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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have a gut feeling that a man I just met is "the one"?

142 replies

gelatodipistacchio · 19/04/2022 21:54

I don't like most men.

The first time we met, I had an instant feeling that he should be my boyfriend. We have now been on 5 dates and we both seem to be head over heels (while not rushing).

I still feel firmly that we will have a serious LTR.

Do you believe in gut feelings/instincts? AIBU to have this intense, instinctive belief?

OP posts:
coolcahuna · 19/04/2022 23:23

I've had a similar thing. Met someone 4 years ago and for me, instantly knew but it didn't work out that time for lots of reasons. He got back in touch last October just as my 2 year relationship was ending. Now seeing each other again and I hope it's second time lucky. Let's see! Just felt at home with him from the moment we met.

colouringindoors · 19/04/2022 23:30

I felt like this. But I split with him in January Sad

MargaretThursday · 19/04/2022 23:31

@RedskyThisNight

I believe that people have gut feelings. I think they are as likely to be wrong as to be right. I think that people also have a tendency to rewrite history I suspect that if, in another 2 months, you have gone off your new man, you will potentially convince yourself that you always had a "feeling" that there was something off about him.
Agreed. I once did some research into "it feeling" in pregnancy about boy or girl.

The people I asked during pregnancy were almost exactly 50/50 right/wrong.

The people I asked after baby was born what their gut feeling was had apparently been about 90% right.

It wasn't a huge sample, only a couple of hundred of each, but a marked difference.

Happyhappyday · 19/04/2022 23:34

I felt sort of like that when I met DH, not that he was “the one” exactly, but like he was going to be really significant in my life. It wasn’t love at first sight, just a big feeling.

katseyes7 · 19/04/2022 23:39

My husband started working at the place where l worked.
I'd never seen him before, never mind met or spoken to him.
He walked into the staff room, l looked up as he opened the door, and a voice in my head said "You're going to marry him...."
And l did. Five years later. Almost to the day.

Original poster
gelatodipistacchio · 19/04/2022 23:41

@ManateeFair

Oh, absolutely! My feelings are informed by having a number of bad relationships, most recently a very abusive one. I feel that my guy is thoroughly kind and decent, and that's what is driving this more than anything else, I think (though he's also intelligent and attractive)

OP posts:
Original poster
gelatodipistacchio · 19/04/2022 23:42

@colouringindoors what happened???

OP posts:
Original poster
gelatodipistacchio · 19/04/2022 23:43

@mycatisannoying thanks Smile

OP posts:
Icanflyhigh · 19/04/2022 23:46

I did everything possible to deter DH when we met. My defences were up high, I made myself unavailable, and all because I knew he was something incredible for me. He is my one, and I knew that from the first time I spoke to him.
But i was so scared of being hurt. Anyway, 6 years later he's my DH and he's perfect x

redbigbananafeet · 19/04/2022 23:48

Even if he isn't the one, enjoy the feeling while it lasts honey x

sunflowermadness · 19/04/2022 23:54

I knew it before I even knew we'd end up together.

I remember physically meeting him for the first time and just watching his face and his mannerisms as he spoke I felt physically sick because it was so familiar.

I remember saying to him 'you know don't you? I don't know exactly what I know but I know you know too.' 🤣🤣

It's been the most wonderful relationship of my life, my life has changed so much and I honestly can't believe I didn't meet him sooner. My relationship with myself has changed also - I love who I am and I'm grateful for me as a person - a long way from literally being my own worst enemy and hating myself since I was a child.

peachgreen · 19/04/2022 23:59

I knew when DH smiled at me that he was the one - it was just a sense of coming home, a kind of "oh, there you are, now it all makes sense". I felt something physically click into place in my chest. And what's more, I also knew he felt the same. It wasn't love at first sight because I didn't know him, but I knew that I WOULD fall in love with him, and I did. It was magical. We moved in together two weeks after our first date and I didn't regret it for a single moment. He died 18 months ago and I am as in love with him as ever.

Simonjt · 20/04/2022 06:34

After our first date I told my closest confidant (my cat) that I was going to marry him, we have our first wedding anniversary next week. That feeling however could have equally been wrong.

PotatoFamily · 20/04/2022 07:12

Both me and my DH knew the minute we saw each other

Hillsmakeyoustrong · 20/04/2022 08:55

@peachgreen I'm sorry to hear that your husband died💐

Bells3032 · 20/04/2022 09:01

I knew my husband was something speci after my first date. After our 4th I told my family he was the one. Its been 5 years and I'm lying here with him on one side of me and our baby in bassinet on the other side.

My dad wrote to his sister (who lived in another country) after his first date with my mum saying he'd met the woman he's going to marry. They were engaged 3 weeks later, married less than 6 months later and were happily married til my mum passed away 30 years later.

So yes I think you can just know. I still think you should get to know each other before committing but I deff believe in the gut feeling

HomeprideSaucy · 20/04/2022 09:04

I felt like this once. Never had quite the same feelings for anyone else, before or since.

But I didn't marry him.

I still view him as probably the great love of my life (though almost 30 years on, I am very happy and settled with slowburner DP and our kids) - but he left me after a year and married someone else.

PanicAtTheDisco2000 · 20/04/2022 09:04

I met my husband when I was with friends and he was at work, we only spoke for 10 minutes. I went home and told my parents I’d met the man I was going to marry. I didn’t meet him again until months later at a mutual friends party - I didn’t even know he was going to be there - and we have now been together 30+ years.

Funkyslippers · 20/04/2022 09:10

Sorry haven't read the whole thread but I've heard people say many times "I have this gut feeling" or "when you know, you know" and they have since split up. Sorry to be cynical!

Original poster
gelatodipistacchio · 20/04/2022 09:49

@HomeprideSaucy i also had this feeling once before! It didn't work out for various reasons. This feels like a do-over now that I am more mature, with a more settled life!

OP posts:
Rory1234 · 20/04/2022 09:56

I had a very strong feeling of ‘there’s something about him’ when I met my husband, I definitely had a stronger attraction to him than I’ve ever had to anyone else.

that’s what brought us together but what has kept us together for 20 years is luck that we’ve grown together rather than apart (I believe that about all long term relationships, I don’t believe in soul mates etc!).

Harridan1981 · 20/04/2022 09:58

I had met DH before through friends, but somehow one evening we caught eyes over the table in the pub and it was like a knowing, very odd. We didn't start seeing each other for a month or so after that but I still remember that evening.

Once we did start seeing each other I couldn't imagine breaking up. Turns out he felt the same way as we got engaged on the 1 yr anniversary of when we started seeing each other, and married 6 months later. 13 years on now with 3 kids.

I am not the butterflies type, but he's the best man I know and I love him very much.

Jollyandbright · 20/04/2022 10:00

i also have a similar story to Aria

I was working abroad, home for a month for a holiday,
I met DP on a night out and our connection was instant,
we went out on our first date a week later and i canceled my return flights and asked for more time off, a month later I handed in my notice.
we’ve been together 17 years and I adore him, we often joke that we have been in a perpetual honeymoon period for our entire relationship, because we still feel exactly like we did at the start.

youlightupmyday · 20/04/2022 10:06

I knew it was forever by third date. He knew on our first phone call.

greenfly91 · 20/04/2022 10:23

I believe in gut feelings/intuition and I think it's great you feel this way! I would go with it.. as long as you're happy and you're enjoying your time together then it must be right!

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