To not have bought eggs for DSCs?

[eggsbenedict82]

Long story short, DSD (10yo) and DSS (8yo) are being dropped off here later by DH's ex. The whole visit was arranged with short notice, and only briefly rushed past me, as DH knows I have been busy preparing Easter for our 3yo DS.
This morning, after DS had opened his eggs, DH asked where the DSCs eggs are so they can be set up for later.
I told him I had not bought any, and when he got indignant I said it's as simple as they're not my DCs, they're his, it's not my fault he's waited until Easter day, when no shops are open. Not my responsibility, but as per usual, I've been cast as the wicked stepmother - happy Easter, hey? AIBU

@MissNothing1991

Hardly takes weeks of preparation for an Easter egg hunt for a 3 year old. I'm a single mum and I managed to buy the pieces in about 5 minutes, put them in place in about 5 minutes too

Op probably decorates the full bastard house and arranges real bunny rabbits and a real hen that lays golden eggs. I would imagine this scenario might take a bit of prep.

@Blossomtoes

There a step-parents support thread on the stepparents board. Do come over there if you need support from people who understand

She doesn’t need to, there are plenty of step parents posting here - decent ones who would have bought all the kids eggs without thinking twice.

My DH managed to buy his children an egg by himself. He didn't outsource this to me even though I sorted our shared DC's chocolate (he didn't even think to do that mind and I had words with him)

Why, when you found out on Wednesday that the dsc were coming over, did you not say 'oh, I've done prep for Easter, you'll need to make sure the dsc have some eggs for Sunday. I'm doing an Easter egg hunt, so why not pick up a few extra bits so they can all join in"?

I mean yes, he needs to step up but you also need to communicate with him so that he can actually do the stepping up! Did he know you'd finished your prep Tuesday? If you didn't tell him what you'd planned, and he didn't think to ask (a separate conversation needed there) then how else is anyone going to know what needs doing?

Sounds like you deliberately kept quiet as some kind of 'gotcha' which only disadvantages the dsc and makes everyone look a bit shit.

@elitecomplainer

AIBU is probably not going to be sympathetic OP. I believe there is a stepparenting topic in MN where you will probably find more sympathy.

Plenty of step parents on this thread who think the OP isn’t handling this very well. There are principles and then there is caring.

My SS got the same as my kids today. Slightly less because he’s a teenager and essentially nocturnal and didn’t lever himself out of bed for the garden egg hunt and a couple of Creme eggs went missing before division of spoils and his stash was taken up to his room by his sibling. His eggs were bought out of my money (we don’t have a joint account) but during the weekly Lidl shop that DH and I did together. If I’d married a giant selfish man child I would still have bought him eggs because I love him and wouldn’t want him to miss out or feel unloved.

@Hugasauras

And late notice my arse. It was Wednesday. I had arranged an egg hunt for 3yo DD and bought the bits, and a couple of days ago a friend mentioned her husband was away for work and did I know of any egg hunts she could take her son to. So I invited them round and picked up an extra bag of eggs at the local shop on Friday. Because I like them and thought it would be a nice thing to do 🤷‍♀️

But that's completely different to the "why didn't you just pick some up at the same time as your own DCs" that everyone is describing as "petty" and "exclusionary."

That's going out specifically to get eggs just for them, completely separately from the occasion where you got some for the other kid. So there's nothing exclusionary about it, and absolutely no reason for OP to expect to do it rather than their dad.

I’m in the would have bought eggs for my step children camp (they are children who are part of your blended family after all.) I think what your DH is probably more upset about is the unspoken message about how you view your step children.

I had finished all my preparation on Wednesday.
For Easter for a toddler🙄
Yes DH needs to step up but you bought for other kids in the family but didn't pop eggs in for your DSS, that's just mean, do you never think of them?

As they're your step children then yes, YABU

@CakeAmbushAlert

I’m in the would have bought eggs for my step children camp (they are children who are part of your blended family after all.) I think what your DH is probably more upset about is the unspoken message about how you view your step children.

He won't even give up his own chocolate eggs for his own child. Says something about how he views his own child.

OP, you knew about today's visit four days in advance , why couldn't you have picked up a couple of eggs for the SCs ?

You obviously like organising ~ egg hunt, gifts and eggs for your own DS plus 'weeks' of planning, gifts and eggs for each your sister's three DCs.

You DH should have bought them eggs but as you love the planning so much I don't see why two extra eggs couldn't have been factored into all your shopping.

@aSofaNearYou But she was the one arranging the egg hunt? She knew what she'd bought and that there wasn't any for the stepchildren who were coming and didn't say anything.

In my world if you are the one arranging, you either ensure everyone is included or you ask the other person to get extra supplies, neither of which seems to have happened.

@Blossomtoes

There a step-parents support thread on the stepparents board. Do come over there if you need support from people who understand

She doesn’t need to, there are plenty of step parents posting here - decent ones who would have bought all the kids eggs without thinking twice.

Well that's purely a matter of opinion isn't it, I think most of the people here have been pretty unpleasant, indecent and yes, do not get it.

You sound worse with each post!

@butterpuffed

OP, you knew about today's visit four days in advance , why couldn't you have picked up a couple of eggs for the SCs ?

You obviously like organising ~ egg hunt, gifts and eggs for your own DS plus 'weeks' of planning, gifts and eggs for each your sister's three DCs.

You DH should have bought them eggs but as you love the planning so much I don't see why two extra eggs couldn't have been factored into all your shopping.

Why couldn't DH have asked her to? Or got them himself. He's not incapable of going to a shop.

I think whoever bought your DCs egg should have picked up for all the children. However he should have asked/arranged this earlier. But all children should be thought of and planned for the same. I am a step family child and I think behaviour like this will only cause a split between them and your biological children and cause them to resent them. One day you won't be here and all the children may have is their siblings.

I'll never understand how families like this work. DH bought our childrens Easter eggs on the way home from work. Rang me from the shop to see if we were buying for anyone else and grabbed something for my friends children too. Because we are a family and communicate with each other.

Neither the op or husband come out well from this as it's the children who are punished. At least the ex wife seems lovely though!

At the end of the day, both OP and her husband have been pretty shitty in different ways. I hope the kids had a nice day regardless. But this is a shining example of when 'blended families' are apparently anything but

@returntoUK

As usual people are too busy sticking the boot in to a step-mum to read what OP is saying.

OP is being expected by her DH and his ex to buy the eggs for her step-kids FROM HER OWN MONEY.

I’d be asking about financial abuse of OP, not piling on about her being mean. This place is the pits sometimes.

I know right. It's like spend your money on my children while I scoff all the eggs someone else bought me.

You knew you would be seeing your step children before, during or after Easter so that could have been planned for.

Who normally buys eggs for the stepchildren? If you have suddenly decided to stop this year without telling your husband you are being even more unreasonable.

It’s nice his ex wife sent something for your son she obviously sees him as part of her blended family as brother to her DC. Shame you don’t view your sons siblings in the same way.

Just seems spiteful TBH if you were shopping and getting eggs it wouldn't never cure to me that you would deliberately leave your stepchildren out .

@CakeAmbushAlert

I’m in the would have bought eggs for my step children camp (they are children who are part of your blended family after all.) I think what your DH is probably more upset about is the unspoken message about how you view your step children.

Zero sympathy for any upset being felt by the husband/father here.

A friend of mine once told me that her husband, who is on most measures a lovely dad, turned to her one Christmas Eve and asked whether they’d got the kids any presents. She was using this as a funny anecdote whereas I would have been incandescent. But then DH would never get to Christmas Eve without knowing exactly what our kids had, after sharing shopping and wrapping duties.

Yabu. You bought your ds an egg and Easter gifts as well as your 3 nieces. But bought your dsc nothing! I think that's pretty disgusting tbh.
Your dh is also being unreasonable not to have bothered either and he should also give up his eggs to his own children.
Poor kids!

"He tried to insist that we should give some of DS' eggs to them later, I think he should give them some of the eggs MIL bought him. (Yes, he's 43 and MIL still buys him eggs. I know, right confused)"
If your husband has chocolate eggs in his possession right now, then these are the ones he should give to his two children, not take your son's eggs from him to give to them. Obviously. That takes care of the immediate situation.

"The visit was casually dropped on me on Wednesday (Asda was delivered on Tuesday), and I had already done all my preparation by then, but according to DH I was expected to factor in a visit I didn't even know was happening "
This is where you played games. Why did you not 'casually drop' to your husband on Wednesday that if he wanted Easter eggs for his children on Sunday then he'd better scoot out and buy some?

I'm going to guess at the answer, but - the eggs is just one small example of what's going on in your marriage over all? You said of your MIL that she "incessantly infantilises and enables his irresponsible nature, henceforth he treats the women in his life (me, ex-wife, and MIL) as his personal servants." And it sounds as if you've decided to let him know that you are not his personal servant.

Stop playing games like this. Have THE TALK about his behaviour towards you and sort out your marriage. Or end it, if he's not going to buck up his ideas. But don't do this passive-aggressive shit. Be upfront and sort this out. And if he continues to treat you like a servant, divorce him.

I'm a step parent. I get it. In what world would you exclude two children of the family? A world in which they 'aren't her kids'. Don't be with a man who already has them then. If it was money related then you get them and say you owe me x.