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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Colleague permanently off sick

303 replies

Littlejuice · 19/04/2022 06:41

Colleague at work, forever coming to work for a fortnight then being signed off for a month or 6 weeks with anxiety - there is always something : currently it is her boyfriends uncle died, last time it was her cat died, time before she was upset about her boyfriend not proposing when they went on a holiday where she was convinced he would propose

Team I work in all sick of it. Have got to the stage where we just never expect her to be in and cover her work, but genuinely now getting so pissed off

Said colleague has been off for 3 weeks currently as she can't cope, but has plastered.many many pictures all over Facebook this weekend of various parties, BBQ, trips out. Rest of us working extra on call shifts to cover her because she's too stressed to work

I know I'm being judgemental, I know I am, but has made me rage - surely at some point she just has to accept life has its challenges, come to work like the rest of us?

OP posts:
BarbaraWoodlouse · 19/04/2022 10:12

As many others have said, you need to raise this with your manager/HR in terms of the impact it is having on you and your workload. As soon as you start picking apart your colleague’s publicly stated reasons for absence (which may not be the whole story) or bringing Facebook into the equation it will get very messy very quickly. Your team is not at full capacity due to extensive absences - that is the issue you need to deal with.

Equalbutdifferent · 19/04/2022 10:12

Only the employee and the employer know the full picture. Everything else is speculation. There is misunderstanding and intolerance of mental ill health, see for example randoms on this thread pronouncing on the legitimacy of the absence without knowing anything of the circumstances.

Of course capability remains a legitimate ground for dismissal (if right procedures are followed). OP - think you need to trust you employer to deal with this?

Guineapigssweak · 19/04/2022 10:12

Tell your Manager your be off sick with stress soon if you don't get any help with the workload !

Quincythequince · 19/04/2022 10:14

@blackheartsgirl

If they don’t let me go first Sad there’s nothing I can do I suppose, I do understand why it has to be so, I just hope that cardio give me some answers tomorrow
If you have done a good job whilst you’re there, and you been sick only for the last couple of months, it would be really bad luck not to pass probation (so to speak) because of this.

There is however not a lot you can do about it, other than make sure you are getting as timely treatment as possible and being as transparent as you feel you can, with your employer.

They don’t need to know everything of course, but little or no communication (and I’m not saying that’s what you’re doing btw) doesn’t foster good will.

Quincythequince · 19/04/2022 10:15

Have we clarity is this is public or private sector?

Merlott · 19/04/2022 10:17

@PlasticineMeg so if your job stopped paying you, you'd still go in for fun? Give over.

QuebecBagnet · 19/04/2022 10:17

@Quincythequince

Have we clarity is this is public or private sector?
Does it matter? Either way it’s something for the OPs managers to deal with and OP needs to communicate with them about workload.
Quincythequince · 19/04/2022 10:17

If work is a trigger Quebec why is she going back?

Benefits are designed for people like her. If she can’t do the job due to illness, then she should apply for all that she is entitled to support-wise, and give up the job so someone better suited can do it.

Employers shouldn’t be expected to carry the can for this indefinitely.

Quincythequince · 19/04/2022 10:19

No it doesn’t matter Quebec not more than any other random post on MN matters to many of us I suppose.

But I’m interested to know the sector. I would bet £100 it’s public.

Quincythequince · 19/04/2022 10:20

Private sector quite rightly wouldn’t tolerate it under the circumstances as described by the OP (and of course we don’t know how much of this is true, but assuming it is because this is what has been told to us).

Crinkle77 · 19/04/2022 10:20

@ClemDanFango

If employers don’t cover staff absence properly they are shit employer. Dumping other peoples work on people long term is bullshit. If she’s going to be off constantly and not get rid of her they need to get someone to properly cover her workload.
Yep this. You've got an employer problem not a colleague problem.
QuebecBagnet · 19/04/2022 10:21

@Quincythequince

No it doesn’t matter Quebec not more than any other random post on MN matters to many of us I suppose.

But I’m interested to know the sector. I would bet £100 it’s public.

Fair enough. I was genuinely wondering if advice might differ due to different sickness policies. For information my friend who’s been off with anxiety for 5 months is private sector. She’s still on full pay.
bluetongue · 19/04/2022 10:21

Been where you are OP with a few colleagues. The worst of them was eventually busted working for a different department while still getting sick pay from ours Shock

Some people really take the piss. Where I work you only get allocated 12 days sick leave a year (which accrues) but some workers don’t seem to care that they are eating into their holiday entitlement or have to take leave without pay.

The chancers at my work have always had constantly changing reasons for being off. One also decided that getting a puppy was a good idea. Of course then had to take a week off because the puppy was sick and another week off because they had a puppy related injury (yes, really). Meanwhile some of us hardly ever take a sick day and have to pick up her slack Angry

ShopoholicIn · 19/04/2022 10:22

"@LetHimHaveIt

I fully, fully agree with you @Littlejuice, but you'll get your arse handed to you on here, where it's apparently fine to have huge swathes of time off for the most nebulous of reasons."

This

YANBU

MichelleScarn · 19/04/2022 10:23

What people were saying about her posting on social media, off with stress/mh you are allowed to go out and live your life, you aren't under house arrest so I wouldn't go down the route of saying "look what she's been doing, out having fun"
I think that's the frustration for those who are being expected to pick up the fallout. People like ops colleague want to go out and "live their life" but this seems to only mean the fun stuff for them.

KevinTheKoala · 19/04/2022 10:23

The reason people don't simply not work due to mental illness is because it is ridiculously difficult to prove that you are incapable of work in order to get disability benefits - as we can see from this thread alone there is an awful lot of stigma and false assumptions on what mental illness is and how it can affect someone - and so people who are suffering still need to survive. So those people go and get a job, then when they cannot cope with the job they go on longterm sick.

No it isn't fair on the employer or their colleagues but when they have to survive and cannot get benefits what other choice are they left with? People with mental illness are seen as nothing but a burden to society, there is no support what so ever for mental health anymore.

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 19/04/2022 10:24

@Moochio

Who is telling you why she is off? If it's not her directly you shouldn't know.

Your issue is with your workload so speak to your manager about that. Her employment status is nothing to do with you.

This...
Quincythequince · 19/04/2022 10:26

Then she has a very generous employer quebec but that good-will will come to abs abrupt end at some point, I assure you.

Sounds like your friend is quite unwell, 5 months off and unable to work!

The state should be helping people like her and that exactly what taxpayers money is for.

If the thought of retuning to work is so stressful for her, she needs another plan it seems.

Francescaisstressed · 19/04/2022 10:32

The fault tests with the employer, not the person who is off. You gave no idea why they are off and what they have been advised.
That beings aid if I was off and my colleagues were picking up my work I don't think I'd be posting any pics on social media as seems a bit insensitive.

BigFatLiar · 19/04/2022 10:36

As others say, let your employer deal with it. Don't cover for her absence, do your own work znd leave it for your management to sort out.

peachsweettea · 19/04/2022 10:37

Sorry if someone has already asked this but how do you all know the reasons for her being off long term sick anyway? :/ unless she has perhaps told you herself?

If not then it’s really not on that your boss is sharing with you all the details or reasons why she’s off sick, that’s extremely unprofessional. It’s none of your business why she’s off, it’s down to her manager to determine when it’s too much or whether it causes more reason for concern.

The only thing that is your business is your workload and that’s all you can speak to management about really. The details to why, when and how aren’t really your concern.

SD25 · 19/04/2022 10:39

People take the piss nowadays for sure. Mental health is an easy way off work for SOME people with bad intentions. Witnessed it many times.

BigFatLiar · 19/04/2022 10:43

I know a lot of people are asking how OP knows what she was off with, no idea but I after years of various offices I suspect the lady who's off may have said. Offices are a hotbed of gossip about illness etc

Littlewasp · 19/04/2022 10:45

YANBU - worked with people like this and ended up earning their sick pay for them by doing their work. In fact with some colleagues you could work out exactly when they'd be back in - i.e. when they would go on to half pay. Yes I agree with other posters it is up to HR to sort out but you and your colleagues should insist on some temporary cover and refuse to do the work. If you don't complain they will not take any action to help with the workload. I even used to work in an office where two people covered a particular area of work and one of them was always off sick at any given time - we used to call them the tag team!

TheBigPeach · 19/04/2022 10:45

@blackheartsgirl

See threads like this make me worried about this in my current job, I’ve only been there since September last year and I’ve been off since February with a heart problem under investigation. Work are constantly pestering me for updates and I’m sure my colleagues are talking about me too. I want to return to work but my docs won’t let me until cardiology have made a decision on what’s wrong with me. I’ve also had a mental breakdown. I went back to work too soon after my husband died.

The only things I post on social media are my crochet projects, I don’t go out much and even if I do it’s to a cafe or a bit of shopping.

I am worried about my job. But I’m off for a reason

Sorry for your loss ☹️ I remember years ago a lady who started work after her husband had passed away. She was struggling so much with the loss and return to employment. She had been dependent on him until his death so hadn’t worked in a long time. People were so mean and impatient with her saying she should just get over it. She was clearly struggling. Please don’t be too hard on yourself x