Neighbours treat their garden like a living room

[Norgernert]

I realise this could be entitlement / snobbery / nimbyism, hence looking for a genuine perspective on whether IABU.

We live in a quiet, semi-rural steading conversion, so a smallish cluster of houses in converted farm buildings. We’ve lived here for 20+ years, and it has always been blissfully quiet.

2 years ago the last working farm building was sold off to someone who converted it, and now they live there - young family in their late 20s with toddlers (we are in our 40s with teenagers).

The problem is, they are so very loud

Their conversion forms a courtyard, and they just treat the courtyard as another room of the house. They usually have double doors open, TV or music on, shouting from one side to the other.

It carries right through the area. There is no getting away from it, even going for a walk in the previously quiet fields.

We have had some respite in the winter when it was cold, but they are back to normal today and I just know it will be like this until autumn.

Do we just need to suck it up and accept that we have been lucky until now?

Well the garden is an extension of the house and they have kids so I'd expect them to use it a lot but would be very unhappy about music/ tv. I turn off my quiet audiobook if my neighbours go into their gardens. But I also struggle with noisy neighbours as the once quiet square of terraced houses are now 60% second home/ air bnb and for example Easter has been hell with the noise from BBQs, music, late nights in the garden, kids shouting and screaming. None of which is particularly unreasonable of the holiday makers ( they are on holiday with children after all) but I think they assume we are all here on holiday. I wonder if they'd be the same at home?

YADNBU they sound like inconsiderate twats. I can't believe she just laughed when told that their noise is bothering neighbours.

Having read all your updates OP, I have changed my vote to YANBU. I think that if all of you neighbours can give them a joint warning about the noise, and your intended actions if they don't stop, then I think you should tell the Council about their rule breaking.

Don't automatically assume you don't experience noise in a rural detached house.

Several years ago a friend of mine moved into a beautiful detached house with a huge garden not knowing the neighbours either side were an absolute nightmare.

All year, even in winter, both sets are out in the garden having numerous parties in their purpose built 'man caves' which inevitably spill into the gardens. Not to mention the cars that clog up the lane to her house and park over her drive.

It's got so bad she's just put her house on the market and is moving back to the city. Rural idyll it certainly is not.

Sooverthemill - Why can't you listen to audio book on headphones?

Yes report the planning breach to the planning department of the council! Should have done that as soon as they started the work; the reason for refusal might have even been to prevent disturbance to neighbours. People like that shouldn’t get away with it.

And stop the weird passive aggressive actions like posting anusol?! Record the disturbances and report to the department of the council which deals with noise.

The problem is, that we live in selfish times. Most people don't give a flying hoot about their neighbours or even consider the impact their behaviour may be having on them. If we were brought up to be considerate, chances are they will never be. Think of it this way: you are a considerate neighbour (as am I) and do consider my neighbours for the sound pollution I may be causing. The problem with this is that they don't hear noise from you. This may mean they think you can't hear much noise from them.

Maybe you could invite one of the adults into your house when they are being especially noisy, so they can hear first-hand, what the noise levels are.

I used to work in planning enforcement. YANBU. Please speak to your local enforcement team about the noise and the planning breach. That kind of rural development can be a nightmare if you get bad neighbours. Make sure you are calm, factual, give your name and don’t get involved in tit-for-tat. If you can get the other neighbours to complain separately that will add weight. Try to get your local parish/district councillor on side too (our authority loathed that - always got them moving quickly). There are time limits on dealing with planning breaches which vary depending on the nature of the breach, so don’t leave it too long. It’s sooo hard to stay polite with your neighbours in this situation but if you can it will help the council in dealing with it. I also have personal experience from before I had DCs (thank goodness) - wild parties from the neighbours after which we would occasionally find used needles thrown over our fence. And no, it wasn’t a dodgy estate, it was an arrangement very much like yours in a smart area of the Home Counties. They had a barn conversion adjoining our farmhouse. Would never touch one again.

I can but if I do I can’t hear the doorbell, my daughter calling me ( she’s disabled) or the phone. So I prefer not to use headphones. I haven’t really ever used them. So if there’s no one else in their gardens I listen on my phone no headphones. If there are, I don’t listen. It’s not a huge sacrifice! But I’m considerate I think

Why should the innocent party be required to wear headphones all the time ffs 🙄 the neighbours should shut the fuck up

YANBU. They sound a bloody nightmare. If you can hear them and their tv and music when you are inside with your doors and windows shut then they’re too loud. I live in a HA property and if that level of noise was reported, your neighbours would be getting a visit from a housing officer to tell them to pipe down.

Yanbu, you should never be able to hear your neighbours outside if your doors and windows are closed!

@Sooverthemill get your daughter to call hour mobile. And you can still hear quite a lot through your earphones.

So I was saying that I like to sit in my garden on a warm sunny day listening to my audiobook. I do not like sitting in my garden with earphones in because of many reasons ( one is that I like hearing the birds ) When my neighbours come into their garden I turn off my audiobook. Because I am considerate to others and imagine they don't especially want to hear what I'm listening to. But thank you for the advice

Yeah it's annoying but really not a lot you can do about it except ask them to keep the noise down a bit

YANBU you shouldn't have to listen to other peoples' loud TV and music whilst in your own house and in your garden.
Being considerate to others and not a totally selfish plonker is one of the main attributes of maturity..or at least it should be. Think of the 5 year old that expects the world to revolve around them and their needs, to my mind noisy neighbours are similar 'I'll stick my stereo on full blast, open the patio doors and to hell with the rest of you poor sods hoping to hear the birds tweeting today'.
Also a lot of posters harp on about being entitled to do x,y and z. Again, grow up, just because I am entitled to do so something doesn't mean I should. I use common sense and judgement as to whether I should depending on situation.

unfortunately, property programmes endlessly witter on about your garden being 'an extra room ' or 'bringing the inside outside', so perhaps you should be grateful they didn't designate the garden as their bedroom!
Currently in an airbnb and next door are still outside chatting and arguing...

Yes completely agree that property shows, magazines, Instagram etc have a lot to answer for about how people use their gardens. All this extra room bollocks. Yes they should be spaces to be enjoyed but not at expense of other enjoyment of their own gardens. Also the trend for gardens that are practically barren of any sort of wildlife is so sad.

Wish there was more promotion of using gardens for nature and well being. Not sterile spaces of slabs, solid fences and more furniture than in the actual house.

Outdoor cinemas have got to be one of the most antisocial ideas ever created.

@shadypines your comments about entitlement v consideration are spot on.

Wish there was more promotion of using gardens for nature and well being. Not sterile spaces of slabs, solid fences and more furniture than in the actual house.

I have fences as I want privacy between the gardens. I don't want a hedge as they need a lot of upkeep - DH can't cut the hedge now and I wouldn't do it. I like my garden to be as low maintenance as possible and I admit to not encouraging wildlife but the garden is cat proofed (another reason not to have hedges) it feels a bit like inviting it into the lions den!

My neighbours are the same they let their kids kick their balls of the side of my house so I constantly hear banging. They chase them from their house when making to much noise.In the end up I reported it.

@Seymour5 , thank you, just felt I had to get it out there as I've been on the sharp end of antisocial neighbours so I feel for OP and anyone suffering similar.
Totally agree re the gardening/property programmes, it's an awful trend eg. 'Your Garden Made Perfect' makes me want to shout at the TV. Every garden is practically a checklist of: -

1. Fairy lights akin to Blackpool seafront.
2. The obligatory fire pit ( forget your clean air/fresh washing) , where the heck did they spring from, what happened to sticking an extra jumper or coat on, it's not difficult.
3. Mini bar
4. Not one, not two but three seating areas
5. Outdoor cinema/ music system.

Peace and wildlife begone...😟

Afraid you have to suck it up. Their house/courtyard, as long as noise is not truly excessive late at night. I'd move, wouldn't get into a dispute as you have to admit to this in conveyancing process. Just flit.

OP, I am on your side. People who haven't experienced other people's noise have no comprehension of how invasive it can be. I used to enjoy Sunday mornings reading a book in my garden with only birdsong for company. I could be out there for hours, but not any more. A family moved in up the road about three years ago and regale the neighbourhood with children screeching on a trampoline from about 8am, accompanied by barking dogs. The daughter can't seem to talk at a conversational level - she's a two-legged fog-horn. The parents seem to spend most of their days drinking and shouting in the garden in between endless repeats of Oasis that the father sings along to very badly. I am four doors down, work from home and there are times when it feels like they're inside with me. There is no reasoning with them, their immediate neighbours have tried.

I thank God that the gardens are too small for an outside cinema, bar or hot tub, as I'm sure they'd have those too if they could. The property shows that go on about bringing the outside in and tout all these things that need a lot of space don't take into account that some people who take up their ideas have neighbours a few metres away who'll be affected by the extra noise. The days when you could rely on people having any common sense or showing consideration seem long gone - they want to follow the latest trend and to heck with anyone else. It doesn't help matters that some councils seem so slow almost reluctant to enforce tenancy agreements or noise legislation when complaints are made. I've always loved summer, now I can't wait for the cold and rain to return as they'll be outside less.

YABU
you mentioned you've lived there for over 20 years and now have teenagers. Were you not once the young couple with loud and energetic toddlers?