To not have bought eggs for DSCs?

[eggsbenedict82]

Long story short, DSD (10yo) and DSS (8yo) are being dropped off here later by DH's ex. The whole visit was arranged with short notice, and only briefly rushed past me, as DH knows I have been busy preparing Easter for our 3yo DS.
This morning, after DS had opened his eggs, DH asked where the DSCs eggs are so they can be set up for later.
I told him I had not bought any, and when he got indignant I said it's as simple as they're not my DCs, they're his, it's not my fault he's waited until Easter day, when no shops are open. Not my responsibility, but as per usual, I've been cast as the wicked stepmother - happy Easter, hey? AIBU

If I was buying Easter eggs anyway, I would have got the step children some or called my partner to check if he wanted me to, charge him for them if finances are separate.
It sounds as if you’re all living separate lives, not one family. My niece stayed with us on and off for over two years at one point as a child, my partner still included her when he bought Easter eggs for our kids, he didn’t say she was my niece so not his job as we’re all family. But didn’t you get them one from you anyway as step mum, just like you buy your nieces as they’re family?

Of course if there’s history of him not pulling his weight and leaving everything to you, that needs addressing. If he doesn’t change, why stay with a man that expects you to have thought of his children when he hasn’t? A man that doesn’t do things for his children isn’t someone I’d want to share my life with as it shows a very horrible side to him. And how could you stay with someone so selfish that he wouldn’t give his eggs to his children if needed?

It all just sounds dysfunctional.

Op I think you could have picked up a couple of eggs foe dsc or told dh you have only got your dc eggs and he needs to go out and buy some

As usual people are too busy sticking the boot in to a step-mum to read what OP is saying.

OP is being expected by her DH and his ex to buy the eggs for her step-kids FROM HER OWN MONEY.

I’d be asking about financial abuse of OP, not piling on about her being mean. This place is the pits sometimes.

DH's ex bought an egg and outfit for DS, as one of her usual attempts to keep in DH's good books while I am painted as the evil stepmother. This is typical of the both of them tbh

She sounds pretty nice from this tbh. She's including your son when he isn't her step son. You and DH don't come across well. He could have got the eggs, but then again so could you have. You're treating your step kids like they aren't a part of your family, when they are. You chose a man with kids.

@returntoUK

As usual people are too busy sticking the boot in to a step-mum to read what OP is saying.

OP is being expected by her DH and his ex to buy the eggs for her step-kids FROM HER OWN MONEY.

I’d be asking about financial abuse of OP, not piling on about her being mean. This place is the pits sometimes.

Not once has she said that.

How fucking sexist is this thread, ffs.

OP wasn't expecting to need eggs for the SC. Her DH changed the plans at late notice, after OP had already done the shop. There's been no mention that he ASKED the OP to buy eggs, but he expected her to just do it anyway, even though it was HIS responsibility, as they are HIS children.

If he didn''t think he was going to manage to get something sorted, he should have damn well asked the OP to help him out, not just expected it, and certainly not huffed when he was allowed to steal eggs off one child, to cover his lacking of effort for the others.

He is being completely unreasonable, and yet people here are painting the OP as the bad guy because she didn't pre-empt him being useless, and cover for him.

FWIW, as soon as the change of plans were mentioned, I would have said to DH I haven't any spares, or time, and he needs to sort it. I get the feeling he might not have bothered anyway though.

@Constantcrayfish RTFT

@AlternativePerspective

Not buying eggs for all the children is incredibly petty, and “getting Easter ready for ds”? Wtf?

Yes, those poor stepchildren, visual signs of being loved less than the OP's own DS

Obviously the DH should have ensured his own children had eggs, he should have bought them himself, even if the stepchildren were not due to be present at Easter, they should have been given at a later date.

But that doesn't mean the OP can just not bother with the stepDC, which is what seems to be the mindset. Not my DC, not my problem.

Either way, poor stepchildren.

So basically you don't like your husband and you don't care about his kids. Does that sum it up?

You choose to marry and have kids with someone who has children already, you treat those children with love and kindness whether they came out of your vagina or not.

It's not wife work; OP was already doing the Easter prep and knew the kids were coming days in advance. If she hasn't been doing anything for Easter at all for anyone then it would be 'wife work' to assume she would handle it, but she had been in charge of doing the Easter stuff for some time. It would have been no skin off her nose to spend a few quid on some eggs so the three kids could do an egg hunt together, but her contempt for her husband (perhaps rightly) and her stepchildren shines through with every post. It's just sad. If you dislike each other so much and don't want to treat his children with affection, then why on earth are you still together.

Just petty, point-scoring nonsense and two kids left out of a family occasion cos the adults involved can't behave like adults.

@returntoUK

As usual people are too busy sticking the boot in to a step-mum to read what OP is saying.

OP is being expected by her DH and his ex to buy the eggs for her step-kids FROM HER OWN MONEY.

I’d be asking about financial abuse of OP, not piling on about her being mean. This place is the pits sometimes.

Where does it say she's buying from her own money?

I can't imagine me or DH (we are a blended family both with step and bio) buying for only some of our children.

@SiobhanSharpe

Christ almighty, some of the responses on here are unbelievable -- the OP has not done anything wrong at all - the DSCs' visit was arranged hastily at the last minute, she didn't expect to see them at all. And it is not in the least unreasonable to think they would have had Easter Eggs from their own mother. And the OP's DH sounds spectacularly useless, he could have easily gone out to a convenience store to get Easter eggs today, or as soon as he agreed that his kids could come over. But no, he'd rather berate his wife for not having the foresight to get Easter eggs for children who weren't due to be with them at all and who is also busy with her own child.

Four days is not last minute!

*Would take me 10 min to "prepare " ny kid's Easter. And if I knew since Wednesday that other children would be round, they'd have plenty too.

Clearly this is a case of resenting the husband's other kids. Why people marry childed men & then begrudge is beyond me.*

What if you had bought your child's eggs before Wednesday? Would you expect to be the one to go back out and buy the SC eggs?

It's perfectly reasonable to resent the kind of pattern of behaviour of leaving everything to OP and begrudging her for not sorting it that she has described. You're not suddenly leaping for joy at having a shitty husband because you have step kids.

Personally, I wouldn't buy my own child and not step children. Even if I had plans to see them at Easter or not. I think it's rude. Yes maybe he should have too, but if you'd said you were planning Easter and made him aware you'd buy one for a 3 year old then it's safe to assume he would have thought you had the common decency to pick up another 2 beside it on the shelf.

AIBU is probably not going to be sympathetic OP. I believe there is a stepparenting topic in MN where you will probably find more sympathy.

@ilovepixie

It's a bit mean to not buy the step kids Easter eggs. You bought your own child eggs, if you marry a partner with kids you've got to expect to have them involved in your lives and do things for them.

[quote returntoUK]@Constantcrayfish RTFT[/quote]
I’ve read every single post and, whilst the OP is doing the shopping, at no point does she say this is her OWN money as opposed to household money. Or do you think her husband should have a totally separate stash purely for his children?

So you got eggs, arranged an egg hunt and bought gifts for your “own” child but nothing for your step children. Bxxch.

Why didn't he ask you to get eggs for his kids when you did the next shop?

He would have wanted to give them an egg each at some point wouldn't he?

But it's easily solved-he can give up his eggs!

Did his ex leave him by any chance?

Sorry that wasn't the one I meant to laugh at!

And late notice my arse. It was Wednesday. I had arranged an egg hunt for 3yo DD and bought the bits, and a couple of days ago a friend mentioned her husband was away for work and did I know of any egg hunts she could take her son to. So I invited them round and picked up an extra bag of eggs at the local shop on Friday. Because I like them and thought it would be a nice thing to do 🤷‍♀️

You’ve spent the past few weeks “preparing Easter” for a 3 year old? Fucking hell just buy the kid an egg, Chuck a few mini eggs around and chill the fuck out!

I’d hate to see what you’re like at Christmas

Hardly takes weeks of preparation for an Easter egg hunt for a 3 year old. I'm a single mum and I managed to buy the pieces in about 5 minutes, put them in place in about 5 minutes too

There a step-parents support thread on the stepparents board. Do come over there if you need support from people who understand

She doesn’t need to, there are plenty of step parents posting here - decent ones who would have bought all the kids eggs without thinking twice.