To wonder why marriages end?

[Dee314]

My DH said that most marriages end because one person in unfaithful? Surely there are other reasons?

My ex I suspect had an affair, based on how quickly the new woman was on the scene.

We were, however, spectacularly unsuited and he was emotionally and financially controlling.

So take your pick.

I think people end marriages because of all sorts of things
No sex, abuse, being financially irresponsible

All sorts of reasons, a lot of my friends are divorced and only one was because of another woman.
Several of my friends have found that being 'mother' not only to small children but to a husband as well is exhausting and a total turn off and have divorced so ex husband is forced to take adult responsibility for himself and his children.
Others have parted because of gambling addiction or drinking too much.

Well my marriage ended ( not in order) because -
Violence.
Taking me for granted
He’d rather be with his mates
Gambling
His preference for other women
Utterly no interest in me or my life
His hobby was more important than me and the kids
He said he rather get divorced than go for counselling

So not just another woman/women

I became disabled, and he didn't want to be looking after a disabled person, in his words. I guess the in sickness and in health part passed him by. He was also financially abusive, emotionally abusive, sexually abusive and controlling in general. He was also like another child in the house, who didn't feel like going to work, or helping out with cleaning, but would rather sit and play on games consoles all night and sleep all day. So one day, I told him that I couldn't do this any more.

Sad for the dc though.

There is also the fact that I believe in some cases an affair maybe due to other things going wrong in the relationship so not the real cause of the split but a symptom of something else not being right in the marriage.

That’s a weird thing to say.

I don't think people generally have affairs if there are no other relationship issues

Nope don't agree with this at all. I divorced my husband because he was controlling, abusive and a narcissist. No other man or woman involved. (Although he has such a high opinion of himself that to this day he still doesn't believe that I had someone else).

Marriage is a legal contract and has bugger all to do with tender feelings and all that guff 🧐.
It's economic ladder for improvement of the state of family coffers, as dual income and double inheritance gives offspring a leg-up in the world.
As it used to be said - first we must get you suitably married, then we shall find you a suitable lover.
😬🤣💰
Tis' how family fortunes are made.

Sometimes people get married too young and one partner realises they’ve outgrown the other.

Loads of other reasons.

The affair might be the final straw but not many people in genuinely happy relationships have an affair so there will likely be some underlying issues

It's either sex (too much, too little, wrong sort, with a third party etc) or money (too little, spent in the wrong way etc) or sometimes both.

Simple as that.

@girlmom21

I don't think people generally have affairs if there are no other relationship issues

I disagree. Some people just want to have their cake and eat it.

I am still married, but we are two people living together.
For me the relationship ended for a few reasons. The first one was poor sex on his part (antidepressants meant he struggled to come) and when the sex goes you become resentful about that and other things you’ve put up with. He was advised to try viagra by his psychologist but didn’t.
Years of him snoring, yet again he did nothing about it. Drinking alcohol every day. Not being conscious about money, spending what he wanted then just getting the credit card out.
A relationship is meant to have compromise in it, but resentment kicks in when you’re the one doing it.

@PlasticineMeg

That’s a weird thing to say.

Definitely weird. Was this part of a MUCH larger conversation OP?

@DeedIDo

It's either sex (too much, too little, wrong sort, with a third party etc) or money (too little, spent in the wrong way etc) or sometimes both.

Simple as that.

I would add work to that: paid vs unpaid work, and who does it.

Yes it was, we was talking about his parents, his dad had an affair but they are still together. We then went on to discover why etc..sorry should have elaborated

I left mine because he was a liar and I couldn't trust him and we could not effectively communicate because he took path of least resistance and then lied to cover stuff up

Recently a couple friends have divorced after 20 plus years marriage. I think the wives finally got fed up with certain behaviours. No unfaithfulness on any sides.
The first said she was standing up for herself and that she realised her husband was a bully - it has recently come to a head as they have a son with very bad mental health (several months in residential treatment) and her husband would just bully him. They got together very young and she has finally got the strength to decide she doesn't want to remain in an unhappy relationship.
The other just told me her husband had been awful for years. Not interested in the kids activities, not interested in doing anything with her, but the final nail was he became an anti vaxer and believed in all the conspiracy theories. Two of his kids refuse to see him and he doesn't seem that bothered.
I think people do just grow apart. Expectations now are that we deserve to live a fufilling and happy life as long as we can, and if your partner no longer helps you do that then why stay? In previous generations I think there was more of a 'it is what it is' and acceptance that things may not be that great but the commitment was made, or even that that's their lot and maybe don't deserve more?
I do know of marriages that broke up due to unfaithfulness but there was unhappiness in the relationship beforehand.

Ultimately it comes down to lack of trust and respect. Affairs, abuse etc are all symptoms of it. Growing apart can also break trust and respect down which is harder to see.

If there is still mutual trust and respect a relationship can bimble along steadily over the years.

My 1st one ended when he told me he was gay.

Given the prevalence of LTB responses on Mumsnet, there are a million reasons for relationships to end - including leaving his 3 enormous dogs at her house in one thread today.

Abuse, infidelity, addiction, incompatible sexual needs, boredom, growing apart, being taken for granted…

Being with my ex husband just made me unhappy.

We had no social life because of his video game obsession, never went on holiday or had any prospects of a comfortable financial situation due to his financial irresponsibility. He was unsupportive of my career or interests, made no effort with my family and to be brutally honest was terrible in bed.

I left him before it got to the point where I had an affair.