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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

He saved me as a guys name 🧐

122 replies

Trippingslippingx1 · 19/04/2022 12:29

So I had a first date on Friday night with guy from Bumble
All went well until end of date and he was showing me something on the messaging app we used to chat on after matching

He had saved my name as ‘Charles’ and not ‘Charlotte’.

I said why did you save my name as that? He said typing mistake. I got a weird gut feeling. He immediately changed my name to the right name.

He asked to meet again this week - some light messaging backwards and forwards but I cannot shake the feeling that he is lying and saved me as a guys name to cover up that he is in a relationship already and monkey branching into the next or cheating (both not great).

AIBU to just call off the next date based on this? Or could it really be innocent.

OP posts:
GreyCarpet · 19/04/2022 13:18

@AryaStarkWolf

YANBU to be wary but it could be true that it was an auto correct he just never changed. If I really liked him I wouldn't stop seeing him just for that but I'd definitely have my eyes open
Raise your standards. A name is one word. If you we're saving a contact and it autocorrected (which doesn't even happen when typing a name into contacts) you'd correct it. Wouldn't you?
mrziggycoco · 19/04/2022 13:18

@Trippingslippingx1

I think the messaging app I use your name is already there and you have to manually change it (signal).

Boak. What a sleaze.

If anyone has any tips for screening these guys better let me know 😂 All the guys that use apps seem to be cheaters!

Meet someone in real life.
Gowithme · 19/04/2022 13:19

Is that a big red flag he's waving. Ah yes it is. Well spotted OP.

Original poster
Trippingslippingx1 · 19/04/2022 13:22

@WTF475878237NC

I actually meant video call before a first date obviously! I'm glad you do this. I think the pandemic has given us an "in" there.
The genuine guys I have done it with have loved video chatting😊 I had a couple of really good meetups after video calls and both guys have now gone on to use if when using the apps. One actually messaged me to Thank me for introducing him to it as it got him out of a near dodgy situation (similar to this actually). Both became friends to me.
OP posts:
Original poster
Trippingslippingx1 · 19/04/2022 13:23

@Gowithme

Is that a big red flag he's waving. Ah yes it is. Well spotted OP.
More red flags than the Soviets.
OP posts:
Smoothsoul · 19/04/2022 13:23

You need to have a bit of fun with this sleaze bag. Suggest a situation to out him in a panic eg suggests weekend away? Ask to come round to his?
Just now Men to me are all arseholes. 3 out of 4 of my work colleagues have had really shit times. One from a very LT relationship the other 7 years and the other 1 year. All men treated the women like shit; cheating, lying/drinking/cocklodging.

Original poster
Trippingslippingx1 · 19/04/2022 13:24

Lets all try and auto correct Charlotte to Charles. There is just no way it is a typing error. More like a thinking with my dick error.

OP posts:
shmess · 19/04/2022 13:25

Bin. Next.

Obviously in a relationship.

Herejustforthisone · 19/04/2022 13:26

There is no one innocent explanation. Not-a-one.

He’s already got a woman in his life and he’s concealing you. That’s the only explanation.

Original poster
Trippingslippingx1 · 19/04/2022 13:26

@Smoothsoul

You need to have a bit of fun with this sleaze bag. Suggest a situation to out him in a panic eg suggests weekend away? Ask to come round to his? Just now Men to me are all arseholes. 3 out of 4 of my work colleagues have had really shit times. One from a very LT relationship the other 7 years and the other 1 year. All men treated the women like shit; cheating, lying/drinking/cocklodging.
I was certaintly thinking of doing the same here. He actually owns the flat next door to my best friend from Uni - he told me this which makes me think his partner is not here and lives abroad in his home country. Something.

I have had them before be elusive about where they stay and they usually have live in partners - thats not what he is doing.

OP posts:
Original poster
Trippingslippingx1 · 19/04/2022 13:27

@Herejustforthisone

There is no one innocent explanation. Not-a-one.

He’s already got a woman in his life and he’s concealing you. That’s the only explanation.

Oh 110%
OP posts:
ihavealife1 · 19/04/2022 13:28

Ring him at 9pm, see if he picks up! Dead giveaway will be if he turns phone off in the evening, or says it was on charge.

Original poster
Trippingslippingx1 · 19/04/2022 13:28

@ParrotsAteThemAll

What messaging app are you using? I will only use text or WhatsApp, many men have wanted to use random apps but it screams red flags to me!
I use Signal - I do not have Whatsapp - it is my own decision.
OP posts:
Original poster
Trippingslippingx1 · 19/04/2022 13:29

I should ask to come round to his on Thursday to panic him +
Then ghost 👻

OP posts:
Original poster
Trippingslippingx1 · 19/04/2022 13:32

I think I have been very lucky to see that mis-spelled name 🥰

OP posts:
TeatimeGlitter · 19/04/2022 13:33

Hi OP!

I met my husband on a dating app and my brother met his wife on a dating app, all happily married!

I'm saying this so that you don't lose hope - there are a lot of frogs in the online world, but also normal, intelligent, great people looking for relationships.

Clearly have your wits about you, make sure you hold on to that. From my experience, trusting your gut will always steer you in the right direction. If something feels off - it's off.

You've got this!

Roundeartheratchriatmas · 19/04/2022 13:34

I had one with a link to his profile on the dating app. Which confirmed he had a partner as well as her name and profile.

They is a lot like it.

Original poster
Trippingslippingx1 · 19/04/2022 13:35

@TeatimeGlitter you are a wee gem! Thanks for that 🌹 and whose to say if I met him at gym/bar it would have been any different.

His profile is listed as ‘Don’t know yet’ on Bumble - is that a big Left swipe for you guys?

OP posts:
Original poster
Trippingslippingx1 · 19/04/2022 13:36

@Roundeartheratchriatmas

I had one with a link to his profile on the dating app. Which confirmed he had a partner as well as her name and profile.

They is a lot like it.

I have seen that before as well.
OP posts:
VampireMoney · 19/04/2022 13:36

Agree with what everyone else is saying. I only found out about a guy doing something similar when he sent me a screenshot of a photo I'd sent him because for some reason it sent upside down and he thought it was funny.. anyway.. at the top I noticed instead of my name he had just my initials. Added it to the list of other slightly off things that had sent my spidey senses tingling and yeah.. he was in a relationship.

Original poster
Trippingslippingx1 · 19/04/2022 13:37

@VampireMoney

Agree with what everyone else is saying. I only found out about a guy doing something similar when he sent me a screenshot of a photo I'd sent him because for some reason it sent upside down and he thought it was funny.. anyway.. at the top I noticed instead of my name he had just my initials. Added it to the list of other slightly off things that had sent my spidey senses tingling and yeah.. he was in a relationship.
🥺 so shit I am sorry How long were you seeing him for?
OP posts:
lotsofjellytotz · 19/04/2022 13:38

That's a big NOPE.

10HailMarys · 19/04/2022 13:40

Lets all try and auto correct Charlotte to Charles. There is just no way it is a typing error. More like a thinking with my dick error.

Hmmm, I just tried this on my phone out of interest and as soon as I typed 'Char' the autocomplete middle button came up with 'Charles' - but the right-hand autocomplete button suggests 'Charlotte'. So it's vaguely possible that someone could enter 'Charles' by mistake.

HOWEVER ... I still don't buy his excuse because there is no way he would have not noticed that error until you pointed it out. No bloke merrily messages a woman back and forth for ages without actually noticing that he's calling her 'Charles'. And also, as you say, if the app you're using pre-loads the other person's name, you'd have been saved as 'Charlotte' from the start and he wouldn't have needed to type anything. I reckon your instincts are bang-on here!

Re his social media profiles, a bloke on social media was trying to flirt with me recently - I'm not single and I found him a little bit 'off', so I told him very sharply that I wasn't interested and he needed to stop it right now. I noticed he was doing the same to a lot of other women i know, and he'd friended a couple on another platform, totally presenting himself as if he were a single (and lonely) guy looking for a woman to share his life with. Spidey senses kicked in and we did a bit of research and lo and behold, he has another profile elsewhere on which he is very much married with two youngish kids.

gamerchick · 19/04/2022 13:41

Definitely in a relationship with someone else. What a creep.

WeOnlyTalkAboutBruno · 19/04/2022 13:41

Married as fuck.

Lol at the PPs suggesting further tests. Don’t waste your time.