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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have a gut feeling that a man I just met is "the one"?

142 replies

gelatodipistacchio · 19/04/2022 21:54

I don't like most men.

The first time we met, I had an instant feeling that he should be my boyfriend. We have now been on 5 dates and we both seem to be head over heels (while not rushing).

I still feel firmly that we will have a serious LTR.

Do you believe in gut feelings/instincts? AIBU to have this intense, instinctive belief?

OP posts:

Sapphire387 · 19/04/2022 22:40

Yes. I knew. It wasn't like meeting for the first time - it was like I already knew him. Never known anything like it. We're now married.

OrlandointheWilderness · 19/04/2022 22:41

Well I had that. We're only a little way further in at 10 months but I still feel it!

Chaoslatte · 19/04/2022 22:41

On our first date I felt that DP was the one and now we’ve been together for 6 years

WeasilyPleased · 19/04/2022 22:42

I was staring at him in a club. My friend said "You can't always have what you want"
I loved him as soon as he spoke. We both come from the same county 200 miles from where we met.

Dancer47 · 19/04/2022 22:43

I knew at the end of the first day I met him. I was not looking for a boyfriend or partner at all. I knew we would get married after a fortnight even though I never had any intention of getting married to anyone. Been married 20 years.

Yes - I believe you and your instincts.

Original poster

gelatodipistacchio · 19/04/2022 22:46

I'm loving these stories!

I have managed not to tell him how I feel so far. He knows that I really like him and that I am uncertain about having a relationship as a general matter - that's it.

OP posts:

resipsa · 19/04/2022 22:47

I met DH on the other side of the world where I knew not a soul. We moved in after 2 weeks together. That was in 1997. Trust the gut!

PurpleDaisies · 19/04/2022 22:48

I knew. It ended badly.
I knew. We fizzled a few months later.
I knew. We got engaged and split up badly.
I knew. We have been married for over a decade.

IDontLikeMondays88 · 19/04/2022 22:49

I immediately knew my now husband was a good egg. I wasn’t thinking the one necessarily but I got good vibes from him.

Unsure33 · 19/04/2022 22:49

Yep live at first sight. Took me a while to disentangle myself from another relationship. But we have been married for 40 years now.

mycatisannoying · 19/04/2022 22:50

How exciting! Really hope it works out for you, OP

PolitePlantPot · 19/04/2022 22:53

I've only once felt a Disney type "this is my happy ending" type love for a guy. Turned out he was a complete charmer / womaniser and many different women had felt like this about him as he had a knack for looking into your eyes, really listening and making you feel like you're the only woman in the world. Needless to say he cheated on me with a friend of mine (but also spun her a tale)

Onlyforcake · 19/04/2022 22:53

I said to my now DH that there wasn't any point in us having a fling [we met because I had a fling with his housemate] because if we dated that'd be it. He thankfully agreed with me. I'm not a superstious person, I think we very quickly had realised a lot about us matched up, that we had similar outlooks and we complemented each other. It's been a very steady 11 years, we weren't young when we met I was married before. We are still friends with the housemate too! he was an usher at the wedding.

Santaslittlemelter · 19/04/2022 22:53

I knew too. I phoned my sister and told her I’d met the man I would marry and have kids with. I don’t say things like that even to my sister. I’d only briefly spoken to him and my bf of the time was there for those few mins. But I knew.

10 yr anniversary this year and 4 kids later.

Nannyamc · 19/04/2022 22:56

I met my husband when i was14 and he 16.He said we were far too young for this. Broke up and reunited at 17 and 19. I knew straight away he was the one. Married at 21 and 23. After 43 yrs of marriage and 50 years after meeting we are both the only one for each other.

justasking111 · 19/04/2022 22:58

Met mine at his engagement party to another girl. Apparently he noticed me I don't remember him. Fast forward three years he finally asked me out. It wasn't fireworks but it's lasted 45 years

Both my DILs said they knew from the first meeting they would marry my sons. My third son apparently the first day of university his girlfriend decided he was the one. So there must be something in it

Hillsmakeyoustrong · 19/04/2022 23:03

Yes I knew as soon as I laid eyes on him and he says the same. He asked me to marry him 3 weeks and 5 days later. Married 22 years. Best decision ever.

Alonelonelylonersbadidea · 19/04/2022 23:03

I knew the moment I saw him on a video call. He had just the most beautiful smile I'd ever seen.
I met him two weeks later in person and I knew again.
It took me another two years and meeting him maybe five times (nothing in the least romantic) to tell him that I was in love with him.
He told me instantly he felt the same way and we'll get married this year.

ILoveAnOwl · 19/04/2022 23:05

This gives me hope. I met someone who I felt like this about eight years ago. But at the time it was impossible for anything to happen.

It's now very nearly possible and I really hope he's been spending the last eight years feeling the same and I'm about to get swept off my feet!

gogohm · 19/04/2022 23:05

I would have said no, but I knew dp was serious the first date, he reckons he knew before we met in person

ManateeFair · 19/04/2022 23:10

I don’t think it’s unreasonable to have a gut feeling, although I think the likelihood of it being reliable probably depends a bit on other factors. I had a very strong ‘gut feeling’ about my second long-term boyfriend being the love of my life, and he turned out to be possibly the biggest mistake I ever made. I even reconnected with him again a few later and made the same mistake again. So that intense gut feeling was a disaster.

However, I also instantly felt when I met my DP that he was perfect for me, and we’re still together 19 years later and incredibly happy.

See, gut feelings are never really just gut feelings. They’re influenced by a million things, including how much experience of relationships you have, what those previous relationships were like, what your family led you to expect from a relationship, what your norms are, etc. My ‘gut feeling’ about DP was only reliable because it came from a place of considerable experience, knowledge and learning from previous mistakes, while my gut feeling about my ex came from a place of being young and insecure and only having had one LTR before (with a man who was very immature) and also assuming that certain things in a relationship were standard, when they actually weren’t.

So you are absolutely not unreasonable to have fallen for your new man in a big way, but I think you’ll get a clearer picture from a bit more rational analysis of what it is about him that makes him right for you. Fingers crossed he’s your Mr Right! (And enjoy this giddy phase of the relationship- it’s lovely!)

Seren85 · 19/04/2022 23:14

I met Chris at 14. Copied off him in maths. We got together aged 16 and I knew. Told my Mum I'd marry him. We did split up but got back together aged 24 and married. Unfortunately he's no longer with us now, but I knew.

SwedishEdith · 19/04/2022 23:14

@PurpleDaisies

I knew. It ended badly. I knew. We fizzled a few months later. I knew. We got engaged and split up badly. I knew. We have been married for over a decade.

Yes, I've "known" loads of times.

Vikrum · 19/04/2022 23:18

I absolutely knew my husband was going to be my husband the first time I saw him. It was like something clicked into place like- "ah! There you are." We took it slow and didn't rush into commitment or anything but I just knew we would end up married. I knew it was meant to happen.

Wnkingawalrus · 19/04/2022 23:23

All my previous LTRs had been slow burners. Guys I’d been friends with, feelings had grown on both sides and somewhere along the line we’d become more than friends.

With OH it was like a bolt of lightening. A random meeting through a mutual friend. The chemistry was instant. Been together 12 years.

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