between food for adults and food for children if they’re allowed from early on to chose what they/experiment.

I’d pay it happily IF it was food I know they’d eat. It’s not like kids aren’t worthy of adult food. If they won’t then I’d order them a pizza instead, you won’t be able to use the kitchen.

It’s not the case that if you do x, y and z you will definitely have an unfussy child. Otherwise it wouldn’t be so common to have only 1 of the children fussy. It’s not just about whether they’ll eat it, it’s about whether they’ll appreciate £65 worth. That’s more than I spend on the kids birthday presents! Were you asked in advance whether you wanted to participate? It is quite a cheeky amount to expect people to pay for a menu that they haven’t chosen served in a relatives house. If you’re foodies or rich perhaps £260 is a usual amount for a family meal but it’s not for many people.

£130 for two kids?! OVER MY DEAD BODY!

They are 11 and 13, not 4 and 5. Lots of kids that age would be more than happy to try the special meal. However, I agree with the PP who pointed out that if that price includes alcohol then some discount should be made for the children.

Would the non-fussy eater enjoy the meal? Is there any chance that if your DD knows in advance what will be served she might decide whether or not she could manage it?

You say most of the other family members don't have children, does that mean some of them do? Are they are a similar age to yours and are the joining in the meal? I am just thinking if you were to turn up with a sort of packed lunch for your two and the cousins are happily tucking in with the adults that your two might end up feeling silly

i honestly see no issue with refusing to pay and explaining the food would be wasted on them, you’ll bring them something or let them stay home.

This. If you can ensure your DC won’t be eating.

At those ages my DC would have tried most foods (assume pre sight of menu) and were ordering off the adult menu everywhere.

Ask the chef to make pizza for the kids.

Also does the package include alcohol?

Fuck no.
the kids can have a pizza and crisis and watch a film and think that is great!

I wouldn’t pay that even for kids who would eat some of it. Easy if it is at your parents house, you can bring something to heat up for them.

Either find out what the meal is and see if it’s something they would like it even if slightly simplified such as no sauce or order them in pizza in another room. Never understand other people’s opinion of it not being worth paying for kids to eat who do enjoy it. Our son has enjoyed fine dining and has eaten out from 2 day old (obviously he wasn’t eating the food 😂) and enjoyed picking restaurants from 7 and he counts it as one of his hobbies loves seeing chefs on James Martin and then looking up the menus and trying their restaurants. We have never done typical kids food. However we do accept the few things he doesn’t like for example he doesn’t like spicy food, although getting better.

This is a sensible view. 11 and 13 are not little kids. I know mine would have been a bit upset to be shunted out of sight with pizza and telly at that age. Find out what the menu is, show them, explain it, and let them decide if they can cope with it. Explain how much money it is and what that sum of money is equivalent to in their world (number of credits for a game etc). They are old enough to get it.

I assume you don’t have to buy him a present as well, but would you normally spend about £200 on him?

That's way too much to pay for kids! Isn't that why parties have kids tables?

No way I’d pay. My teen is fussy. I’d just say they won’t eat it. Either sort babysitting/sleepover at a friends and go as adults only or agree they will eat beforehand.

I think it's rude to turn up with your own food in this instance. Either leave the kid(s) at home or take part with a good will in the activitity you've been invited to.

Presumably the chef will have been informed that there will be children and fussy eaters etc. present and will prepare accordingly. Who knows, fussy eater might even like it!

Does the chef ask about dietary requirements?