Going to somebodies house when you know you probably have covid and saying nothing is an act of malice

[JayneDough]

This was before the 'learn to live with covid' and it was very much still a big deal and something people were very worried about. I've struggled to get past it and it has affected our relationship.

A family member knew she likely had covid because she'd been around multiple positive cases and was supposed to be isolating. She kept that to herself and came here without testing and didnt say anything. I had a brand new baby at the time, weeks old, and she ommited to tell me she'd been exposed until we tested positive after getting it from her.

Personally I consider what she did malicious, do you think I'm unreasonable?

I have and still would keep away from a new baby even if it was only the the common cold I had

Ah, I just saw your update. I’m so sorry. That makes it even harder. More

I think I’d struggle to move on from it and forgive when it was my child out at risk

I have never received an apology no, just the blasé defence I outlined above - fed back to me via DH - about how she 'didn't know she had it' which she would have if she bothered to test and isolate as required by law at the time.

She got pissed off, that I was pissed off.

@IncompleteSenten

Do you think she came round hoping to infect your infant?

If so then yes, I would call that malicious.

If not, then she's simply what's known as a stupid selfish fucking twat.

I honestly wouldn't put it past her, she doesn't like me and she's the petty type.

Hmmm I know we used to have to isolate when we had had close contact with a positive but for quite a while we've not had to and if she had no symptoms it probably wouldn't cross my mind to mention it. I've been close contact several times over the past few months and have still had contact with babies (work) and elderly relatives. Obv if I felt unwell I would have tested.

@Looneytune253

Hmmm I know we used to have to isolate when we had had close contact with a positive but for quite a while we've not had to and if she had no symptoms it probably wouldn't cross my mind to mention it. I've been close contact several times over the past few months and have still had contact with babies (work) and elderly relatives. Obv if I felt unwell I would have tested.

This happened when it was a requirement to isolate, by law.

No I wouldnt forgive that. We'd be done. Totally and utterly done.

Perhaps when it arises, point out to DH:
Her appalling judgement
Her selfishness
Her recklessness
Her deceit.

I mean, not in one go- that would be tuned out as a rant.

Just one point at a time, over a period of time.

Yes, but of course she's pretty reckless.
I know, but then she's always been self centred.
Ok, but her judgement is pretty iffy.
I'm not sure I believe her, she's been deceitful before.
Unfortunately, I just don't trust her anymore.
Yes, but she doesn't think of the consequences ...

Drip drip until he twigs.

Not quite sure who this person is to you, you say relative of husband, so is it Mil or Sil?
It seems to me that you’re not too fond of them anyway, you say they might have tried to infect your infant on purpose because they are the petty type.
You don’t have to ask permission on here to keep this person at arms length, if you think she’s deliberately done this and you don’t really like her anyway, so should be an easy decision.

No that wasn’t ok; it was selfish to visit you and your baby. This relative knew beforehand she could’ve been infected and needed to isolate/test. I wouldn’t trust her as far as I could chuck her.

@JayneDough

I have never received an apology no, just the blasé defence I outlined above - fed back to me via DH - about how she 'didn't know she had it' which she would have if she bothered to test and isolate as required by law at the time.

She got pissed off, that I was pissed off.

Let your DH be the main source of contact - he can make all the effort with presents, contact, outline plans (insist on manners and being consulted - none of this “we’re doing this on Sunday” or “my mum is coming for a week” nonsense that so many on here end up dealing with).

Pulling a stunt like that would see any effort from me ended.

And tbh unless my DH had a decent answer to “why are you ok that someone deliberately hid that they were ill and risked infecting our newborn?” it would take a lot of work to fix his non-botheredness

I couldn't forgive them putting a newborn at risk like that. In my friendship group its normal to say if you've got a worse than normal cold and ask people if they're still ok with it. The answer is almost always yes but it's only fair to give others the option

I don't think people should visit anybody when they know they probably have a virus of any sort

She’s a very selfish and deceitful person. Yanbu.

And tbh unless my DH had a decent answer to “why are you ok that someone deliberately hid that they were ill and risked infecting our newborn?” it would take a lot of work to fix his non-botheredness

Oh I have, several times.

He comes back with "she didn't know she had it"

My ds ended up in the nicu at ten days old because he caught a virus from my dd who was 3 at the time. That couldn't be helped - she'd caught it at nursery and it seemed like a bad cold.
I could not forgive that person who came to visit you in those circumstances. They should have stayed well away.

People get to make their own risk assessment for them. They don't get to make mine for me and certainly not for my child. If she didn't think she had it, great. For her. But she chose not to isolate as required and chose not to say anything. I wouldn't forgive her.

I'm more cautious than most. I work in housing and when everyone wasn't vaccinated I was so worried I'd pass it to my vulnerable tenants. So my friends and family were really respectful, always considering how I felt. Absolutely fine to be blasé about your own stuff, but you need to consider others. She didn't.

I would NEVER forget and forgive but I am CVE. However, given you had a small baby that is malicious! Knowingly spreading a disease in my opinion actually represents a criminal offense. There are precedents with other diseases. But as the old MN mantra states, you have a DH problem if that utter fuckwit minimises it.

Thats completely out of order when you had a newborn. I'm exposed to covid a lot in my job and I don't tell people anymore however if I was to visit a newborn or someone very vulnerable, I would be testing before going to make sure.

@picklemewalnuts

Perhaps when it arises, point out to DH: Her appalling judgement Her selfishness Her recklessness Her deceit.

I mean, not in one go- that would be tuned out as a rant.

Just one point at a time, over a period of time.

Yes, but of course she's pretty reckless.
I know, but then she's always been self centred.
Ok, but her judgement is pretty iffy.
I'm not sure I believe her, she's been deceitful before.
Unfortunately, I just don't trust her anymore.
Yes, but she doesn't think of the consequences ...

Drip drip until he twigs.

I think this is a really good strategy

I couldn’t forgive this, no.

I'm CEV and nobody comes in without a negative LFT. I will give then one of mine to test if they haven't any at home but home is my safe place

She didn’t know she had it, but she did know she had been exposed to it and she chose to visit a tiny baby instead of self-isolating in accordance with the instructions at the time. That’s just not a thing a decent person would do.

You chose to have a baby when CEV, or maybe you aren't CEV? In which case I don't really understand the issue? Presumably you and your baby are healthy?