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Original poster

Brother’s GF can’t stop lying

250 replies

Flymetothezoom · 19/04/2022 11:28

I have recently moved nearer to my family after being away for 20 years. I am getting to know my brothers GF of 6 years. She never stops lying. Examples:

  1. She is Catholic/Roma/Jewish/Protestant depending on the topic of conversation.
  1. She earns £10k a month, even though she gets housing support and constantly borrows money
  1. She was a top DJ/lawyer/chef -she actually worked in a call centre.
  1. She runs two employment unions, works 20 hours a day on her business and has a day job.

I don’t care so much about these inconsequential lies, although they stop the flow of conversation because no matter the topic she is an expert and has done everything. These lies don’t really impact me but her nonsensical promises stop any of us in the family having a conversation.

For example:

  1. We are having a Christening and were discussing cakes and she stops the conversation by saying that she was a professional baker and the cake will be a gift to us. She wasn’t, she didn’t. Luckily I suspected she wouldn’t so I got a back up cake.
  1. We needed a builder, she stops the conversation by saying that she runs the office for a team of builders and they will come to see me the next day, never happens.
  1. We are having a party, I discuss catering with my parents, she interrupts that she was a professional caterer and will do all the catering as a present to me.
  1. She has volunteered to paint our house, redo our decking, relay the patio, buy me a designer bag, give legal advice, cut hair.. the list is endless and it is all nonsense. I don’t want or need her to do anything for me but I literally cannot have a conversation with my family because of her, she is always around them.
I have discussed it with my brother and he said that she believes what she says when she says it. What can I do?
OP posts:
multivac · 19/04/2022 16:16

Has she considered running for prime minister?

MintyGreenDream · 19/04/2022 16:21

Sounds like Jay from the inbetweeners

Benjispruce4 · 19/04/2022 16:41

Have you not spoken to your brother about this?

Benjispruce4 · 19/04/2022 16:43

@multivac GrinGrinGrin

Fulmine · 19/04/2022 16:50

@Flymetothezoom

As for mental illness she claims to have BPD and anxiety but she also claims to have dyslexia, autism, Asperger’s and ADHD. If you discuss any condition or illness she has had it.
Ask her if she's had rigor mortis.
Fulmine · 19/04/2022 16:53

I don't understand why none of you call her out. When she mentioned the team of builders, it would have been easy to ask which company it was so you could talk to them direct about your requirements. When she insists she's going to do something, why not point out that that's what she said about the cake, the builders, the catering etc etc, and ask for full details so you can ensure that it actually happens this time?

Piglet89 · 19/04/2022 16:55

@Fulmine brilliant. PMSL. Bet she’s like “Yeah I did but I recovered the next day. It was like a 24 hour rigor mortis”.

tearinghairout · 19/04/2022 16:57

I don't think this is harmless, partly because someone, perhaps a child, might believe something that isn't true, and partly because lies can lead to very real harm.

I connected with a school friend on FB a while back. She was a fantasist at school but I thought she would've grown out of it by now. She told me something sensational about a mutual friend that turned out to be pure invention.

Sounds to me as if SIL feels the need to make herself sound more interesting, and needs to be caught out. "You can cut my hair/decorate the bedroom/do the catering for the party? Great. Let's discuss the details."

HellyR · 19/04/2022 16:57

But clearly she doesn't 'genuinely believe' she works in a builders' office (assuming she doesn't)? Because she'd be hallucinating or have a severe memory impairment like dementia?
So that seems to be a lie as well...

jytdtysrht · 19/04/2022 17:14

She sounds unhinged. I wouldn’t engage if I could avoid it.

Anything she offers: no thanks, we don’t mix family and business. If she insists, repeat the same exact phrase, don’t alter it. You won’t look stupid as everyone knows she is a fantasist.

And I would avoid gatherings she’s at.

Your brother really needs to grow up and sort himself out. It’s very strange to accept living with someone who lies all the time.

Phobiaphobic · 19/04/2022 17:16

She's deeply insecure and very silly. Your brother needs to address it before it all blows up into a major family incident.

AnnesBrokenSlate · 19/04/2022 17:17

I don't understand why you feel you need to do anything. Your brother has been with her for 6 years. No-one else seems to have felt the need to 'do something' in that time.
If you know she talks rubbish, then you just gloss over her or politely close her down. 'Kind of you to offer but no'.
It isn't really impossible for you to have a conversation with your family. There are telephones. She can't possibly be there every single time you see them. You're catastrophising and that won't help anyone. Don't rely on her. Don't criticise her. Don't pretend she stops you talking to your family.

mumda · 19/04/2022 17:25

Mention you need an astronaut

Justleaveitblankthen · 19/04/2022 17:25

She sounds absolutely crackers. I would have to pull her up on it every single time: 'Oh, what was the name of the company? Where exactly were you based? You earn so much? You must pay lots of tax? How much on average? and I would be googling it all in front of her.
My DC had a ' Friend' like this: 'I went to Greece for the weekend'
My uncle is Alex Ferguson
We are going to Spain tonight and then off to New York the day after'
He was six years old Grin

Whenyougonnalearn · 19/04/2022 17:41

The entire family dynamic is utterly utterly odd to me

6 years of family listening to this
6 years of your brother being in a relationship with her and presumably with his children
6 years
So weird

SpinningMeSoftly · 19/04/2022 18:18

@Fulmine

I don't understand why none of you call her out. When she mentioned the team of builders, it would have been easy to ask which company it was so you could talk to them direct about your requirements. When she insists she's going to do something, why not point out that that's what she said about the cake, the builders, the catering etc etc, and ask for full details so you can ensure that it actually happens this time?
Well, precisely.

OP's family sound as odd as the girlfriend.

I mean, suppose someone offers to send builders round to my house. How does that conversation go?

Real Life: Oh cheers, which firm of builders is that? Give me their details. I'll just check online for reviews / prices / with my insurance company / give them a call / DO NORMAL THINGS THAT NORMAL PEOPLE DO

OP's Family: Oh cheers. I leave it in your hands.

Bonkers.

If this is actually all true, then this post resonates:

Is there a possibility your brother’s GF has been the victim of abuse in the past? It's vanishingly unlikely that she hasn't been / is being.

PriamFarrl · 19/04/2022 18:29

My ex BIL used to be like this.
My MIL called him up on it one day when he said that he’d driven between two town in 45 minutes. She said that to do that he’d have to be going 100mph and he had her grandchildren in the car so she’d be calling the police.
He stopped after that but not before telling his two boys that he had tickets to Old Trafford that he didn’t.

Whenyougonnalearn · 19/04/2022 18:32

* OP's Family: Oh cheers. I leave it in your hands.*

supposedly someone they all know is unhinged and a pathological liar

I’m wondering whether each member of the family has their…. Peculiarities

BoredZelda · 19/04/2022 18:38

Strange that no-one challenges her. “I’m a professional baker” “no you’re not” and move on.

Original poster
Flymetothezoom · 19/04/2022 18:38

The builders were meant to come and give a quote not start work.

OP posts:
SpinningMeSoftly · 19/04/2022 18:41

@Flymetothezoom

The builders were meant to come and give a quote not start work.
Did you even google their phone number when they didn't turn up?
Original poster
Flymetothezoom · 19/04/2022 18:51

@SpinningMeSoftly I didn’t know their number. I had a lapse of logic and thought they were builders she knew who would turn up.

OP posts:
MyNameIsAngelicaSchuyler · 19/04/2022 18:51

Prime minister 🤣🤣

She sounds unhinged, I’d be extremely concerned for your brother and look to help him get out of her life ASAP

dottypencilcase · 19/04/2022 18:54

@Justleaveitblankthen

She sounds absolutely crackers. I would have to pull her up on it every single time: 'Oh, what was the name of the company? Where exactly were you based? You earn so much? You must pay lots of tax? How much on average? and I would be googling it all in front of her. My DC had a ' Friend' like this: 'I went to Greece for the weekend' My uncle is Alex Ferguson We are going to Spain tonight and then off to New York the day after' He was six years old Grin

😂😂😂

Whenyougonnalearn · 19/04/2022 18:58

@Flymetothezoom

The builders were meant to come and give a quote not start work.
And you didn’t get a name, contact details, engage with them as to when was convenient for you

Just left diary planning and everything to the woman you think is a pathological liar?