To not have bought eggs for DSCs?

[eggsbenedict82]

Long story short, DSD (10yo) and DSS (8yo) are being dropped off here later by DH's ex. The whole visit was arranged with short notice, and only briefly rushed past me, as DH knows I have been busy preparing Easter for our 3yo DS.
This morning, after DS had opened his eggs, DH asked where the DSCs eggs are so they can be set up for later.
I told him I had not bought any, and when he got indignant I said it's as simple as they're not my DCs, they're his, it's not my fault he's waited until Easter day, when no shops are open. Not my responsibility, but as per usual, I've been cast as the wicked stepmother - happy Easter, hey? AIBU

@Krakenchorus

It amazes me how many posters - presumably mainly women - can still insist that the OP is somehow at fault here. Because she bought her child an egg. Because she is 'preparing Easter'. Therefore, all the women's work is hers to do, and if she refuses, she is mean-spirited and petty. Or make snide comments about how of course PP would have done the wifey work cuz we're a family, dontcha know.

Get to fuck with this - the mental load and the guilt and all the rest. The OP is not their parent. The plans were changed last minute. She is clearly fed up with useless parenting and unwilling to be the one constantly being asked to think of this stuff and action it.

The children's father and mother should have sorted this. Full stop. And by refusing to come to the rescue this time, she may be doing those kids a favour by putting their parents on notice: they cannot outsource the parenting to her.

It's not about "women's work" though, is it?

If my DP had gone out and bought just his nieces and nephews Easter Eggs, and didn't bother to pick up for my niece whilst out, I'd be annoyed at him. The same when he went out shopping before Christmas to buy all of the children an outfit each. If he's already doing that preparation, what sense does it make for me to go and do another shop to buy one more gift?

We're talking about an Easter egg. They are £1. OP did an online shop, saying she's preparing for Easter. It wouldn't even enter my mind to tell DP to make sure he'd catered for everyone (including children who are a part of that household), because he isn't thoughtless, like OP.

I think the OP needs to say what she has done in previous years. If she hasn’t bought the step children eggs before then her husband is being unreasonable to expect her to have bought them along with the other eggs she was buying without asking her to. However, if she’s suddenly decided this year she’s not buying eggs for the step children her DH has every right to be upset.

[quote TreatTrimTame]**@moochio* It would go straight in the bin if that were me.*
can i ask why? so if the mother of your stepchildren bought your child something it would go in the bin? what has she done to you to (hypothetically) cause this reaction? if a neighbour saw you had a new baby and sent across an egg would that go in the bin?[/quote]
Nope as my neighbour hasn't treated my husband so horrendously

I don't understand how you went over budget for your own DC's eggs but your husband can afford to buy them. Do you and your husband have completely separate finances?

Who usually buys the eggs for the family children? If it was dropped on you Wednesday why didn't you say to him then you need to pick up two extra eggs I hadn't factored them in?

Does anyone talk anymore

If you opt not to but them an egg at Easter they are not DSC at all but just SC.

Even if you weren't planning on seeing them at Easter they should have had one waiting for when they next turned up.

I have already gone beyond my budget for DS.

Why though?!? And all this Easter Preparations were done on Wednesday, what on earth are you putting on the requires so much head space? Your DH sounds like a prize and I'm not sure why you are with him but please don't take it out on the SC. You should have made the effort for the children so they don't feel rejected and second best as a decent human being should, and then read him the riot act or LTB!

Jesus, I’m glad I didn’t hate my bloke’s ex as much as this. lucky you. She's a leech trying to get at MY income and said it was a shame I was pregnant with my DC. She's not very nice so no, I don't want anything from her.

Nope as my neighbour hasn't treated my husband so horrendously

@Moochio who has treated op's husband horrendously?

@Moochio

Jesus, I’m glad I didn’t hate my bloke’s ex as much as this. lucky you. She's a leech trying to get at MY income and said it was a shame I was pregnant with my DC. She's not very nice so no, I don't want anything from her.

You're presumably projecting your feelings on to the op here though?

Wow. You'd throw your child's gift in the bin to make a point? yes my child is having nothing to do with her. Ever.

I don’t think this is even about the eggs
You clearly don’t like your dh now you see why he already has one ex

You're presumably projecting your feelings on to the op here though? no not at all. Someone asked me. So I answered. I don't know what OP's relationship is like with the ex I was trying to explain that yes in a nice world we'd all be friends but if my DH's ex bought my child anything it would be disposed of.

@Moochio

Presumably it's because the ex knows her children are part of a blended family and expects that the new wife shows kindness to her kids, so she reciprocated.

It would go straight in the bin if that were me.

Or, maybe the children want to buy their sibling a present dad can help them do this.

This makes me glad to not have a blended family set up. Who would think things got so complicated and people would take offence at kind gestures that I am sure the children appreciate?

@mumda

If you opt not to but them an egg at Easter they are not DSC at all but just SC.

Even if you weren't planning on seeing them at Easter they should have had one waiting for when they next turned up.

Naff off. My DSC are perfectly happy with their egg from their father. They don't need me buying one. They know they are my DSC not just SC by my other actions. Its not all about money and chocolate .

First your husband is unreasonable for not thinking about his children.
Second, you are being unreasonable for not thinking about your step children. While you may not be their parent or have or want responsibility for them, they are your child's siblings. If you cant get on board with being a step mum to the step kids (and it sounds like they are an inconvenience rather than part of the family - might not be the case but sounds it from your post) , please at least get on board with these kids being your child's siblings and treat them accordingly.
It sounds like your family has an issue. Husband that doesn't organise for his kids. Step mum who will buy for child, nieces and nephews but not the step kids. No matter what the mother is up too, she at least seems to have got it in her head that your child is her children's siblings and has treated your child accordingly. Maybe take it with a little bit of grace and act differently the next time (including a kick up the backside for your husband!)

@JamieNorthlife

DH's ex bought an egg and outfit for DS, as one of her usual attempts to keep in DH's good books while I am painted as the evil stepmother. This is typical of the both of them tbh. I just now read this.

OP, I was irritated with the other poster's replies, but I did not read your reply above.

You are so, but so unreasonable, that it comes across that you were malicious about this.

If you did not want to buy the Easter eggs because your DH is lazy or irresponsible, fair enough but if you were deliberately not getting this, then you have some serious issues that you need to work on.

So the ex bought Easter gifts for the OP's son? I didn't see that earlier. Guess she found time amid her "preparations " to think of others.

And the OP can't find it in her heart to get the stepkids a measly egg?

The irony is the toddler won't remember this Easter but the older kids certainly will.

@Moochio

It’s nice his ex wife sent something for your son she obviously sees him as part of her blended family as brother to her DC. Shame you don’t view your sons siblings in the same way. well he's not so she needs to butt out.

He’s not what?

Frankly I think it sounds like the op gas bigger issues than not buying her dsc Easter eggs. Perhaps ltb??

This makes me glad to not have a blended family set up. Who would think things got so complicated and people would take offence at kind gestures that I am sure the children appreciate?

To be fair, that’s pretty extreme. We’ve managed to navigate over 20 years as a blended family without that kind of unpleasantness.

And the OP can't find it in her heart to get the stepkids a measly egg? NOR CAN THEIR OWN FATHER

He’s not what?
Part of her blended family. The child is zero relation to her.

Surely they would have eggs from you and your DH even if they weren’t coming on easter day? This smacks of you trying to teach him a lesson because he expects you to sort this kind of thing. What has happened in previous years? I can’t fathom how you can spend weeks preparing for easter so you DS has eggs and gifts while knowing your DSC will likely get nothing from you if left to their Dad. Aren’t you a family?

If the Op had bought them because they are children and children can not be upset where does it end?

She sounds exhausted and done.

If the children's happiness is so vital then it's the fathers responsibility

By the sounds of it he's replaced on wife with another and never actually done any work himself.

OP doesn't have to concern herself with anything to do with step children as when women usually get to This point they are ready to walk.

She has 1 child. There is nothing wrong with her wanting to make his Easter as magical and wonderful as she is wants.

He arranged a visit last minute so he can go get eggs for his kids. The expectations for fathers is low. Literally they think all they have to do is provide the sperm and some woman will do all the work.