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AIBU?

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Original poster

Woman took pic of my DD on the bus today😂

241 replies

babyhaha · 15/04/2022 19:38

So I had a miserable start to the day today.
I’m 38 weeks pregnant and will be having my C section on Tuesday. I booked a restaurant for DD, DP and I so we can have one last meal just the three of us before our newborn arrives. Whilst we were on the bus, the driver announced that the bus had to terminate as Westminster Bridge was closed because of protests. So here I was with the worst PGP known to man having to walk from Lambeth North all the way to the other side of the bridge.

Anyways! We were finally able to get on a bus and when I got on, I parked the pushchair in the wheelchair space and sat next to an older lady who was already sitting down. I noticed she was on her phone and then suddenly she put her phone up as if to take a picture. I looked at her phone to make sure it was facing her and not my DD but my surprise, she had put it facing DD and had actually taken a picture of her! (DP was also in it)

I said to her, ‘excuse me, why did you just take a picture of my child, delete that.’ She said ‘oh she’s just so cute,’ I said, ‘you can’t just take pictures of kids you don’t know without asking, you need to delete that.’ She deleted it with no hesitation and then I asked her to go into her recently deleted and delete it from there too. She didn’t know how to do that so she let me show her. She then replied ‘thank you, I respect your decision’ ???

It was such a bizzare but funny situation to be in. When I think back, I keep laughing because it just felt like a surreal moment! The last time I caught someone taking a picture of my DD, he was so embarrassed I caught him and was stuttering trying to give an explanation as to why. This woman’s reaction is so different to that and it’s making me chuckle. It’s also making me think how normal this could be? Do you ever see a cute baby and just take a picture of them without asking their parents? Has anything like this happened to you before?

And before anyone starts, this isn’t a case of PFB. I would have said the same if someone took a pic of my 14 year old sister, another family member or even a friend. You can’t just go taking pictures of people you don’t know because you want too!

OP posts:
Original poster
babyhaha · 15/04/2022 21:42

@SilverDoe

You don't really need to point out that you're not me and that different people have different reactions, that's kind of par for the course.

But there is a spectrum of social norms and I feel fairly safe in saying most people wouldn't have found anything about this ha ha funny, it's peculiar. I guess I am trying to say I am finding the whole situation including posting about it kind of unsettling for some reason and I can't quite put my finger on why.

I think it's because sometimes people laugh to hide deception or mask other emotions so I guess the several iterations of you saying you found it funny have raised hackles. But it's your thread after all so I'll just stop posting as the whole thing and whole slightly aggressive "I'm so great at confronting people and so socially skilled it's not a problem for me unlike you socially inept weirdos" is all a bit much and is not benefitting me or you or anyone.

@SilverDoe seriously what are you even talking about. No one’s being slightly aggressive. If that’s what you’ve taken from my comments then that’s on you
OP posts:
Patchbatch · 15/04/2022 21:43

Until very recently (historically) there was no problem at all with people choosing to take photos of whoever they liked. I've recently found photos of my sister and I taken at Reading Festival in the early nineties by someone we didn't know, because it was just normal then. I don't feel violated and won't have sleepless nights wondering why the photos were taken.

When I flick through old photos I wonder how many I'm in the background of random strangers ones. Stored away in attics, boxes, Christmas chocolate tins and under beds collecting dust.

Patchbatch · 15/04/2022 21:44

I don't really get the big deal, she took a photo, you asked her to delete it and she did and was polite about it.

NotExactlyHappyToHelp · 15/04/2022 21:45

This reminds me of when DP and I had a day out in Stratford Upon Avon. We rented a little row boat and it was a gorgeous sunny day. We rowed up to the point where you had to turn back on yourself and while the boat was stationary a moment had a little kiss thinking we were all alone. We were suddenly interrupted by the sounds of cameras clicking and giggling. There was a large group of foreign tourists on the bank at the church who’d spotted us and decided it was a cute photo OP (I’m not bad when viewed from afar Grin).

Felt like I’d had a teeny glimpse into what being followed by the paparazzi felt like. One of them even called out ‘More kiss’ Blush

ThinWomansBrain · 15/04/2022 21:45

it's only three years since legislation was introduced against upskirting.

I found a weirdly positioned phone in a toilet cubicle a couple of years ago. I dropped it in the loo.

Fishwishy · 15/04/2022 21:50

I don't think the lady did anything illegal though. Taking a photo in a public place isn't illegal. You were lucky she deleted it.

poppetandmog · 15/04/2022 21:51

I wonder if she was angry you parked your pram in the wheelchair space and was taking a picture of that rather than your child specifically? Maybe going to shame you on social media or something (btw, I don't think there's anything wrong with you parking your pram there but I have seen threads about this before.)

HeArInGhandsgirl11 · 15/04/2022 21:55

OP I get the humour. You don't actually think the lady is funny.. just a bizarre situation.
I'm glad you didn't go crazy at her especially if she was older. Probably just harmless

Tigger85 · 15/04/2022 21:59

Anyone can take photos of anyone else in a public place. Theres a popular genre of photography called street photography which is basically taking arty or candid photographs of strangers including children in public.

Staffy1 · 15/04/2022 22:00

When I was a baby it was quite normal for people to go up to babies and pinch their cheeks and coo over them. Apparently someone gave me a chocolate when my mother left me outside a shop in the pram, which ended up all over my white fluffy outfit. This was quite normal back then, so older people would probably think nothing was wrong with taking a picture of a cute baby without asking the parent. They would probably even think you would take it as a compliment.

Original poster
babyhaha · 15/04/2022 22:09

Where is the harm of someone taking a photo of a random, fully clothed child? Some of you are implying that it could be for something nefarious but I'd like someone to spell it out because I'm struggling to grasp it. Kidnapping, pedophilia, what?

@namechangetheworld for me, it isn’t just about something sinister. I don’t want a complete stranger, someone I do not know at all, to take a picture of my DD. Is it just going to stay in her phone? Will she send it to friends and/or family? I don’t know her so why should I just be okay with her taking a picture of my child. If you’re fine with it then that’s your choice. I’m not

OP posts:
Milomonster · 15/04/2022 22:12

If she wasn’t giving off weird vibes, it wouldn’t bother me in the slightest given her age. Perhaps she wasn’t “English” and from another culture, which is open and warm towards children. I’ve travelled extensively around the world with DS and am always touched by the warmth shown to him. She was polite I’m her response, and I don’t find it odd at all. I’m not saying it’s ok for a random to take pics of kids, I’m saying it’s better to judge the situation first.

Original poster
babyhaha · 15/04/2022 22:13

We are all likely to be in photos we are not aware of it is weird when you think about it

Very true!

OP posts:
Original poster
babyhaha · 15/04/2022 22:17

@NotExactlyHappyToHelp

This reminds me of when DP and I had a day out in Stratford Upon Avon. We rented a little row boat and it was a gorgeous sunny day. We rowed up to the point where you had to turn back on yourself and while the boat was stationary a moment had a little kiss thinking we were all alone. We were suddenly interrupted by the sounds of cameras clicking and giggling. There was a large group of foreign tourists on the bank at the church who’d spotted us and decided it was a cute photo OP (I’m not bad when viewed from afar Grin).

Felt like I’d had a teeny glimpse into what being followed by the paparazzi felt like. One of them even called out ‘More kiss’ Blush

@NotExactlyHappyToHelp
OP posts:
Magnoliayellowbird · 15/04/2022 22:17

I couldn't get worked up about this tbh. But then I grew up in the pre internet age when I only took photos of my family, various holiday places and weddings. I'm sure that many unknown people are in the background but so what?

The world has changed so much. I still can't see the problem with someone taking a photo of a child - presumably because they are cute. What exactly is eating people up about this? What are they scared of? (I'm sure someone will be along to tell me).

Original poster
babyhaha · 15/04/2022 22:18

@NotExactlyHappyToHelp sorry! I didn’t type a reply. I was meant to reply saying

🤣🤣ffs. Now this really did make me laugh

OP posts:
whataboutbob · 15/04/2022 22:18

When my dad developed dementia being around small children was one of the few things that calmed him. Nothing sinister, he just liked seeing them and found them very adorable and enjoyed just looking at them.

Original poster
babyhaha · 15/04/2022 22:22

@poppetandmog

I wonder if she was angry you parked your pram in the wheelchair space and was taking a picture of that rather than your child specifically? Maybe going to shame you on social media or something (btw, I don't think there's anything wrong with you parking your pram there but I have seen threads about this before.)
@poppetandmog I highly doubt it. You’re allowed to park your pushchair in the wheelchair space as long as a wheelchair user doesn’t need it (says it on the stickers on the bus). I really do believe she took a picture because she thought DD was cute
OP posts:
mjf981 · 15/04/2022 22:23

I think it’s a bit odd, but I think your response is OTT. And you sound rude.
Why does it matter if a complete stranger has a picture of your child?

gettingolderbutcooler · 15/04/2022 22:24

People used to take pics of my twins all the time. Mostly Japanese tourists ☺️

Original poster
babyhaha · 15/04/2022 22:38

@mjf981

I think it’s a bit odd, but I think your response is OTT. And you sound rude. Why does it matter if a complete stranger has a picture of your child?
@mjf981 because I don’t want a complete stranger taking a picture of my child… especially as they haven’t even asked. My response wasn’t OTT and there was nothing rude about it. Sorry I’m not a doormat and will speak up when I feel uncomfortable in a situation. Just because you would feel okay with it doesn’t mean I will
OP posts:
EliyanahM · 15/04/2022 22:45

I think you're all a bit weird.
An old lady takes a photo of my child because she thinks he's so cute then graciously deletes it.

Flattered. Next.

lameasahorse · 15/04/2022 22:46

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

WingingItSince1973 · 15/04/2022 22:49

The OP isn't talking about her dd being in the background of a photo like many of us probably are in photos all over the world. It was someone in close proximity aiming her camera at her dd. To me that's just stepping over the bounds of politeness. Would any of us like it if we were sat somewhere and someone turned their camera on you, not on something else catching you in the background but making you the actual subject of the pic? It's just plain weird. I get the arty shots etc and I love looking at urban photos and social history photos but it's not the same.

Fulmine · 15/04/2022 22:50

You can’t just go taking pictures of people you don’t know because you want to

You can, you know. She would have been perfectly entitled to tell you to fuck off when you demanded that she delete the photo.

OP, have you ever taken a picture of, say a tourist site or something like the seaside or your child on an amusement park ride? How much care do you take to ensure that there are no pictures of other people in your photos? Have a look at newspapers, photos of hundreds, occasionally thousands of people are published - do you imagine they've got permission from each of them?

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