To not have bought eggs for DSCs?

[eggsbenedict82]

Long story short, DSD (10yo) and DSS (8yo) are being dropped off here later by DH's ex. The whole visit was arranged with short notice, and only briefly rushed past me, as DH knows I have been busy preparing Easter for our 3yo DS.
This morning, after DS had opened his eggs, DH asked where the DSCs eggs are so they can be set up for later.
I told him I had not bought any, and when he got indignant I said it's as simple as they're not my DCs, they're his, it's not my fault he's waited until Easter day, when no shops are open. Not my responsibility, but as per usual, I've been cast as the wicked stepmother - happy Easter, hey? AIBU

It sounds as if you didn’t expect them to be with you for Easter, in which case YANBU. He’s their father and should have either got them himself or asked you to pick some up when you got one for your DC. He’s blaming you when in fact he’s at fault. Very unfair.

Who loses out here though?

You're not getting it. I wouldn't be actively trying to make my SC lose out. It's not malicious in any way. I'm just not thinking on a daily basis about whether they've got what they need or might lose out. It's not on my radar.

I don't see it as my job to do so at all.

YABU

I always buy extra eggs when I'm buying eggs for my DD, nieces, nephews, young cousins and god children so I have an excuse to eat them too to make sure I have covered everyone as I think its a tiny cost to treat all the family children.

Even if you weren't planning to see your DSCs on Easter why wouldn't you get them an egg anyway? Yes your DH could have been more proactive about either getting them eggs himself or asking you to do it but if you're the one doing the shopping it would have cost you nothing to ask "Do you want me to get Easter eggs for DSC while I'm buying DSs?"

You both sound awful and selfish

Yes he should have made sure they had eggs, but why on earth would you buy for nieces but ignore your own SC?

Poor children stuck in the middle of you two

I think you should have got them eggs while getting your son's.
At the same time, he's a grown man and he could have done it too.
Sounds like poor communication more than anything.

How your theory stands , does that mean if you dont see them on christmas day or their birthday you dont bother with a gift?
Plus
Don't people have conversations with their partners.
Him - kids are now coming on Sunday.
You- OK, what shall we do about Easter eggs ?
Normal conversation flow.

I'd be mortified if I felt a child wasn't included or felt equal. I couldn't let it happen.

I think if I was picking up an Easter egg for my own child, I would have chucked a couple in the trolley for the other kids too. Hell, I even bought a couple of eggs to go into the food bank collection point for someone else's kids! I think if your DH isn't carrying his load as a parent that is one thing, but these are kids and they won't worry about that, they will just feel excluded and unloved and I don't think that is worth making a point over to your husband BUT I would be reading him the riot act about being more thoughtful to HIS kids from a previous relationship and explain how important it is for him to be present for ALL his children and that he needs to do better.

@aSofaNearYou

Who loses out here though?

You're not getting it. I wouldn't be actively trying to make my SC lose out. It's not malicious in any way. I'm just not thinking on a daily basis about whether they've got what they need or might lose out. It's not on my radar.

I don't see it as my job to do so at all.

I guarantee it will be in their radar though.

Why are you with him? You've said this is constant behaviour. You sound as if you don't like him.

@lunar1

I'll never understand how families like this work. DH bought our childrens Easter eggs on the way home from work. Rang me from the shop to see if we were buying for anyone else and grabbed something for my friends children too. Because we are a family and communicate with each other.

Neither the op or husband come out well from this as it's the children who are punished. At least the ex wife seems lovely though!

This. Your dynamic sounds mature and healthy.

@Moochio

He’s not what? Part of her blended family. The child is zero relation to her.

Oh I see. He is her children’s sibling though, so presumably he means a great deal to them.

@BritInUS1

You both sound awful and selfish

Yes he should have made sure they had eggs, but why on earth would you buy for nieces but ignore your own SC?

Poor children stuck in the middle of you two

DS has had a lovely day.

I think whoever is buying the Easter eggs for your DS picks up the Easter eggs for the DSC.

As a blended family you treat them the same. I saw a lovely post from a stepmum on here the other day saying exactly that and I completely agree.

It’s not up to you to do “wife work” but if you were getting your son his eggs, then it’s two seconds to get some for your step children too. The fact you didn’t even consider it says a lot.

As for a practical solution now, he either dashes out to find a garage that’s open or gives them some of his. Sorted.

And I also don’t think there’s anything wrong with an adult getting an Easter egg from his mum. Give over.

I’d have bought them an egg each. It wouldn’t have even occurred to me not to. I couldn’t use two innocent children to point score.
However, You know your partner better than anyone here so you’ll know from previous celebrations, Christmas etc. how he has behaved in the past with present buying. If he leaves it up to you and you’re not happy with it, then tell him to step up and sort it out. But I’d have done it long before now.

When either of went shopping we have bought a couple of eggs each time. So that all the kids have a couple of eggs each. We have none between us.

I even made sure my 23 year old step son had an egg as he's still one of the kids, with his own child but we don't leave him out.

He should of made some effort but I think it wouldn't have hurt you to throw in a few extra eggs when you bought your child's eggs.

The bar for men "parenting" is so low it makes me sick.
This man child won't give up his own egg and didn't bother to go out and get any for any of his 3 children.
Yet the OP is the bad one because she didn't drop everything and go out after she has done everything for the Easter she though was planned with 1 child not 3. All because her husband changed the plans.

And yes I am a mum with a child who has a stepmum. The responsibility is on my ex. If his wife has time to arrange things great, if she didn't fine. But it's solely on my ex to make sure it is done regardless of who does it.

These are your child’s siblings, whether you like it or not. When you discovered, five days ago, that they would be with you today, did it criss your mind that your own child might enjoy doing an egg hunt with their siblings instead of on their own?

Whether you were expecting to see them today or not, it would have made sense to suggest to their dad that whoever is buying your child’s Easter egg should also add two to the trolley for the other two children in the family. Just like you did for your nieces.

And yes he should of given the kids his eggs.

I guarantee it will be in their radar though.

No it isn't, because their dad is a capable adult who gets the things they need. It's nothing to do with me.

We have 3 DGC.
Daughter's partner, of 5 years, not her DC's father, has 2 DC who stay once a week and EOW.
We've only met them a couple of times but when buying Easter eggs, selection boxes, Advent calendars etc. we always include them and buy 5 of everything. Wouldn't occur to us not to.

[quote Sleepeatrepeat]@eggsbenedict82 seriously you are being awful. You knew on Wednesday. Why did you not say to your dh that you hoped he was sorting eggs for them??

Christ alive you are the exact sort of poster that gives stepmother such a bad name.

His ex has bought you kid an egg and gift and you are being a petty child in return.

Honestly I think the dsc would be better of without you or their dad in their lives[/quote]
I had assumed they were having Easter at DH's ex's, which is why I only bought what I did for Wednesday, when I had planned to have everything finished by. The fact that the visit had been so hastily arranged is purely DH's problem.

The obvious answer is that their father should have bought them some eggs.

Your husbands ex buying for her children’s sibling sounds like a lovely Mum to coparent with.

You sound like a horror whose step kids will need therapy.

And yes I’m a SM and know exactly how it feels.

@Nowhereelsetogo90

Your husbands ex buying for her children’s sibling sounds like a lovely Mum to coparent with.

You sound like a horror whose step kids will need therapy.

And yes I’m a SM and know exactly how it feels.

Why would they need therapy. Surely their father is more than capable of providing for his children

@Cannedlaughter

How your theory stands , does that mean if you dont see them on christmas day or their birthday you dont bother with a gift? Plus Don't people have conversations with their partners. Him - kids are now coming on Sunday. You- OK, what shall we do about Easter eggs ? Normal conversation flow.

I'd be mortified if I felt a child wasn't included or felt equal. I couldn't let it happen.

Yes that’s how I feel. I wouldn’t want children to feel left out just because I was trying to prove a point.