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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - Rude Date

135 replies

cjhealy · 19/04/2022 16:46

Hi all,

I went on a date (wish I hadn't now!) with a man. It was our second date. All was going well and we were walking towards my usual car park on a nice sunny day. I was thankfully going to go home at this point. It was just such a nice day that we continued walking post-food.

As we were walking, a woman was walking towards us; so I moved across the pavement a bit to let her pass. She looked dazed and distraught and was holding a flower. Within a second of her passing us; this man I was with said (far too loudly) 'GOD, WHAT'S UP WITH HERRRR?! CHEER UP!' He didn't say it directly to her, but rather in my direction. Still though; I thought it was so rude. She was clearly still within earshot.

I told him she might have suffered a bereavement/just attended a funeral/received bad news etc... you just don't know. I don't see why he felt the need to comment/somewhat shout it out loud. For what purpose?!

I've always hated men who have said things like 'Cheer up, love!' or 'Smile! It might never happen!' so I admit I am sensitive to comments like this. It was also the second date with someone - (who happens to be the first person I've been remotely interested in since my partner passed away).

I went home and just relaxed - but still mad. He has since texted me (today) with: "You still in a strop? I was only joking darling!" I haven't responded and don't think I will.

I honestly don't want to see him again. AIBU to feel this way?

OP posts:
TimBoothseyes · 19/04/2022 17:19

@Beautifulmonster87

Maybe he felt uncomfortable about how she was behaving and that’s how he reacted? I think it’s a bit OTT to bin someone off based just on that!
Or maybe he could have behaved like a decent human being and not reacted at all.
Wishimaywishimight · 19/04/2022 17:20

I recently lost my dad and fairly frequently find myself wandering round shops or sitting in coffee shops with tears pouring down my face. If someone told me to 'cheer up' I would be tempted to tell them to fuck right off.

Iamnotamermaid · 19/04/2022 17:21

This will be the start of his true colours coming through and demise of the initial good impressions. Confused

'I was only joking darling' would be the final straw for me.

CanofCant · 19/04/2022 17:21

Urgh.

YANBU.

10HailMarys · 19/04/2022 17:21

Maybe he felt uncomfortable about how she was behaving and that’s how he reacted? I think it’s a bit OTT to bin someone off based just on that!

First of all, people can bin someone off for any reason they like. If you find something offputting, you don't have to tolerate it. You don't owe anyone a third date if they did something you hate on the second one, however small that thing might be. Everyone has their own dealbreakers.

But in any case, it is not remotely OTT to bin someone for a) being uncomfortable because a woman looked a bit upset or b) feeling the need to 'react' by loudly telling her to 'cheer up'.

Being 'uncomfortable' at someone else looking sad and dazed is not an excuse to behave like a horrible dick to them and comment on it within their earshot. How the hell would you feel if you had just lost a loved one and some arsehole drew attention to you in the street and had a go at you for not being cheerful?

Also, did you miss the bit where he talked about the OP being 'in a strop' about it? He's a patronising dickhead.

Lesperance · 19/04/2022 17:45

Good move. Don't respond. At least you found out who he is early on.

Lesperance · 19/04/2022 17:47

@Beautifulmonster87

Maybe he felt uncomfortable about how she was behaving and that’s how he reacted? I think it’s a bit OTT to bin someone off based just on that!
Some people felt uncomfortable. At least one and probably two women.
amusedbush · 19/04/2022 17:49

@Beautifulmonster87

Maybe he felt uncomfortable about how she was behaving and that’s how he reacted? I think it’s a bit OTT to bin someone off based just on that!
"How she was behaving"? It was a woman, clearly upset and simply walking past him - it was absolutely nothing to do with him and required no comment.

He sounds like Uncle Knobhead - I'm cringing for him.

billy1966 · 19/04/2022 17:51

@SliceOfCakeCupOfTea

Nope. He was a twat and a pig. ditch
This.
AppleKatie · 19/04/2022 17:51

You see, when I feel uncomfortable I don't shout out loudly about strangers in the street. I also don't accuse the people i've been with of being in a 'strop' the day after I have annoyed them.

But maybe that's just me!

LividLaVidaLoca · 19/04/2022 17:52

Calling you “darling” would be enough for the block from me, I’m afraid. Gross. Move on.

NaTTate · 19/04/2022 17:55

He sounds awful. At least it gave you chance to dodge a bullet without wasting any more of your life on him. That poor woman though, I remember some random stranger making a dickhead comment like that right after my mum had killed herself because I wasn't looking cheerful enough. You always remember stuff like that.

ForeverLooking · 19/04/2022 17:56

@AppleKatie

You see, when I feel uncomfortable I don't shout out loudly about strangers in the street. I also don't accuse the people i've been with of being in a 'strop' the day after I have annoyed them.

But maybe that's just me!

Same. Doesn't really scream uncomfortable does it. More arsehole.
Justleaveitblankthen · 19/04/2022 18:00

Good for you to see him for what he is so quickly. Nothing invested, nothing to loose.
The Maya Angelou quote from a PP is spot on especially as they used the full Quote:.. Believe them the first time Smile

iheartmybeachhut · 19/04/2022 18:04

@Beautifulmonster87

Maybe he felt uncomfortable about how she was behaving and that’s how he reacted? I think it’s a bit OTT to bin someone off based just on that!
Wtaf ? He sounds like a complete wanker, esp with the follow up message!
MrsTerryPratchett · 19/04/2022 18:05

This is him on his best behaviour.

Yikes.

LadyHooHa · 19/04/2022 18:16

You still in a strop?

Do people really say and write this kind of thing?

I despair. He is not the man for any nice woman, OP.

MarilynValentine · 19/04/2022 18:19

YANBU. Block.

And he called you darling after two dates. Ugh.

Mamabananananana · 19/04/2022 18:22

2 dates or 12 you dont owe him anything , OP

And yes none of us like that sort of shite. Hes not very self aware,is he? Honest to god... some guys...

MurmuratingStarling · 19/04/2022 18:23

God he sounds fucking putrid.

Sack him off.

MurmuratingStarling · 19/04/2022 18:28

@Beautifulmonster87

Maybe he felt uncomfortable about how she was behaving and that’s how he reacted? I think it’s a bit OTT to bin someone off based just on that!
Are you taking the piss? However she was 'behaving' had fuck-all to do with him!

The 'cheer up luv' breed of men are cunts of the highest order.

Bignanny30 · 19/04/2022 18:39

Even his text shows his arrogance. Bin him .

pompomseverywhere · 19/04/2022 18:43

His message makes me shudder

IncompleteSenten · 19/04/2022 18:44

How she was behaving?

How was she behaving?
Walking along, minding her own business, looking possibly upset or distracted.

And this made him feel so uncomfortable he simply had to make a loud comment about her?

Really?

Why?

TimeToResign · 19/04/2022 18:44

Ick