To not have bought eggs for DSCs?

[eggsbenedict82]

Long story short, DSD (10yo) and DSS (8yo) are being dropped off here later by DH's ex. The whole visit was arranged with short notice, and only briefly rushed past me, as DH knows I have been busy preparing Easter for our 3yo DS.
This morning, after DS had opened his eggs, DH asked where the DSCs eggs are so they can be set up for later.
I told him I had not bought any, and when he got indignant I said it's as simple as they're not my DCs, they're his, it's not my fault he's waited until Easter day, when no shops are open. Not my responsibility, but as per usual, I've been cast as the wicked stepmother - happy Easter, hey? AIBU

@funinthesun19

What the fucking hell does Easter preparation entail that it takes weeks?

Week 1- budget will only allow the Easter eggs.
Week 2- budget will only allow the egg hunt stuff.
Week 3- budget will only allow the food.

Really not that hard to imagine the reason why it takes a few weeks to accomplish. Some people can afford it all in one go but not everyone can.

I know! I mean I've started on Christmas already!

@Moochio

A few pounds' may be just that to some, but during the cost of living crisis, I have already gone beyond my budget for DS. To expect me to engage in extra preparation and spend more money on his DCs at such short notice is absolutely typical from DH and his ex. sounds like it isn't from a shared budget to me

Is this what you and @returntoUK are relying on for the narrative around it being the OP’s ‘own money’? It’s a bit of a stretch.

You've spent weeks preparing Easter for a 3yr old?

Did you lay and hatch his his eggs yourself??? 😮‘

This made me laugh. Then feel sad for the poor step kids stuck with such a tight, resentful step mother.
Hopefully those children will still be able to have a decent relationship together long-term. I have a DFriend who has 2 younger half dearSibs and a frankly, batshit crazy step-mother who tried to do the us/them thing with the children and the kids, as adults, have all bonded over having to deal with her. They’re close and loving in a way she certainly never meant them to be. b

Yes Moochio - which is why I've said they're both as bad as each other!

@steff13

I would have bought them for all the kids in our family if I were the one buying them.

This

@Constantcrayfish hmm maybe you're right. Just sounded like it was her own money from that.

I would never leave out kids. If I was buying them I would call and check if he had already bought them and if not get them at the same time.

“Do you want me to get eggs for x & y when I go shopping for z’s egg?”
“Yes, that would be great, thank you, here’s the money for the eggs.”
And fin.

My husband is stepdad to my son & we have a daughter together, in 27odd years he has excluded or left out his step son at Christmas or Easter because, in his words when I’ve just shown this discussion to him;

WE ARE A FAMILY

It’s not about wife work or otherwise, it’s about communication & working together. FFS.

@CandyLeBonBon

Yes Moochio - which is why I've said they're both as bad as each other!

I disagree. Dad is worse here. He should be sorting out his own kids. OP has merely not done something that isn't her role.

@BooksAndHooks

I would never leave out kids. If I was buying them I would call and check if he had already bought them and if not get them at the same time.

I wouldn't but DH would be welcome to ask me to pick some up for him. I'm not going to assume he hasn't done it otherwise I'm assuming he is incapable.

@Hiphophippityskip1

Yabu. In our blended household all the kids are treated the same. I knew he had kids when I met him and so accepted that they would be an important part of our life. We are a couple. As such we act like a couple and share responsibility. I would never dream of just buying the kids we had together an Easter egg and not bother with the step children. Petty and pathetic. If it’s that’s big an issue you have bigger problems and you could have checked with him when you went shopping if he wanted you to pick up a couple for them too

Does your husband pull his weight?

OP is the good parent for planning ahead and making her child happy.

Apparently if you make a big fuss for a toddler it’s a waste of time. I can guarantee there will be lots of toddlers have an absolute ball today whether they will remember it or not.

@funinthesun19

OP is the good parent for planning ahead and making her child happy.

Apparently if you make a big fuss for a toddler it’s a waste of time. I can guarantee there will be lots of toddlers have an absolute ball today whether they will remember it or not.

Yup. No point doing ANYTHING with a toddler they won't remember it. Might aswell just sit them in an empty room all day.

@SoupDragon

Yes I think you must just not mind doing "wife work"

It's not about "wife work" that's just a lazy argument. She was the one ordering eggs. Anyone with an ounce of decency would order them for all the family given they were doing that job. I would feel the same if it had been the husband ordering eggs and missing off his wife's children.

It has everything to do with wife work.

This whole argument hinges entirely around the idea that they MUST have been planning to buy the SC eggs when they weren't going to be seeing them, which is not a given at all. To us Easter is just a minor occasion to have an egg on the day, more akin to Pancake Day rather than something that must be repeated if missed. So to say anyone with an "ounce of decency" would have bought them eggs is just ridiculously dramatic, Easter is not that serious for everyone.

If you don't subscribe to the assumption that they would definitely have got the SC Easter Eggs when they weren't seeing them then you are arguing that OP should have gone back out to get them eggs after finding out they were coming and having already sorted the eggs out. Which is 100% wifework.

I guess we'll have to agree to disagree. There are clearly deeper issues at play which is why op seems to be resorting to passive aggressive tactics to get her point across. In healthy, respectful and mutually supportive relationships, people communicate about things like this and it's a non issue. If op is at the end of her tether that she's now point scoring then this relationship probably needs an intervention. In the mean time the dsc are probably left feeling hurt and left out.

Not a good look for either adult imo.

‘I would have bought them for all the kids in our family if I were the one buying them.’

I bought extra eggs because there was the slight chance that my BILs niece and nephew might swing by for half an hour today on their way somewhere. and I’ve met them twice. But I sure as heck wouldn’t have seen them here without choc when the rest of the kids had eggs. And yes - they would have had some at home, and probably more when they got to their grandparents.

@funinthesun19

OP is the good parent for planning ahead and making her child happy.

Apparently if you make a big fuss for a toddler it’s a waste of time. I can guarantee there will be lots of toddlers have an absolute ball today whether they will remember it or not.

My child being one of them.

We make a big fuss of Easter. Why not the magic lasts for such a short time.

She won't remember being two and all the games and arts and crafts etc.

But I will. And why Doesn't Op get to enjoy Easter? When did we vilify mothers for having fun?

DS has had a lovely day.

Ah well I guess that's all that matters right?

I'm baffled that between the two of you didn't discuss whether to get DSC eggs at the same time as getting DCs, REGARDLESS of whether they were visiting today or not - surely they still get Easter eggs from their dad???

I agree, the onus should be on their dad to sort it (and yes he's hours use his own in substitution) but it also feels a little deliberate that you didn't even say to him (when you were buying your nieces eggs?) "have you sorted eggs for DSC yet?"

It's almost like you knew he would forget........

To all those huffing about ‘wife work’ what we are discussing here is about being a decent parent /step parent.

@eggsbenedict82 who bought their eggs on previous years? If it was you then DH is justified in not understanding why you haven’t this year

And strangely enough, it’s usually called a waste of time when it’s used as a dig towards a stepmum doing something exciting for her dc.

@Housetreecar

It's not about "wife work" that's just a lazy argument. She was the one ordering eggs. Anyone with an ounce of decency would order them for all the family given they were doing that job. I would feel the same if it had been the husband ordering eggs and missing off his wife's children.

100% this!

Agree. Ridiculous for multiple people to be shopping for Easter eggs.

Our corner shops were open this morning- yes more expensive than the supermarket but that's the deal. Was there nowhere he could have for some from?

I can't get past how cold you are towards the SCs. Even if they weren't there today they should've had an egg waiting for them so it seems bizarre you hadn't factored that in. Yes they have a father but since you were buying eggs for your DS it's weird you didn't think of them. It wasn't short notice, you had days to sort this and since you were doing a lot for your DS it's not unreasonable that your DH assumed you'd done something for the SCs.

But adults scoring points off each other and the DCs as the casualties....great.

@FrangipaniBlue

DS has had a lovely day.

Ah well I guess that's all that matters right?

I'm baffled that between the two of you didn't discuss whether to get DSC eggs at the same time as getting DCs, REGARDLESS of whether they were visiting today or not - surely they still get Easter eggs from their dad???

I agree, the onus should be on their dad to sort it (and yes he's hours use his own in substitution) but it also feels a little deliberate that you didn't even say to him (when you were buying your nieces eggs?) "have you sorted eggs for DSC yet?"

It's almost like you knew he would forget........

Bingo!