Asking someone to move seats on a flight? Aibu ?

[wearejustfriends]

Last week I was travelling to Gran Canaria with TUI.
I had booked mine and boyfriends seats when we booked and paid £22 for both.
I had the window and he had the middle.

A lady sat on the end and her daughter was in front.
She asked could they have our two seats and we have hers /daughters or my boyfriend switch with her daughter.
I politely said no.
Which she wasn't happy about.
We got "what difference does it make"
"Your adults,my daughter is sacred of flying and is a minor"

Anyway we wouldn't move.

Was I in the wrong ?
Surely if she was that bothered she could have paid like us.

[marcopront]

@Moviemusic1984

Have you justified why it was OK for the mother of the 10 year old not to book seats in advance?
Surely she is the one not showing compassion.

[iBrows]

@Moviemusic1984

I did not ever say that the original poster was in the wrong for how she treated the mother, but she could have been a slightly more compassionate towards the child. Since the child is only ten years old, and since the poster said herself that she gets nervous when planes take off. In that instance, she should have known where the child was coming from, but to be fair, I think what the mother did was in fact a ploy just for sitting next to her daughter. If the child; however, was in fact distressed, the woman and her boyfriend could have been at least supportive (for the sake of the child) if they were not. If I were in her situation, I would probably not move either or expect my girlfriend to, or anyone I fly with, but I would at least show some compassion towards a defenseless child. That is all I am trying to say.

I am well aware that this site is mostly for mothers and women, and for that reason, I was reluctant to post on this site. Unfortunately, though, the initial post was not posted on a broader site. I did not join this site to be a part of this group, in all honesty, but to respond to the post. I apologize for my vulgar behavior, and for using the "b" word, although it can apply to either gender. I am in support of equality with gender, race, religion, age, so on, believe it or not, it is true, and before I was attacked by several mothers, I was in entire support of parents, mothers and fathers alike, and those who do not bear children, but take care of them or want them someday. I cannot force any of you to think well of me, but do realize you are barking up the wrong tree, please be wary of whose toes you step on.

Again, in the literal sense, what do you mean by show compassion to the child if she had upset them by not moving? “I’m sorry your mum didn’t care about you enough to pay £20 and I am not willing to move but I’m here for you”?

The cringey threat in your post and calling it the “b word” are both laughable. You are odd at best.

[BabyDreamers]

Yanbu she is being very unreasonable. She should be mad at herself if her child's scared. Not your problem. I'm an adult and terrified of flying so I pay to sit with my friend/partner.

[Moviemusic1984]

@marcopront

@Moviemusic1984

Have you justified why it was OK for the mother of the 10 year old not to book seats in advance?
Surely she is the one not showing compassion.

I did not justify what the mother did, I was merely stating that since the original poster said that she too gets nervous during flights when the plane takes off that she should have been at least sympathetic towards the plight of the daughter. I am not upset or angry that she did not exchange seats, I am just a bit perplexed why she could not at least feel compassion for the child given her own history with flights. I am actually a bit shocked why the majority who are applauding her actions here are in fact people who do have children.

[Moviemusic1984]

@iBrows

Again, in the literal sense, what do you mean by show compassion to the child if she had upset them by not moving? “I’m sorry your mum didn’t care about you enough to pay £20 and I am not willing to move but I’m here for you”?

The cringey threat in your post and calling it the “b word” are both laughable. You are odd at best.

I apologized I do not know how many times for calling the original poster a "b" word though that was more of a provoked response than anything else given my ill treatment here. I do not enjoy partaking in using foul language and since even as a child I tried my best to avoid using such language, whether it be sexist or not, but I am only human, I make mistakes as well, and I find it extremely hypocritical that a number of the women here are demeaning me for saying that word yet are using some cussing words as well. That is not acceptable either.

[Moviemusic1984]

@rainbowmilk

You were “attacked” for announcing that you were a man before giving your opinion, as if being a man conferred some kind of special importance or value on that opinion. That’s what got everyone’s backs up. Plenty of men (childless or not) post here and don’t get that reaction, because they don’t announce it as if it makes them special.

The b word may be used for either sex but when used towards men, the insinuation is that they’re behaving in a way that is associated with the feminine and therefore beneath them. It isn’t a neutral slur just because it’s used against both sexes - the reason it’s used against men is because it’s a slur against women. I realise that you don’t actually care about this because you respect your wife and your mother and therefore can’t be sexist, but you are, in fact, sexist when you use that word.

I already apologized about using the "b" word, I did not initially call the original poster that, I was just provoked by all these harsh accusations. I do not partake in and/or enjoy using foul language, sexist or not, ever since I was a child, but we are all only human, we all make mistakes. Leave me alone about that. It is said and done and I already apologized for it I do not know how many times.

Regarding the incident about addressing myself as a man. I did not say it to boast about myself, I should not have said it. It is just since I am new, I wanted the original poster and the other female posters here to know where I stand in the opinion that I have given, in the sense that I am not trying to speak from experience as if I had children, since I do not have any, and that though I share somewhat of a different opinion than she does, I (as well as many of the others here) do share somewhat of an agreement with what she did and said in regards to the mother, not the child but the mother, though I am a man not a woman. It is an awkward way to come onto a new site, and probably not the best way to approach it, but please do not twist things around. I mean nothing bad about it.

[whumpthereitis]

@Moviemusic1984

I apologized I do not know how many times for calling the original poster a "b" word though that was more of a provoked response than anything else given my ill treatment here. I do not enjoy partaking in using foul language and since even as a child I tried my best to avoid using such language, whether it be sexist or not, but I am only human, I make mistakes as well, and I find it extremely hypocritical that a number of the women here are demeaning me for saying that word yet are using some cussing words as well. That is not acceptable either.

I don’t think anyone particularly cares about your long history of disliking swearing. You’re apparently a grown ass man, calling it the ‘b’ word gives the impression that you’re a 9 year old furtively whispering the word lest you get caught by a parent and told off. It’s cringy as fuck.

Also cringy is your need to announce the fact you have a penis, and that this somehow makes your perspective somehow groundbreaking or interesting. It doesn’t. OP paid for a seat. The fact that someone else’s kid was apparently upset that she had to cope with the grave ordeal of sitting across the aisle from her mother (who, you know, could have paid for seats but didn’t) for all of a few hours, does not make it OP’s problem. She’s not an asshole for choosing not to give up something she paid for because someone else elected to save money. I’m not sure why a common viewpoint is shocking to you, unless your only interaction with the outside world is your bodypillow girlfriend.

[Fraaahnces]

I am more concerned about someone who announces themselves as male prior to sharing their golden opinion, then admitting that they have no kids or experience with them. What on earth would attract a bloke with no kids to this site? At best, attention-seeking, at worst, incel intel gathering.

[Moviemusic1984]

@iBrows

Again, in the literal sense, what do you mean by show compassion to the child if she had upset them by not moving? “I’m sorry your mum didn’t care about you enough to pay £20 and I am not willing to move but I’m here for you”?

The cringey threat in your post and calling it the “b word” are both laughable. You are odd at best.

I apologize for the threat though it was not intended that way, and I already apologized for the "b word" though that was more of a provoked act than anything else, not to excuse myself just saying. Regarding your statement, of course I did not expect her to say something like that, but she should have at least been sympathetic at least for the child, the "ten year old" child, given the relative information she provided in one of her replies here regarding her own nervousness during the start of flights. Do not think of it in the way of 'I am here for you', but 'given your daughter's sake, I at least understand her concern, but I am not going to move, sorry."

[giveovernate]

@Fraaahnces

I am more concerned about someone who announces themselves as male prior to sharing their golden opinion, then admitting that they have no kids or experience with them. What on earth would attract a bloke with no kids to this site? At best, attention-seeking, at worst, incel intel gathering.

Deviant! That's why

[rainbowmilk]

@Moviemusic1984

I already apologized about using the "b" word, I did not initially call the original poster that, I was just provoked by all these harsh accusations. I do not partake in and/or enjoy using foul language, sexist or not, ever since I was a child, but we are all only human, we all make mistakes. Leave me alone about that. It is said and done and I already apologized for it I do not know how many times.

Regarding the incident about addressing myself as a man. I did not say it to boast about myself, I should not have said it. It is just since I am new, I wanted the original poster and the other female posters here to know where I stand in the opinion that I have given, in the sense that I am not trying to speak from experience as if I had children, since I do not have any, and that though I share somewhat of a different opinion than she does, I (as well as many of the others here) do share somewhat of an agreement with what she did and said in regards to the mother, not the child but the mother, though I am a man not a woman. It is an awkward way to come onto a new site, and probably not the best way to approach it, but please do not twist things around. I mean nothing bad about it.

You haven’t actually apologised. You’ve so far said that it isn’t sexist, that it applies equally to men, that you’ve heard women use it, that women here are swearing and that’s just as bad, and now that you couldn’t help it because you were provoked by women. None of these are apologies, they’re excuses (and crap ones at that).

Your being a man is completely irrelevant to your position on anything in this thread. Given that many men, and especially sexist men, have a habit of announcing upfront that they’re men in order to give their disagreements with women more credence, I don’t accept that you just awkwardly mentioned it for no reason.

[Moviemusic1984]

@Fraaahnces

I am more concerned about someone who announces themselves as male prior to sharing their golden opinion, then admitting that they have no kids or experience with them. What on earth would attract a bloke with no kids to this site? At best, attention-seeking, at worst, incel intel gathering.

I want to make one thing perfectly clear. I came on this site only to respond to the original poster regarding the incident, since the incident was posted here and not on another site. If it was posted on a different site, say one that was not parent oriented and mostly for mothers, I would have addressed my opinion in an entirely different way. I am in no interest in using this site for other reasons, especially given my poor treatment all because the unorthodox way I introduced myself, which was greatly misinterpreted. Surely, I must not be the only one here with a conscience.

[giveovernate]

@Moviemusic1984 but why........ were you on this site in the first place to see the post? Very fucking odd for a single male without children to be "browsing"' mumsnet?

If you don't like your treatment, then deregister and go on your merry way.

👋

[FratersDadIsABeeGee]

@Fraaahnces

I am more concerned about someone who announces themselves as male prior to sharing their golden opinion, then admitting that they have no kids or experience with them. What on earth would attract a bloke with no kids to this site? At best, attention-seeking, at worst, incel intel gathering.

I'm a bloke with no kids and my wife introduced me to AIBU. Been here years because its entertaining. Nothing more and nothing less, although I have learned a lot through reading here. Until today, I'd never identified myself as a man, so I'm not sure how that translates as attention seeking.

[rainbowmilk]

@Fraaahnces

I am more concerned about someone who announces themselves as male prior to sharing their golden opinion, then admitting that they have no kids or experience with them. What on earth would attract a bloke with no kids to this site? At best, attention-seeking, at worst, incel intel gathering.

Nowt wrong with a childless broke being on AIBU. Not this specific bloke, but in general, why not?

[Moviemusic1984]

@rainbowmilk

You haven’t actually apologised. You’ve so far said that it isn’t sexist, that it applies equally to men, that you’ve heard women use it, that women here are swearing and that’s just as bad, and now that you couldn’t help it because you were provoked by women. None of these are apologies, they’re excuses (and crap ones at that).

Your being a man is completely irrelevant to your position on anything in this thread. Given that many men, and especially sexist men, have a habit of announcing upfront that they’re men in order to give their disagreements with women more credence, I don’t accept that you just awkwardly mentioned it for no reason.

Let it go. It is not a word I often use. I did not initially wish to say it, I should not have said it, it is just how I feel about the situation. Perhaps I should have just said it respectfully, I feel that the woman was in the right for not giving up her seat, but she still seemed a little selfish in her response towards the incident in regards to the child - not the mother but the child.

Do not speak to me as your major opinion on men. I am not like most men, or am I like most women, I am just myself. I am not perfect, but I am not sexist at all. I stand by equality in gender, race, religion/politics, age, etc. As I addressed prior, I did not introduce myself to be boastful, and I understand I should not have said it from the very start, but do not twist things around.

I did not come on this site to argue with anyone, all I meant to do was respond (respectfully as I could) to the original poster. However, it is because the mean streak responses I have been given by the mothers here that things took a turn for the worse. Just because you are mothers, just because you are women, does not make you any more important than me, and likewise, for me as a man. We are equal, parent or not, male or female, black or white, whatever. Do not forget though that it was you who ignited the fire not me.

[giveovernate]

@Moviemusic1984 you've still not apologised....

[Moviemusic1984]

@giveovernate

@Moviemusic1984 but why........ were you on this site in the first place to see the post? Very fucking odd for a single male without children to be "browsing"' mumsnet?

If you don't like your treatment, then deregister and go on your merry way.

👋

Do not tell me where I can and cannot post. That is very disrespectful and you are not in the right to say it. Perhaps the original poster should have said it on a site with a broader audience.

[Moviemusic1984]

@giveovernate

@Moviemusic1984 you've still not apologised....

I did, you just did not acknowledge it.

[giveovernate]

@Moviemusic1984 could you highlight it? I really can't see it?

[rainbowmilk]

all I meant to do was respond (respectfully as I could) to the original poster)

Yes, calling a woman a bitch is very respectful, you’re to commended on your diplomacy and restraint.

Adding “I don’t often say it” to the list of excuses.

[giveovernate]

@Moviemusic1984 the original poster wasn't interested in a man that had no children's opinion, which is why she posted on mumsnet.

[Moviemusic1984]

@giveovernate

@Moviemusic1984 the original poster wasn't interested in a man that had no children's opinion, which is why she posted on mumsnet.

Still it would not hurt to hear opinions from the other side of the gender spectrum. What occurred to her could easily happen for a man as well, could easily happen for someone who does not even have children. If she was only interested in the audience of women, then I am sorry but that was very narrow minded, her choice but still.

[Backtobacknow]

@Moviemusic1984

Do not tell me where I can and cannot post. That is very disrespectful and you are not in the right to say it. Perhaps the original poster should have said it on a site with a broader audience.

More literacy issues. this poster asked you why you were "browsing" MN, didn't say you cannot post, just said your fucking odd.

You've changed the whole post..... and then tried to dictate that the OP should've posted elsewhere? Whilst you say say that saying that people saying where you can and cannot post is disrespectful?

You are so weird!

[Moviemusic1984]

@rainbowmilk

all I meant to do was respond (respectfully as I could) to the original poster)

Yes, calling a woman a bitch is very respectful, you’re to commended on your diplomacy and restraint.

Adding “I don’t often say it” to the list of excuses.

You are twisting my words. I did not ever call it respectful, I said myself I try my best to refrain from saying it, and saying that I am only human is not excusing myself. It is just stating that as with everyone else here, I am liable to make mistakes now and then as well. If you cannot understand this, then I am sorry but the fault lies on you not me, and do not think that all of you who are also swearing me are in the clear as well, foul language is foul language whoever says it.