To not have bought eggs for DSCs?

[eggsbenedict82]

Long story short, DSD (10yo) and DSS (8yo) are being dropped off here later by DH's ex. The whole visit was arranged with short notice, and only briefly rushed past me, as DH knows I have been busy preparing Easter for our 3yo DS.
This morning, after DS had opened his eggs, DH asked where the DSCs eggs are so they can be set up for later.
I told him I had not bought any, and when he got indignant I said it's as simple as they're not my DCs, they're his, it's not my fault he's waited until Easter day, when no shops are open. Not my responsibility, but as per usual, I've been cast as the wicked stepmother - happy Easter, hey? AIBU

@SpaghettiNotCourgetti

You went over budget on a three year old's Easter egg hunt? Were they Fabergé?

I'd try Lidl next time.

😂

The OP is not being unreasonable and she is not mean but the point is simply that the SC are kids and kids are innocent and they get hurt easily. Personally, I would have just bought them for the SC even if they didn't come today and they could collect another day.

My DH was a DS. And he always says the most beautiful things about his late SM simply because she always stepped up to the mark when his own father didn't eg buying Xmas gifts when his own father didn't, taking him out to places when she had 3 little ones of her own. DH said that it was never about the money, she spent very little but was so thoughtful. He adored her and his SM adored him and he was distraught when she died.

I think the fact you have obviously gone to the extreme end of doing things for your son makes the deliberate leaving out of step children even worse to be honest. Way to create a divide between them!

Yabu

If you've bought your own dc's egg then would it have really hurt or been "woman's work" to buy your step children a couple of eggs? How would you feel if you had a dc from a previous relationship and your dh only bought "his child" with you?

It's not about woman's work it's just fucking petty and nasty. They might not be your biological children but wether you like it or not they are just as much a part of your family as your dh. He came as a package when you met and married him and had your own dc.

If you knew dh didn't have any for the kids as he's assumed that you'd bought them because he knew you were getting your dc you could have mentioned it to him.

Yanbu.

But at the same time not picking up a couple of eggs for children who are a large part of your life when you're getting eggs for your own dc is weird. I bought all the eggs for both our families, not because I do all the ' wife work'. But because there were good offers on and it's hardly a strenuous task sticking a few eggs in a basket.

@MolliciousIntent

I don't think you should have bought eggs for your DSCs, but I would have. If you were already buying eggs for one of the children in the family, it seems a bit petty/exclusionary to not buy the other children in the family eggs too. Obviously you'll get the usual answers of "not your kids, not your problem" but unless there's a huge drip feed coming about contentious parenting arrangements and ironclad finance separations, I'd think you were being a little mean spirited.

Agree. Why not just pick up a few more?

I’m pretty militant about wife work. I think the OP’s husband sounds pathetic to be honest. But I also think letting kids feel unwanted and unloved is a sucky thing to do, whoever does it.

I’m assuming OP that you wouldn’t have just waited to see whether he remembered to get your child something as you wouldn’t want your son to feel upset or disappointed juSt to prove a point? Your stepchildrens’ feelings aren’t your responsibility but it’s hard to empathise with someone who isn’t concerned about how kids are being made to feel by their parent, and doing what they can to make that better for them, regardless of the rights and wrongs. And as your stepchildren, these children are your family now so that concern is owed to them by you all. (I’m a step parent, I know it’s thankless and hard work but it’s not the fault of young children.)

@CandyLeBonBon

"I have spent the last few weeks preparing the Easter celebrations for DS"

What have you been preparing? An live-action allegory of the musical 'Jesus Christ superstar' using chocolate bunnies and fluffy ducks?

I mean I do a brilliant Easter egg hunt and when my 3 were younger we had amazing Easter egg hunts in the woods.

I was (am) a single parent and their dad did fuck all for them. Still didn't take me bloody weeks though! You're reaching a bit there!!

Real Jesus and the real Easter bunny came to the house to present the 3 year old with enough eggs to cover his weight

Christ almighty, some of the responses on here are unbelievable -- the OP has not done anything wrong at all - the DSCs' visit was arranged hastily at the last minute, she didn't expect to see them at all

This, absolutely, as well. My DSS's Easter wouldn't even cross my mind if I wasn't expecting to see them on that day.

And I wouldn't be buying eggs for my DD, spitefully choosing not to buy any for DSS. Like any mum, I would just buy an egg for my child and not think beyond that.

Once HE knew on Wednesday that his children would be coming on Sunday, he should have checked at that point whether his children have some eggs in the house. I find it really bizarre that he didn’t even ask op which eggs she got for them, showed no interest whatsoever, didn’t ask where they are days ago, etc… if he assumed she was getting them.

@SiobhanSharpe

Christ almighty, some of the responses on here are unbelievable -- the OP has not done anything wrong at all - the DSCs' visit was arranged hastily at the last minute, she didn't expect to see them at all. And it is not in the least unreasonable to think they would have had Easter Eggs from their own mother. And the OP's DH sounds spectacularly useless, he could have easily gone out to a convenience store to get Easter eggs today, or as soon as he agreed that his kids could come over. But no, he'd rather berate his wife for not having the foresight to get Easter eggs for children who weren't due to be with them at all and who is also busy with her own child.

5 days notice is not hastily arranged Regardless if they were coming today, tomorrow or next week surely they would still get an egg from their father and SM?

But let’s be honest this isn’t about an egg it’s about how the OP quite obviously views her DSC as an inconvenience and getting in the way of her family.

There are going to be many more ‘egg situations’ over the years to come so best for OP and her DH to decide now how purchases for the DSC will be done so everyone is on the same page as I bet the OPs DH assumed (like most of us would) that the OP would have thrown in eggs for the DSC when ordering the family groceries

Haven't RTWT but have read your responses OP. I think you ARE being unreasonable. If I'd heard on Wednesday that step kids/ other kids would be at mine on Easter Day, I'd have definitely either gone out to buy them eggs OR talked to my DH about it to see if he could, even if I'd just done the shopping..

You didn't find out at the last minute and you aren't showing any consideration to your step kids.

This isn't about 'wife work' or who buys the eggs, it's about basic kindness to two children. However, your DH has equal responsibility in not checking on whether you had got them anything.

@SpaghettiNotCourgetti

You went over budget on a three year old's Easter egg hunt? Were they Fabergé?

I'd try Lidl next time.

That middle aisle has a lot to answer for :)

@Datsandcogs

You’ve done lovely things for your DC. I don’t understand why you wouldn’t plan something to include the DSC too, they’re your DC’s siblings.

Last minute changes of plans are red herrings, surely you would plan to get them an Easter treat or egg or something, regardless of which day you would see them.

However this does not absolve DH’s responsibility, he should have ensured there was something for each of his children.

You are BOTH being extremely unreasonable, your poor DSC.

This.

You're both unreasonable.

I think this is the real issue?

Nothing wrong with adults buying each other chocolate, but MIL treats DH like he is quite the opposite, she incessantly infantilises and enables his irresponsible nature, henceforth he treats the women in his life (me, ex-wife, and MIL) as his personal servants. Now he's gone off in a huff, refusing to communicate

This sounds like one incident out of many and you've understandably had enough, but you could have made it clear who you'd bought the eggs for, OP.

@aSofaNearYou - my dh would ask me the same. He always rings me if he's popping to home bargains in his lunch time, in case I need any shampoo etc. It's just what we do for each other, so in my opinion normal, kind, thoughtful behaviour.

I feel really sorry for your step children op.

Their dad is forgetful and their step mum would rather make a point about 'mental load' than spend a few quid in a local shop to include them. Like it or not, they're family. It's all very well pointing out your husbands faults, your mils attitude and the ex wifes 'point scoring' but you don't seem to be able to admit that deliberately leaving out 2 kids who are innocent in all this mess was very obviously wrong.

You guys had 3 days to get a couple of chocolate eggs once you had communicated about the visit and couldn't even manage that.

I'm rarely harsh on mn but this thread really wound me up!

A few pounds' may be just that to some, but during the cost of living crisis, I have already gone beyond my budget for DS. To expect me to engage in extra preparation and spend more money on his DCs at such short notice is absolutely typical from DH and his ex.

No wonder some mixed families have issues when the alleged adults carry on like this

God, it all sounds so petty. Yes, you don't HAVE to buy them eggs. I wouldn't want to be in the type of relationship in which I didn't actually want to buy Easter eggs for the children of my husband. It must be so wearisome.

[quote Tiredmum100]@aSofaNearYou - my dh would ask me the same. He always rings me if he's popping to home bargains in his lunch time, in case I need any shampoo etc. It's just what we do for each other, so in my opinion normal, kind, thoughtful behaviour. [/quote]
I agree it's kind to ask if your spouse wants you to pick something up when you're in a shop, but I wouldn't be pre-empting what they might need, I'd just ask generally and expect them to say.

I’d have picked up an extra couple tbh. As much as DH is being annoying about it, it’s not him who is ultimately going to be feeling a bit left out by not having an Easter egg.

@CandyLeBonBon

"I have spent the last few weeks preparing the Easter celebrations for DS"

What have you been preparing? An live-action allegory of the musical 'Jesus Christ superstar' using chocolate bunnies and fluffy ducks?

I mean I do a brilliant Easter egg hunt and when my 3 were younger we had amazing Easter egg hunts in the woods.

I was (am) a single parent and their dad did fuck all for them. Still didn't take me bloody weeks though! You're reaching a bit there!!

Lmao, I was thinking the same thing. "The Ten Commandnents" in chocolate?

Would take me 10 min to "prepare " ny kid's Easter. And if I knew since Wednesday that other children would be round, they'd have plenty too.

Clearly this is a case of resenting the husband's other kids. Why people marry childed men & then begrudge is beyond me.

I have been busy preparing Easter for our 3yo DS.

What??? He’s 3. You threw a chocolate egg or two into the trolley at the supermarket while you were going the weekly shop, surely? How else do you “prepare Easter” for a toddler?

It's a bit mean to not buy the step kids Easter eggs. You bought your own child eggs, if you marry a partner with kids you've got to expect to have them involved in your lives and do things for them.