To have a gut feeling that a man I just met is "the one"?

[gelatodipistacchio]

I don't like most men.

The first time we met, I had an instant feeling that he should be my boyfriend. We have now been on 5 dates and we both seem to be head over heels (while not rushing).

I still feel firmly that we will have a serious LTR.

Do you believe in gut feelings/instincts? AIBU to have this intense, instinctive belief?

Yep, I said to my friend after our first date, that I would end up marrying him. Been married for 3 years

I had the opposite with DP. Assumed he was just another enjoyable one night stand at first. Then thought, well, this might be a nice short fling. Ten years later...

I don't believe in gut instincts always being right, I don't believe in "the one" and I don't especially trust the head-over-heels butterflies feeling. However in retrospect the feeling of comfort and being safe was there from the very start. It's just not the kind of thing you notice straight away.

I knew my DH was the one the night I met him - that was 21 years ago. Sometimes you just know in your gut

What a lovely update @gelatodipistacchio. I’m in an early stage similar situation to the one you were in when you first posted. He enhances my life and my happiness in the best ways possible and I met him when I had given up on dating. As others have said, it just feels like he should have always been here. Who knows what will happen but right now I am just embracing it.

I saw the potential in DP after 3 weeks. In hindsight I was naive and made mistakes of judgement but it was still probably a good call. (17years on)

I knew on our first date that DH and I were very compatible and I was incredibly at ease with him in a way I hadn't felt with anyone else.

We talked for 6 hours about everything under the sun (in retrospect a very intense first date, haha, but it was important to both of that we were aligned on values, politics, etc etc so we just threw the whole lot on the table and had fun drinking margaritas while we talked). He was so forthright about what he wanted and - as far as you can tell these things* - seemed to be very genuine about it that was refreshing and put me at ease.

I went home thinking - I could see myself married to this guy. Then immediately dismissed it as post-date-drunk nonsense, haha. But I was right and there's still nobody I'd rather spend hours talking to :)

*This is the problem I think with 'love at first sight' - the lust/connection/spark can seem a LOT like compatibility, or mask how genuine someone is. So while I was lucky/right that it was true, I don't think you can ever really, really 'know' you'll fare in future that soon - we went through several traumatic bereavements, illnesses, and other trials before we got married and while we turned out to be compatible and strong during those times too which made me even more sure about our future, it could easily have not been the case. You need to really know someone, which includes knowing how they respond when things get hard, to know if it'll last - but that's the case whether you felt they were the one on the first date or you slowly dated for 6 months before committing, when shit hits the fan people surprise you (or don't).

On the fence with this one. When people tell me they “just know” after a short time I usually roll my eyes.

HOWEVER

I increasingly wonder whether or not I am a hypocrite as I met my fiancé at 18 (now 30) and although we didn’t become a couple until we were 23 I did always make a special effort to stay in touch and keep him around when we were “just friends” because I always had a feeling he was kind of special…although on the other hand when we did finally get together I was pretty sure it would fizzle our quite quickly…7 years later…

You might be right. I had gut feeling, we're married now and very much in love.

Boy, you're slow...me n DH were engaged in 7wks, and nearly 20yrs later, still together married with the traditional house and cats 😻

Report back in a few yrs - fill them with love and happiness in the interim.

@housemaus this is a very thoughtful and sensible response!

So far, DP and I have been very kind and respectful to each other even when annoyed. He has shown himself to be supportive when needed (so far). I hope that I will also live up to this challenge.

I’d been through dv many times (toxic upbringing) and couldn’t see red flags-I didn’t even know what a red flag was

id just finished with the dickhead I’d been seeing and figured I’d take some time out to heal and sort myself out

anyway,about 4/5 months after finishing with dickhead I was really bored one night so logged onto an online dating app-for someone to talk to-not romance

I said hello to one bloke-and was merrily chatting to about 15 others-just chatting-I really didn’t want to start seeing anyone

hello bloke messaged back and we got chatting-with me making it very clear I didn’t want anything more

all the others fell away but hello man didnt-and he seemed decent

we finally swapped numbers and arranged to meet on neutral grounds-for a coffee

(with all my friends knowing where I was and my adult dd 4 tables down with her boyfriend to keep an eye on me,and to make sure I didn’t end up as this guys skin suit)

we met outside the local Tesco and as soon as I saw him,I knew I’d be with him for the rest of my life-we’ve been together for 7 years now

we moved away from the area about 6 years ago but we talk fondly of that tesco (and we laugh how my dd was convinced he was an axe murderer)

@Theyorkshirelass what a lovely read, I think I have got something in my eye! ❤️

Awwwww thank you-he came into my life when I really wasn’t expecting anyone to
I luffs him-and some how he loves me and we’re very happy together

I knew my husband was the one after the first date. After 2 weeks I wanted to marry him. Still happy after 8 years of marriage.

I believe in this. Happened for us. I could just see that I’d marry them one day. I left a 12 year unmarried relationship that evening as it was clear to me that the person I was with was not ‘the one’. I’d never been able to picture walking down the aisle until this time. At this stage I still had no idea if they felt the same. Fast forward 6 months later …. we started dating, and they recalled the same moment 6 months before as when they also felt they just knew. We’ve been together over a decade now and happily married. Too romantic right!!!

I met my now husband online, I felt I 'knew' him from his profile, years before I thought my now surname sounded right and I loved him as soon as we met. We moved in together pretty much straight away and married very quickly he is my other half of my soul.

Meeting DH was a bit like this (through online dating.) I'd been head over heels in love with my ex and he was an abusive arsehole so I wasn't looking for anything serious. Met DH and it wasn't the same infatuation as my ex but from the first date I could tell he was decent and kind. He was unlike my previous relationships and just a good, dependable guy. I knew within a couple of months that he was someone I'd want to build a life with. We're now happily married and been together for 11 years. He's still decent and kind.

I'd say look past instant lust or infatuation and love-bombing and look for kindness and someone that shows you that you can depend on them. Best of luck with it all OP.