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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend asked me to do a lateral flow before I met her today ....cheeky?

131 replies

reeedleed · 16/04/2022 20:56

I have zero covid symptoms
I've had all 3 jabs she's had none
She doesn't believe in using anti bac /hand gel (fair enough )
Yet she had the audacity to ask me to do a lateral flow?
Aibu to think it's cheeky ?

OP posts:
Dguu6u · 17/04/2022 08:30

She doesn’t ‘believe’ in anti-bacterial hand gel? Like it’s the tooth fairy? She’s being ridiculous, she doesn’t understand or refuses to understand science. Her problem, she can do one.

TheWayOfTheWorld · 17/04/2022 08:31

Unless someone does an LFT in front of you, it's pretty meaningless anyway - people lie!

CuddlyCactus · 17/04/2022 08:32

Is the friend just about to go on holiday?
If I was I'd be cautious too and want to know people I met up with didn't have asymptomatic covid

WhackingPhoenix · 17/04/2022 08:41

@ArcheryAnnie

What do you mean by "doesn't trust the vaccines"? Do you mean "hasn't had the vaccines" or "has had the vaccines but doesn't consider them ironclad protection "?

Generally not cheeky to ask you to do a test. You can always say no, and then she can decide if she still wants to see you. I take tests before seeing family and friends in indoor locations where I expect to not wear a mask to eat, chat etc.

It says, clear as day in the OP, “I’ve had three jabs, she’s had none” Confused
starfro · 17/04/2022 08:49

@Dguu6u

She doesn’t ‘believe’ in anti-bacterial hand gel? Like it’s the tooth fairy? She’s being ridiculous, she doesn’t understand or refuses to understand science. Her problem, she can do one.
Anti-bac gel is more effective for viruses like influenza, it's a bit pointless for Covid.

Covid transmission is almost all airborne. The anti-bac thing harks back to 2020 before the main transmission vectors were known and it was assumed to be flu-like.

liveforsummer · 17/04/2022 09:03

@BritWifeInUSA

What hood would anti-bac hand gel do against a virus? I don’t see the relevance of mentioning that she won’t/doesn’t use anti-bac.
I wonder too why we are still obsessively using anti bad on hands for a virus we now know is not formite transmissible. I'd just take the test it's no big deal
crackingreward · 17/04/2022 09:13

@Dguu6u

She doesn’t ‘believe’ in anti-bacterial hand gel? Like it’s the tooth fairy? She’s being ridiculous, she doesn’t understand or refuses to understand science. Her problem, she can do one.

I think she probably does understand 'science' Grin

TigerLilyTail · 17/04/2022 09:22

I wonder too why we are still obsessively using anti bad on hands for a virus we now know is not formite transmissible. I'd just take the test it's no big deal

Do you have any links for this? My understand is that COVID-19 is primarily spread by airborne transmission, but hand-washing is still recommended as there can be surface transmission.

Ikeptgoing · 17/04/2022 09:32

@crackingreward
If you RTFT lots of other PPs think she is cheeky too, to demand this before OP can pop round. Friend refuses to take precautions to protect herself nor others, will have been going out herself, yet expects friend to take a (no longer free in U.K.) LFT test before OP visits. OP who has no symptoms visiting a fit and healthy person who OP does not indicate has any reason to worry (not CV , no mention of caring for a CEV person, not about to go on holiday or whatever) .

There is No mention of friend taking a mutual LFT test and as this friend is unvaccinated by choice she is the higher risk to others including OP.

It's not the end of the world but it would raise my eyebrows that this friend relies on everybody else protecting her and relies on herd protection but fails to do her part. But Friend still wants others to LFT test first. So yes, that falls under Hmm

I am CEV (as is one of my elderly parents) and we are all fully vaccinated btw, so I fully understand the risks which includes high risk to myself.

Ikeptgoing · 17/04/2022 09:33

I meant *to extra worry

crackingreward · 17/04/2022 09:35

@Ikeptgoing

I have read the full thread. I have commented on it more then once Confused

You telling me that lots of other people think she is cheeky too won't make my opinion suddenly change Hmm

crackingreward · 17/04/2022 09:36

expects friend to take a (no longer free in U.K.) LFT

This is incorrect.

HulaTheHedgehog · 17/04/2022 09:40

YANBU. Would have annoyed me too. Did she demand to see the 'proof' that you don't have covid?

dementedpixie · 17/04/2022 09:41

I gave up on the manic anti baccing ages ago. I am fully vaccinated

dementedpixie · 17/04/2022 09:44

Can still get free LFTs in scotland (for now)

georgarina · 17/04/2022 09:49

I see the issue with her refusing to protect herself and forcing those around her to do the work instead.

Just say you're vaxed and symptom free?

Latecomer131 · 17/04/2022 10:08

Unless your friend has a genuine health reason for not being vaxed, she is the one who poses the health risk to others, and she should be doing LFTs when symptomless so that her selfish, irrational choices don't negatively impact others.

I wouldn't even meet with a friend who refused to get vaxed (without a genuine health reason for not doing so).

Ikeptgoing · 17/04/2022 10:20

[quote crackingreward]@Ikeptgoing

I have read the full thread. I have commented on it more then once Confused

You telling me that lots of other people think she is cheeky too won't make my opinion suddenly change Hmm[/quote]
Ditto having RTFT, so you don't need to tell other people their opinions are wrong. Just accept this is an AIBU and we each have different viewpoints.

Other PPs have made similar points to me agreeing with OP's perspective, who would be Hmm at this Friend with all the context and information provided by OP.

frami · 17/04/2022 10:30

Not bothered about doing LFT (do them for work anyway) but if I were to ask someone to take one because they were visiting me I would pay/keep a stock of tests to give out.

DGRossetti · 17/04/2022 10:39

Doesn't trust the vaccine, but trusts the tests ?

And we aren't allowed to call people fucking stupid ...

gonnascreamsoon · 17/04/2022 10:45

OP, I'd say that she was being VERY cheeky if she hasn't ALSO done a LFT.

If she HAS done one, and is asking you to ALSO do one, then she's NOT being 'cheeky'.

As far as refusing vaccines and alcohol jel ? I think she is stupid and uneducated, but that's her perogative as an adult....

Brefugee · 17/04/2022 10:52

What's the problem with doing a test? she doesn't want to get covid, i don't blame her.
She isn't vaxxed but taking precautions - nothing is wrong with that at all.
It is the responsibile thing to do. no matter how many times the government says "it's over" it isn't.

Genevieva · 17/04/2022 10:53

I think it is rude and slightly mad.

Lateral flow testing was al sets a farce. No one can know if it was done properly or at all. My school had students who worked out how to get false positives to avoid classes they didn’t my want to attend. The tests failed their big public trial in Liverpool but were rolled out anyway. The US gov doesn’t recognise them because they can’t distinguish between influenza and coronaviruses…

By contrast the value of hand washing with antibacterial soap is settled in law. There was a case some years ago of a hobby farm that provided alcohol gel but no hand washing facilities near the petting area. A child used the gel then at their picnic lunch snd died from salmonella poisoning (or it might have been ecoli - it was about 10 y are ago). The judge ruled, based on scientific evidence, that alcohol gel is less effective than washing with soap and cannot replace it, so the farm was found liable for causing the child’s death.

shinynewapple22 · 17/04/2022 11:10

I think we are all finding our own way with what we feel comfortable with here . It will be different for everyone.

I get that you would feel fed up with her asking to test if you feel she isn't doing what she can to protect herself. Not having the vaccinations or using hand gel suggests maybe she is into very natural living, maybe a bit alternative ? And she is able to live safely this way because of other people's actions .

It's not too much of a hindrance to do a test before meeting up with someone - but I imagine that with tests no longer available freely there will be fewer people now who even have tests at home .

I think if she's asking you to do this it's fair for her to pay for the test.

shinynewapple22 · 17/04/2022 11:14

@PegsandBags

BTW friend had tested positive for Covid two weeks ago, so was well outside the isolation period and stayed at home in order to get well for the trip. Bummer for her.
There's your answer to why your friend's PCR came back positive then - nothing to do with the LFTs not being accurate . A PCR can show up as positive several weeks after infection - that's why people have always been told not to repeat PCR tests within a certain timescale .