To not have bought eggs for DSCs?

[eggsbenedict82]

Long story short, DSD (10yo) and DSS (8yo) are being dropped off here later by DH's ex. The whole visit was arranged with short notice, and only briefly rushed past me, as DH knows I have been busy preparing Easter for our 3yo DS.
This morning, after DS had opened his eggs, DH asked where the DSCs eggs are so they can be set up for later.
I told him I had not bought any, and when he got indignant I said it's as simple as they're not my DCs, they're his, it's not my fault he's waited until Easter day, when no shops are open. Not my responsibility, but as per usual, I've been cast as the wicked stepmother - happy Easter, hey? AIBU

HE should have made sure he had got them. They’re his children.

So is the child that did get the eggs and if OP ordered them one he would assume she ordered everyone else’s too.

The nieces are neither of their children but they got eggs too.

This isn’t about whose kids are whose.
Whoever is in charge of the shopping which was OP in this case should order an egg for everyone.

If DH had got eggs for his non residential children but not the child he shares with OP everyone would rightly say how selfish he is.

I think you and your husband have been a bit selfish. My dad and stepmom were like this when I was younger, no eggs for us, eggs for ‘their’ kids and a horrible atmosphere because they blamed each other and felt guilty, briefly, on the day. It really effected me as a child. Luckily my mum was ace and helped makeup for Their shortcomings over and over and over again.

Actually just read you knew on Wednesday...

Yes he should have but not getting them anything deliberately when you've had all that time is downright mean. This is exactly why some people take a dim view of stepmothers. Do better.

I think this highlights a lack of communication. If I wasn't buying sc an easter egg I'd have made it known.
However, like many others have said, I would have bought them one regardless in advance. If Im with their dad and they are in our lives they will be treated the same as my own dc.

The whole 'preparing for Easter' thing is alien to me - but if I'd been in your position, OP, I'd have just done it for all of the children.

If you knew on Wednesday that they were coming today, then there was plenty of time to have this conversation and one of you go out and buy eggs for them.
I don't see why he can't give them some of his eggs but really he needs to go off on an ester egg hunt of his own round the shops/garages that are open and see what he can find.

@2pinkginsplease

Who normally buys their eggs?

Surely you could have picked up 2 extra eggs when you picked up your own child’s egg?

Or maybe you both should have discussed it before now.

2 extra eggs that she didn't know MIGHT be required on the OFF CHANCE they'd be dropped off with no notice. Yep. Makes sense to me.

I don't think anyone is disputing that the DH is a useless father who should have sorted it out himself. It's just sad for the children that he happens to have a mean-spirited wife as well, who is happy to use her stepchildren's feelings to make a petty point.

She is also the one who was buying eggs for other children outside the immediate family, and "busy preparing Easter" for her own small child. So it's not a reach to assume that she might have got a couple for the other children who actually live in her house part-time, and whom she knew would be there on Easter Sunday.

You shouldn't have to but I'd have asked him what his plans were for the children when buying my child's. I bought a treat for family and a friend's children and I know I won't see them today.

Sorry I can see your point but it does seem petty and mean spirited, especially if you bought eggs for DS and your sister's kids, it seems like a deliberate action to leave SC out.

Unless there is some back story where he's totally taking the Mick and expects you to do everything for them and you were trying to prove some kind of point?

If I'm buying birthday cards and know MIL birthday is coming up for example I wouldn't think twice of picking up a card to save DH a job and this is the same sort of thing. Surely even if you weren't seeing them today you/DH would have passed on eggs when you saw them next.

Nothing wrong with his mum getting him eggs either, but definitely agree he should be passing those on and not taking from your DS!

From the sounds of it with the eggs your child already has and the ones that your MIL gave there are plenty of eggs to go around, alongside an egg hunt so I genuinely don’t get what the issue is. Surely a three year old doesn’t need more than one egg plus an egg hunt?? Can’t you just divide up the existing eggs so each child has at least one??

All that being said, I think it’s shit he just expected eggs for his kids to magically appear and never gave a thought to how that would happen if not by him, just assumed the woman in his life would do it.

@Willyoujustbequiet

Actually just read you knew on Wednesday...

Yes he should have but not getting them anything deliberately when you've had all that time is downright mean. This is exactly why some people take a dim view of stepmothers. Do better.

I had finished all my preparation on Wednesday. It shouldn't be put on me to prepare Easter for his children.

Wow - so you've both had since Wednesday to communicate about this and, you know, make sure the step kids aren't left out. Did you not say, hang on DH, I've done loads for DS - do you want to pop to Tesco for a couple of extra eggs for them or shall I?

The golden child has an egg hunt and gifts and chocolate, and the step kids get fuck all.

In fact, all the adults in this scenario suck.

It's clearly not a matter of her 'not thinking to buy one' or 'not caring to buy one' she's clearly tired of doing it all for his children and is proving the point. If she doesn't do it he won't either.

It's not the responsibility of the step parent to parent the children in their home. They have not come to spend Easter with OP, they have come to spend time with their Dad.

Everyone saying I would have bought it, so would OP. She's tired of fucking to always provide for her husband's kid with no gratitude or appreciation. Maybe when they pitch up and have nothing for easter he may think to double check next time rather than just assume his wife will do it.

Sorry, missed they were 8 and 10. So still quite young.

While no one is saying you should pander to your man child of a DH, it’s still little kids that are missing out here. So I think in future you need to get the ball rolling about discussing presents for them even if you don’t actively end up buying them. I like making a stand with the best of them, but not if it involves excluding children

You were buying them for your own DC so why not buy some for your DSC at the same time? It sounds like you did it on purpose to prove a point and you've ended up upsetting innocent children in the process.

Your husband probably assumed that if you were doing all these arrangements for your own son, you were probably considering the other family members too.

He over estimated just how much you prepared to accept his children

You should set some boundaries that make it clear what you are prepared to do so that no gets disappointed again.

You both sound really petty. Not really a hardship to drop in another couple of Easter eggs, don't you talk to each other?

YANBU. But i doubt this is the first time he has been useless?

He doesn’t seem to care about your son having a nice Easter either- I doubt he took part in any of the preparations.

I hope you don’t split up- because he’s shown you exactly how he would treat your son.

Sounds like you have a DH problem. Maybe you should give the man-child the boot if he doesnt bring much to the table. It's shit that he expects you to do all the wifework, but you can only fix that by addressing it with him. In life we get what we tolerate. Bear in mind, however, that his kids will be in your life forever regardless of your relationship with DH because they are your son's siblings. You aren't responsible for how your DH behaves and you are unlikely to change him, so just think about how you'd want your son to be treated by a stepmum if such a situation were to arise.

Can't understand why whoever did the shopping in your house didn't include easter eggs for all 3 children and not just your 3 year old. They should have been bought eggs whether or not they were going to be there today.
Wednesday is not short notice and if possible I would have have held off the Easter egg hunt until this afternoon so all 3 children could have done it together.
Also in our family, any step children / nieces / nephews receive eggs along with any other cousin. It would be like excluding them from the family children getting a selection box at Christmas.

Your dh & you now should maybe concentrate on getting some eggs and making the afternoon as fun as possible for all the children.

I would have bought them in your scenario OP, but your DH for the first time on Easter Sunday thinking to ask where his children’s Easter eggs were makes him very much the worse of the two of you.

He’s clearly sat back, expected you to do it all and then complained when you haven’t done it to his satisfaction. It’s classic male entitlement, just assuming he wouldn’t have to do anything.

I think YABU. It wouldn't have taken much to grab a couple of eggs for them!

My sympathies are with your two DSC.

Their father sounds like a waste of space.

I cannot imagine why anyone would buy easter eggs and a gift each for their child and their nieces and not buy for their stepchildren.