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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - Rude Date

135 replies

cjhealy · 19/04/2022 16:46

Hi all,

I went on a date (wish I hadn't now!) with a man. It was our second date. All was going well and we were walking towards my usual car park on a nice sunny day. I was thankfully going to go home at this point. It was just such a nice day that we continued walking post-food.

As we were walking, a woman was walking towards us; so I moved across the pavement a bit to let her pass. She looked dazed and distraught and was holding a flower. Within a second of her passing us; this man I was with said (far too loudly) 'GOD, WHAT'S UP WITH HERRRR?! CHEER UP!' He didn't say it directly to her, but rather in my direction. Still though; I thought it was so rude. She was clearly still within earshot.

I told him she might have suffered a bereavement/just attended a funeral/received bad news etc... you just don't know. I don't see why he felt the need to comment/somewhat shout it out loud. For what purpose?!

I've always hated men who have said things like 'Cheer up, love!' or 'Smile! It might never happen!' so I admit I am sensitive to comments like this. It was also the second date with someone - (who happens to be the first person I've been remotely interested in since my partner passed away).

I went home and just relaxed - but still mad. He has since texted me (today) with: "You still in a strop? I was only joking darling!" I haven't responded and don't think I will.

I honestly don't want to see him again. AIBU to feel this way?

OP posts:
Tessabelle74 · 19/04/2022 18:46

YA most definitely NOT BU, what a knob!

DoItAfraid · 19/04/2022 18:51

@Beautifulmonster87

Maybe he felt uncomfortable about how she was behaving and that’s how he reacted? I think it’s a bit OTT to bin someone off based just on that!
Is this how you react to random strangers going about their business, without an inkling as to what might have upset them?

IF you wish to react surely you would ask something along the lines of “are you ok?” or similar.

PatchworkElmer · 19/04/2022 18:58

I wouldn’t reply to him.

apricotlane · 19/04/2022 19:12

You're not compatible, it's that simple. If he said something that irked your sensibilities that much on a 2nd date it's absolutely a no-go.

Franklyfrost · 19/04/2022 19:25

I wouldn’t be seeing him again, especially as in the early days he’ll be showing his best side. At least you found out you’re incompatible after only two dates. Don’t settle for a jerk, be alone or be with someone worth while.

earthisnthabitable · 19/04/2022 19:28

Eugh, and on a 2nd date. Yuck.

AHungryCaterpillar · 19/04/2022 19:31

Could it be because she didn’t say thank you for moving out of the way. There seems to be a lot of people (including on MN) who get very offended by it

AuntMargo · 19/04/2022 19:45

He is a dick, no 3rd date !

AcrossthePond55 · 19/04/2022 20:00

At that moment I'd be thinking that if he's so disrespectful to a total stranger what might he say to someone he was involved with? And his 'still in a strop' comment would have cemented my first opinion. This is the type of man who expects women to be chipper fountains of joy who are not allowed to feel down or sad because it's too upsetting to their fragile male egos. Dump him.

I mean, my DH doesn't like to see me upset, but he doesn't tell me to 'cheer up', he either tries to help or gives me space to deal with things on my own. That's what a good partner does.

I'm not in the UK and I can honestly say I've never had a strange man tell me to 'cheer up' or 'smile, it may never happen'. Not even in my younger years, and I don't have a 'naturally smily' resting face. Is this a common thing in the UK?

iklboo · 19/04/2022 20:03

@AcrossthePond55 - unfortunately yes. There's too many Neanderthal dickheads who believe all women are there for their entertainment and should perform on command to please them.

WonderfulYou · 19/04/2022 20:07

YANBU
I don’t like rude people and what he said was rude.

He may just not be very good at conversation and if this was a one off I’d consider another date.
But this sounds like it’s just who he is.

DorothyZbornakIsAQueen · 19/04/2022 20:14

I'd have thought he was a wanker for commenting on the woman, just alone.

But to follow it up with the message asking you if you were in a strop then calling you darling.

He sounds like one of them dickheads 'it's just banter, chill out'

I'd dump him. This will have given me the ick.

FabFitFifties · 19/04/2022 20:20

Don't reply. Block. Feel lucky.

BoredZelda · 19/04/2022 21:46

Bin him. The comment and the follow up are unbelievably awful.

SeedyBloomer · 19/04/2022 21:48

Oh, definitely bin job for him.

JemimaTiggywinkle · 19/04/2022 21:51

YANBU.
It doesn’t matter if she had a bereavement etc.
The point is his feeling of entitlement to women’s bodies/faces/attention. As if women are there for his viewing pleasure and he has a right to complain if he’s not satisfied by their demeanour.

PixieLaLa · 19/04/2022 21:59

YANBU and the text part is even worse! Just shows he has no self reflection and is a twat

surreygirl1987 · 19/04/2022 22:12

Urgh. I would find that deeply, deeply unattractive. Good for you for raising it with him! Thank goodness it was only on second date before you got further in.

SleepingStandingUp · 19/04/2022 22:13

Consider it an excellent opportunity to move on. Early out, no harm done c

CityOfGunthers · 19/04/2022 22:31

Someone once said to me "Cheer up love, it's Christmas" as I walked past them on the street on Xmas Eve. I had just found out my cousin had been killed. It still makes me mad now, 18 years later.

Absolutely no need for anyone to pass a comment like that, and his follow up message to you is worse. Prick.

Summerfun54321 · 19/04/2022 22:56

He sounds rough.

SucculentChalice · 19/04/2022 23:16

He harasses random women? And whats with his use of language? He just sounds weird.

fishingforflies · 19/04/2022 23:18

He sounds rougher than a badgers arse.

BOOTS52 · 19/04/2022 23:50

Would not even text or reply to him again. He is beyond rude and then for his comment 'I was only joking darling' eeewwww gags he soundsl ike a right wanker to be honest. That is a red flag and shows how he would be if you were not all smiles and happy.

Changechangychange · 19/04/2022 23:58

I went home and just relaxed - but still mad. He has since texted me (today) with: "You still in a strop? I was only joking darling!" I haven't responded and don't think I will.

Urgh, bin.