Asking someone to move seats on a flight? Aibu ?

[wearejustfriends]

Last week I was travelling to Gran Canaria with TUI.
I had booked mine and boyfriends seats when we booked and paid £22 for both.
I had the window and he had the middle.

A lady sat on the end and her daughter was in front.
She asked could they have our two seats and we have hers /daughters or my boyfriend switch with her daughter.
I politely said no.
Which she wasn't happy about.
We got "what difference does it make"
"Your adults,my daughter is sacred of flying and is a minor"

Anyway we wouldn't move.

Was I in the wrong ?
Surely if she was that bothered she could have paid like us.

@VyeBrator

You weren't in the wrong

I would've moved for her but that doesn't mean anyone else has to.

I'd have moved but I wouldn't have paid extra to select my seats in the first place so it wouldn't matter to me.

It's easy to be "kind" and generous in theory, with someone else's seat they've paid to reserve so they can be more comfortable and relaxed.

The reality is that it's a pain when someone wants to swap, even not taking into account the wasted money and disruption to your plans. I don't want to move when I've just settled in! And then you're seated next to that awkward person for the flight and they now have a frosty, irritated attitude because you didn't prioritise their comfort over your own.

People are always trying to improve their seating arrangements and coming up with excuses. My partner and I ended up in different rows on a long haul flight, which was a pain but not the end of the world. I had an aisle seat but got lucky as it was in the extra legroom seats by the door, where you don't have to climb over each other to go to the loo. The other half was a couple of rows back on the other side, by the window. I nodded to the bloke who sat down next to me by the window and he looked me up and down and blanked me.
There was an empty seat next to my partner, and I thought I'd ask to move if nobody arrived for it. The bloke next to me was quicker - grabbed the stewardess and asked if he could go there because he preferred not to be by the window (?). She said fine and he shot over there. ...to find my partner, who is a bit recognisable in the music world, and I suspect was the real reason he wanted to move, getting to his feet thanking him for moving because it meant he could come and sit next to me.

I find it really annoying especially if you are buying a package holiday, as you may well choose holiday X over Y as it appears to be £x cheaper, only to find it's going to cost more just before you finalise it on "hidden extras"

But you get the beneift of being able to pay for the cheaper holiday when your kids are old enough that they don’t need you next to them. And Y holiday would probably have had ‘hidden extras’ too.

Buying a bus or train ticket doesn’t even guarantee you a seat, let alone a seat where you want it next to the people you want to be with. I’m not sure why people think they should be entitled to automatic seats together just because it’s a plane.

*And you say “you were sufficiently annoyed to ask BA to sit one child per adult”

Seriously? Why don’t just bend over at the same time!*

I'm not sure what this means. Are you asking why didn't I complain? I did, vociferously. I spoke to two staff at length at check in plus their supervisor, then the gate staff and finally the cabin crew. Followed by Twitter (seemingly the only route to getting in contact with BA) and finally a formal complaint.

Not sure what else I could have done at that point? And it was either us sitting in the middle seats they'd decided to requisition to use in business or still be sat at Zurich airport.

My husband's middle seat was broken and stuck in recline so wouldn't go upright for take off and landing. I doubt it makes that much difference but the cabin crew weren't happy with him sat there either.

Do we know for definite the lady didn't pay? I fly with TUI quite a lot and booking 2 seats together includes being across the aisle from each other and in front of each other (found this out the hard way when we bought seats together!)

I never pay for seats, I've never been not sat with my children when they were small. We fly this year, again haven't paid for seats..they are teens now, so we shall see if we are together. They would easily cope if not and that's a good thing, it builds independence.

I've never consider the evacuation aspect before, but yes it would be carnage wouldn't it. Most parents would do anything to get to their child, so bad decision on an airlines part.

She shouldn't have asked, but you could have been much more PA with your response. "oh no, I'm really sorry I have panic attacks, did you not know you can book them in advance? it's only £44, that's what we paid, to guarantee sitting together" sad tilt of head.

How about this for the height of entitlement? - Interestingly, also a TUI flight, not that it’s particularly relevant.

Flew to Mexico in 2019. 9.5 hour flight. Passenger loading was finished and the aircraft was full. All belted up and about to close the doors when there was an announcement by the cabin crew.

“We have a couple onboard who are off on their honeymoon. They want to sit together and we are requesting if anyone would be happy to swap seats to enable them to? Unfortunately, they have said that if they are not able to be together in the flight, they will not want to travel and therefore, their bags will have to be offloaded. Consequently, this will result in a delay and we will miss our take off slot”

Again, if it’s your honeymoon and it’s that important, you select your seats when you book - not expect everyone else to accommodate and issue veiled threats if you don’t get your own way? I’m pretty sure it was a pointless exercise too because we took off soon afterwards anyway!

@abc4321

[thread drift]

"My husband's middle seat was broken and stuck in recline so wouldn't go upright for take off and landing. I doubt it makes that much difference but the cabin crew weren't happy with him sat there either."

So are you saying the seat was known be inop/couldn't be raised to upright was something known prior to departure yet he flew in it for the whole sector, including take off and landing?

If that's what happened it's a bit more serious than simply being a cause for a few people being unhappy..

[/thread drift]

Yanbu, not when you have paid extra to sit together!

She should have paid to sit with her daughter. It's pretty common practice to do so nowadays.

Answer, if there was a plane crash and bodies need recovered, then her daughter's body would have been sent to your or your boyfriends family as it goes by the passenger manifest. Only air crew can swap passengers and not for someone being scared of flying. That should have been declared at the check in desk.

Air hostess here. You’re not unreasonable to say no, not in the slightest. But she was within her rights to ask. She should’ve paid for the seats in the first place if she cared so much. My airline doesn’t even charge for seats and I still hate it when passengers ask us to be the go between because they haven’t got their act together with the booking

Buying a bus or train ticket doesn’t even guarantee you a seat, let alone a seat where you want it next to the people you want to be with

It does on a train if you book in advance. And you don’t have to pay extra.

@SoggyPaper

Why must the OP have more care and consideration for someone elses child, than that childs actual parent?!

This is a question that comes up on stepparenting threads all the time. Because the child’s parents can’t be expected to be responsible for their child. Nope.

You’re equating the OP’s relationship with the child in front Or a child and her step parent?

I experienced similar a few years ago. It was a transatlantic flight so a big plane, with seats in rows of 3 - 4 - 3, but there were two sets of double seats at the back of the plane, i.e. two people can sit together without having a stranger next to them. DH and I paid a premium for those.

A woman and her adult daughter came up and asked if we would swap seats with them. We declined and she got angry, snapping "but my daughter's autistic and we have to sit together!" at me. She was less than impressed when I told her that I'm also autistic, which is exactly why we had paid to guarantee that I would be sitting beside DH and nobody else.

If someone has a specific requirement, it's up to them to make sure their needs are met, whether that is by reserving a seat, contacting the airline to let them know they're a wheelchair user, flagging to the cabin crew that they have a severe allergy, etc. That woman's problem had a solution, she just decided to take a chance and it didn't pay off.

She sounds really rude and she should have paid to be seated together!

@Blossomtoes

Buying a bus or train ticket doesn’t even guarantee you a seat, let alone a seat where you want it next to the people you want to be with

It does on a train if you book in advance. And you don’t have to pay extra.

if you book in advance being the relevant bit there.

if you book in advance being the relevant bit there

Still correct, no?

1. Her daughter's fear of flying isn't your problem
2. Her sense of entitlement, when she didn't get her own way, validated your initial response.

You should have pointed out to her that you'd paid extra to be able to sit together. I never fail to be amazed at the brass neck of some people.

You paid extra for your seats and therefore you were right to refuse. I would have done the same.

The wider issue gets complex though. Aviation rules specify that children under 14 should be sat “close to” their guardian. What “close to” means is a matter of determination. But this is the problem for the carrier.

@Mirw

Answer, if there was a plane crash and bodies need recovered, then her daughter's body would have been sent to your or your boyfriends family as it goes by the passenger manifest. Only air crew can swap passengers and not for someone being scared of flying. That should have been declared at the check in desk.

The process would be a bit more thorough than that...

FWIW people sometimes do move seats, or get moved, during flight and even occasionally before departure (with crew permission).

Whilst exact procedures might vary from airline to airline certainly where worked I was never made aware of the "manifest" being altered to reflect any seating change.

I really think airlines/holiday companies should advertise the max cost, and then people can remove the bits they don't want - e.g. don't want a meal? -£15 happy to sit wherever? -£22

It would stop all this malarkey! You wouldn't have the I didn't know! excuse. People would have to make an informed choice to remove the bits they don't want.

*So are you saying the seat was known be inop/couldn't be raised to upright was something known prior to departure yet he flew in it for the whole sector, including take off and landing?

If that's what happened it's a bit more serious than simply being a cause for a few people being unhappy..*

Yes. The cabin crew raised the issue before take off but left him there. There had been various cancelled flights the day before and BA were desperate to pack the flight as full as they possibly could.

Which I can understand for the sake of the cancelled passengers, but there's a way of doing it... not moving the cancelled economy passengers into my pre-booked and confirmed seats for my family together in business, and splitting up my kids to sit separately in seats that aren't meant to be used in business. Plus my husband into the broken seat. Yes, I know it's not exactly a pressing world issue right now but it was bloody annoying at the time.

Sorry, tangential diversion.

You’re equating the OP’s relationship with the child in front Or a child and her step parent?

No. I’m merely noting that the weird logic that the person who is not a parent is viewed as having more responsibility than the child’s parents comes up in stepparenting all the time. Often with ridiculous logic that absolutely absolves the parents of any responsibilities for their child or it’s well-being.

So it doesn’t seem that surprising to me that people also think actual strangers should have to accommodate parents who can’t be arsed to make arrangements themselves. And that people will tie themselves in knots trying to defend the parents.