Woman took pic of my DD on the bus today😂

[babyhaha]

So I had a miserable start to the day today.
I’m 38 weeks pregnant and will be having my C section on Tuesday. I booked a restaurant for DD, DP and I so we can have one last meal just the three of us before our newborn arrives. Whilst we were on the bus, the driver announced that the bus had to terminate as Westminster Bridge was closed because of protests. So here I was with the worst PGP known to man having to walk from Lambeth North all the way to the other side of the bridge.

Anyways! We were finally able to get on a bus and when I got on, I parked the pushchair in the wheelchair space and sat next to an older lady who was already sitting down. I noticed she was on her phone and then suddenly she put her phone up as if to take a picture. I looked at her phone to make sure it was facing her and not my DD but my surprise, she had put it facing DD and had actually taken a picture of her! (DP was also in it)

I said to her, ‘excuse me, why did you just take a picture of my child, delete that.’ She said ‘oh she’s just so cute,’ I said, ‘you can’t just take pictures of kids you don’t know without asking, you need to delete that.’ She deleted it with no hesitation and then I asked her to go into her recently deleted and delete it from there too. She didn’t know how to do that so she let me show her. She then replied ‘thank you, I respect your decision’ ???

It was such a bizzare but funny situation to be in. When I think back, I keep laughing because it just felt like a surreal moment! The last time I caught someone taking a picture of my DD, he was so embarrassed I caught him and was stuttering trying to give an explanation as to why. This woman’s reaction is so different to that and it’s making me chuckle. It’s also making me think how normal this could be? Do you ever see a cute baby and just take a picture of them without asking their parents? Has anything like this happened to you before?

And before anyone starts, this isn’t a case of PFB. I would have said the same if someone took a pic of my 14 year old sister, another family member or even a friend. You can’t just go taking pictures of people you don’t know because you want too!

She..didn’t…find…it…funny

I couldn't get worked up about it. Weird, but harmless. When our eldest was small she used to get a lot of attention, especially from older generation - she was all blonde curls and beautiful dresses now a toothless six year old who lives in hoodies One day a lady walked by who was on a video call to her sister in India, and she asked DH and I to let me show my daughter to her sister on her video call because she was so cute. We thought it was strange, but harmless, and we let her.

Where is the harm of someone taking a photo of a random, fully clothed child? Some of you are implying that it could be for something nefarious but I'd like someone to spell it out because I'm struggling to grasp it. Kidnapping, pedophilia, what?

@BertieBotts

She deleted it with no hesitation and then I asked her to go into her recently deleted and delete it from there too. She didn’t know how to do that so she let me show her. She then replied ‘thank you, I respect your decision’ ???

This is EXACTLY what my mum would do/say if you confronted her over something like this. I have no idea if she would take a photo in the first place (I would hope not...) but I also notice other people in her generation e.g. friend's mothers/MILs repost pictures of their grandchildren constantly all over FB or post pictures that they often have already or share their (child/child-in-law's) post about the grandchildren, in a way that people in my generation don't do any more with their own kids.

I don't think it feels the same to them as it feels to us - they haven't had camera phones for as long (most of us got them as soon as they were available whereas my mum had a brick phone + separate digital camera until smartphones became the absolute default) and I think they see it as a private thing and don't necessarily realise the way that younger people see image sharing as being public.

And before somebody jumps on me I'm sure there are members of that generation who are internet savvy and completely understand privacy concerns and have had smartphones since 2010 but there are also a lot who are later adopters, and it doesn't hurt to come to something from a point of understanding rather than judgement.

This!!

@VyeBrator

I said, ‘you can’t just take pictures of kids you don’t know without asking

The thing is she can, so you're lucky she deleted it really.

Exactly. Perfectly legal. Just think how many times we are filmed when out and about.

@Goldijobsandthe3bears

She..didn’t…find…it…funny

The OP literally says in the OP and subsequent posts that she found it funny.

@RainySmarties

I think you handled it very well op. If she was elderly she probably didn't realise how sinister this can be. It doesn't sound like she meant harm and I'm glad you didn't "go loco" on her.

@RainySmarties thank you! Obviously you don’t have ever know anyone’s intentions. It could have been something sinister or maybe she just wanted a pic of my DD because she genuinely thought she was cute. Either way there was no reason to go ‘loco’ on her at all. I think some people forget there’s ways to speak to people without raising hell

No she didn’t!!!

I know you're annoyed but just forget about it. She didn't mean any harm.

@Alcemeg

How old was she, d'you think, OP?

I'm in my early 60s. I grew up with a Brownie camera that only took square pictures, 12 at a time, and you had to wait for them to be developed and printed when you got home. It was expensive (by my standards), and sometimes the shop lost the film. So taking photos was a rare luxury. Not quite the Victorian portrait era, but actually, looking at today's proliferation of digital imagery, closer to the Victorian portrait era than to today!

I remember my brother taking a Polaroid photo of me when I was 15, and the excitement as we watched it develop right in front of our eyes. We couldn't believe it! That's as instant as photography got, and it was in black and white. (god, I sound like a fucking dinosaur!!!)

I'd never dream of taking photos of some stranger's kids, but only because I'm not particularly interested in other people's children. But the novelty of having something as portable as a mobile phone, where you can see pictures instantly, is probably intoxicating to some people of my generation who have room for a little hobby in their life.

I'm such a clucking nincompoop if confronted by evidence of my own lack of connection to reality (or "current etiquette") that I'd probably react a bit like she did, if caught stashing away photos to enjoy later. Mine would be of cats and sunsets and countryside, but my DH is quite a bit younger than me and has scolded me for taking photos in busy malls etc. It never crossed my mind that I was violating privacy boundaries that never existed before. The public realm used to be the public realm, no one ringfenced it.

For those of us who don't have a social media profile and don't get the compulsion to share this sort of thing, the new etiquette feels a bit weird. I understand it, but not everyone is a pervert.

@Alcemeg thank you for the insight, that’s helpful to know. I would say she was early to mid 50s maybe

Once on my class residential, we were making our way to our next activity (kids all kitted out in their equipment) and a group of tourists began filming them, so bizarre. There was a child who could not be on any photographs for their safety. The tourists seemed to think we were crazy for asking them to delete the video, it was totally inappropriate.
I would never think to do that. Even when out with my own family I try my best to get as few people in our pictures as possible (in the background etc).

@Goldijobsandthe3bears

No she didn’t!!!

Do you struggle with reading comprehension? She has literally said she found the woman's reaction funny and has defended that several times.

This is literally the most pointless conversation of my life though so, okay, you do you.

Isn't it horrible how things have changed since the invention of the internet? A lot of you on here probably haven't even experienced 'before'.

I haven't read the full thread but imagine the woman who took the photo was 'older'? Until very recently (historically) there was no problem at all with people choosing to take photos of whoever they liked. I've recently found photos of my sister and I taken at Reading Festival in the early nineties by someone we didn't know, because it was just normal then. I don't feel violated and won't have sleepless nights wondering why the photos were taken.

My DD was born in the early 2000s and I wouldn't have been at all bothered if a random woman on the bus had taken a photo of her. Maybe I'd have found it a little unusual but not everyone understands the rules of etiquette. I feel sad that the present generation of parents have been made to worry so much about 'stranger danger' that they've lost the ability to rationally judge situations such as this.

@SilverDoe

I gotta say I don't find it funny either. I don't find her reaction funny, your reaction funny, or anything. I would have been upset and stressed to be put in a situation where I would have had to confront someone like that and about something like that, even if it turned out okay like it did with you.

I'm not saying you should have been angry or outraged or rude, just the fact you find it funny is really weird to me.

YWNBU to not want a random stranger taking pics of your DC.

@SilverDoe but I’m clearly not you? I was neither upset or stressed because I don’t have a problem communicating with strangers. It may have felt confrontational to some but to me it’s no problem at all

@Goldijobsandthe3bears

No she didn’t!!!

Yes she has.

But because I look back and find it funny and I’ve used an emoji in the title, I’ve done something wrong. Haha can’t win on here

She found the woman’s reaction funny, and?

I forgot how bizarre this site can be

What would you have done if she'd said No?

You don't really need to point out that you're not me and that different people have different reactions, that's kind of par for the course.

But there is a spectrum of social norms and I feel fairly safe in saying most people wouldn't have found anything about this ha ha funny, it's peculiar. I guess I am trying to say I am finding the whole situation including posting about it kind of unsettling for some reason and I can't quite put my finger on why.

I think it's because sometimes people laugh to hide deception or mask other emotions so I guess the several iterations of you saying you found it funny have raised hackles. But it's your thread after all so I'll just stop posting as the whole thing and whole slightly aggressive "I'm so great at confronting people and so socially skilled it's not a problem for me unlike you socially inept weirdos" is all a bit much and is not benefitting me or you or anyone.

@KokusnussFlips

I was in a shopping centre the other day and my son was playing on a small play area they have there. A woman came and stood next to me and was holding a camera up and it looked like my son was in her frame. I asked her not to take any photos of my son and she got offended by it. I originally thought she was another parent but it turns out she worked for the shopping centre and was taking photos to use in the promotional material. She was mightly offended that I didnt want my sons photo plastered all over their social media accounts. I think some people just dont get it.

My husband is 75. He bought a book about the history of a seaside resort he used to go to as a child. He was thrilled when he found himself at about 5 playing at the boating pond.

Seems an OK interaction to me. She took a photo in a public place, you told her you didn't like your child being photographed, she said she respected your decision on that and deleted it as requested, which she didn't need to do but was polite and respectful of her.

It seems that people on here must have comprehension skills.

If you re read my OP, I said ‘It was such a bizzare but funny situation to be in. When I think back, I keep laughing because it just felt like a surreal moment! The last time I caught someone taking a picture of my DD, he was so embarrassed I caught him and was stuttering trying to give an explanation as to why. This woman’s reaction is so different to that and it’s making me chuckle.’

I find her REACTION funny in comparison to the last person I caught taking pictures of my DD. If someone caught me taking pictures of their child and then asked me to delete it, I’d be embarrassed and slightly ashamed. I wouldn’t be thanking them for showing me how to delete the picture and then telling them that I respect their decision because I wouldn’t have taken the picture in the first place!

I then put a laughing emoji in the title because I’m not at home angry at what happened. Now that the picture has been deleted, I barely care. I posted the story to see if anyone else had experienced anything similar and to see if this was ‘normal’ or not.

If I would have come on here saying I’m so angry/upset and can’t believe this happened. People would be telling me to get a grip, ‘PFB’ and whatnot. If I came on here and said, ‘I saw this woman take a picture of my baby and never said anything because I thought it was funny’ then that’s a different thing. People always want to find something wrong with what you say/ do on here. So tiring. I look back and find it funny so what. The picture still got deleted and I’d love to know how many of you would have spoken up in that situation. By the comments it seems like not a lot

I would say she was early to mid 50s maybe

That's the age people usually give me, so it's quite possible she's older.

It’s an odd situation and sometimes we laugh when in an awkward situation not sure why you getting a hard time over it

When visiting a museum a woman asked to take ds photo I think he was about 2 I didn’t mind it was his reaction she was trying to catch. Another time some Japanese tourists as they loves his hair again I didn’t mind and ds was fine

But they asked. If ds or I felt uncomfortable I would have said no

We are all likely to be in photos we are not aware of it is weird when you think about it

I think yanbu, even though I personally wouldn’t have minded you did, and you politely said something and the woman was fine and you found it a little funny. I’m not sure why people here are having a go?

@Nanny0gg

What would you have done if she'd said No?

@Nanny0gg snatched her phone and threw it out the back door! Joke.

What can I do? If she would have said no, I would have just asked why and left it at that. It’s not like I can take her phone off her and just delete it myself