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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Asking someone to move seats on a flight? Aibu ?

816 replies

wearejustfriends · 18/04/2022 14:31

Last week I was travelling to Gran Canaria with TUI.
I had booked mine and boyfriends seats when we booked and paid £22 for both.
I had the window and he had the middle.

A lady sat on the end and her daughter was in front.
She asked could they have our two seats and we have hers /daughters or my boyfriend switch with her daughter.
I politely said no.
Which she wasn't happy about.
We got "what difference does it make"
"Your adults,my daughter is sacred of flying and is a minor"

Anyway we wouldn't move.

Was I in the wrong ?
Surely if she was that bothered she could have paid like us.

OP posts:
WhereYouLeftIt · 18/04/2022 17:45

If she knew her daughter was scared of flying, wouldn't she have booked and paid for two seats together as the OP did?

I suspect she knew she could do that, chose not to pay the extra, and expected to be able to guilt the rest of her row into moving.

Nah, I wouldn't have moved either, if I'd paid to have those seats.

SoggyPaper · 18/04/2022 17:45

She could easily have asked other people. But apparently the window seat (likely to be a child’s first choice) was what she tried to guilt the OP out of.

The thing about the whole ‘oh but the child’ logic is that it’s just not an utterly dreadful situation having your mum sit behind you rather than next to you. She clearly wasn’t a toddler (because the person in the middle seat would probably have been offering to avoid sitting next to someone’s toddler). And, crucially, her mum will never learn if everyone hides the consequences of her own choices from her. Maybe next time she’ll plan in advance for her scared of flying daughter.

Porcupineintherough · 18/04/2022 17:45

It's totally fine not to want to change seat. Doubly so if you've paid to sit together.

ilovesooty · 18/04/2022 17:46

@Cryingintherain99

At the end of the day it all comes down to kindness. There are plenty of people who like me would have felt for the poor girl (who had absolutely no say in whether her mother paid for them to sit together or not). My first and foremost thoughts would have been with the child. It's like giving to charity in one sense. You choose whether to do it or not. Some people would choose to help, but clearly there are plenty who wouldn't. No matter how I felt about the money, I would have felt more at ease knowing the child could sit with her mum to help ease her fears.
That's nice. Stop trying to guilt trip others who might have paid to reserve seats for a reason.
Abraxan · 18/04/2022 17:46

@toastofthetown

It's only ever seats as well. Meals have been taken out of budget air travel as well as seat selection, but it would be unthinkable for someone who had ordered a meal in advance to have it taken by someone whose child was hungry. And the prebooked seats probably cost more than the meal!
Someone took my meal on the last flight I went on! Woman sat next to me out her hand up when they brought over the vegetarian meal. I didn't say anything as I assumed they would have ordered it and cabin crew would be bringing mine next.

Then she spoke to her boyfriend next to her and told him she'd changed her mind about her meal, fancied the veggie option so she'd put her hand up and got one - she was very pleased with herself about it.

And to make it worse they'd run out of veggie meals so they'd told me I couldn't have one! When I complained and showed them it was booked they went into first/business to find me an alternative. They did ask the woman next to me if she'd booked her veg meal but she just smiled at them with her headphones on; obviously she'd started eating it anyway so little they'd have been able to do.

I was too much of a coward to point out that my flight neighbour had nicked my food! Made sure I got my own meal on the return flight though!

BronwenFrideswide · 18/04/2022 17:46

@RobotValkyrie

Not unreasonable. Just uncharitable. You're allowed to be mean. People are allowed to judge you for it.

Personally I would have swapped for the sake of a child. My partner is an adult and can survive a whole flight without me holding his hand.
You value money and the entitlements it gives you more than a stranger's child's feelings. The privilege is all yours. Own it.

People are also allowed to judge the mother of the child for not prioritising sitting next to her child over the value of money and expecting someone else to pay for her to do so.

There are always parents/people on planes who do this, won't pay the fee to guarantee seating next to each other and then expect those that have done so to give up their seats at their financial loss for them. That's the height of privileged entitlement to expect that, Mother on the plane needs to own it.

LadyMacduff · 18/04/2022 17:47

YANBU

I probably would have moved because i can be a complete pushover at times but I'd have been really pissed off about it. I think she sounds like a chancer and i'm sceptical that the daughter really was scared of flying.

SoggyPaper · 18/04/2022 17:48

Why do we need to be ‘charitable’ to people on a charter flight to gran canaries for an Easter holiday in the sun?

Are parents who can’t be bothered to pay for seats together an especially needy group?

Or maybe, people going on a holiday abroad are really a charitable cause at all?

SoggyPaper · 18/04/2022 17:50

Child in a less than optimal seat on a flight to Gran Canaria doesn’t seem like the kind of thing that would motivate many donations either.

notimagain · 18/04/2022 17:53

@abc4321

Sorry, tangential diversion.
Grin

Unless rules have changed recently what happened with regard to your DH's seat was very errr...naughty..

[/tangential diversion off]

Booboobibles · 18/04/2022 17:54

Why didn’t you just tell her that you were also nervous?

Sciurus83 · 18/04/2022 17:56

A lack of planning on the part of someone else does not constitute an emergency for you. YANBU.

Roselilly36 · 18/04/2022 17:57

@Booboobibles

Why didn’t you just tell her that you were also nervous?
Why should she? If you have paid for the seats, it negates the need to explain.
Idonea · 18/04/2022 17:58

Dickheads with kids think they're magically exempt from seat booking. They plan ahead to wail on the plane that they can't be separated from their precious poppet.

Shame they don't like them enough to book a seat!

Glad you stood your ground. That'll learn her.

VangVieng · 18/04/2022 17:58

YANBU and shouldn’t feel guilted.

For whatever reason she asked, either cos she’s a CF (suspect so given her response) or her DD was genuinely terrified, apparently unexpectedly. When someone asks, they have no idea if the other people paid and/or if there’s a reason the other people specifically want to sit together. Maybe they’re also scared, maybe there is a health issue etc. so her response ‘what difference does it make’ is very rude.

I would have paid in her situation but imagining a scenario where I couldn’t pre-organise for whatever reason and my DD was genuinely having a panic attack, I’d be talking to the cabin crew to see if there were other options on the flight for us ie. 2 aisle seats or whatever and alerting them to a very nervous flier. The fact she didn’t do this suggests it was just a bit of pre-fight nerves many people get or she was indeed a CF.

abc4321 · 18/04/2022 17:59

Unless rules have changed recently what happened with regard to your DH's seat was very errr...naughty..

I did wonder that. Although, as the flight was full, it was either suck it up and sit in the broken seat or get off the flight.

The cabin crew were fully aware it was broken as they asked him to put it upright and he/they couldn't. He was totally unbothered and probably relieved to have been split up from me as I was still fuming!

Bornsloppy · 18/04/2022 18:01

YANBU - she could have paid like everyone else.

We had something similar with a woman asking for my aisle seat so she could sit across from her OH and two primary age kids. When I stopped laughing hysterically I asked her if she really wanted to sit next to my 4yo and 1yo who were both mid tantrum at that point.

RantyAunty · 18/04/2022 18:04

CFs have no limits.

Had someone try to swap me my aisle for their middle seat on a 14 hour flight. I just looked at him and laughed.

People in my seat when I show up. Nope.

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 18/04/2022 18:05

@Booboobibles

Why didn’t you just tell her that you were also nervous?
Because it's none of her damned business.

The answer was no.

Lizziekisss · 18/04/2022 18:07

YANBU. TUI have been operating this seat booking system for years, and time and time again some cheeky parents with younger children, assume that because of the requirement to be seated near said offspring, means they can forgo the cost of pre booking, and then are surprised when the seating offered is sub optimal. You didn't cause the 'problem' it wasn't your job to find a solution.

tillytown · 18/04/2022 18:09

I wouldn't have swapped OP. If her child doesn't like flying she should have planned ahead just like everyone else has to. I'll never understand why some parents seem to think they deserve special treatment for the most mudane things.

whynotwhatknot · 18/04/2022 18:16

no she should have paid if she wanted to sit next to her daughter bloody cf chancer

Puzzledandpissedoff · 18/04/2022 18:16

You value money and the entitlements it gives you more than a stranger's child's feelings

This reminds me of the PP who went on and on about "a child's joy" when another wouldn't swap her window seat Confused

Hollyhead · 18/04/2022 18:17

My view it’s not unreasonable to ask - she didn’t know you’d booked and planned and some people might not mind, but definitely unreasonable to pester/beg/argue about it.

Highfivemum · 18/04/2022 18:18

This happened to me but it was the flight attendent t
Who asked would I move!!!
I was travelling with one of my DC who at the time was 10. The airline policy gave him an allocated seat for free and then I paid 12 pound to book the seat next to him, which I did. My Ds is very tall and mature for his age and looks older he was next to window and I was middle seat. I had a lady then sitting next to me. The flight attandant came over before we took off and asked could the ladies little girl ( around 7) sit next to her as her seat was on the row in front. I said no as I had booked and paid for my seat. The flight attendant said them at the child was young and it would not be fair to leave her with strangers.. at which I said. I am sitting with my own DC and have booked and paid to do so so the answer is no. She then said that my DC was older and would be fine etc etc. I was embarrassed as passengers were looking at me as if u was being unreasonable and this wasn’t helped by the DC of the ladies crying. I stood my ground though and said. My DC is 10. I will be sitting with him as I paid extra to do this so sorry I am not moving. !!! The lady next to me tutted but said nothing. The flight attendant moved on and they were seated somewhere else. If you want to sit with ur family then you pay. Simple as.

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