To not have bought eggs for DSCs?

[eggsbenedict82]

Long story short, DSD (10yo) and DSS (8yo) are being dropped off here later by DH's ex. The whole visit was arranged with short notice, and only briefly rushed past me, as DH knows I have been busy preparing Easter for our 3yo DS.
This morning, after DS had opened his eggs, DH asked where the DSCs eggs are so they can be set up for later.
I told him I had not bought any, and when he got indignant I said it's as simple as they're not my DCs, they're his, it's not my fault he's waited until Easter day, when no shops are open. Not my responsibility, but as per usual, I've been cast as the wicked stepmother - happy Easter, hey? AIBU

So if they are coming to yours Christmas afternoon do you not bother with Christmas presents then, because it would have been done at their mothers?

I think there's a pair of you in it.

You're too frazzled organising Easter for a 3 year old and your dh is too mean to share his own eggs ( more than one !!!!) from his mother with his own children.

@Cannedlaughter

How your theory stands , does that mean if you dont see them on christmas day or their birthday you dont bother with a gift? Plus Don't people have conversations with their partners. Him - kids are now coming on Sunday. You- OK, what shall we do about Easter eggs ? Normal conversation flow.

I'd be mortified if I felt a child wasn't included or felt equal. I couldn't let it happen.

Tbf we haven't got anything for my DSS, not seeing him on Easter.

My Dp doesn't really like Easter, thinks it's just consumerism, so whilst he would buy birthday and Christmas presents even when not seeing DSS on those days, he hasn't done so with Easter Eggs.

Normally I would have got some for DD because I DO like Easter, but I haven't actually this year because my mum bought her several and I didn't want too many.

I don't think Easter is as essential a holiday for all families/parents as birthdays and Christmas

@Hugasauras

So basically you don't like your husband and you don't care about his kids. Does that sum it up?

You choose to marry and have kids with someone who has children already, you treat those children with love and kindness whether they came out of your vagina or not.

It's not wife work; OP was already doing the Easter prep and knew the kids were coming days in advance. If she hasn't been doing anything for Easter at all for anyone then it would be 'wife work' to assume she would handle it, but she had been in charge of doing the Easter stuff for some time. It would have been no skin off her nose to spend a few quid on some eggs so the three kids could do an egg hunt together, but her contempt for her husband (perhaps rightly) and her stepchildren shines through with every post. It's just sad. If you dislike each other so much and don't want to treat his children with affection, then why on earth are you still together.

Just petty, point-scoring nonsense and two kids left out of a family occasion cos the adults involved can't behave like adults.

This sums it up. And all three kids will be emotionally affected for life, too. Sad.

Easter gifts and 'preparations' that have taken weeks!? 🤣🤣 What is wrong with people?

The fact of the matter is, that if you were in a healthy, happy relationship, one where he pulled his weight with the house and kids, was loving, thoughtful and financially fair with you, then you wouldn’t think twice about buying the step children Easter eggs at the same time as your own. It would be a non issue.

The relationship isn’t healthy though, you resent his childish, selfish, unthoughtful ways and therefore see anything that helps him out as him treating you like a servant. Who can blame you, I think many of us would feel the same with such a partner.

Things need to change, and if they don’t then don’t stay with him, for your sake and the children’s, who will soon be aware of the unhappiness they’re living with, if they’re not already.

Oh I see. He is her children’s sibling though, so presumably he means a great deal to them.

Yes so dad can buy any gifts from them. No need for their mum to get involved whatsoever

I don’t see why you couldn’t of got them some eggs. DH also needs to give them his. Both being unreasonable!

@Itisasecret

Gosh you do sound like a stereotypical step-mum. You've has almost a weeks notice, you managed to buy eggs for all the children but not your own SDC? Sounds like your husband is sick of it and rightly so.

Just a word of caution to you, if this is a regular thing for you. My step mother was like this, when my half brother was a bit older my Dad left the new wife. His reason? He got sick of the way his wife spoke about and treated us. His wasn't blame free of course, he should have stuck up for his children and left her sooner.

Such a man apologist post.

HE had plenty of time. Their PARENT.

Sounds like he's sick of it...behave!

@AdviceOnLife

The bar for men "parenting" is so low it makes me sick. This man child won't give up his own egg and didn't bother to go out and get any for any of his 3 children. Yet the OP is the bad one because she didn't drop everything and go out after she has done everything for the Easter she though was planned with 1 child not 3. All because her husband changed the plans.

And yes I am a mum with a child who has a stepmum. The responsibility is on my ex. If his wife has time to arrange things great, if she didn't fine. But it's solely on my ex to make sure it is done regardless of who does it.

I think a lot on here recognise he's been shit. It's more that there seems to be underlying issues in their relationship and the dsc are copping the fallout which is unfair. We don't even know if the op told dh she'd finished her Easter prep/shopping, and he needed to sort out eggs for the dsc, which surely would have been a normal family conversation?

If she did that and he 'forgot' or whatever then absolutely he's an even bigger twat but if the op is game playing to make a point, then that doesn't paint her in a great light either.

Thing is, we just don't know do we?

@aSofaNearYou

Who loses out here though?

You're not getting it. I wouldn't be actively trying to make my SC lose out. It's not malicious in any way. I'm just not thinking on a daily basis about whether they've got what they need or might lose out. It's not on my radar.

I don't see it as my job to do so at all.

Exactly this! My radar is too busy looking after my own child to be worrying about someone else's.

@Patchbatch

The obvious answer is that their father should have bought them some eggs.

Thank you! This is exactly my point. It's not on me to buy easter eggs for his children, and he made no effort to do so during my preparation.

@eggsbenedict82 did you tell your dh on weds that he'd need to sort out his dc's Easter eggs?

@maras2

We have 3 DGC. Daughter's partner, of 5 years, not her DC's father, has 2 DC who stay once a week and EOW. We've only met them a couple of times but when buying Easter eggs, selection boxes, Advent calendars etc. we always include them and buy 5 of everything. Wouldn't occur to us not to.

Exactly, I always buy for all the family children.

My cousin (whom I grew up with and see on a regular basis) has two young children, when I'm buying Easter eggs or selection boxes at Christmas for my nieces and nephews I automatically add his DC into the total number I need to buy, I could not imagine buying for one group of children and not the others.

@Moochio you talk about ‘somebody else’s child’ like they are not family.

It’s not up to you to do “wife work” but if you were getting your son his eggs, then it’s two seconds to get some for your step children too. The fact you didn’t even consider it says a lot. the fact dad hasn't bothered with anything for any of them and is hogging his own eggs like a sulky kid says more.

I think it’s a bit cruel to not make sure they have something for Easter at your house for today.
Yes they are your husbands responsibility but what’s the harm In grabbing a couple of extra eggs to make sure the DSC don’t feel left out.
The reality here is it’s the children who suffer. How would you feel if that was your child made to feel left out and forgotten about? Would you not hope that their stepmother would have stepped in to ensure it didn’t happen?
I don’t think either you or DH have come out of this looking great tbh.
The poor kids!

I see both sides, and the blame lies with your dp, but surely you could have got them eggs too seeing as you are a blended family

I don’t understand why people are getting so snarky about op making a big fuss about Easter for her 3 year old. There’s loads of stuff in shops now that cater to people doing this.
It used to be just an egg or two, but people make more of an occasion out of it nowadays. I get it. One of my friends did an Easter buffet in her garden today with Easter plates and cups and an Easter table cover etc… Looked absolutely lovely.

My radar is too busy looking after my own child to be worrying about someone else's.

These are the OP's stepchildren and half siblings to her D's, not done randomer's kid off the streets!

[quote Maybeitstimeforachange]@Moochio you talk about ‘somebody else’s child’ like they are not family.[/quote]
I didn't say that though did I. That's just you bot understanding the subtle dynamics in my family. They are my family they are somebody else's child.

I had voted YANBU but with every further post from you it shows that not only are YABU but you're also seemingly gloating about how you're not in the slightest bit bothered that your step children are coming to yours today with not a single egg between them! You knew from Wednesday that you had no intention of going to buy them one so did you tell your useless husband that? Or did you sit by and wait for Sunday so you could get one over on him/the kids by saying you'd not got them and it was his responsibility? Coz i'm getting the vibe that you're loving this. Yes, it was his job and you knew he'd failed at it but instead of stepping in to avoid the children being hurt you said nothing and waited til it was too late and now the kids are the ones who will feel it instead.

Fully admit I haven't read the whole thread but....

. Yes, he should've bought the eggs, but no way would I have bought eggs for my child and not for his at the same time, just in case. What's the worst that could happen, you end up with extra eggs? I'd call that a result and eat them myself. No way would I risk kids bring without eggs, although I would have a chat with him about it to clarify for future!

. Wtf does getting Easter ready for a 3 year old mean??? Surely you buy them an egg, you might do an Easter egg hunt which is chucking a few eggs around and helping find them, you might even make an Easter bonnet or cakes. But it's not exactly rocket science, physically taxing or mentally exhausting, so I think that not having time to think of eggs for the stepkids is pretty bloody lame, at best!

That's sad. I just buy a whole bunch when on offer and then dish them out as appropriate. Not special ones for special people - just a random selection and then no one gets left out.

Very mean spirited.