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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Going to somebodies house when you know you probably have covid and saying nothing is an act of malice

118 replies

JayneDough · 15/04/2022 15:14

This was before the 'learn to live with covid' and it was very much still a big deal and something people were very worried about. I've struggled to get past it and it has affected our relationship.

A family member knew she likely had covid because she'd been around multiple positive cases and was supposed to be isolating. She kept that to herself and came here without testing and didnt say anything. I had a brand new baby at the time, weeks old, and she ommited to tell me she'd been exposed until we tested positive after getting it from her.

Personally I consider what she did malicious, do you think I'm unreasonable?

OP posts:
Original poster
JayneDough · 15/04/2022 15:22

Could you forgive this?

OP posts:
HermioneWeasley · 15/04/2022 15:24

It depends - are you CEV? If not then it’s an over reaction to passing on a respiratory virus that most of the population are going to catch at some point

DustyMaiden · 15/04/2022 15:26

I would not forgive anyone who made that decision when a new baby was involved. Not their decision to make,

Mummy1608 · 15/04/2022 15:28

Yanbu especially because your baby was only a few weeks old. Tiny newborns are really vulnerable

ComDummings · 15/04/2022 15:29

When there is a newborn or other vulnerable person involved that’s a huge dick move.

IDontLikeMondays88 · 15/04/2022 15:29

I would be really annoyed. They should have asked if you were ok with them coming round in the circumstances.
Also even if it’s not life threatening it is hard having a new baby without adding a dose of COVID into the mix, really unfair of her.

Pallisers · 15/04/2022 15:31

I wouldn't go to a house with a newborn if I had a cold - the fact that most of the population will get a cold at some point is irrelevant. You don't want a newborn to be exposed unnecessarily.

I'd think she was thick stupid for doing this.

Mummy1608 · 15/04/2022 15:31

Ps...My dd is a year and a half old and people still let me know if they have a cold before coming to see us. A year and a half! And a cold, not even covid! A proper friend would care about keeping your baby safe

Chely · 15/04/2022 15:32

I honestly wouldn't have been bothered.
Our baby had it at 4mth, I didn't play the blame game about it.

GodspeedJune · 15/04/2022 15:33

Yanbu. What’s their justification? I can’t imagine ever thinking this would be acceptable.

picklemewalnuts · 15/04/2022 15:35

I don't think I'd want to see someone again, if they'd chosen to ignore the requirement to isolate in order to visit a newborn and mum.

This month? Inconsiderate but I'd get over it. Last year? Outrageous.

girlmom21 · 15/04/2022 15:36

I don't think it's malicious but it's selfish.

I would tell them I was pissed off and then get over it.

I wouldn't be fretting about it months later.

SawnWood · 15/04/2022 15:37

I couldn’t.
Ignore @HermioneWeasley who sounds like they are happy to deliberately go and see a newborn knowing they had a cold without even checking with the parents first.

duskyspringfield · 15/04/2022 15:39

Selfish and ignorant

Marvellousmadness · 15/04/2022 15:40

YaNbu. My friendship would be done in that case

LouisRenault · 15/04/2022 15:40

I wouldn't go to anyone's house if I had a stomach upset or a streaming cold, or not without warning them and giving them the option to cancel. Other people don't want my germs. Add in a highly infectious illness and a newborn, and it's certainly highly inconsiderate. But probably thoughtless, rather than malicious, which suggests deliberate intent.

Original poster
JayneDough · 15/04/2022 15:41

No real justification really, just that she 'thought' it would be OK.

I don't think I fit the criteria list for CEV but I do have a weak immune system. I had sepsis in 2020 and have never felt truly well since, but my main concern was with baby.

Apparently I should just forget about it.

OP posts:
CavernousScream · 15/04/2022 15:41

An overreaction @HermioneWeasley?! Have you ever had a newborn?! You want to protect the baby from any respiratory virus and also you don’t want to catch something that could drain you of energy for a week or longer.

OP, I would find it unforgivable. Most people avoid newborns even with a cold.

ThruTheKeyholes · 15/04/2022 15:42

Very selfish of them. No I wouldn't get over it.

JustLyra · 15/04/2022 15:45

My relationship with them would be damaged forever.

You don’t take infectious illness to visit a newborn baby.

Prioritising your cuddles with a cute newborn over their health, and that of their mother, is a properly dick move.

I mean, normal people wouldn’t even go visit a newborn with a cold.

Jules912 · 15/04/2022 15:45

I assume this was a while back. Right now I probably wouldn't tell someone if I was a contact with no symptoms as quite frankly you're probably coming into contact with it every time you leave the house right now. If I was seeing someone particularly vulnerable I would do a test. I would count a newborn in thus category.

LondonJax · 15/04/2022 15:45

I don't think YABU. Prior to Covid, if I was going to anyone's house and had a stinking cold, a sore throat, been sick a day or so before I'd call them and say 'here's the situation, are you still OK with me coming round' if I felt well enough in myself to go.

I wouldn't just pitch up sniffing and snorting everywhere. Yes you can catch Covid at the local shops or the parent/toddler group. Just like you can pick up a sore throat or a tummy bug. But pitching up at someone's house with a cold/virus/tummy bug is another level and very self absorbed.

LakieLady · 15/04/2022 15:46

I wouldn't dream of visiting someone if I had a cold, never mind Covid.

Who wants to be the cause of a friend or family member feeling like shit for a few days, or having to take time off work?

Really selfish imo.

picklemewalnuts · 15/04/2022 15:47

Louis, it would be inconsiderate now. Back when isolation was compulsory, it's worse.

This isn't malicious as the intent wasn't to give it to you. It's just selfish beyond belief.

What is this person to you? I'm guessing relative, as anyone else would just be automatically unfriended!

Original poster
JayneDough · 15/04/2022 15:49

It was when isolation was compulsory yes

OP posts: