To not have bought eggs for DSCs?

[eggsbenedict82]

Long story short, DSD (10yo) and DSS (8yo) are being dropped off here later by DH's ex. The whole visit was arranged with short notice, and only briefly rushed past me, as DH knows I have been busy preparing Easter for our 3yo DS.
This morning, after DS had opened his eggs, DH asked where the DSCs eggs are so they can be set up for later.
I told him I had not bought any, and when he got indignant I said it's as simple as they're not my DCs, they're his, it's not my fault he's waited until Easter day, when no shops are open. Not my responsibility, but as per usual, I've been cast as the wicked stepmother - happy Easter, hey? AIBU

THAT's your key takeaway from this thread? @eggsbenedict82 ?

Your h is unreasonable to not discuss sc and Easter with you. He's also unreasonable not uo give his chocolate to sc

You are unreasonable for buying for nieces but not sc. Also you're unreasonable to tell your h that you haven't factored sc eggs into the shopping so could blue pick a couple up for them. (I assume you do the online shopping. If your h does then he should have added eggs for sc)

You are both unreasonable to leave the 8 and10 year old out of egg hunting etc The person your h who bought big eggs should have bought some extra small eggs for them to find so that they could join in.

I know you're pissed off about ex sending your son a egg but Easter is one of those times that you can look generous for a small outlay.

@eggsbenedict82

'A few pounds' may be just that to some, but during the cost of living crisis, I have already gone beyond my budget for DS. To expect me to engage in extra preparation and spend more money on his DCs at such short notice is absolutely typical from DH and his ex.

You're obviously not that strapped for cash, given you've bought your sister's children and outfit and egg, each.

I am not one to think that women should do life admin jobs or whatever, but this is really shit if you to be honest. They're you're step children. Your DS's sibling. I can't believe that you'd not take just £2 out of the budget from your nieces/nephews and DS to buy them a £1 Easter egg each.

Awful. Poor kids.

(That doesn't remove the fault of dad in this situation, he should have got organised, too, but my gripe is more your response that makes the kids sound like they're not even worth £1 each to you.)

Of course the ones upset by this are the children.

Playing games about who buys what is fine, but it's the children who miss out and upset.

For me, I wouldn't want to be the "winner" in this scenario, nothing would be gained.

Slow clap, OP. Congrats. You have succeeded in highlighting that you are mean and would rather feel righteous than avoid disappointing 2 kids. Jesus would be proud..

@Moochio

What kind of parent refuses to give up his own easter eggs in this circumstance. He's a dick.

My thoughts exactly - this sort of behaviour is very consistent for him.

It's poor to have not planned anything for your DSCs especially when making an above average effort for your own DC and buying for other children like DNs. Buying in an egg each on your usual order would not have been a big sacrifice.

There were several days to highlight that your groceries order had come in and that DH needed to go and make sure that he'd brought an appropriate amount for his children. The blame is not all OP's and her DH needs to make an effort to ensure that all his children are treated with appropriate fairness. Easter is an easy and relatively cheap festival for meeting children's expectations.

If you normally do things like that, and he knows you were ‘preparing for Easter’ I can see why he’d think you’d buy for all of the children.

Did you mention to him on Wednesday that you’d finished so there would be nothing for the DSC to join in with?

@eggsbenedict82 you don't like your "D"H do you? Time for you to be the second ex?

Jesus would be proud

Brilliant

Regardless of the OP getting them or not her DH should have checked and made sure his children had Easter eggs! That’s on him.

But OP did an online shop where she was buying Easter eggs - no one would need to check in that situation as you would of course buy them all in one go.

Exbenedict82?

I’ll get my coat

@100problems

Exbenedict82?

I’ll get my coat

😂

What I don’t understand is women clearly see how selfish these fathers are with the step kids then go onto have children with them and stay with them. A leopard doesn’t change it’s spots. Please be the bigger person here OP and treat the SC well until they are not your SC anymore.

@sundaydayisnotmyfundayday

Slow clap, OP. Congrats. You have succeeded in highlighting that you are mean and would rather feel righteous than avoid disappointing 2 kids. Jesus would be proud..

👏 👏 brilliant!!

It's not difficult to pick up a couple of extra eggs, yes your husband should have thought about it before now but honestly I wouldn't leave stepkids out. Like it or not they are your child's blood relations

Is this also the poster who’s partner buys food ‘treats’ only when the SCs are with him?

It amazes me how many posters - presumably mainly women - can still insist that the OP is somehow at fault here. Because she bought her child an egg. Because she is 'preparing Easter'. Therefore, all the women's work is hers to do, and if she refuses, she is mean-spirited and petty. Or make snide comments about how of course PP would have done the wifey work cuz we're a family, dontcha know.

Get to fuck with this - the mental load and the guilt and all the rest. The OP is not their parent. The plans were changed last minute. She is clearly fed up with useless parenting and unwilling to be the one constantly being asked to think of this stuff and action it.

The children's father and mother should have sorted this. Full stop. And by refusing to come to the rescue this time, she may be doing those kids a favour by putting their parents on notice: they cannot outsource the parenting to her.

I don’t think OP is exactly itching to be step-mother to your children

This made me laugh

Now I've read your update regarding, buying eggs for extended family's, children. I do think that you should have picked up some, for your step children. It seems a little mean to me and spiteful to me. They're still your (step) children too, still family.

YADNBU OP.
He should have bought eggs for his children. Not your responsibility. Simple as that.
Please don’t let him take your son’s eggs. He can give up his own if he feels so strongly about it.

There a step-parents support thread on the stepparents board. Do come over there if you need support from people who understand. x

@sundaydayisnotmyfundayday

Slow clap, OP. Congrats. You have succeeded in highlighting that you are mean and would rather feel righteous than avoid disappointing 2 kids. Jesus would be proud..

I have spent the last few weeks preparing the Easter celebrations for DS, while DH has done nothing for his DCs, yet I'm the mean one?

God people are delusional. I wouldn't buy eggs for DSS either OP and it has absolutely nothing to do with being "petty" or "exclusionary", it simply would not occur to me because his needs are not on my mind as it's not my job. Day to day I just don't think about something.

Not a problem if he wants to ask you to pick some up while you were there anyway, but very presumptuous to assume.

And yes he should obviously give them his one's rather than DS's.

I mean, I would have bought them eggs myself as it seems pretty petty not to if buying for other children in the family.

You could have added some eggs in your shop order for your step children regardless if you were seeing them today or not. Seems really weird to leave them out. Spiteful actually. It was hardly difficult to ask your husband if he wanted you to add a couple for his dc was it. I bought all the eggs for all the children, my own dc, nephew, friends dc etc. They are children fgs. Maybe next year ask your husband to buy the eggs for all his children instead.