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AIBU?

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Original poster

To not have bought eggs for DSCs?

1002 replies

eggsbenedict82 · 17/04/2022 12:16

Long story short, DSD (10yo) and DSS (8yo) are being dropped off here later by DH's ex. The whole visit was arranged with short notice, and only briefly rushed past me, as DH knows I have been busy preparing Easter for our 3yo DS.
This morning, after DS had opened his eggs, DH asked where the DSCs eggs are so they can be set up for later.
I told him I had not bought any, and when he got indignant I said it's as simple as they're not my DCs, they're his, it's not my fault he's waited until Easter day, when no shops are open. Not my responsibility, but as per usual, I've been cast as the wicked stepmother - happy Easter, hey? HmmAIBU

OP posts:
Moochio · 17/04/2022 15:15

DH's ex bought an egg and outfit for DS I'd be uncomfortable with that. My LO is nothing to do with DH's ex.

aSofaNearYou · 17/04/2022 15:16

@CandyLeBonBon

Why, when you found out on Wednesday that the dsc were coming over, did you not say 'oh, I've done prep for Easter, you'll need to make sure the dsc have some eggs for Sunday. I'm doing an Easter egg hunt, so why not pick up a few extra bits so they can all join in"?

I mean yes, he needs to step up but you also need to communicate with him so that he can actually do the stepping up! Did he know you'd finished your prep Tuesday? If you didn't tell him what you'd planned, and he didn't think to ask (a separate conversation needed there) then how else is anyone going to know what needs doing?

Sounds like you deliberately kept quiet as some kind of 'gotcha' which only disadvantages the dsc and makes everyone look a bit shit.

Why would you expect any of that to occur to OP?

I don't expect to have to tell my DP to step up for his kids. I don't think about it at all, I just get on with my life.

There's no reason for his kids Easter to be on her mind when it wasn't even on his.

TreatTrimTame · 17/04/2022 15:16

DH's ex bought an egg and outfit for DS, as one of her usual attempts to keep in DH's good books while I am painted as the evil stepmother.

or perhaps shes just a decent human who wants to foster good relationship between her children and their sibling.

I did buy my three nieces eggs and a gift each, as my sister does the same for DS.

i bet your sister is just trying to get into your good books and make you look like the wicked aunt if you dont buy her DC..... oh no, that theory only works with the ex.

pictish · 17/04/2022 15:16

I sit on the fence here because I can see both points of view. He should not have assumed you would buy the eggs for the sc without him having to contribute anything. That he won’t give up any of his chocolate to compensate is pretty disgusting actually. What a selfish lazy man.
However, If it was me I’d have got eggs for the sc. You claim to have spent ‘weeks’ planning Easter for your little one (sounds very serious) yet it never occurred to you to pick up a couple extra as a gesture to the sc? Meh. You’re not dusted in glory either. Poor kids.

Moochio · 17/04/2022 15:16

It’s nice his ex wife sent something for your son she obviously sees him as part of her blended family as brother to her DC. Shame you don’t view your sons siblings in the same way. well he's not so she needs to butt out.

TokenGinger · 17/04/2022 15:17

@Moochio

DH's ex bought an egg and outfit for DS I'd be uncomfortable with that. My LO is nothing to do with DH's ex.
Presumably it's because the ex knows her children are part of a blended family and expects that the new wife shows kindness to her kids, so she reciprocated. Or, maybe the children want to buy their sibling a present.
roarfeckingroarr · 17/04/2022 15:17

YANBU.

Why are you with this selfish, thoughtless child?

Toottooot · 17/04/2022 15:17

Can’t wait to see the thread in the Daily Mail.

Moochio · 17/04/2022 15:18

There's no reason for his kids Easter to be on her mind when it wasn't even on his. this absolutely sums it up for me. Why is OP held to a higher standard than their own father?

JamieNorthlife · 17/04/2022 15:18

DH's ex bought an egg and outfit for DS, as one of her usual attempts to keep in DH's good books while I am painted as the evil stepmother. This is typical of the both of them tbh. I just now read this.

OP, I was irritated with the other poster's replies, but I did not read your reply above.

You are so, but so unreasonable, that it comes across that you were malicious about this.

If you did not want to buy the Easter eggs because your DH is lazy or irresponsible, fair enough but if you were deliberately not getting this, then you have some serious issues that you need to work on.

Moochio · 17/04/2022 15:18

Presumably it's because the ex knows her children are part of a blended family and expects that the new wife shows kindness to her kids, so she reciprocated.

It would go straight in the bin if that were me.

Or, maybe the children want to buy their sibling a present dad can help them do this.

HereLiveIAmNotACat · 17/04/2022 15:20

Why would you not have just got them when you got DS’s eggs? Might not be your children but they are your stepchildren. Surely you treat them the same as your DS when they are with you and their father?

ColdSeptember · 17/04/2022 15:21

@returntoUK

As usual people are too busy sticking the boot in to a step-mum to read what OP is saying.

OP is being expected by her DH and his ex to buy the eggs for her step-kids FROM HER OWN MONEY.

I’d be asking about financial abuse of OP, not piling on about her being mean. This place is the pits sometimes.

I thought all money was family money when you're married? Or is that just the husband's money?
CandyLeBonBon · 17/04/2022 15:21

@Moochio

Presumably it's because the ex knows her children are part of a blended family and expects that the new wife shows kindness to her kids, so she reciprocated.

It would go straight in the bin if that were me.

Or, maybe the children want to buy their sibling a present dad can help them do this.

Wow. You'd throw your child's gift in the bin to make a point? Confused
DoggoShark · 17/04/2022 15:21

he treats the women in his life (me, ex-wife, and MIL) as his personal servants. Now he's gone off in a huff, refusing to communicate

So why are you with him? Confused You say he’s irresponsible, he’s clearly selfish...what’s the point, life sounds miserable.

Fandangofran · 17/04/2022 15:22

Hastily arranged last minute sounds like 10 minutes or an hour before in which case you might have been slightly reasonable in not having eggs but you knew on bloody Wednesday!

Who cares if all your preparations were done (seriously surely no 3 year old's easter requires so much planning it's all got to finalised and fixed 4 days before unless you're super OTT) they're kids - it's decent adult behaviour to make sure that one of you has got some eggs for them and if you're already getting eggs for your dc then you're bloody mean not to get one for the SC too regardless of whose "job" it is.

To be honest even if my SC weren't coming for Easter id still get an egg alongside my own kids ready for their next visit because that's the decent thing to do - presumably if they're not with you on Christmas day you don't get them a Christmas present either? Do they cease to exist when they're not in your immediate eye line?

I'm stunned that you're over budget on a 3 year old's Easter with eggs and presents and a hunt and "preparation" but can't manage to chuck a poxy egg in your trolley for the SC. Poor kids - your attitude to them speaks volumes - no wonder we see so many wicked stepmother threads. You're going exactly the right way to create resentment and devide.

TreatTrimTame · 17/04/2022 15:22

@moochio It would go straight in the bin if that were me.
can i ask why? so if the mother of your stepchildren bought your child something it would go in the bin? what has she done to you to (hypothetically) cause this reaction? if a neighbour saw you had a new baby and sent across an egg would that go in the bin?

CandyLeBonBon · 17/04/2022 15:22

@Moochio

There's no reason for his kids Easter to be on her mind when it wasn't even on his. this absolutely sums it up for me. Why is OP held to a higher standard than their own father?
Who loses out here though?
arethereanyleftatall · 17/04/2022 15:22

Sounds like the two of you utterly and thoroughly deserve each other.
It's like the smug feeling I get when I think of my (selfish, thoughtless) ex and his (abhorrent) new gf having to endure each other.

Yes, he should have got his own kids eggs. Sounds like he's thoughtless.
Yes, you could have put some extra eggs in your basket, regardless of what day they were due to be coming. Sounds like you didn't deliberately. Mean.

Sleepeatrepeat · 17/04/2022 15:23

@eggsbenedict82 seriously you are being awful. You knew on Wednesday. Why did you not say to your dh that you hoped he was sorting eggs for them??

Christ alive you are the exact sort of poster that gives stepmother such a bad name.

His ex has bought you kid an egg and gift and you are being a petty child in return.

Honestly I think the dsc would be better of without you or their dad in their lives

LookItsMeAgain · 17/04/2022 15:23

You knew on Wednesday so you could have easily bought them eggs but you chose not to.

So, if I understand it correctly, your wonderful sarcastic moment there husband also knew that his DS that he had with his EX-wife was coming over since Wednesday as well?

Why is this your issue to resolve? Irrespective of the fact that you bought your niece(s) Easter eggs and/or a gift. They are your relatives. Your step-son has a mother and a father.

The father, as far as I can see it, dropped the ball here and is behaving like a toddler by refusing to see that he has dropped the ball here.

I think your suggestion that his son should be given an Easter egg from whatever your MiL gave to her son, seems the most reasonable here.

I do hope you manage to get some semblance of a happy Easter going in your home, OP.

Mummyoflittledragon · 17/04/2022 15:23

@Moaningturtle

This is the sort of thing that would have happened to me as a step child. SM would have only got eggs for her own DC and my dad wouldn’t have thought to get me any.

It’s crap and you end up feeling like 2 adults don’t give a shit. Never felt like I fitted in to dads new life, now as an adult I feel uncomfortable in his home and never felt like my SM welcomes me or my family.

As much as I hate women being the default organiser and carrying the mental load, please remember that kids have feelings.

Please read this op. This is how these children feel right not.

All that was required is to add a couple of eggs to the Asda order. If money is the issue, he needed to pay. But leaving children to feel unwanted and unloved is horrible for them.

Blossomtoes · 17/04/2022 15:23

@Moochio

Presumably it's because the ex knows her children are part of a blended family and expects that the new wife shows kindness to her kids, so she reciprocated.

It would go straight in the bin if that were me.

Or, maybe the children want to buy their sibling a present dad can help them do this.

Jesus, I’m glad I didn’t hate my bloke’s ex as much as this.
Moochio · 17/04/2022 15:23

@HereLiveIAmNotACat

Why would you not have just got them when you got DS’s eggs? Might not be your children but they are your stepchildren. Surely you treat them the same as your DS when they are with you and their father?
Ha! If I treated my DSC the same as my own child they'd be so confused and mum would be very angry.
funinthesun19 · 17/04/2022 15:23

@BunsyGirl

So you got eggs, arranged an egg hunt and bought gifts for your “own” child but nothing for your step children. Bxxch.
Meanwhile, her husband did fuck all for any of his children.
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