Bring your own mug

[misssunshine4040]

AIBU to be a bit miffed if a family member visits my house and brings there own coffee mug and dish towel to dry their hands?

They are not clinical vulnerable or anything like that.

If you feel you need permission to begin detaching yourself from this situation that makes you feel so bad, we could do that for you.

Those of us that have had to do it can also give you advice as to how you can begin to free yourself as well.

You've made one step on your way by posting here - what would you like your second to be?

From your other loads on this thread it's not just this that makes your parents a problem. I would try and distance myself.

I have bought my own mug to my PILs house only because I am a bit of a clean freak and their house is filthy. I mean it's tidy but it probably hasn't seen a Hoover or duster in 30 years and they think nothing of eating off plates which haven't been cleaned properly.

I either take a cold drink or a cup or decline if not. I have been known to rewash crockery and cutlery when eating there and drying with paper towel.

@misssunshine4040 I agree with @whenwilliwillibefamous. Your parents are a negative in your life and disengaging from them gently could improve your life by the sounds of things. Just because they're family doesn't mean you have to tolerate poor behaviour

Thank you.
I'm not sure, how to not feel guilty?
How to decide if the behaviours over the years and currently warrant such a drastic action or am I being cruel.

It seems as though you feel guilty for standing up for yourself. From what you've said about your childhood, you were never allowed to say how you felt, as if your feelings were invalid, so it's hardly surprising you feel it's wrong to stand up for yourself now.

You worry about being 'cruel', as well. That was something else that you seem to have internalised as a child, that you were 'bad' if you held your parent to account in any way.

This is all so much to unpick by yourself when the 'behaviour over the years' has worn you down so much. Do you think talking to someone about all this, such as a therapist or a counsellor, would give you the support you need to decide what you should do?

(I too am a product of what they now term 'adverse childhood experiences', and know how hard it can be to overcome the effects of it. I'd have got here sooner if I'd been brave enough to admit to someone how bad it was.)