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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

He saved me as a guys name 🧐

122 replies

Trippingslippingx1 · 19/04/2022 12:29

So I had a first date on Friday night with guy from Bumble
All went well until end of date and he was showing me something on the messaging app we used to chat on after matching

He had saved my name as ‘Charles’ and not ‘Charlotte’.

I said why did you save my name as that? He said typing mistake. I got a weird gut feeling. He immediately changed my name to the right name.

He asked to meet again this week - some light messaging backwards and forwards but I cannot shake the feeling that he is lying and saved me as a guys name to cover up that he is in a relationship already and monkey branching into the next or cheating (both not great).

AIBU to just call off the next date based on this? Or could it really be innocent.

OP posts:
Itwasntmeright · 19/04/2022 12:48

At worst, and most likely, he’s a cheat. At best he’s a lazy bastard who can’t be bothered to correct a simple error that he sees every time he messages you.

Original poster
Trippingslippingx1 · 19/04/2022 12:49

@Itwasntmeright

At worst, and most likely, he’s a cheat. At best he’s a lazy bastard who can’t be bothered to correct a simple error that he sees every time he messages you.
Nah he is not lazy or stupid, you should see this guys resume. He is at it.
OP posts:
WTF475878237NC · 19/04/2022 12:50

What a creep.

Suggesting video calls to see where someone lives can be useful - not first date obviously. But if a hidden partner or spouse lives elsewhere and thinks they're relocating together etc, not much you can do.

I have a friend whose new guy could never speak on the phone between 7-9pm because of his "shifts". Turned out he was doing the secret children's bedtimes. She only found out because she accidentally called him during a time he couldn't answer so then left a voicemail to say sorry I know you're at work etc which his wife picked up mid message. So I'd say inflexibility or needing every contact to be pre-arranged, or only replying to texts at very set times of the day may be yellow flags.

Original poster
Trippingslippingx1 · 19/04/2022 12:51

I have never seen a 100% YANBU on Mumsnet except today for this post 😂

I have affirmed my instinct to not see him again. He wasted his own time and money on wine. What a plonker.

OP posts:
Celendine · 19/04/2022 12:51

The hills are that way ➡️

WhereYouLeftIt · 19/04/2022 12:53

I'd not be interested in dating him, YANBU.

And thank you for introducing me to the term 'monkey branching'!

Original poster
Trippingslippingx1 · 19/04/2022 12:55

@WTF475878237NC

What a creep.

Suggesting video calls to see where someone lives can be useful - not first date obviously. But if a hidden partner or spouse lives elsewhere and thinks they're relocating together etc, not much you can do.

I have a friend whose new guy could never speak on the phone between 7-9pm because of his "shifts". Turned out he was doing the secret children's bedtimes. She only found out because she accidentally called him during a time he couldn't answer so then left a voicemail to say sorry I know you're at work etc which his wife picked up mid message. So I'd say inflexibility or needing every contact to be pre-arranged, or only replying to texts at very set times of the day may be yellow flags.

I agree with this. I tend to try and do a video call date prior to meeting to get a feel for them and their living arrangements - this is one of the first dates in a long time I actually did not do that - as he was quick to ask me out and quick to get me off the app. So probably a yellow flag there.

He is reading but not replying to messages very quickly - but does have an intense job.

Its ashame as the date went well otherwise - loads of chemistry, really attracted to each other. Why do they waste ours and their own time? I guess its for the benefit of an option / sex.

Never slept with him obviously. Just went home after the date.

OP posts:
Paddingtonthebear · 19/04/2022 12:55

Probably best to cut your losses now. It’s so unlikely he’s telling the truth. Many years ago my (now ex) boyfriend was found on a dating app. I confronted him and he insisted it was an old profile and that he wasn’t using the app anymore. He still denied it and accused me of being mad even when his public profile clearly showed he had logged in and had been active within the last few days. No, it was all in my head and why don’t I trust him and maybe I should go away and think about it and bla bla bla…

We broke up not long after that but not before he cheated on me with a girl from work. We all worked at the same place so that was just great.

Anyway. Don’t even get into a conversation about it. Run for the hills

Original poster
Trippingslippingx1 · 19/04/2022 12:57

@WhereYouLeftIt

I'd not be interested in dating him, YANBU.

And thank you for introducing me to the term 'monkey branching'!

I met a guy a couple of years ago on Tinder - who was a monkey brancher. Claimed he had broken up with his girlfriend six months before - thankfully I knew people who knew him and he has used Tinder on and off for a year or two. (He was in a live in 5 year relationship). Eventually he found a Vet who he managed to monkey branch too - again for a year or so and then started to monkey branch again.

I think once a monkey brancher always one.

I do know a female friend who does this - makes sure she has one lined up before the other one is gone.

I have sneaking suspicion this guy is on the Bumble looking for a new relationship to do the same. Not for me Sir.

OP posts:
Rainbowqueeen · 19/04/2022 12:58

Good decision OP

Hankunamatata · 19/04/2022 12:59

Friend only dates on paid dating sites as she says it cuts down some of the cheaters as they are too tight to pay

Original poster
Trippingslippingx1 · 19/04/2022 12:59

@Paddingtonthebear

Probably best to cut your losses now. It’s so unlikely he’s telling the truth. Many years ago my (now ex) boyfriend was found on a dating app. I confronted him and he insisted it was an old profile and that he wasn’t using the app anymore. He still denied it and accused me of being mad even when his public profile clearly showed he had logged in and had been active within the last few days. No, it was all in my head and why don’t I trust him and maybe I should go away and think about it and bla bla bla…

We broke up not long after that but not before he cheated on me with a girl from work. We all worked at the same place so that was just great.

Anyway. Don’t even get into a conversation about it. Run for the hills

Yeah see my most recent post - it happens alot. Sorry this happened to you.

I am not going to mention it again - just leave it

OP posts:
Hangthetowels · 19/04/2022 13:00

Red red red red red red flag, he's seeing someone else ! This happened to me! Honestly run away from this guy. He's deceptive from day dot

MrMrsJones · 19/04/2022 13:00

@higherthanthat

Why don't these arseholes just go to the genuine cheaters' 'dating' sites?
Because there is lots of cake and they want all the cake or at the very least a bite of all the cakes.
Onlyforcake · 19/04/2022 13:02

I'd be 'so long then'.

Oysterbabe · 19/04/2022 13:04

He chose to put you into his phone as Charles and lied about it.
It's a no from me.

Original poster
Trippingslippingx1 · 19/04/2022 13:04

@MrMrsJones You are spot on.

OP posts:
Momijin · 19/04/2022 13:05

I'd also check his social media and screenshot a few messages and send them to some of his friends and family. These cheating arseholes need to be called out.

userxx · 19/04/2022 13:07

That old chestnut!!

Original poster
Trippingslippingx1 · 19/04/2022 13:10

@Momijin

I'd also check his social media and screenshot a few messages and send them to some of his friends and family. These cheating arseholes need to be called out.
Theres very little on his social media - I cannot see any strong evidence of a long term partner. It was just sheer luck I seen his phone in all honesty - if that had not have happened I would have blindly gone out with him again - which is so scary.

The only other sign I have had is his texts being sporadic - but I dont think thats necessarily in isolation a red flag in itself.

OP posts:
Original poster
Trippingslippingx1 · 19/04/2022 13:11

@userxx

That old chestnut!!
Tell me about it 🙄
OP posts:
ParrotsAteThemAll · 19/04/2022 13:13

What messaging app are you using? I will only use text or WhatsApp, many men have wanted to use random apps but it screams red flags to me!

userxx · 19/04/2022 13:13

I was once saved as John, I told the idiot that I didn't look like a john on my WhatsApp profile pic, sheer panic took over him. Knob :)

WTF475878237NC · 19/04/2022 13:14

I actually meant video call before a first date obviously! I'm glad you do this. I think the pandemic has given us an "in" there.

Georgeskitchen · 19/04/2022 13:16

If it smells fishy....it probably is!!