Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Going to somebodies house when you know you probably have covid and saying nothing is an act of malice

118 replies

JayneDough · 15/04/2022 15:14

This was before the 'learn to live with covid' and it was very much still a big deal and something people were very worried about. I've struggled to get past it and it has affected our relationship.

A family member knew she likely had covid because she'd been around multiple positive cases and was supposed to be isolating. She kept that to herself and came here without testing and didnt say anything. I had a brand new baby at the time, weeks old, and she ommited to tell me she'd been exposed until we tested positive after getting it from her.

Personally I consider what she did malicious, do you think I'm unreasonable?

OP posts:
Mangogogogo · 15/04/2022 15:51

Someone did this to me and my pregnant friends after getting a positive test.

Not forgiven and out of my life. Absolutely nahhh

greenlynx · 15/04/2022 15:58

I wouldn’t forget it, not in million years and wouldn’t trust this person anymore. Is it a very close relative? It would move to a distant relative list for me. It’s so selfish and unnecessary, I’m sure the visit could be easily postponed for a week or two.
Hope everything was ok with your baby.

LetitiaLeghorn · 15/04/2022 16:00

I agree that what they did was wrong. Thoughtless abd maybe selfish. But malicious? That means that she actively wanted to do harm to you. Do you think she deliberately wanted to infect you and the baby? Whether I forgave them would depend on their level of contrition, I suppose.

Neverreturntoathread · 15/04/2022 16:03

Yanbu. Keeping it secret was deceitful, disrespectful and dumb.

Pre-covid when my baby was young I’ve guests say “I have a cold, is it ok to come?” or “we had the sickness bug but are fine now, is it ok to come?” How much more so should people ask when it’s covid!!

She was an asshole who endangered your family and it’s hard to forget that eh.

Fl0w3ry · 15/04/2022 16:03

I wouldn’t cut them out of my life, but I also wouldn’t trust them to do the ‘right thing’ by me and my family in the future. I think as it was exposing your newborn baby you are well within your rights to be angry. I wouldn’t be in a rush to invite that person over again.

Kurtanforpm · 15/04/2022 16:06

Wow, that was a shitty thing to do. There is no way in hell I would’ve have visited someone with a tiny baby in those circumstances.

I wouldn’t have visited anyone at all to be honest

aSofaNearYou · 15/04/2022 16:12

I don't know about malicious but very selfish and thoughtless and I would be very pissed off like you OP.

JackieWeaverHandforthCouncil · 15/04/2022 16:15

I’ve avoided seeing newborns when I’ve had a cold let alone Covid. Their immune systems haven’t been tested yet. I wouldn’t be able to get past it either and wouldn’t trust someone that selfish again. Probably the type to kiss babies knowing they have a cold sore.

Original poster
JayneDough · 15/04/2022 16:19

Thank you for validating how I feel, I appreciate feeling heard as other family members have done nothing but minimise and expect me to just forget about it and im just not able to.

It has been quite a while since I brought it up with anyone but its still festering. I can't really cut them off completely, they'll always be on the peripheral even if I don't speak to them myself.

OP posts:
Mummyoflittledragon · 15/04/2022 16:19

I wouldn’t go near a newborn baby with a cold either, let alone having knowingly been exposed to covid. Doubly so last year.

Who is this person and do you really need to spend any time in their presence?

VeganGod · 15/04/2022 16:23

That’s a shitty thing to do. I’d always think that if they could do that, what else would they be deceitful about. If you can’t cut them off, just avoid them and be busy doing something else if something comes up where you’d see them.

knittingaddict · 15/04/2022 16:25

I think it would be a bit of a dick move now, let alone a while back when restrictions were in place. I would feel the same if they just had a cold too. I don't think covid is just a cold.

carefullycourageous · 15/04/2022 16:25

I would not want to see them again. What a twat!

ArtVandalay · 15/04/2022 16:27

I wouldn't say it was malicious, but she should've told you she might have had covid and let you decide if you were happy for her to visit.

Would I still be cross about it now? No, probably not.

RiojaRose · 15/04/2022 16:28

YANBU. I would not forgive this, and it would indicate to me that this individual cannot be trusted. I would not be prepared to forget about it just to make other people’s family relationships more comfortable.

Original poster
JayneDough · 15/04/2022 16:30

I spiralled into postnatal anxiety after it happened and I truly feel that what she did was the trigger, that's probably why I haven't let it go.

OP posts:
Original poster
JayneDough · 15/04/2022 16:32

@RiojaRose

YANBU. I would not forgive this, and it would indicate to me that this individual cannot be trusted. I would not be prepared to forget about it just to make other people’s family relationships more comfortable.
You've articulated my inner thoughts perfectly. I can't, and won't, forget about it just to make other peoples family relationships more comfortable.

Other people have a vested interest in me moving past it so they can maintain the status quo.

OP posts:
WhereYouLeftIt · 15/04/2022 16:32

@JayneDough

No real justification really, just that she 'thought' it would be OK.

I don't think I fit the criteria list for CEV but I do have a weak immune system. I had sepsis in 2020 and have never felt truly well since, but my main concern was with baby.

Apparently I should just forget about it.

Well it wasn't OK! The decision to bring disease under your roof was not hers to make. She's a fuckwit, and a nasty one at that.

She'd never be under my roof again EVER, and I'd probably be tearing a strip off every fuckwitted minimising family member too.

Original poster
JayneDough · 15/04/2022 16:35

She'd never be under my roof again EVER, and I'd probably be tearing a strip off every fuckwitted minimising family member too.

She's definitely not welcome here.

The predominant 'minimiser' is DH, so you can probably hazard a guess who she is to him..

I wanted him to tell her straight she was out of line, he never did.

OP posts:
Carrotten · 15/04/2022 16:36

You don't visit a newborn baby with a stomach bug, or the flu, with chicken pox or glandular fever so why with covid?

It's not acceptable and it's not okay.

Even now, I would take a lateral flow before visiting a newborn or vulnerable member of society. If I new I had covid I would not go. As with any infectious disease. Even a cold I would at least contact the parents before and let them know, just stay away for a day or two

JustLyra · 15/04/2022 16:38

@JayneDough

She'd never be under my roof again EVER, and I'd probably be tearing a strip off every fuckwitted minimising family member too.

She's definitely not welcome here.

The predominant 'minimiser' is DH, so you can probably hazard a guess who she is to him..

I wanted him to tell her straight she was out of line, he never did.

So your MIL or SIL basically put their want for baby snuggles ahead of the welfare of the newborn?

That would be a very hard road to come back from.

Have they actually apologised? Properly?

ArtVandalay · 15/04/2022 16:38

It's unfortunate about the PND, but can you really blame your friend?

I think Covid has made many people irrational. We had a houseguest here that had just spent a week in a cottage with 2 friends that tested positive the morning she arrived here. She did tell us, as is polite, but we were still happy for her to come and stay with us,

If your friend is a good one, I would rather let her lapse of judgment go and keep a friendship. I am sure you have told her that it upset you. Calling her maicious is extreme and ott.

RiojaRose · 15/04/2022 16:38

Other people have a vested interest in me moving past it so they can maintain the status quo.

And this indicates that those people care more about their own emotional comfort than about the safety of you and your baby.

It’s a horrible situation, OP. But I think you’re right to stand up for yourself and your child. Ignoring stuff like this just leads to more of it. Flowers

Original poster
JayneDough · 15/04/2022 16:39

She thinks she's got a get out clause in that she hadn't tested positive before she came, but that's only because she didn't test. So it's not really a defence is it?

She was alerted as a close contact of multiple confirmed cases (a group of people) and was told she had to isolate. She didn't test or isolate.

OP posts:
IncompleteSenten · 15/04/2022 16:39

Do you think she came round hoping to infect your infant?

If so then yes, I would call that malicious.

If not, then she's simply what's known as a stupid selfish fucking twat.