Oh do piss off, Harry

[HettySunshine]

https://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2022/apr/20/prince-harry-says-queen-on-great-form-during-visit?CMP=ShareiOSAppp_Other

The Queen has coped for most of her life without you. I don't think she needs you 'protecting her' now.

I'm usually entire ambivalent to the royals but this has really bruised my cherry!

AIBU?

People that have been through trauma or are dealing with mental health issues, don’t only get to talk about it to their therapist, I’m not sure why anyone would think that.

No reputable therapist would advise their client to do what Harry has done. Not only is it unethical to invade people's privacy in front of the entire world like this, it's not going to help the person resolve their issues either. As is plain to see.

Mental health issues do not discriminate.

Nor do they give you a free pass to indulge yourself without a thought as to how your actions might affect others.

Mental health issues do not discriminate.

Nor do they give you a free pass to indulge yourself without a thought as to how your actions might affect others.

bingo.

Well, they haven’t been brought up in the public eye and been portrayed along with their partners, to be bad, in the press. I think it’s understandable he would want his side to be out there.

He’s talked about it in reference to his mothers death affecting him and the reasons for stepping away, both which involved the press and the public would obviously want to know the reasons. He felt he wasn’t supported by family, some of his family had been racist, why should he cover that up? It’s sickening to think people think he should.

Nor do they give you a free pass to indulge yourself without a thought as to how your actions might affect others.

When those others that may be affected, are the people that have been part of the cause, I think it does. I think the time comes when you have to do what you feel will make you ok.

Knowing my father abused me, upset some people in my family. They found it hard. That doesn’t mean I ‘should shut the fuck up whining’.

When those others that may be affected, are the people that have been part of the cause, I think it does. I think the time comes when you have to do what you feel will make you ok.

So as long as YOU are OK, who cares about anyone else?

And I'm sure there's a transient thrill of 'getting your own back' and 'getting your side out', but as I say, no trained therapist would advise a client to indulge in this sort of behaviour. If he wants to discuss it as part of a support group, fine. But what, other than ratings for Oprah, is to be gained from doing this in front of the world?

Maybe Harry and Meghan's behaviour has damaged the mental health of some of their families. No doubt you'd thoroughly approve if they decided to tell the world about it?

Knowing my father abused me, upset some people in my family. They found it hard. That doesn’t mean I ‘should shut the fuck up whining’.

I'm very sorry to hear that. But there is no evidence that Harry was a victim of abuse.

No reputable therapist would advise their client to do what Harry has done. Not only is it unethical to invade people's privacy in front of the entire world like this, it's not going to help the person resolve their issues either. As is plain to see.

I would say the best therapists wouldn’t tell you not to do it either, but Harry’s position is rather unique. Children having to grow up in the RF, must be a total mind fuck.

There’s no right way to deal with something that shouldn’t have happened.

Well, I wouldn’t say I’m ok, but thanks for that. Trauma doesn’t disappear unfortunately.

I care about myself more than those that had an input into my trauma, yes. I was right to put myself first, it’s allowed me to be happy and for me to be a good mother and partner. I won’t feel guilty for that.

I think Harry should continue to do what he feels he needs to.

Maybd not a victim of abuse, but trauma that was caused in part by how people dealt with things is still trauma. Harry has dealt with it in the way he has chosen. He’s talked about it, he’s not shining and he shouldn’t be told to shut the fuck up. He can talk, others don’t have to listen.

*he’s not whining

I would say the best therapists wouldn’t tell you not to do it either, but Harry’s position is rather unique. Children having to grow up in the RF, must be a total mind fuck.

Obviously we are not privy to what happens behind closed doors, but the other 7 grandchildren all appear to be happy and well adjusted.

And Harry would have been more than happy for his own children to grow up in the royal family had his 'half in half out' demands been met.

Harry has dealt with it in the way he has chosen.

But has he 'dealt with it'? From the outside looking in, he still seems quite bitter and resentful to me.

I think Harry should continue to do what he feels he needs to.

And, since you didn't reply to my question above, I can assume that if any of Harry's family or ex girlfriends felt they 'need' to tell the world how Harry's behaviour impacted their mental health, you would clearly applaud that too?

My feeling is that it's better risk to ruffling feathers than stay quiet about things that are potentially damaging or have caused hurt to you or others. It's unlikely to make you popular but it might eventually lead to some positive change and can be important for the individual too. Does it damage others' mental health? It might lead to some difficult emotions, I'm sure it does cause stress at times but that doesn't mean it shouldn't happen.

Resentment doesn't necessarily disappear overnight either - why should it? But that can still coexist with lots of other positive things.

My feeling is that it's better risk to ruffling feathers than stay quiet about things that are potentially damaging or have caused hurt to you or others.

Thomas Markle agrees.

I think we're seeing the real Harry now. An angry petulant delusional and entitled man who thinks the world owes him a living just for his birthright. If anything is clear, it's how highly "managed" he was by the Firm.

I definitely think this. Him and family could have stayed in complete privacy abroad, that's what he wanted wasn't it? Instead he has a huge Netflix team following his every move.

I think people are so angry with him because he's so entitled, he has no idea how normal people live and genuinely think he is hard done by.

Also he believes he is far more important than he actually is. I live near another of the queen's grandchildren, who has no such entitlement or airs and graces. They and their family hang out at local events, their spouse plays sport with locals.

You couldn't have someone more different than press obsessed Harry. He reminds me of Katie Price actually. Desperate for attention.

Evens if it's negative attention it's still attention.

Vegan you are yet again misinterpreting my post earlier which was my visceral reaction to a prince appearing unexpectedly on my tv.
This stranger to us all doesn't deserve your energy in defending them.

My feeling is that it's better risk to ruffling feathers than stay quiet about things that are potentially damaging or have caused hurt to you or others.

Again, that’s all fine, by all means confront those people who have caused your harm, have those difficult conversations, family therapy perhaps if that would be helpful etc depending on the circumstances.

None of that needs to be done publicly.

If anything, doing it publicly is likely to have the very opposite effect you might be hoping for.

If Harry was hoping for deep and meaningful restorative and healing conversations about the past with his family members who have had an impact on him, they would have been more likely to engage with him if that were done privately.

But when he does it all through the media, as he has done, I would imagine they are going to be more inclined to withdraw and not choose not to engage with discussions of that nature for fear it will also be made public.

Harry vowed to 'make the world a better place' for his children. It's a shame he singled them out as the comment would have carried more weight if he'd said 'all children' rather than just his privileged pair.

Only one other has lost his mum as a child but his circumstances are quite different as future King. He’s spoken about mental health though. The other GC haven’t married a black woman and had mixed race children. They haven’t had the racist press attention/harassment that Meghan has. They haven’t had their child’s skin colour discussed because of one parent being black. I’m sure all that takes it toll. As brother to the King he has obviously had more interest in him than other GC. We also don’t know how they all are really, there are certainly some rumours about some of them, but we don’t know.

‘Dealt’ with it as in what he has chosen to do. He’s spoken about it. He will, I’m sure, always be ‘dealing’ with his past trauma and experiences. I’m sure he wife and children will have to deal with racism throughout their life, depressingly. He may hold resentment or be bitter, we don’t know. It’s pure speculation. I still hold some resentment but in general I’m happy, it’s possible to feel different things.

Of course Harry’s family or an ex should be free to talk about Harry. If they feel they need to and that’s what they choose, they should. If he’s treated people well, they’ll have nothing but good things to say. If he hasn’t and they shine a negative light on him, he will have to deal with the consequences. I wouldn’t say I applaud any of it. These stories exist because of messed up situations, I’d rather people didn’t didn’t suffer trauma and racism and harassment and felt supported.

I think people are so angry with him because he's so entitled, he has no idea how normal people live and genuinely think he is hard done by.

Example: the part from the interview where he talks about how working at home is 'not all it's cracked up to be' with two kids also there. Many of us found this out two years back when we had to do it through a pandemic, and without the benefit of living in a mansion with staff to help plus millions in the bank. But here is Harry, presenting it as if he imagines no one else has endured this, and with no acknowledgement that he has it pretty good. Instead he's worried that he may 'burn out'.

He sees everything through in terms of how it affects him. Quite like our glorious PM in a way. 😑

Only one other has lost his mum as a child but his circumstances are quite different as future King. He’s spoken about mental health though. The other GC haven’t married a black woman and had mixed race children. They haven’t had the racist press attention/harassment that Meghan has. They haven’t had their child’s skin colour discussed because of one parent being black. I’m sure all that takes it toll. As brother to the King he has obviously had more interest in him than other GC.

You're moving the goal posts here.

You said that "Children having to grow up in the RF, must be a total mind fuck."

But when I pointed out that most of the others appear to be OK and that Harry was more than happy to raise his children as royals, you started added all the above, despite the fact that most of it doesn't relate to Harry's childhood.

‘Dealt’ with it as in what he has chosen to do.

I would say that the past few years have shown us that Harry's choices aren't always wise.

Of course Harry’s family or an ex should be free to talk about Harry. If they feel they need to and that’s what they choose, they should.

So everyone who has had a relationship with a famous person should use the media to offload their resentments?

As I've said above, and you seemed to agree, no reputable therapist would suggest this.

Just because you can, doesn't mean you should.

I think that's unfair, and is accusing posters of racism.

@Skiptheheartsandflowers I totally agree. They talk so much about this life of service they have dedicated themselves too but everything is related back to themselves.

Michelle Obama pointed out that public service is about those you serve, not yourself. Pretty much everything they do is turned back to themselves, to their own experience. Given the exceptionally privileged nature of their experience this comes across badly and completely tone deaf.

Talking about endeavouring to make the world an equal place, whilst prefacing everything with hereditary titles and staying in a hotel that costs USD2k per night...

What a completely horrible message

This use of language mirrors the type of language and messaging used not only by Greta Thunberg but also by Boris Johnson in COP at Glasgow.
I think lots of young activists do feel that the future is being destroyed and their future is being stolen from them.
I don’t see this as inappropriate - it is the buzz language of all involved in global change

I was pretty firmly Team H&M when they got married. I thought Meghan seemed both bright and grounded, and I'll admit I rather enjoyed the reaction of Mail readers and similar to the concept of a someone with a black heritage joining the Royal Family. But I have to say Harry in particular has behaved like such a twat ever since he flounced off to the US that I really have no time for him.

There is something behind the 'humanizing' that Harry does, of his grandmother, father, brother. These are his immediate family members, and it's quite apparent that to him he sees their relationship to him as the single most important fact about them. Not their 'jobs' or roles, but their existence as his grandmother/ father/ brother. Every child needs strong connections with parents and ideally siblings/grandparents to grow up mentally healthy and strong. I can't imagine that being brought up the second son/younger brother of a future king is easy in this respect, and perhaps what Harry is seeking to do by humanizing these three people is strip them of the hoopla and fluff and expose them as people, the people he had to grow up with and at whose feet he clearly lays the blame for his discontent.

However, he doesn't seem to realize or understand or accept or want to buy into the fact that to the hand that feeds them and him (ie the public - not going into the civil list question, they are immorally rich only on our sufferance and they know it), MORE than mere people, these three individuals are monarchs or monarchs-in-waiting. They're not meant to be dehumanized as far as the public is concerned. Their purpose in life, as far as the public goes, is first and foremost to be figureheads. We are meant to suspend our disbelief, deposit our faith and loyalty and trust in them, use them as unifiers in a divided nation to keep the nation's values and moral stable and on track. They're only allowed to be human people in their private lives (which is why tabloids love dishing the dirt on their private lives, because it's what we're not meant to see).

Harry is doing the tabloids' job for them. He's bringing the monarch and monarchs-in-waiting down to regular people who have weaknesses and failures and really just people who aren't all that. I mean, we all KNOW this already, but here in the UK we love to willingly suspend that disbelief. That's why Kate has been so successful: she doesn't SAY anything or DO anything substantial, she looks inoffensive at all times, there's just nothing there. She's the perfect repository for the public's aspirations and high standards of woman-hood and motherhood and family and virtue.

I think this also explains some of the myopia around Andrew. Everyone knows he's disgusting. Everyone knows he's a disgrace. But nobody is braying for blood because, as long as he goes away and keeps his mouth shut, we can forget about him and continue to believe the fiction of the monarchy.

Of course, the republicans amongst us, anyone with an iota of intellectual honesty and moral probity sees through this and is a million steps ahead of everyone else. Harry is doing republicans a huge favor, digging the monarchy's grave for them.