Woman took pic of my DD on the bus today😂

[babyhaha]

So I had a miserable start to the day today.
I’m 38 weeks pregnant and will be having my C section on Tuesday. I booked a restaurant for DD, DP and I so we can have one last meal just the three of us before our newborn arrives. Whilst we were on the bus, the driver announced that the bus had to terminate as Westminster Bridge was closed because of protests. So here I was with the worst PGP known to man having to walk from Lambeth North all the way to the other side of the bridge.

Anyways! We were finally able to get on a bus and when I got on, I parked the pushchair in the wheelchair space and sat next to an older lady who was already sitting down. I noticed she was on her phone and then suddenly she put her phone up as if to take a picture. I looked at her phone to make sure it was facing her and not my DD but my surprise, she had put it facing DD and had actually taken a picture of her! (DP was also in it)

I said to her, ‘excuse me, why did you just take a picture of my child, delete that.’ She said ‘oh she’s just so cute,’ I said, ‘you can’t just take pictures of kids you don’t know without asking, you need to delete that.’ She deleted it with no hesitation and then I asked her to go into her recently deleted and delete it from there too. She didn’t know how to do that so she let me show her. She then replied ‘thank you, I respect your decision’ ???

It was such a bizzare but funny situation to be in. When I think back, I keep laughing because it just felt like a surreal moment! The last time I caught someone taking a picture of my DD, he was so embarrassed I caught him and was stuttering trying to give an explanation as to why. This woman’s reaction is so different to that and it’s making me chuckle. It’s also making me think how normal this could be? Do you ever see a cute baby and just take a picture of them without asking their parents? Has anything like this happened to you before?

And before anyone starts, this isn’t a case of PFB. I would have said the same if someone took a pic of my 14 year old sister, another family member or even a friend. You can’t just go taking pictures of people you don’t know because you want too!

@KokusnussFlips

I was in a shopping centre the other day and my son was playing on a small play area they have there. A woman came and stood next to me and was holding a camera up and it looked like my son was in her frame. I asked her not to take any photos of my son and she got offended by it. I originally thought she was another parent but it turns out she worked for the shopping centre and was taking photos to use in the promotional material. She was mightly offended that I didnt want my sons photo plastered all over their social media accounts. I think some people just dont get it.

In this case for promotional purposes it would be commercial use and require your permission

Unless the terms of entry to the shopping centre included you consenting to photos being taken for promotional purposes then she was very in the wrong

Name change fail so I guess that’s a sign for me to head out seriously this time!

But I bet you post pictures of them on Facebook for the whole world to see. Not saying she was right.

I don’t, never have.

I'm going to guess she has been pulled up on it before maybe in her family hence the reaction. One of those that thinks it doesn't count if they don't actually get told by the parent. I find it bizarre that anyone thinks its ok to take pictures of children that are not their parents without explicit permission.

Then again I work in social care and safeguarding so I am strict about photos and have had more than a few discussions when dc were babies about social media and pictures of them.

To be fair I have a lovely but insane family member that does absolutely respect my wishes and won't do it (anymore) but absolutely can't understand why. Bless her I've tried everything bar turning her hair white with work stories to explain. She now doesn't do it to anyone but explains its because o have told her not to, not because she understands why, just because it became a " we don't do this anymore " rule. It took a good while for her to understand it wasn't just if the parent saw and asked her to delete it.

I think you dealt with it well but I would bet my bottom dollar its not the first time she has pulled it.

@DoggoShark

ancientgran

If woman on bus was polite, she’d have asked before taking a photo of another persons child.

The woman on the bus was polite when questioned. She was within her rights to take the photo. OP was just rude.

I don’t have to say anything to fit your narrative that makes me sound polite. As I said, it was a very chilled conversation but I’m the one that sounds rude. Not the person who’s just opened their camera and taken a picture of my child. ok You told us what you said, excuse me, why did you just take a picture of my child, delete that You didn't ask her to delete it, you weren't polite about it, you ordered her to do it. You didn't have any legal basis to do that, you wanted her to do something for you so you should have asked politely.

Unless of course the exchange wasn't actually like that.

I wonder if the posters who witter on in their terribly cool mum way that the OP was being a control freak have ever worked in safeguarding, criminal justice or ever wandered outside their perfectly protected entitled bubble ?

It isn't remotely sane to value naivety that much. In my family there are 2 of us in social care safeguarding etc. We see the stories , I teach them. I've sat in courtrooms and prisons as have they. Neither of us allow pictures to be taken by others if we are able to control it largely because we have seen imaged from the other side and it's something that will stay with us to the day we die.

Might want to think about exactly which you prize more....social niceties and fussy silly little politeness or children's safety and their ability to control what happens to their own image. If any of you are in social care support please leave because you should know better.
It takes 2 seconds of working with predators to work out you don't shame other parents for protecting their kids because you want to kid yourselves we live in a fluffy happy world.

I wouldn’t take a picture of some random kid, but it’s perfectly legal in a public place. Street photography is a whole genre of photography; there are innumerable books and exhibitions of candid photos taken in public places all over the world, including kids, and photos like that appear in newspapers and magazines every day.

@Nietzschethehiker

I wonder if the posters who witter on in their terribly cool mum way that the OP was being a control freak have ever worked in safeguarding, criminal justice or ever wandered outside their perfectly protected entitled bubble ?

It isn't remotely sane to value naivety that much. In my family there are 2 of us in social care safeguarding etc. We see the stories , I teach them. I've sat in courtrooms and prisons as have they. Neither of us allow pictures to be taken by others if we are able to control it largely because we have seen imaged from the other side and it's something that will stay with us to the day we die.

Might want to think about exactly which you prize more....social niceties and fussy silly little politeness or children's safety and their ability to control what happens to their own image. If any of you are in social care support please leave because you should know better.
It takes 2 seconds of working with predators to work out you don't shame other parents for protecting their kids because you want to kid yourselves we live in a fluffy happy world.

I used to work for the vice squad in a large police force if that qualifies.

^

Woman took pic of my DD on the bus today😂208
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Yesterday 21:41 babyhaha

Nanny0gg
What would you have done if she'd said No?
@Nanny0gg snatched her phone and threw it out the back door! Joke.

What can I do? If she would have said no, I would have just asked why and left it at that. It’s not like I can take her phone off her and just delete it myself

^

Exactly.

A woman took a photo, it was legal, there was nothing going on to imply anything sinister

You weren’t keen on the photo having been taken, asked about it and asked for it to be deleted, and also were wise enough to fully delete it from the bin
Fair enough - no law to help you if she didn’t want it deleted

But an entirely adult and reasonable encounter took place with her happy to delete and also happy to hand you the phone to check / completely delete. No dramas

Even if she said no and you still weren’t happy then you could have referred to a ‘higher authority’ such as the driver or calling on the police - who would have only been able to mediate as no laws were broken

As long as you weren’t going to launch a wild attack if she said no then all is fine in the world

….. even finding some fun in the situation and laughing at is perfectly fine

The woman on the bus was polite when questioned. She was within her rights to take the photo. OP was just rude.

Legally maybe. But actually as buses are private property possibly not. Either way, most people don’t take photos of other people’s kids because we understand the issues around that.... that and I really wouldn’t want photos of kids I don’t know. If you’re not a weirdo or a street photographer 😂 what normal things could they commonly be wanted for? 🙃 I can only imagine that if I was to show my family/friends of a random child on the bus, they may think I’d lost the plot.

*photos of a random child

@ButtockUp

My adult daughter works in a famous London attraction. She has often regaled us of a particular group of people from a particular part of the world who would delight in taking photos of adults and children in wheelchairs or who displayed obvious non-typical behaviours.

This is so horrible and I’m surprised no one else has commented on it

Can your daughter or other staff stop this happening?

Our school bus doesn't allow photos but maybe others are different. The rest of my post still applies though.

Might want to think about exactly which you prize more....social niceties and fussy silly little politeness or children's safety and their ability to control what happens to their own image.
I've worked in safeguarding if that helps.
A child who is not in hiding from anyone (whether DV / fostering etc) is not at risk from an old lady having a photo of them while they are fully clothed. Children appear on TV, in films, in adverts etc; even adverts for child clubs and school magazines feature photographs of children. The photograph is not what makes a child unsafe.
Meanwhile if DS grows up with such low self esteem that he is troubled by what he perceives to be an unflattering photo of him as a small child, then we haven't done our job in building his confidence and resilience.

This reminds me of something that happened to my niece: She celebrated her 18th Birthday was a big party for herself on the beach. Later one of her friends sent her a link where a total stranger had taken a selfie with their back to the party (the party in the background), posted it on Instagram and claimed to have had a party on the beach!!!

How weird is that?!

You have no control over what happens with an image of yourself or your children. You can ask people to delete a photo they've taken but you can't force them to; even the police can't do that. You can't expect privacy in a public space either so if you're in the street or at the park then you can't stop someone from taking photos.

I personally would be bothered by someone taking photos of me or my dc and would ask them not to (and have done so in the past) but wouldn't shout at them for it.

@DoggoShark

The woman on the bus was polite when questioned. She was within her rights to take the photo. OP was just rude.

Legally maybe. But actually as buses are private property possibly not. Either way, most people don’t take photos of other people’s kids because we understand the issues around that.... that and I really wouldn’t want photos of kids I don’t know. If you’re not a weirdo or a street photographer 😂 what normal things could they commonly be wanted for? 🙃 I can only imagine that if I was to show my family/friends of a random child on the bus, they may think I’d lost the plot.

Well I wouldn't take photos of random kids, I've got 6 GC all cute so I don't need to. My point is the OP was rude to tell the woman "delete it" as she hadn't done anything wrong. The OP is entitled to not want the woman to have the photo but nothing wrong with politely asking her to delete it.

@ZerotwoZero

As others have said, its good to be cautious but perfectly legal. In fact once she took the initial picture the image became her intellectual property on her phone and you had no right to demand she deleted it, but that's a whole new thread I supposed.

This could be looked at two ways, she could have simply been an old woman, who was very lonely with no immediate family and may well still be upset right now or she could simply be a suspicious character. Who knows but still laughing about her and plastering it on social media does puzzle me.

I just hope it not the former and you are not the lonely old woman with no family one day.

So that makes it ok and the OP should have let her crack on? Would you say the same had the photographer been a man?

Yes, it’s legal, no, it’s not ethical or appropriate to take pictures of anyone, let alone a child, without asking the parent, not that I would dream of asking.

@Cherrysoup

So that makes it ok and the OP should have let her crack on? Would you say the same had the photographer been a man?

Exactly this. ^ I can only imagine the reactions on here (from some) if it had been a man taking the picture! Although some people are acting like they wouldn't mind, even if it WAS a man, and people are being OTT and dramatic because THEY would be OK with it! Yeah right! SURE you would!

Yes, it’s legal, but no, it’s not ethical or appropriate to take pictures of anyone, let alone a child, without asking the parent, not that I would dream of asking.

Also this. ^ I don't believe ANYONE who says they would be OK with some random weirdo pointing a camera at their child and taking photographs of them without permission. What an utter crock!

Also, I can't BELIEVE some people are comparing just being caught in the background on other peoples photos, or being caught walking down the street on cctv, to some random nobody actually deliberately pointing the camera at your CHILD, and taking a photograph of them.

Why the fuck does someone that I (and my child,) has never met before, need a photograph of MY CHILD? They don't know them, they have never met them, and they never WILL know them or meet them. Wanting to take photos of some stranger's CHILD is as creepy as fuck. I don't believe ANYone who says they think it's OK.

In my family there are 2 of us in social care safeguarding etc. We see the stories , I teach them. I've sat in courtrooms and prisons as have they. Neither of us allow pictures to be taken by others if we are able to control it largely because we have seen imaged from the other side and it's something that will stay with us to the day we die.

I’ve no doubt, and that’s horrible, but you’re letting it cloud your judgement. I’m not saying it’s usual or an everyday occurrence, but there are surely zero implications for safeguarding, if a stranger takes a photo, in a public place, of a fully clothed anonymous child who is with their parents? I’m really curious as to what harm that alone can do?

I don't believe ANYONE who says they would be OK with some random weirdo pointing a camera at their child and taking photographs of them without permission. What an utter crock!

Me neither, aside from those who plaster their children all over the Internet anyway on their social media etc- they have no regard for their children.

@watcherintherye

In my family there are 2 of us in social care safeguarding etc. We see the stories , I teach them. I've sat in courtrooms and prisons as have they. Neither of us allow pictures to be taken by others if we are able to control it largely because we have seen imaged from the other side and it's something that will stay with us to the day we die.

I’ve no doubt, and that’s horrible, but you’re letting it cloud your judgement. I’m not saying it’s usual or an everyday occurrence, but there are surely zero implications for safeguarding, if a stranger takes a photo, in a public place, of a fully clothed anonymous child who is with their parents? I’m really curious as to what harm that alone can do?

It's weird if nothing else though, are they going to flick through photos of random children on an evening- aw that one was sweet, oh how cute. Like, why?

It's weird if nothing else though, are they going to flick through photos of random children on an evening- aw that one was sweet, oh how cute. Like, why?

Lots of photo taking is weird really. I mean why struggle to get a good photo of The Vatican/Buckingham Palace/The Kremlin. For pennies you can buy postcards of them that are probably much better quality so why do it?