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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Woman took pic of my DD on the bus today😂

241 replies

babyhaha · 15/04/2022 19:38

So I had a miserable start to the day today.
I’m 38 weeks pregnant and will be having my C section on Tuesday. I booked a restaurant for DD, DP and I so we can have one last meal just the three of us before our newborn arrives. Whilst we were on the bus, the driver announced that the bus had to terminate as Westminster Bridge was closed because of protests. So here I was with the worst PGP known to man having to walk from Lambeth North all the way to the other side of the bridge.

Anyways! We were finally able to get on a bus and when I got on, I parked the pushchair in the wheelchair space and sat next to an older lady who was already sitting down. I noticed she was on her phone and then suddenly she put her phone up as if to take a picture. I looked at her phone to make sure it was facing her and not my DD but my surprise, she had put it facing DD and had actually taken a picture of her! (DP was also in it)

I said to her, ‘excuse me, why did you just take a picture of my child, delete that.’ She said ‘oh she’s just so cute,’ I said, ‘you can’t just take pictures of kids you don’t know without asking, you need to delete that.’ She deleted it with no hesitation and then I asked her to go into her recently deleted and delete it from there too. She didn’t know how to do that so she let me show her. She then replied ‘thank you, I respect your decision’ ???

It was such a bizzare but funny situation to be in. When I think back, I keep laughing because it just felt like a surreal moment! The last time I caught someone taking a picture of my DD, he was so embarrassed I caught him and was stuttering trying to give an explanation as to why. This woman’s reaction is so different to that and it’s making me chuckle. It’s also making me think how normal this could be? Do you ever see a cute baby and just take a picture of them without asking their parents? Has anything like this happened to you before?

And before anyone starts, this isn’t a case of PFB. I would have said the same if someone took a pic of my 14 year old sister, another family member or even a friend. You can’t just go taking pictures of people you don’t know because you want too!

OP posts:

SquirrelG · 15/04/2022 22:50

because I don’t want a complete stranger taking a picture of my child… especially as they haven’t even asked. My response wasn’t OTT and there was nothing rude about it.

It was OTT - photographers have been taking photos of strangers for years, read a pp about street photography, it's quite common. What is so special about your DD that she in particular can't be photographed? You sound batty.

DogsAndGin · 15/04/2022 22:53

@Goldijobsandthe3bears

It’s odd, weirdly legal though 😄 I once had a carer approach me as the person they were with wanted to take a picture of my son as he was covered in head to toe with mud, I let them but it’s different as they asked.

No. It’s not legal to take photos of anyone under 16.

DoorWasAJar · 15/04/2022 22:57

@LillyDeValley

‘I have auburn hair and lived in China for a year. I regularly was photographed by random people, people would just touch my hair, I think that was a novelty factor rather then cuteness.’

Same happened to me but in Botswana, people on the street or in shops would just touch my hair or skin cause they’d never touched a white person before, it made for some awkward situations.

Fulmine · 15/04/2022 22:58

No. It’s not legal to take photos of anyone under 16

You are mistaken. It's perfectly legal.

WiddlinDiddling · 15/04/2022 23:00

Why do people do it?

I guess some do it as taking pics is super easy to do now, and they want to say 'oh look at this cute baby I saw today'... to interact with others, have something to talk about.

I sometimes take pics of people without their knowledge because I need reference images to draw from.

If you ask for permission before hand, they won't behave naturally, and if they haven't noticed me taking pictures and then I tell them, I tend to get a barrage of utter claptrap idiocy which I'd rather avoid.

I do understand a tiny percentage of people need to not appear in images that can show where they live etc - for my purposes, that will never be an issue, so I just don't bother telling/asking, I get on with it, then bugger off to somewhere else.

HaveringWavering · 15/04/2022 23:03

Why is it OK for a complete stranger to look at your child in the moment, but not OK to take a picture and look at it later?

Even if the picture is shared, the woman has no identifying information about your child.

Original poster

babyhaha · 15/04/2022 23:04

@WingingItSince1973

The OP isn't talking about her dd being in the background of a photo like many of us probably are in photos all over the world. It was someone in close proximity aiming her camera at her dd. To me that's just stepping over the bounds of politeness. Would any of us like it if we were sat somewhere and someone turned their camera on you, not on something else catching you in the background but making you the actual subject of the pic? It's just plain weird. I get the arty shots etc and I love looking at urban photos and social history photos but it's not the same.

@WingingItSince1973 thank you!!! You’ve literally put it perfectly! This is exactly it

OP posts:

Original poster

babyhaha · 15/04/2022 23:09

‘Would any of us like it if we were sat somewhere and someone turned their camera on you, not on something else catching you in the background but making you the actual subject of the pic? It's just plain weird.’

@Fulmine please see this comment from a previous poster who sums it up perfectly. The situation you’ve mentioned is completely different. It’s not as if this woman was taking a picture of something and my DD just happened to be in the background. She took her camera out and focused solely on my child. Not sure if you’re being purposely obtuse but that’s the difference.

@SquirrelG can you also read the comment I’ve posted above. There’s nothing ‘special’ about my DD meaning she can’t be photographed. As I said, I would have spoken up if someone took a pic of my sister, family member or friend. I also don’t know what batty means but judging by your tone I guess it isn’t a good thing. Ah well

OP posts:

Fulmine · 15/04/2022 23:13

But it's still perfectly legal to take a picture that focuses on someone else without permission, OP. If you won't acknowledge that, you shouldn't accuse others of being obtuse.

HaveringWavering · 15/04/2022 23:14

If someone took a picture of me I might think it was because they liked my coat, or my hair, or wanted to show their husband later how much I looked like their Aunty Rita, or they thought I looked like a whale in my jeans and wanted to use me as dieting inspiration. Or maybe I’d idly wonder if they were a private detective and someone was investigating me! But I really wouldn’t care, because I would not have any involvement in what they did with the image, and I accept that by going out in the world I will probably be on all sorts of cameras.

Tigertigertigertiger · 15/04/2022 23:15

I don’t understand why you care. What possible harm was she doing photographing a cute kid?

lameasahorse · 15/04/2022 23:16

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

Original poster

babyhaha · 15/04/2022 23:20

@Fulmine

But it's still perfectly legal to take a picture that focuses on someone else without permission, OP. If you won't acknowledge that, you shouldn't accuse others of being obtuse.

@Fulmine ‘if you won’t acknowledge that.’ I already said ‘Okay maybe there’s no law about it but how can you take a picture of a baby, get caught and then say you won’t delete it. That’s insane.’ Maybe you should read the full thread because it has been acknowledged and I never once said it was illegal anyway

OP posts:

lameasahorse · 15/04/2022 23:23

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

MRex · 15/04/2022 23:23

Lots of people like cute kids, that's fine and it doesn't need to be twisted. I've had people photograph DS a few times that I'm aware of, it's when he's being particularly cute, or when other kids are around. For example, at an exhibition of light doing clock hands with his little mate - loads and loads of people; at the beach with the puppy (in winter) a few; or at the skate park he's been video'ed doing a circuit by teenagers who also told us he was cool; then there are the millions of background shots with other people's kids - and I have the same in reverse. If it was someone who appeared nefarious for whatever reason then I'd ask them to stop, but I wouldn't expect a photo taken on public to be deleted as it isn't illegal and I don't understand the angst.

user1487768885 · 15/04/2022 23:37

I took a picture of my toddler once at nursery with another child in the background. The nursery teacher was very angry & demanded me to delete the pic immediately. I asked my husband if the child was a celebrity child that I could sell the picture to hello mag for tens of thousands. Apparently not. I don't really get it I have to say. An old lady took a photo of your child intentionally or not. I think I will get over it.

Fulmine · 15/04/2022 23:42

I never once said it was illegal anyway

What you said was "You can’t just go taking pictures of people you don’t know because you want to*. You obviously can in physical terms, which rather implied that you were stating that you can't do it in legal terms.

Patchbatch · 15/04/2022 23:44

[quote lameasahorse]@DogsAndGin it is perfectly legal to take photos of children in public places.[/quote]
Still fuckin weird though isn't it.

Original poster

babyhaha · 15/04/2022 23:46

@Fulmine

I never once said it was illegal anyway

@Fulmine are you being purposely obtuse now?

You obviously can in physical terms, which rather implied that you were stating that you can't do it in legal terms. No it didn’t imply that. That’s what you incorrectly interpreted from what I said. I never suggested you can’t take pictures of people in legal terms. I merely meant that you can’t go whipping your phone out and putting it in people’s faces as if that’s okay. Obviously there’s no law against it but I never mentioned anything about the law so you created that narrative yourself. Bizzare

OP posts:

switswooo · 15/04/2022 23:51

I would love for someone to take a picture of my baby and tell me they’re not deleting it. Okay maybe there’s no law about it but how can you take a picture of a baby, get caught and then say you won’t delete it. That’s insane

But it’s not insane. I don’t agree with taking pics of strangers but she didn’t do anything illegal. What would you have done if she refused to delete it, smacked her? Get a grip and quit acting tough.

Original poster

babyhaha · 15/04/2022 23:57

@switswooo

@switswooo if someone randomly trips up a stranger whilst they’re walking for absolutely no reason, that’s weird. It may not be illegal to trip up a stranger but that’s still very odd. I’m allowed to say something is weird/strange/odd/insane even though it may not be illegal.

‘Get a grip and quit acting tough’ ok then😂

OP posts:

ZerotwoZero · 15/04/2022 23:59

Honestly OP your starting to sound a bit unhinged now, you cannot stop people taking photos on public even if they are of you or your family. I actually feel sorry for the older woman having to come across some one like yourself, you appear to have to come on here to gloat about how you treated her for a seemingly innocent photo, even if you did not appreciate it.

5foot5 · 16/04/2022 00:00

@whataboutbob

When my dad developed dementia being around small children was one of the few things that calmed him. Nothing sinister, he just liked seeing them and found them very adorable and enjoyed just looking at them.

I think this must be a common thing. My late DMIL had dementia. At one point we bought her a picture book aimed at people with dementia that was full of photos. I think it was called Funy Old World. One page was full of pictures of babies and very small children. She loved that page and it got much more reaction from her than any other page.

When her condition was quite advanced we hired a wheelchair to take her for outings. She was fairly oblivious to most things but if she saw a baby or toddler in a pushchair she would be all smiles.

I guess it is a basic human instinct to respond positively to cute little children and maybe this goes some way to explaining why older people might want a photo of them. Nothing sinister just the Ahh factor.

I guess I am young enough to be aware that people these days get a bit funny about hatheir or their children's photos taken, but old enough to think that reaction is slightly weird

XenoBitch · 16/04/2022 00:01

This is a difficult one. There are no laws against taking photos of other people in a public place. But then I can understand if doing so made other people uncomfortable.
If someone took a photo of me, I would certainly be questioning why. It would ramp up my anxiety big time. But adults look so different to each other. Babies... not, so much.

My mum got grief recently for taking a photo of a dog. Owner swore blind my mum was something to do with a dog theft ring. My mum was actually taking a photo of a particular podgy bird, and the dog happened to be in the background.

EliyanahM · 16/04/2022 00:02

@ZerotwoZero

I agree. Like she was so polite, respected her decision to be a neurotic control freak mum, and did as she was asked. All the while possibly feeling offended that she was being treated as a suspected female paedophile.

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