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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not have bought eggs for DSCs?

1002 replies

eggsbenedict82 · 17/04/2022 12:16

Long story short, DSD (10yo) and DSS (8yo) are being dropped off here later by DH's ex. The whole visit was arranged with short notice, and only briefly rushed past me, as DH knows I have been busy preparing Easter for our 3yo DS.
This morning, after DS had opened his eggs, DH asked where the DSCs eggs are so they can be set up for later.
I told him I had not bought any, and when he got indignant I said it's as simple as they're not my DCs, they're his, it's not my fault he's waited until Easter day, when no shops are open. Not my responsibility, but as per usual, I've been cast as the wicked stepmother - happy Easter, hey? HmmAIBU

OP posts:
Original poster
eggsbenedict82 · 17/04/2022 13:05

@VyeBrator

(Yes, he's 43 and MIL still buys him eggs. I know, right) Confused

You 'know right' what?? What's wrong with buying chocolate for other adults at Easter? Confused

Yes, he should've thought about Easter eggs for his kids once he knew they were coming, but come on between the two of you I'm sure you can sort them something.

Nothing wrong with adults buying each other chocolate, but MIL treats DH like he is quite the opposite, she incessantly infantilises and enables his irresponsible nature, henceforth he treats the women in his life (me, ex-wife, and MIL) as his personal servants. Now he's gone off in a huff, refusing to communicate Hmm
OP posts:
JimmyShoo · 17/04/2022 13:06

Technically he is being unreasonable as they are his children.

However, if I was buying eggs I would have considered all children in the blended family not just the ones I gave birth to. Half siblings and step siblings are considered simply as siblings for us. I wouldn’t have bought for one child and not the others regardless of if we were seeing them on the day or not.

DelphiniumBlue · 17/04/2022 13:06

Are you saying you knew on Wednesday that 2 children were coming on Sunday, and didn't take them into account when arranging egg hunts and treats? That's quite cold.
Your DS is only 3, he doesn't even know what day it is, why have you timed it so the visiting children don't get to share in the fun?
I don't think it's only a question of wifework, I think it's obvious to anyone that if you are buying easter eggs, you'd buy them for all the children who are going to be there on the day. If that is short notice, then as a host you'd still get some, or at least flag up to DH that you hadn't done it as you'd already done shopping for your DS.
Normally I'd be the first to call out a sexist DH but I think it was reasonable for him to assume that if you were doing Easter prep, you'd do it for all the children in the family, not just one.

livinthedream1995 · 17/04/2022 13:06

@Cr3ateAUsername

She found out WEDNESDAY. That’s not last minute.

Blossomtoes · 17/04/2022 13:06

There are always threads about stepmums who can't do right for doing wrong

And this kind of behaviour feeds that narrative. Which is why a lot of step mums - including me - take a dim view of it.

Unsureaboutit9 · 17/04/2022 13:06

@JamieNorthlife

This is seriously irritating. Why are posters being nasty to OP? Blame the woman ....

You all need to chill a little bit. You are judging OP, but you have no idea if she was busy or not? Why is she the one preparing and buying everything? There is nothing wrong with just buying for her child and her nieces.

Their dad cannot just get away by dumping all the responsibility on OP. Why are you blaming the woman for not doing what posters think she should have guessed?

Did the DSC's mum buy anything for OP's child?

It was an online shop, hardly strenuous. If the man had been doing it I’d expect him to click the button an extra couple of times or select 5 instead of 3, but as it happens, the woman did it.
Theimpossiblegirl · 17/04/2022 13:06

It's a bit petty. Yes they're his children but also your child's siblings. I'd have got them eggs.

drspouse · 17/04/2022 13:07

In our house I remember all the birthdays and shop for his family's presents as I know he doesn't remember
You've got that the wrong way round.
He doesn't remember BECAUSE you buy them and he can't be bothering his manly brain with such boring women's work.
OP YADNBU.

SoupDragon · 17/04/2022 13:07

I honestly can't imagine a scenario where I wouldn't buy eggs for all the children in the extended family whether they were going to be there on the day or not.

mrsbitaly · 17/04/2022 13:07

I would have definitely purchased eggs for them always have and still even though one of them is 18 now. I could never hand out eggs to my own child and not other children. No it shouldn't be left up to you but I certainly would have waited to give my child one.

Merryoldgoat · 17/04/2022 13:07

You knew on Wednesday so you could have easily bought them eggs but you chose not to.

It’s petty. Anyone coming to my house on Easter Sunday gets an egg.

There’s no point marrying someone with kids if you aren’t interested in including them.

As an aside, am I the only person who just handed the kids their eggs and cracked on with Sunday? The only preparation as been to buy eggs.

EggBurger · 17/04/2022 13:07

I'm not a step parent but always chuck an extra few Easter treats in the trolley incase my sons mates etc pop round

Same. I always buy half a dozen inexpensive eggs just in case.
If they're not requred, I eat them myself.

eddiemairswife · 17/04/2022 13:08

Bring back sweet rationing! The nation will be fitter and the OP's dilemma will be solved.

Whatelsecouldibecalled · 17/04/2022 13:08

That's really mean. How hard would it have been to pick up two more eggs when you were getting them anyway.

DaffodilsandCoffee · 17/04/2022 13:08

@eggsbenedict82 be honest, did you set this up deliberately? As in, did you know there would be an issue with there being no eggs for the step kids because he wouldn’t remember, but refuse on principle to remind him or buy them yourself?

I understand your frustration at his infantilising mother and him expecting you to act like his servant, but there’s ways to make that point that don’t negatively impact blameless children.

Unocard · 17/04/2022 13:08

YABU. You knew they were coming, you put a huge effort into your sons Easter and you bought for your nieces. To not buy for your step kids is a deliberate snub.

Hotpinkangel19 · 17/04/2022 13:08

Really shitty OP from you and him. Surely you'd ask if he'd manage to pick Easter things up for DSC's just incase? Or is your relationship totally separate, you and 3 yo vs him and DSC'S? You went to all the trouble of getting eggs and gifts for your DC and DN's but didn't think of your DSC? Not sure why you're in a relationship tbh, just childish games affecting 2 children who are innocent in this.

Sitdownplease · 17/04/2022 13:09

I’d not have bought for one without buying for them all regardless of when you would see them. I think you’ve been a little mean but your DH should have thought about it so YANBU.

You are BU with the preparing Easter for your DS. I mean, buy an egg and hand it over and may be an Easter egg hunt so all of 10 minutes 🤷🏼‍♂️

Popcornriver · 17/04/2022 13:09

At this point OP I'd share out the eggs because I wouldn't want upset children. I'm shocked you're getting such a hard time rather than your husband though. You didn't think to pick up treats for your DSC but he hasn't done a thing for any of his children. What happens usually? If he genuinely thought you'd bought them, do you normally? If he'd asked you to get some for your DSC when your got some for your own son would you have?

Chikapu · 17/04/2022 13:09

Busy preparing Easter?

CornishLamb · 17/04/2022 13:10

I notice you said news of their visit was “casually dropped on you” on Wednesday.

They are his children. Not some random unexpected relatives coming to stay, where you should be given notice/asked permission/need time to prepare.

It’s their home too. Or should be. When they are older, they may even - shock horror - just turn up to visit their DF, without anyone prepping you for it first.

You sound resentful that they are coming over today and as if you don’t want them there. When it was mentioned on Wednesday, you had the opportunity to say “I haven’t got eggs for them, can you pick some up?” or to just get some yourself and involve them your whatever you have been “getting ready” all week. They are children. Siblings of your own DC.

Soffit · 17/04/2022 13:10

You may be right in principle but as a step parent, you sound utterly heartless. I feel sorry for those young kids having a step mum like you. What about their feelings? don't you care? You could have given your DS the egg before they came or after they had gone. It's a really horrible thing to do deliberately.

Theforest · 17/04/2022 13:11

Sounds deliberate to me. Especially as you bought for nieces etc. Don't you see your stepchildren as part of your family?

Notonthestairs · 17/04/2022 13:11

There is as much Easter prep as you decide to do.

In my house that's very little so throwing a couple of extra eggs in the shopping basket for step children wouldn't seem like an ordeal - unless of course I was making a point.

So I'd assume you were making a point that they aren't your kids.

shabbalabba · 17/04/2022 13:12

I'm just sitting here trying my hardest to figure out how those two children DIDN'T cross your mind the whole of the time you were prepping for Easter??

And why you didn't say to your dh...have you got them anything or will I add it in with Ds's?? Like...HOW???

My only conclusion is that they did indeed cross your mind @eggsbenedict82 and you decided categorically NOT to get them something! How utterly disgusting...

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