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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not have bought my team easter eggs..

324 replies

M00cow · 15/04/2022 08:00

Hello,

I have recently had a promotion at work and now line manage 6 others. The increase in pay only works out to be about £8 a day compared to a big increase in workload/responsibility (I say that because its hardly like im suddenly earning a fortune). I have also only been in this role for 2 weeks so haven't even received my first payslip yet.

However, i have had several comments from my team this week about Easter eggs...pointing out that other managers had bought their staff one and when was I going to do the same. Some of these comments came across really sarky and it has made me feel quite bad for not buying any! It hadn't even crossed my mind tbh and money is tight at the best of times.

I suppose my AIBU is am I being mean for not buying a team of adults (older than myself) an Easter egg when I'm very newly in this role? Or do they need to grow up? Half tempted to go to the shops now and try to pick something up for tuesday because I feel guilty!

Thoughts please

OP posts:
ViaRia · 15/04/2022 09:58

At this point it’s no longer about whether the OP (newly into her management role) should/ should not buy her team Easter eggs.

This is all about her team members expecting and (sorry) bullying her into buying them something with her own money and not even being grateful. I think it sets the wrong precedent in terms of team dynamics, etc.

Unless they have been outstanding in the last tee weeks, OP is not really yet in a position to reward them for their hard work or show appreciation- they may not have done anything worth yet (you know, except for their actual jobs). They may not even be good at their jobs.

mrziggycoco · 15/04/2022 09:58

What an awful deal! Do you work for the NHS?

Surely you have petty cash to spend on your team?

N, you are not being unreasonable. Your employer is though.

Blimecory · 15/04/2022 10:00

These sorts of “gifts” would not go down well at my workplace, if from a TL. Even from “the company” at large. It’s infantilising and patronising and would put people’s backs up. There’d be muttering about “how about a cash bonus or pay rise instead?” Too many people wouldn’t be able to eat the Easter egg anyway.

Electriq · 15/04/2022 10:03

In all the companies I've worked for only 1 got us eggs, and they were purchased by the company not the manager.

So unless you can claim it back expenses, no, do not do it, they're being grabby.

ArtVandalay · 15/04/2022 10:03

I don’t buy my team (of 8) anything at Easter.

I do pay for their Christmas lunch though and get them all a small table gift. If we go out for drinks, I’ll buy a round. I think that’s enough.

BertiesShoes · 15/04/2022 10:04

Well I worked 38 yrs before retiring last year, never had a present directly from a manager.

In my last job, we got a hamper from the company at Xmas, and they did buy Easter eggs for a couple of years at one stage (probably 10+ yrs ago) but never anything directly from a line manager.

I didn’t even get a retirement present from colleagues, but I wasn’t the only one, and we were in lockdown. I got a card, and a cheque from the company, so wasn’t too bothered.

However, I worked in a very male dominated industry, which does make a difference I think, my friends in mainly female offices do seem to exchange gifts a lot more. Borne out by my closest 2 female friends from work giving me retirement gifts when I next met them!

Agreeeeed · 15/04/2022 10:07

For goodness sake how ridiculous. Do the ickle babas want an egg hunt too?
In my experience I have found organisations buying stupid childish gifts like this are the ones papering over the cracks. Staff on minimum wage, zero hour contracts. No good company pension options.
Plus if you are in a place where staff are sat in their desks all day, they may not thank you for putting chocolate under their noses. I wouldn’t !
Where I have worked people have always brought in the cakes when they are leaving, sometimes we’d all chip in and buy cakes for a birthday.
BUT I’d never expect a manager to buy the whole team chocolate how ridiculous.

TartanCurtains · 15/04/2022 10:09

@TheKeatingFive

The goodwill you will get for spending £6-10 on some eggs might well be worth it.

I agree with this

Sadly I don't agree with this.

I once had a team with Olympic level passive aggressiveness and two faced behaviour. I personally bought them Easter eggs, Christmas presents, flowers for personal situations, and decorated the office for milestone birthdays etc.

I later learned that at least some of them believed "I never did anything for them".

I wouldn't worry about Easter eggs if I were you. It sounds like you'll never win.

fairylightsandwaxmelts · 15/04/2022 10:09

@Blimecory

These sorts of “gifts” would not go down well at my workplace, if from a TL. Even from “the company” at large. It’s infantilising and patronising and would put people’s backs up. There’d be muttering about “how about a cash bonus or pay rise instead?” Too many people wouldn’t be able to eat the Easter egg anyway.
It never ceases to amaze me how miserable some adults can be Grin
muchprefersummer · 15/04/2022 10:10

I'm currently a manager of a small team and I would always buy my team an Easter egg - I also get them advent calendars at Christmas. It's only a small team so only costs me a max of £10. It's not much of a Thankyou but it shows that I appreciate everything they do above and beyond their normal remit. That said, when I've managed larger teams - I don't bother.

fairylightsandwaxmelts · 15/04/2022 10:11

To expect a manager to pay out of their own pocket is disgusting.

The manager didn't pay. The company did.

But he arranged it and planned it so everyone got what they liked and could eat etc.

Why shouldn't a manager organise these things?

Apatosaurus20 · 15/04/2022 10:12

YANBU

I think it depends on the role you do. I am in an office role and would not expect anything, and don’t think I’ve ever had anything from a manager at Easter (people may put cakes in the kitchen but definitely not a manager responsibility)

My DH works in an emergency service, he and his teams are working all weekend so will going today to buy them all an egg each as a token of appreciation.

Ultimately though, you don’t have to get anything whatever role you are in ☺️

LetHimHaveIt · 15/04/2022 10:13

'It never ceases to amaze me how miserable some adults can be Grin'

Nor me. If I gave someone a token, traditional gift, and they wandered off muttering shit about a cash bonus or a pay rise, I'd conclude they were a total dick.

PS - My employer gave the dairy-free bloke and the vegan, a dairy-free eggs. It - wasn't hard to find one they'd 'be able' to eat 🙄

nosyupnorth · 15/04/2022 10:13

It doesn't matter what the workplaces of people on mumsnet do, despite some sneery comments that seem to think so. If it's typical for managers in your workplace treat their teams at easter and you refuse to then you've sent a very clear message about your view on of your team and your management style, and it's one that it's pretty clear has lowered their opinion of you.

cushioncovers · 15/04/2022 10:15

If it's always been done in the past op I'd would have continued it for this year seeing as you are new to the role. By next year you would have made the role your own.

fairylightsandwaxmelts · 15/04/2022 10:20

@LetHimHaveIt

'It never ceases to amaze me how miserable some adults can be Grin'

Nor me. If I gave someone a token, traditional gift, and they wandered off muttering shit about a cash bonus or a pay rise, I'd conclude they were a total dick.

PS - My employer gave the dairy-free bloke and the vegan, a dairy-free eggs. It - wasn't hard to find one they'd 'be able' to eat 🙄

Exactly Grin

Some people are just determined to hate everything Wink

mumofthemonsters808 · 15/04/2022 10:22

It’s a personality thing you’re either this type of Manager or you’re not. I’ve never received anything from mine whatsoever and just accept it. It’s a large office with several different teams and we see other Managers treating their staff very differently: birthday gifts, biscuits, chocolates, monthly pitzas, all these teams have higher staff morale, these little things do go along way in making people feel valued & appreciated.

If you are stuck for cash there are many other things you can do to show your staff they are appreciated, mine just contacts me when I’ve done something wrong, I accept this too, I’m older and do my work and motivate myself regardless, but not everyone is like this.

AskingforaBaskin · 15/04/2022 10:23

@fairylightsandwaxmelts

To expect a manager to pay out of their own pocket is disgusting.

The manager didn't pay. The company did.

But he arranged it and planned it so everyone got what they liked and could eat etc.

Why shouldn't a manager organise these things?

Yours did. But if these lot are expecting Op to fork out I would be putting them all in their places immediately.

If a company wants to do this great. But again why are people acting like they work out of charity.

JennyJumpup · 15/04/2022 10:23

I wouldn't say they deserve any eggs, simply because of the snarky comments and hints!

MumW · 15/04/2022 10:27

How about getting some mini eggs and making krispie cake nests?
If you get own brand cornflakes/krispies, plain choc, mini eggs & paper cases it wouldn't cost more than a few pounds.

AskingforaBaskin · 15/04/2022 10:29

@nosyupnorth

It doesn't matter what the workplaces of people on mumsnet do, despite some sneery comments that seem to think so. If it's typical for managers in your workplace treat their teams at easter and you refuse to then you've sent a very clear message about your view on of your team and your management style, and it's one that it's pretty clear has lowered their opinion of you.
Or maybe. Just maybe the team should put their big people trousers on and learn they do not know everyone's finically situation and they are not in fact entitled to peoples money. And that money is not representative of how someone feels.
allthegoodusernameshavegone · 15/04/2022 10:32

I took Colin the caterpillar in

JellyfishandShells · 15/04/2022 10:32

In my first week managing a department I was informed by a member of staff that it was a birthday, they would all be going out for drinks after work and I would be paying, because that’s the way it had been done in the past.

Um. No.

One of the things I had to clear up when taking over the post was the awful abuse of expenses amounting to fraud. I didn’t have a legitimate magic pot of company money I could use to fund their socialising and I was not going to use my own money because of the management style of my predecessor.

What I could do was access proper training, pay and bonus recognition for good work. This had never tricked down to the junior and admin levels before ( mainly women) and that’s where I wanted to see money being spent from my budget. Being the Big Man handing out free drinks as my predecessor had done was a short term, cynical way of being liked.

And the buying of Easter Eggs because it’s become a custom? Ridiculous and infantile.

Felicity42 · 15/04/2022 10:34

They'll all have forgotten about it by next Tuesday. You are only in the job 2 weeks, give yourself a chance! You are probably just experiencing the usual backwash that happens when a colleague steps up to a more senior role. You'll get a bit of whinging from the ones that don't actually want anymore responsibility but resent those that do.

JennyJumpup · 15/04/2022 10:35

And the buying of Easter Eggs because it’s become a custom? Ridiculous and infantile.

I don't believe buying Easter Eggs is ridiculous or infantile. However I do think that with things like this one should not feel entitled to demand them.