AIBU - Rude Date

[cjhealy]

Hi all,

I went on a date (wish I hadn't now!) with a man. It was our second date. All was going well and we were walking towards my usual car park on a nice sunny day. I was thankfully going to go home at this point. It was just such a nice day that we continued walking post-food.

As we were walking, a woman was walking towards us; so I moved across the pavement a bit to let her pass. She looked dazed and distraught and was holding a flower. Within a second of her passing us; this man I was with said (far too loudly) 'GOD, WHAT'S UP WITH HERRRR?! CHEER UP!' He didn't say it directly to her, but rather in my direction. Still though; I thought it was so rude. She was clearly still within earshot.

I told him she might have suffered a bereavement/just attended a funeral/received bad news etc... you just don't know. I don't see why he felt the need to comment/somewhat shout it out loud. For what purpose?!

I've always hated men who have said things like 'Cheer up, love!' or 'Smile! It might never happen!' so I admit I am sensitive to comments like this. It was also the second date with someone - (who happens to be the first person I've been remotely interested in since my partner passed away).

I went home and just relaxed - but still mad. He has since texted me (today) with: "You still in a strop? I was only joking darling!" I haven't responded and don't think I will.

I honestly don't want to see him again. AIBU to feel this way?

It would have been so different if his comment was "Are you ok?" or "Can I do anything to help you?" to the lady with the flower.

I don't think there can be any doubt as to why he is single - IMHO he thinks women (and probably other men) are inferior to him.

I'd consider that a lucky escape. How wonderful to find him out so quickly.

I do hope the woman is OK.

Sounds like one to avoid. YANBU.

Sounds like he has the emotional depth of a puddle, whereas you're clearly a sensitive, empathetic, thoughtful person. Trust your instincts. A man with a beautiful, kind soul is out there for you.

Also, I am sorry for your loss, OP 💐

This. Exactly this. What a jerk he is.

Block and delete. You’ve dodged a bullet. That comment and the follow up text shows you exactly who he is. YANBU

i physically shouted no. WTF is wrong with some people

How was she behaving?

Posted too soon - just wanted to say I’m so sorry for your loss. I lost my partner five years ago tomorrow. I’m in another relationship now but I remember how very hard it was to take that first step and I’m so sorry you’ve been let down by someone so insensitive. Don’t be put off - there are good men out there and you can be happy again. I wish you well.💐

I don't date anyone who accuses me of being in a strop.

I wouldn't see a man like this again. I'm sure you could find some one better.

"See ya later knob head"

That would be the end of it for me!!!

This....I lost my husband suddenly after 21 months of marriage; I'm now with a lovely, sweet, understanding man. But gosh, the loss...and pricks like this judging your behaviour. Sorry for your loss. Wait for someone good, not gits like this.

He was rude to another woman on a date ….when, let’s face it , first second third dates are when you are normally on your BEST behaviour ! If this is him trying his best then following up with that dismissive message , then don’t waste any more time .

Ugh, YANBU in the slightest. The insensitivity would be an instant turn-off for me, and the twattish follow-up would only cement my resolve. I bet he's one of those men who look at unsmiling women and pull the ends of their (own) mouth upwards too, another twat move. You're well rid OP! Sorry to hear of the loss of your partner. 💐

Actually, the man who told me to sheer up when my baby had died had the decency to say sorry and look shamefaced when I told him just why he shouldn't go round saying that sort of thing. 'It might never happen' - oh yes, it already fucking had happened

I feel your pain. I suppose you could send back one explanatory text and then block everywhere so you don't have to deal with his response and have the satisfaction of having the last word..

Vent away at us here, we're all with you.

The thing that confuses me here, is that "cheer up luv!" and "darling!" types usually come across that way in the way they speak and write. So why did you approach this man and ask him on a date?

To top it all, he called you "darling" in that dismissive , slightly contemptuous way. 3 strikes and not even on to 3rd date yet.

I'm so sorry you had that happen @StyxBankDweller At least he had the grace to be ashamed and apologize. I hope it was a lesson that stuck with him and that he passes on to others.

He's a bellend and you are well rid.

You will notice that men who say this garbage only EVER do it to younger women. Never other men. Have you noticed that?- I wonder why that is eh? Urgh.

Geez and I wonder why so many middle aged and every other women struggle to find a man and are permanently single looking for Mr Right...

So his reaction was a bit awkward, you seemed to like him before that and you may like every other thing about him, based on one moment out of many you choose to single out the one and only negative..

Before you completely make up your mind sit and think about the positives, how many times did he make your smile or laugh, before that did he make you feel good about yourself?

These 'men' never tell another random man without a smile to cheer up, do they?

My now ex used to make comments within earshot but would then say 'they can't hear me' when I would say he was being rude. The misogyny is awful.

FFS.

If only the "one & only negative" (spoiler - it was 2) wasn't such a corker it outweighed the good stuff.

No amount of making me "smile & laugh & feel good" would be enough to put up with the 2 giant misogyny-indicating red flags this character was waving.
And being characterised as "permanently single looking for Mr Right" because I have standards is 1) inaccurate & 2) avoiding the happy fact than many men & women are perfectly content not to succumb to the social construct that 'partnered up' is automatically preferable to singledom.

If I made you a delicious sandwich with all your favourite ingredients, & served it up to you on a picnic blanket by sunny riverbank with a good glass of wine, you'd probably find that a nice date, & eat the sandwich.
If we did it again on the second date, but this time I inserted just the tiniest - no more than 1%! - sliver of shit into your sandwich - would you focus on the thoughtful picnic blanket, the lovely riverbank, the glass of wine ... & eat the sandwich?
After all - 99% of the sandwich is just as delicious as always!

Of course you bloody wouldn't.
You'd bin the lot, & exit the date sharpish, because you had accidentally dated a twat.

OP doesn't need to date twats, or be berated for dumping & blocking them.

The first comment i could maybe possibly give him the benefit of the doubt for (really crap awkward attempt to be funny when nervous on the date which he kicked himself for afterwards...?) but the follow up text is just VILE! Stroppy?! Darling?! URGH!!!