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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Bring your own mug

106 replies

misssunshine4040 · 17/04/2022 15:40

AIBU to be a bit miffed if a family member visits my house and brings there own coffee mug and dish towel to dry their hands?

They are not clinical vulnerable or anything like that.

OP posts:
PAFMO · 17/04/2022 15:42

I'd worry my house was minging.

PurpleDaisies · 17/04/2022 15:43

It’s weird but I’d just write it off as them having anxiety about something.

bonfireheart · 17/04/2022 15:43

Bit OTT, but tbh I find no tea tastes as nice as the tea in my fave cup...however I don't carry it with me!

Sugarandspice213 · 17/04/2022 15:44

Covid is airborne.

Original poster
misssunshine4040 · 17/04/2022 15:44

@Sugarandspice213

Covid is airborne.
This has been going on before covid
OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 17/04/2022 15:45

Have you ever asked them about it?

SpiderVersed · 17/04/2022 15:45

Either they are very specific in their wants (my DM gave me one of her china cups to keep at my house for her as she hated drinks from stoneware)
OR
Your home isn’t clean enough for them.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 17/04/2022 15:46

I would try to look at my house objectively to make sure it wasn't filthy dirty. Once I was confident it wasn't, I would assume they have some issues aylet them crack on.

Original poster
misssunshine4040 · 17/04/2022 15:46

@PAFMO

I'd worry my house was minging.
Yes. I feel they must think this of me.

My house is not minging however and my dishes and cups etc are always clean.

I think it's another indication that this person doesn't think of me as a decent person

OP posts:
ComtesseDeSpair · 17/04/2022 15:46

I’d assume that they had some form of anxiety / OCD / other reason which means they feel more comfortable bringing their own things and as somebody I loved, I’d want them to be comfortable. But I don’t tend to presume the worst of people, or have the kinds of relationships with friends and relatives where I’d take it as a slight on me - is there a long backstory to your relationship with them?

SnowyPetals · 17/04/2022 15:46

Yeah that's odd.

Somuddled · 17/04/2022 15:47

What a silly thing to get upset about. They want to see you. To do that comfortably, they need to bring a few bits with them. So what?

PurpleDaisies · 17/04/2022 15:47

I think it's another indication that this person doesn't think of me as a decent person

I sense a drip feed here.

Twizz · 17/04/2022 15:47

I have seen someone close go through an episode following an allergic reaction, where they developed an anxiety over eating and this included using utensils that they hadn't washed and cleaned themselves. To others they seemed fine but they really were not. I would therefore not question it.

yogacurl · 17/04/2022 15:48

I wouldn't take it as an insult, no, I'd just assume they have something like anxiety or OCD.

You don't like them though, that much is clear.

Original poster
misssunshine4040 · 17/04/2022 15:50

@yogacurl

I wouldn't take it as an insult, no, I'd just assume they have something like anxiety or OCD.

You don't like them though, that much is clear.

Why is clear that I don't like them?
OP posts:
Seafog · 17/04/2022 15:52

My mil keeps a mug at my house, because she will only drink out of bone china, and it has to be a certain size and feel. She can pick up 20 mugs in a row to feel out the 'right one' .
She doesn't care if it's from a thrift store, as long as it is the right style.

The tea towel thing sounds like she finds your towel manky.

Fatherliamdeliverance · 17/04/2022 15:52

They might have OCD. My good friend has and whilst he doesn't bring his own cup, he has to wash his cutlery and crockery before using. My kitchen is clean so I don't take it personally.

PurpleDaisies · 17/04/2022 15:53

You haven’t responded to any of the posts suggesting their could be anxiety or another reason for it beyond they don’t think you’re a decent person

Kite22 · 17/04/2022 15:53

@PurpleDaisies

I think it's another indication that this person doesn't think of me as a decent person

I sense a drip feed here.

Yup.

Until we get the drip feed, I agree with everyone. I would presume the person have some kind of severe anxiety and not bat an eyelid.

yogacurl · 17/04/2022 15:53

Because you write about them with such obvious disdain, and project negative personal feelings onto such a non-act.

Vsirbdo · 17/04/2022 15:54

Do they only do it at your house? If someone does this I’d assume it’s about their own issues and they probably do it everywhere

PinkSyCo · 17/04/2022 15:56

Do you know if they bring along their own mug and dish towel to every person’s house they visit? If so they have a problem, if not I would be very offended!

Original poster
misssunshine4040 · 17/04/2022 15:57

Sorry, no they don't have a particular anxiety.

And no, not at other places.

There is no big drip feed, other than they have always put me down in subtle, passive aggressive ways and then denies it.

OP posts:
Luredbyapomegranate · 17/04/2022 16:00

If it’s only your house that is w drip feed (I assumed they have OCD). In which case, yes, it’s incredibly rude, so stop asking them and/or tell them they aren’t welcome.