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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not have bought eggs for DSCs?

1002 replies

eggsbenedict82 · 17/04/2022 12:16

Long story short, DSD (10yo) and DSS (8yo) are being dropped off here later by DH's ex. The whole visit was arranged with short notice, and only briefly rushed past me, as DH knows I have been busy preparing Easter for our 3yo DS.
This morning, after DS had opened his eggs, DH asked where the DSCs eggs are so they can be set up for later.
I told him I had not bought any, and when he got indignant I said it's as simple as they're not my DCs, they're his, it's not my fault he's waited until Easter day, when no shops are open. Not my responsibility, but as per usual, I've been cast as the wicked stepmother - happy Easter, hey? HmmAIBU

OP posts:
Whitney168 · 17/04/2022 13:22

And as ever, cries of misogyny. I would think this were equally petty if it was the husband who'd done the shopping and bought eggs and gifts for just one of three children but had managed to buy for extended family as well.

The OP's posts and subsequent updates just smack of point-scoring and are not conducive to working as a team, whatever their individual sexes may be.

Anyone who says that obviously it's the woman who always does the shopping and is put upon needs to train their partners better.

ColdSeptember · 17/04/2022 13:22

Did you just not think of them at all, or did you deliberately leave them out? Poor children either way.

ImInStealthMode · 17/04/2022 13:22

@Blossomtoes We're in the Channel Islands.

Liberation Day is a local bank holiday celebrating the end of German occupation during WWII. It's a big deal here, lots of celebrations go on and most businesses close for the day.

@Constantcrayfish I'm told St Peter Grand Marche was stripped bare of Easter goods by last Saturday!

(Sorry for further derailing, everyone else).

Tothepoint99 · 17/04/2022 13:22

@Selttan

All those asking why she didn't just buy some eggs for dsc at the same time as ds - why aren't you asking why the father didn't buy any eggs got his children???

I think it's fair enough he give up his own eggs in this scenario not your ds eggs.

Yes. These gender stereotypes aren't going to go away when we ourselves reinforce them.
DaffodilsandCoffee · 17/04/2022 13:23

@eggsbenedict82 if I’d planned an egg hunt and found out on Wednesday that there were an extra couple of kids coming over that day, whoever those kids were, I would have added more eggs to the hunt and included them. I can’t understand why you wouldn’t want to do that, except as a way to punish or make a point to your partner, and it’s horrible to make kids suffer as a way of doing that.

The more you reply, and the more I think about it, the nastier this seems.

ELCismyspiritnana · 17/04/2022 13:23

I don’t live with my boyfriend, he has 3 children and both I and my parents got them all an Easter egg (and one, shock horror, is an adult)! If you “do Easter” then you buy an egg for all children in your life you care about. Yes, your DH is ultimately responsible but if he knew you were organising the Easter celebrations it’s not unreasonable to have assumed you would pick up an egg each for his kids along with your own.
I’m genuinely the first to deride men who make wives responsible for their things, but I do think getting them not even a small egg each is mean. Sorry OP.

twilightermummy · 17/04/2022 13:23

**shabbalabba

I'm just sitting here trying my hardest to figure out how those two children DIDN'T cross your mind the whole of the time you were prepping for Easter??

And why you didn't say to your dh...have you got them anything or will I add it in with Ds's?? Like...HOW???

My only conclusion is that they did indeed cross your mind @eggsbenedict82 and you decided categorically NOT to get them something! How utterly disgusting.**

This. I questioned the same thing.

Merryoldgoat · 17/04/2022 13:24

What is the point of marrying someone with children if you want to divide up all the responsibilities?

I ‘do’ the Easter stuff. Therefore that would extend to any children likely to attend.

DH does Halloween. He’d ask me who was coming and sort all the stuff etc.

If you are doing Easter prep it’s entirely reasonable to assume you’d include your step children.

Families with these built in divisions just won’t work long term and it’s irresponsible getting involved with someone who has existing children if this is the attitude.

Greensleeves · 17/04/2022 13:24

@Suprima

YANBU. But i doubt this is the first time he has been useless?

He doesn’t seem to care about your son having a nice Easter either- I doubt he took part in any of the preparations.

I hope you don’t split up- because he’s shown you exactly how he would treat your son.

I think they SHOUDL split up, since she despises him enough that she's prepared to hurt the children to score a point against him.

If this Easter Sunday is a representation of what family life is like for the children in this house, then it might be better for everyone if the "blended family" thing was called off. It isn't working.

Original poster
eggsbenedict82 · 17/04/2022 13:24

@JamieNorthlife

This is seriously irritating. Why are posters being nasty to OP? Blame the woman ....

You all need to chill a little bit. You are judging OP, but you have no idea if she was busy or not? Why is she the one preparing and buying everything? There is nothing wrong with just buying for her child and her nieces.

Their dad cannot just get away by dumping all the responsibility on OP. Why are you blaming the woman for not doing what posters think she should have guessed?

Did the DSC's mum buy anything for OP's child?

DH's ex bought an egg and outfit for DS, as one of her usual attempts to keep in DH's good books while I am painted as the evil stepmother. This is typical of the both of them tbh
OP posts:
LocalHobo · 17/04/2022 13:25

They are his children. Not some random unexpected relatives coming to stay, where you should be given notice/asked permission/need time to prepare.
It’s their home too. Or should be. When they are older, they may even - shock horror - just turn up to visit their DF, without anyone prepping you for it first.You sound resentful that they are coming over today and as if you don’t want them there. When it was mentioned on Wednesday, you had the opportunity to say “I haven’t got eggs for them, can you pick some up?” or to just get some yourself and involve them your whatever you have been “getting ready” all week. They are children. Siblings of your own DC.

Surely you could communicate over buying a chocolate egg for a child, you had 3 days opportunity.
Point scoring? Poor SC. Grow up.

Staffy1 · 17/04/2022 13:25

@ColdSeptember

Wow - so you've both had since Wednesday to communicate about this and, you know, make sure the step kids aren't left out. Did you not say, hang on DH, I've done loads for DS - do you want to pop to Tesco for a couple of extra eggs for them or shall I?

The golden child has an egg hunt and gifts and chocolate, and the step kids get fuck all.

In fact, all the adults in this scenario suck.

This
Hugasauras · 17/04/2022 13:25

You've chosen to marry and have a child with someone who already has young children. While some things are 'just' for parents, I cannot fathom arranging apparently a lot of things for one child and not caring about the other children because it's 'not my job'. You're a family now. How hard would it have been to get some extra eggs if needed and stick more around the garden/house for them all. Do you really care so little about your stepchildren?

I can't imagine being so petty and mercenary about who does what Sad What a horrible environment. You've both been crap and those poor kids are the ones who are missing out.

sweepeep · 17/04/2022 13:26

It shouldn't be put on me to prepare Easter for his children.

This comment would fly with me if you had no dc of your own...but you do and you were in the midst of prepping for your own and DN's a quick call to him to ask if you should include his two dc wouldn't have killed you!?!

Do you even like him? Or his dc for that matter...you sound horrible @eggsbenedict82!

icanonlydosomuch · 17/04/2022 13:26

It is his responsibility.

However, if I was buying some for my DC, I'd have phoned him from the shop and asked if he'd bought his children any yet or did he want me to pick a couple up whilst I was there.

It's called teamwork!

backtobusy · 17/04/2022 13:26

All of the adults come out of this pretty badly.
Mum leaves arrangements to last minute.
Dad can't be arsed to either get or make sure someone else has got eggs for all of his dc.
Step-mum buys eggs for a number of children but deliberately doesn't buy eggs for dsc.

It is the dsc I feel sorry for in this.

Sux2buthen · 17/04/2022 13:27

I would have, they're family. But then I'm a weirdo that likes to make sure kids are happy whether it's my 'responsibility' or not
I'm no longer with my kids deadbeat but I have an egg here for my teenage stepson should he rock up and my parents sent him one too

12yearsinazkaban · 17/04/2022 13:27

so he hasn't asked to see what you got until its too late. doesn't care what they get as long as you do it for him? no.
is your money joint or separate. if separate I'd go down the 'but I can't afford your duties too'

CandyLeBonBon · 17/04/2022 13:27

You've both known they were coming over since WEDNESDAY? And no-one did anything? You refused to do anything, your husband assumed you'd do it and their mum presumably thought their dad would take care of it?

You're all as bad as each other. I appreciate they're not your kids and there's the wider issue of the 'wife work' falling to you which needs managing, but I'm not sure why two children should suffer the fallout.

Dh should give up his chocolate eggs for the DSC and the Easter egg hunt should be a shared activity, so that the children don't lose out. It's not their fault the 3 adults in their lives can't organise a piss up in a brewery.

Blossomtoes · 17/04/2022 13:27

DH's ex bought an egg and outfit for DS, as one of her usual attempts to keep in DH's good books while I am painted as the evil stepmother. This is typical of the both of them tbh

Fucking hell. Just when you think it can’t get any worse. I think you’re the one doing the painting.

impossible · 17/04/2022 13:27

YABU - why would you not pick up extra eggs for you DSCs while buying them for your DS? If it didn't occur to you that seems odd so I can understand why your DH is put out.

Of course who does these domestic tasks is a different matter - next year ask your DH to sort out Easter for all his children.

Whitney168 · 17/04/2022 13:27

DH's ex bought an egg and outfit for DS, as one of her usual attempts to keep in DH's good books while I am painted as the evil stepmother. This is typical of the both of them tbh

Oh dear, OP, you really are sounding pettier and pettier, I think you're doing the painting fine yourself.

AKASammyScrounge · 17/04/2022 13:27

@2pinkginsplease

Who normally buys their eggs?

Surely you could have picked up 2 extra eggs when you picked up your own child’s egg?

Or maybe you both should have discussed it before now.

I agree. Why was it too much effort to buy three eggs instead of one? Or are you just scoring points against you re husband, reminding him that these children are nothing to do with you?
Rooroobear · 17/04/2022 13:28

“Do better” are you serious?? As stated all ops prep was done after her Tuesday delivery. She found out on Wednesday. His kids his responsibility. All this shit about communication. He could have suggested Easter eggs or god forbid, gone and bought some for HIS kids. I’m sure had op known before her delivery she would have got some but yet again let’s bash a stepmum….not her responsibility.

howtomoveforwards · 17/04/2022 13:28

DH's ex bought an egg and outfit for DS, as one of her usual attempts to keep in DH's good books while I am painted as the evil stepmother

Why couldn’t you just accept that with good grace?

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