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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Colleague permanently off sick

303 replies

Littlejuice · 19/04/2022 06:41

Colleague at work, forever coming to work for a fortnight then being signed off for a month or 6 weeks with anxiety - there is always something : currently it is her boyfriends uncle died, last time it was her cat died, time before she was upset about her boyfriend not proposing when they went on a holiday where she was convinced he would propose

Team I work in all sick of it. Have got to the stage where we just never expect her to be in and cover her work, but genuinely now getting so pissed off

Said colleague has been off for 3 weeks currently as she can't cope, but has plastered.many many pictures all over Facebook this weekend of various parties, BBQ, trips out. Rest of us working extra on call shifts to cover her because she's too stressed to work

I know I'm being judgemental, I know I am, but has made me rage - surely at some point she just has to accept life has its challenges, come to work like the rest of us?

OP posts:
Waxonwaxoff0 · 20/04/2022 18:05

teaandtoastwithmarmite · 19/04/2022 17:12

I had that when I mentioned someone who can't work yet gets loads in benefits to buy musical instruments and Dj gear for his gigs on the side

Well that's bollocks because you do not get "loads" in benefits. There is a cap.

Vynalbob · 20/04/2022 18:19

Sorry but it's nobody's business except hers, her GPS & your manager. If you have more work / get less time off then take it up with yours/her boss.

People who take the mickey are annoying, but so are people that butt in and stir the pot.

You can only govern your own reactions.

SHONNYSMUMMY · 20/04/2022 18:27

@Littlejuice depression looks happy but deep down the sadness is burning a whole and that mixed with anxiety is not easy.

So be kind, and in fact if you kind simply mind your business I'm sure your HR team and management have enough information to support her absences

OneFinalTry · 20/04/2022 18:36

YANBU to be pissed off; YABU to be pissed at the person instead of the manager who should be a) managing and supporting her attendance and b) making sure the workload is managed and you're not left in the shit because of her absence

Teachertired92 · 20/04/2022 18:41

As someone who went of sick due to workplace bullying, my partner cheating on me and abusive relationship, you honestly don’t know what else is going on in this persons world. None of my colleagues were aware of everything going on for me at the time and I was on the verge of suicide. I know it must be so frustrating but maybe your manager needs to get a temp so that her being off doesn’t affect you. As for her posting on social media, those that are the most unhappy often post on social media to give the illusion that everything is fine. Take that as part of her mental illness, but definitely speak to your boss as her being off shouldn’t affect your workload!

Waitingforbabyno1toarrive · 20/04/2022 19:10

We had a guy at my work do this for the better part of 3 years.
Work would never fire him, even though he was constantly uploading photos on socials having the time of his life. Final straw for me he had gotten a second job and wasnt even trying to hide it, whilst being paid for pay whilst off sick for mental health. Proof was given to hr, but they dragged their feet for so long for fear of a lawsuit, he ended up quiting a few months later thankfully, meaning we could hire another person (headcount issues previously) and the weight was lifted off the rest of us.
Unfortunately lots of people out their abusing the mental health card to get an easy life, that it makes it harder on geniune cases.

whynotwhatknot · 20/04/2022 19:27

I suffer from depression and its hard but my boyfriend didnt propose isnt depression im surprised you boss accepted that a a reason not to come in

707smile · 20/04/2022 19:40

Are you sure that the reasons that she is giving, are the reasons that she is off sick? For example does she suffer from Clinical Depression, Bipolar or Borderline Personality Disorder but just mention these minor life situations to deflect attention from the Depression?

If she is genuinely off for minor life situations then obviously that's messed up. Anxiety isn't a diagnosis so shouldn't really be a really to be off work. Real anxiety disorder (OCD, Panic Disorder, Generalised Anxiety Disorder etc.) really

707smile · 20/04/2022 19:40

oops, that was supposed to say 'really are disabling and good reasons to be off work',

Hobnob90 · 20/04/2022 19:44

YANBU some people know how to play the system (obviously some people are genuine too) it’s unfair that you and your colleagues are having to work extra hours to cover. There must be a sickness policy in your workplace about episodes of sickness you can have in a certain timeframe. Have a private word with your manager about it.

teaandtoastwithmarmite · 20/04/2022 20:55

@XenoBitch

teaandtoastwithmarmite
I had that when I mentioned someone who can't work yet gets loads in benefits to buy musical instruments and Dj gear for his gigs on the side
And?
Even being on benefits for disability/sickness does not mean you are not allowed to work at all. And anyone in receipt of benefits can choose to spend it on what they like.
Or would you like to see a digital credit system where the government can control how you spend your money?

Course not but it takes the piss if a person is being given benefits as to not being able to work then running a business on the side Hmm

F1234 · 20/04/2022 21:12

Does she get sick pay? If not I would not let it bother u... if she does then speak to your manager. This happened to my friend who was the line manager... behind the scenes she was doing everything she could to legally sack her without a law suit.

Bellieboo33 · 20/04/2022 21:23

YANBU
I totally agree with OP, this would totally wind me up if I had a colleague like that! Even more so if she’s off and then living it up for all to see on facebook. Unfortunately some people just know how to play the system- I hope HR catches up with her.
especially annoying since so many hardworking people lost their jobs during the pandemic, and would love to have a FT role and the opportunity to be part of a team.
If her issues are genuine, she needs to find a new job that’s is more suitable for her needs and won’t impact the wider team whilst she is off.

wentworthinmate · 20/04/2022 22:59

I have known of two people like this and both times I have felt completely annoyed at the GP’s who sign them off in the first place. When I had a breakdown many years ago (didn’t sleep or eat for 7 days and lost a stone) my GP said going back to work would be the best thing! How do these people do it???

fetchacloth · 20/04/2022 23:36

YANBU
take it up with your line manager.

Mandyjack · 21/04/2022 03:34

She would have to be signed off by a gp to be off for longer than a week. It might be genuine and judging her by a snap shot of her life on social media is unfair. Let managers deal with it and stop following her if it annoys you

Mandyjack · 21/04/2022 03:36

teaandtoastwithmarmite · 20/04/2022 20:55

@XenoBitch

teaandtoastwithmarmite
I had that when I mentioned someone who can't work yet gets loads in benefits to buy musical instruments and Dj gear for his gigs on the side
And?
Even being on benefits for disability/sickness does not mean you are not allowed to work at all. And anyone in receipt of benefits can choose to spend it on what they like.
Or would you like to see a digital credit system where the government can control how you spend your money?

Course not but it takes the piss if a person is being given benefits as to not being able to work then running a business on the side Hmm

Getting disability benefits isn't given so you don't have to work. Disabled people are fully entitled to work or run a business

Mandyjack · 21/04/2022 03:39

707smile · 20/04/2022 19:40

Are you sure that the reasons that she is giving, are the reasons that she is off sick? For example does she suffer from Clinical Depression, Bipolar or Borderline Personality Disorder but just mention these minor life situations to deflect attention from the Depression?

If she is genuinely off for minor life situations then obviously that's messed up. Anxiety isn't a diagnosis so shouldn't really be a really to be off work. Real anxiety disorder (OCD, Panic Disorder, Generalised Anxiety Disorder etc.) really

You're right, nobody gets signed off cos their cat died. Having something like manic depression would result in someone having a chaotic lifestyle

Thirdsummerofourdiscontent · 21/04/2022 03:46

It’s not fair on you and your team to be expected to do her work. Speak to your manager. Yanbu

Cherrysoup · 21/04/2022 07:01

merrymelodies · 19/04/2022 07:15

How do you know what her medical health issues are, OP? Surely this isn't something up for office debate?

Ha ha, have you ever worked with other people?! Of course people will discuss it.

Similar happened at my workplace, a colleague would come in for a day then be off for weeks. The boss had already started competence procedures against the colleague due to the very poor standards demonstrated when the colleague was there. You need to speak to your manager and get in a temp.

Mumkins42 · 21/04/2022 07:02

The issue here is that you are being given extra work regularly beyond what is expected in order to pick up the slack? If so, direct the frustration in the right place and gently raise it with your line manager or HR. Don't make it about this person, make it about you. You really don't know what's going on in someone's life. I am regularly in hospital yet can easily hide this and put on a smile a few days after. No one would know of all my physical health challenges and what I deal with.
Ref FB, I don't bother with it as all it does is annoy us. Just block if you can?

It is annoying and it is unfair. But the issue here is with your employer. Address the real issue. Don't even bring up the employee's circumstances when you raise it - that is not the issue.

TheseAreMyGoodPants · 21/04/2022 07:32

I can totally understand why you find it annoying, but YABU for assuming she's skiving or otherwise taking the mick. If she's signed off clearly her GP also believes she shouldn't be at work. You have no clue about her personal life or mental state.

MichelleScarn · 21/04/2022 07:52

You're right, nobody gets signed off cos their cat died. Having something like manic depression would result in someone having a chaotic lifestyle I'd think it could depend on what she's saying to who though? She could be lying to the GP and telling them a different background than she's actually experiencing or she could be embarrassed and telling colleagues a different tale than is actually happening.

BoredZelda · 21/04/2022 10:25

I don't think OP is coming back.

XenoBitch · 21/04/2022 14:20

Mandyjack · 21/04/2022 03:39

You're right, nobody gets signed off cos their cat died. Having something like manic depression would result in someone having a chaotic lifestyle

Show quote history

A good friend/colleague of mine had Bipolar. Anytime he was off sick, all anyone was told was it was "stress". He didn't have a chaotic lifestyle, but his lows were crippling whereas his hypomania wasn't. Any sort of stress could send him on a spiral.
I have a MH condition that is similar, where even a small stressor could make me ill. Death of a pet would absolutely be one such example.