Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not have bought eggs for DSCs?

1002 replies

eggsbenedict82 · 17/04/2022 12:16

Long story short, DSD (10yo) and DSS (8yo) are being dropped off here later by DH's ex. The whole visit was arranged with short notice, and only briefly rushed past me, as DH knows I have been busy preparing Easter for our 3yo DS.
This morning, after DS had opened his eggs, DH asked where the DSCs eggs are so they can be set up for later.
I told him I had not bought any, and when he got indignant I said it's as simple as they're not my DCs, they're his, it's not my fault he's waited until Easter day, when no shops are open. Not my responsibility, but as per usual, I've been cast as the wicked stepmother - happy Easter, hey? HmmAIBU

OP posts:
GreenWheat · 17/04/2022 13:28

@Strictly1

These threads always sadden me - where children are the ones who are hurt because parents are busy scoring points.
I came on to say this. Threads like this are why I have the Step-parenting board hidden.
breadedchicken · 17/04/2022 13:28

What does, "busy preparing easter" for a 3 year old actually involve? I think if you were in a shop buying Easter eggs for your child then it's bizarre that you didn't pick up two more for your step children. Even if you hadn't expected to see them on Easter Sunday you would have been seeing them at some stage over easter.

Nodancingshoes · 17/04/2022 13:29

Hmmm
Dh should have thought of it, they are his children and his responsibility. But also would it have hurt to pick up a couple of £1 eggs whilst you were buying ds eggs? You seem to be quite pleased with yourself that he didn't buy any and they won't get any. Just my thoughts - I'm sure many will disagree

Sirzy · 17/04/2022 13:29

Yet another one where lack of communication seems to be the main issue.

But on the whole I do find it strange you go all out for DS (and nieces and nephews) but buying something for the step children didn’t even factor in your thinking.

Lucy3928 · 17/04/2022 13:29

Do you always buy gifts for just your son and not your other kids? Do you always leave everything to your husband because they aren't your kids? You need to think about the kids. Looks like you've got the attitude "not my kids not my problem" which sucks. How many eggs does your 3 your old have?? Can't you give YOUR step kids one egg each that you brought for your son? 3 year old don't need so much chocolate do they? Seems weird how you wouldn't buy them an egg even if they wasn't suppose to come today you could of given them to them when they come next time?? Seems like because they aren't yours you don't care.

DrPeppersPhD · 17/04/2022 13:29

I think if my partner was doing a family shop at Easter I'd assume they'd chuck in easter eggs for the family. Or is that the problem OP, are they not your family? Because you don't even seem to like your DH, let alone the children that come with him. I've got bad news for you lady, you basically adopted those kids the second you agreed to marry him, the second you started dating him, they are your family just as much as they are his. Sorry to spoil this perfect idea of your PFB (who, by the way, won't give a shit about an easter egg hunt because he's 3) and you and your tame hubby being completely removed from all aspects of his life that you don't like, but families don't work like that.
I do look forward to this thread's sequel though, "DSCs wanted Christmas gifts, AIBU not to bother", and the thrilling third installment, "DSCs don't want to come for easter, DH says it's my fault". To be followed in 7 or 8 years by the cashgrab fourth part "DSCs want nothing to do with me or DH, what more could we have done?"

shabbalabba · 17/04/2022 13:29

@twilightermummy I'm not gonna lie, I'm not a stepchild and I don't have any either but this has made me want to cry for those dc! It's so so sad...

@eggsbenedict82 you are trying to minimize and blame every one else! You are now trying to play the victim by even blaming the ex...you need to have a good look at yourself to be honest!!

backtobusy · 17/04/2022 13:29

OP you can't actually be for real, although until your last post I was taken in.

DH's ex bought an egg and outfit for DS, as one of her usual attempts to keep in DH's good books while I am painted as the evil stepmother. This is typical of the both of them tbh

I'm off the find some chocolate to eat.

icanonlydosomuch · 17/04/2022 13:29

And for the sake of you or your DH picking up an Easter egg, all the adults could be building future hurt and resentment amongst the kids!

iRun2eatCake · 17/04/2022 13:29

It's his responsibility to have the mental load when it's his OWN DC... Therefore he should have asked and not expected the OP to sort out gifts when the DC weren't even meant to be there originally.

If they were always going to be there and the OP did all the Easter bits just for her own DC, then l probably would be more Hmm.

However l suspect this is just the icing on the easter cake... and DH expects OP to do everything for his own DC.

I think it's time to start pushing back and making him take responsibility for his own family/DC in regards gifts

sweepeep · 17/04/2022 13:30

This has got to be a wind up...how can a woman be so fucking bitter and twisted!!

Original poster
eggsbenedict82 · 17/04/2022 13:31

@Greensleeves

So now the adults aren't speaking to one another, and the kids will have to spend Easter Sunday in a bad atmosphere. So unnecessary, for the sake of a bit of generosity and a few pounds.
'A few pounds' may be just that to some, but during the cost of living crisis, I have already gone beyond my budget for DS. To expect me to engage in extra preparation and spend more money on his DCs at such short notice is absolutely typical from DH and his ex.
OP posts:
Organictangerine · 17/04/2022 13:31

YANBU he can get his own kids bloody Easter eggs

Sick of this ‘the wifey will do it’ breezy assumption men make (can you tell I’m having a bad day with it)

But YABU ‘I have been busy preparing Easter for our 3yo DS.’ - busy preparing what, it’s Easter, you buy a chocolate egg and visit the grandparents if you have any close by that you like.

JengaTower · 17/04/2022 13:31

If you hadn't planned for them to come over then of course you wouldn't have bought them Easter eggs.

It was a last minute arrangement so he should be out buying eggs

Notonthestairs · 17/04/2022 13:32

"DH's ex bought an egg and outfit for DS, as one of her usual attempts to keep in DH's good books while I am painted as the evil stepmother. This is typical of the both of them tbh"

Why are you cross about this?
She did a nice thing for her kids step brother.
You sound ridiculous.

LarryUnderwood · 17/04/2022 13:32

If you were taking responsibility for preparing for Easter for the family, then yes it is absolutely on you to include your stepchildren. You don't have to feel the same about them as you do your own son, but you do need to treat them the same. If you can't do that don't take on stepchildren. That doesn't change the fact that your DH also needs to up his game and be a better husband and father. You both need to do better by all your kids - what does it tell your little DS for example, if his big brother and sister are only included if daddy organises it?

CandyLeBonBon · 17/04/2022 13:33

@JengaTower

If you hadn't planned for them to come over then of course you wouldn't have bought them Easter eggs.

It was a last minute arrangement so he should be out buying eggs

They've known since WEDNESDAY. That's not 'last minute'.

Last minute suggests less than 24 hours' notice. Not 5 fucking days!!!

icanonlydosomuch · 17/04/2022 13:33

DH's ex bought an egg and outfit for DS, as one of her usual attempts to keep in DH's good books while I am painted as the evil stepmother. This is typical of the both of them tbh

DH's ex sounds nice and caring. However you sound petty and vindictive. I wouldn't want you to be my children's stepmum!

Sirzy · 17/04/2022 13:34

@JengaTower

If you hadn't planned for them to come over then of course you wouldn't have bought them Easter eggs.

It was a last minute arrangement so he should be out buying eggs

Surely most families would be getting eggs for the children even if not seeing them that day?
Popcornriver · 17/04/2022 13:34

Actually I just wanted to add on to my last post - if I was told on Wednesday we would have other children over for Easter and I'd personally made up a little Easter egg hunt for my own children, I'd have gotten some more eggs in so they could all play together. I still think it's really weird your husband didn't either buy eggs himself or just use a bit of basic communication. 'Oh you've planned an Easter activity for DS, is there enough for everyone or shall I get some more bits in?'

Surely he'll have wanted to know his children had an Easter egg from him regardless whether they were visiting. I also try and get DCs favourite chocolate for their eggs too so even if he assumed you were buying eggs for all, he might have asked which ones. Seems really confusing all round. What happened in the end OP? Have you shared out the eggs?

iRun2eatCake · 17/04/2022 13:35

DH's ex bought an egg and outfit for DS, as one of her usual attempts to keep in DH's good books while I am painted as the evil stepmother. This is typical of the both of them tbh

Now you're sounding nasty.

Think you need to decide what you are happy to do for your DSC, make it clear to DH and stick with your decision

ThisMustBeMyDream · 17/04/2022 13:35

@backtobusy

OP you can't actually be for real, although until your last post I was taken in.

DH's ex bought an egg and outfit for DS, as one of her usual attempts to keep in DH's good books while I am painted as the evil stepmother. This is typical of the both of them tbh

I'm off the find some chocolate to eat.

Yeah, I feel uncomfortable on this thread now. Something is off. Just another way to make stepmums look bad I suspect. Probably an ex-wife....
Moochio · 17/04/2022 13:35

He tried to insist that we should give some of DS' eggs to them later, I think he should give them some of the eggs MIL bought him you're right. He should have given up his own you can't make DS lose out just because his dad is crap.

Selttan · 17/04/2022 13:35

How many times do I see on here about women having to do all the gift buying for their partners family and how sick of carrying this load they are and many times posters suggest she looks after her family and leaves her partner to look after his.

Why is this different?

I think you should agree going forward that he will look after buying things for dsc unless he specifically asks you to purchase them (and that's ask not demand!).

All the blame is being given to the OP when all her husband had to do when telling her the dsc were coming for Easter is ask if she had purchased any eggs for them.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 17/04/2022 13:35

@eggsbenedict82 - to an extent, I agree that it shouldn’t be up to you to organise his children’s Easter - but you knew they were coming days ago, AND you know how hopeless he is at this stuff - as you said, he relies on his mum, his ex and you - so it was a pretty fair bet that he’d forget to sort out eggs/presents for his kids.

Knowing all of that, I am surprised that you didn’t give a moment’s thought to the feelings of two children who would arrive on Easter Sunday to find their dad’s new child with a pile of chocolate and presents, and absolutely nothing for them.

Yes, it isn’t your responsibility, but I feel so sorry for these kids who don’t seem to have anyone who cares about their feelings today.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In
This thread is not accepting new messages.