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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Going to somebodies house when you know you probably have covid and saying nothing is an act of malice

118 replies

JayneDough · 15/04/2022 15:14

This was before the 'learn to live with covid' and it was very much still a big deal and something people were very worried about. I've struggled to get past it and it has affected our relationship.

A family member knew she likely had covid because she'd been around multiple positive cases and was supposed to be isolating. She kept that to herself and came here without testing and didnt say anything. I had a brand new baby at the time, weeks old, and she ommited to tell me she'd been exposed until we tested positive after getting it from her.

Personally I consider what she did malicious, do you think I'm unreasonable?

OP posts:
ArtVandalay · 15/04/2022 19:07

It seems you’re hell bent on destroying a relationship with a family member and causing a big problem for your husband.

Wouldn’t it be easier to put it behind you rather than all this bitterness?

StoneofDestiny · 15/04/2022 19:08

I'd not trust her about anything again. If she cannot be trusted to keep family and small babies safe - what the hell can she be trusted with.

BonjourCrisette · 15/04/2022 19:08

@HulaTallulah

You chose to have a baby when CEV, or maybe you aren't CEV? In which case I don't really understand the issue? Presumably you and your baby are healthy?
What on earth are you on about?
IWentAwayIStayedAway · 15/04/2022 19:21

Ffs! A new born. Selfish fucker. They wouldnt be in my company for a very long time. Unforgivable

Roselilly36 · 15/04/2022 19:25

Selfish & unforgivable given that you had a newborn. YANBU.

Wam90 · 15/04/2022 19:28

It annoyed me when my cousin came over to meet my (then) newborn and she had a cold (pre covid). I’d think they were very selfish.

Sexnotgender · 15/04/2022 19:35

She didn’t know she had it

Because she wilfully and deliberately didn’t test!

She was told to isolate. She did not.

Instead she visited her son and daughter in law and their very young baby.

She’s an arsehole.

Yes I’m sure it’d be really convenient for everyone else if you just put it behind her. Fuck her. She’s a dick.

Original poster
JayneDough · 15/04/2022 20:05

@ArtVandalay

It seems you’re hell bent on destroying a relationship with a family member and causing a big problem for your husband.

Wouldn’t it be easier to put it behind you rather than all this bitterness?

She put me and my newborn at risk of hospitalisation, so absolutely not.

People may be blasé about covid now but nobody was at that time, it was still a very new and frightening disease. The whole of the UK went into lockdown. We had death rates in our faces every day and she thought nothing of exposing us to that.

OP posts:
gamerchick · 15/04/2022 20:09

@HermioneWeasley

It depends - are you CEV? If not then it’s an over reaction to passing on a respiratory virus that most of the population are going to catch at some point
So what? You don't deliberately take a ruddy cold to someone's house without asking if it's ok first. Never mind covid Hmm only a complete prick does either
MurmuratingStarling · 15/04/2022 20:11

YANBU. That is bloody awful!

Original poster
JayneDough · 15/04/2022 20:13

@HulaTallulah

You chose to have a baby when CEV, or maybe you aren't CEV? In which case I don't really understand the issue? Presumably you and your baby are healthy?
Not CEV no but I have a rubbish immune system and health problems thanks to sepsis.

That's irrelevant though, my concern was for my weeks old baby.

Babies end up hospitalised from viruses, like the PP's poor little one mentioned on a previous page.

Besides, not everybody who died from covid was ECV you know. Plenty of healthy peole died Confused

OP posts:
Summerfun54321 · 15/04/2022 20:13

Covid brought out some absolute bat shit crazy decisions and had family members split down the middle in terms of opinions. I almost ended contact forever over a similar scenario in my household. Personally, I would forgive this but be on high alert for other selfish behaviour and protect yourself from future hurt. Obviously she was in the wrong but she was also living in a pandemic that none of us have ever experienced before. It may have brought on PND, but honestly so many people have struggled with their mental health over lockdown with new children, you may have had PND anyway if she hadn’t given you covid.

ButtockUp · 15/04/2022 20:16

I'd be angry, but, if it's a close family member, how would you move on?
Yes we need to move on now but it was at a time when it was dangerous.

I feel for you and have no suggestions other than to let them know that they were wrong.
I'm guessing they know that now , but going forward???

Chely · 15/04/2022 20:19

Did you or newborn get covid from this person?

Mummy1608 · 15/04/2022 20:29

@HulaTallulah

You chose to have a baby when CEV, or maybe you aren't CEV? In which case I don't really understand the issue? Presumably you and your baby are healthy?
What does this even mean?? Are you implying that people who are clinically vulnerable shouldn't have babies...? I hope I'm misreading this comment
Original poster
JayneDough · 15/04/2022 20:31

@Chely

Did you or newborn get covid from this person?
Yes we did. We recovered but it was a horrible time.
OP posts:
SnowingInApril · 15/04/2022 20:46

Would I forgive them? No.
Is it an act of malice? Not in my opinion. It’s an act of selfishness. What I want is more important than anything else. That includes your health and the health of a newborn baby it would appear.
She’s probably so arrogant she thought she would get away with it.

dumdumduuuummmmm · 16/04/2022 07:21

A) this was when we were supposed to be isolating. Sounds like she had every reason to suspect she may have it but chose to not test so she could technically say she didn't know
B) you had a VERY young baby. Responsible people wouldn't even visit with a cold or tummy bug
C) She has never taken responsibility for her actions or admitted to being selfish
It is obvious to me OP that she wanted to see baby so she chose to put her WANTS above the legal requirements AND THE SAFETY OF A NEWBORN. That tells me all I would need to know about this self centred, entitled and rude person. Sounds like the sort of person who will try to feed the child crap when you ask her not to because it makes HER feel good. The sort of person who would kiss a baby when she had a cold or a cold sore. The sort of person who will take no notice of your parenting rules and do whatever the hell she wants to because SHE wants to. Is everything always about her in other areas of life? She can carry on being a selfish twat but not near my kids unless she has some sort of miraculous change of personality and starts putting others first when appropriate

Dontforgetyourbrolly · 16/04/2022 07:27

You could have caught it from anywhere. If you wanted to cut the risk then you should have said no visitors , because all of us would have been in contact with someone that had covid . And at that time lots were asymptomatic.
You can't keep harping on about thus, it's already happened.

MRex · 16/04/2022 07:32

It is very wrong to knowingly expose a newborn to any respiratory infection; anything can lead to a dangerous fever and they can't even blow their noses at that age so best case it's really tricky to care for them properly. We didn't see my dear DN for months when he was newborn because DS kept catching colds and we didn't want DN to suffer. That said, annoying family mostly end up having to be tolerated, within whatever boundaries you need. I'd tell DH that it can be put behind us once she's apologised that she was reckless with the newborn. That puts the stress back onto her rather than you.

Mol1628 · 16/04/2022 07:32

A family member did similar to us. I have a thread on it somewhere.

I haven’t been able to forgive. Everyone wants me to forgive as well to maintain the status quo but I won’t. I’m never having her in my house again.

It’s nothing to do with the fact it was Covid, it was the utter selfishness of the whole situation.

Dontforgetyourbrolly · 16/04/2022 07:36

Op you knew there was a risk and she was supposed to be isolating, somebody invited her / let her in etc???
Maybe you feel guilty ( you shouldn't) . Forgive yourself and move on !

dumdumduuuummmmm · 16/04/2022 07:38

@Dontforgetyourbrolly

You could have caught it from anywhere. If you wanted to cut the risk then you should have said no visitors , because all of us would have been in contact with someone that had covid . And at that time lots were asymptomatic. You can't keep harping on about thus, it's already happened.
You think because something happened a few months ago it should be forgotten? Do you think this about all selfish and immoral behaviour? "Ah boo. He molested you when you were a kid.......it was years ago. Stop harping on about it......she stole from you? It was last year, stop harping on about it.....they lied about you so they could get the job? It was ages ago, stop harping on about it..."Hmm raise your bar. Don't accept selfish behaviour.
Dontforgetyourbrolly · 16/04/2022 07:41

Wow we've gone from someone in close contact with covid to being molested !
Happy Easter lol

alltheteeshirts · 16/04/2022 07:46

@Mol1628

A family member did similar to us. I have a thread on it somewhere.

I haven’t been able to forgive. Everyone wants me to forgive as well to maintain the status quo but I won’t. I’m never having her in my house again.

It’s nothing to do with the fact it was Covid, it was the utter selfishness of the whole situation.

I wouldn't forgive either.

It's one thing to unknowingly pass on Covid. It's another to know you're likely contagious and to keep quiet - you're taking away someone else's autonomy over their own health choices.

If you're happy spending time with a Covid person, that's your choice. But it should be your choice. Anyone who takes that choice away from you is selfish and doesn't have your best interests at heart.

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