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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

OH lied about extra day on away.

153 replies

Beccylouuu · 15/04/2022 00:09

OH is going on a stag do to Benidorm in may, which is fine, he told me months ago but no exact dates. Told me the dates yesterday which were Friday to Monday but now today he said he’s going Friday to Tuesday (him and one other pal, the rest of the stag do are coming back Monday) because the flight back is cheaper Tuesday. I could tell he was lying so I checked the flights and they are the same price both days. I told him I’d checked and asked why he felt the need to lie, if he’d just said I’m staying an extra day I would’ve been ok with it but the lying really ps me off!! He’s pd off with me now because I checked the flights and didn’t just believe him. AIBU?

OP posts:
notanothertakeaway · 15/04/2022 08:17

If a group go away together, it does seem a little odd for 2 of them to stay away longer, although I'd be concerned about the lying

I'd guess (1) there's a reason he wants to be alone with the guy, possibly strip club or similar or (2) he thought you wouldn't agree to it

Hariboqueen1 · 15/04/2022 08:30

A lot of people are missing the point.
He never planned to stay till Tuesday, he booked his flights for monday. His plan was to stay somewhere else on monday night but where? I wouldnt trust him at all.

Ikeptgoing · 15/04/2022 08:31

Ooooh you caught him lying and for no reason.

Hopefully he'll be full of apologies when he gets home and admit it was silly of him. Watch out if he tries to turn this back onto you in anyway - as that would be manipulative and he knows you wouldn't have had a problem with him staying an extra night so there's no excuse. Huge flag if he gets defensive or manipulative

Of course you could tell he was lying and would check as something seemed off (stupid man).

I see potential for lots of ribbing to go down for a while... "Alright POF we'll see" ( * Liar Liar Pants on Fire)

JangolinaPitt · 15/04/2022 08:33

Yes it is a different point entirely! My friend’s ex h did this sort of thing -had regular camping trips with mates but tacked an extra day on before to stay overnight at his AP’a flat.

IsraelAndRoo · 15/04/2022 08:34

Flight prices change - has he admitted that he lied?

We've gone to book flights, waited (discussed) and then gone back to find them much cheaper - it's a known fact this happens across airlines and that flight prices are increased at certain times of the day and certain periods of the year/month.

He may not have lied if this is all you are basing your assumptions on but you clearly have some trust issues within the relationship and need to think carefully about why.

Eesha · 15/04/2022 08:36

I'd be wary here, someone I know did this and it was purely because he met someone else and wanted to see them on that day.

crackingreward · 15/04/2022 08:36

@Hariboqueen1

A lot of people are missing the point. He never planned to stay till Tuesday, he booked his flights for monday. His plan was to stay somewhere else on monday night but where? I wouldnt trust him at all.

Where are you getting this from?

HumourReplacementTherapy · 15/04/2022 08:38

He did it because he felt guilty doing it so lied instead. Or thought he'd get aggro for it.
My dh although wouldn't lie because he's shit at it may sometimes bend the truth because he still has the mindset of us 20 years ago when we were dead on our feet with 2 dc's under two.
I wouldn't mind if he went to the moon for a months holiday now Grin but had he tagged on an extra night when our kids were little I'd have had something to say.
Therefore DH would just say the trip was 4 nights because he'd feel guilty and think I'd be annoyed when I am quite happy on my own and for him to have a break.
I can't seem to get him to see our circs now are very different we have more freedom (and sleep!)

LoveSpringDaffs · 15/04/2022 08:39

@Wife2b

The fact you checked the flights indicates you wouldn’t be ok with him staying an extra day.
No it indicates she can spot a lie!!

It was a stupid lie anyway, it would be incredibly rare that the difference in flights from Barcelona one day to the next, especially Mon/Tue, in may, would be enough to warrant an extra nights hotel cost.

Sswhinesthebest · 15/04/2022 08:40

Have you actually seen his flight details for tuesday? He’s not coming home with the others on Monday then going elsewhere is he?

girlmom21 · 15/04/2022 08:43

@Hariboqueen1

A lot of people are missing the point. He never planned to stay till Tuesday, he booked his flights for monday. His plan was to stay somewhere else on monday night but where? I wouldnt trust him at all.
Oh yeah we're missing the point that you've completely made up. He is staying the extra night. It's the lying about why that's the issue.
LoveSpringDaffs · 15/04/2022 08:43

@1forAll74

It's a bit silly to make such an issue about this. You have put a downer on things now. checking up on flights etc.
It's no longer 1950. I know things were different for you, but in 2022 we don't find it acceptable for men to lie to the the little woman. I know you find the changes all quite befuddling, but it is, what it is.
NewtoHolland · 15/04/2022 08:46

Flights are usually quite a bit cheaper on Tuesdays...have the prices maybe changed since he booked?

girlmom21 · 15/04/2022 08:52

@NewtoHolland

Flights are usually quite a bit cheaper on Tuesdays...have the prices maybe changed since he booked?
NO BECAUSE HE ADMITTED HE LIED
SnowingInApril · 15/04/2022 08:52

I’m guessing this isn’t the only thing he’s lying about.

knittingaddict · 15/04/2022 08:53

@Beefcurtains79

This is the most bizarre thread ever. Someone tells you an obvious lie to your face, but if you dare question or challenge their bullshit, apparently you are to blame. Is it shut up, never ask questions, do not listen to your instincts, and generally be a complete doormat day today or something?
Apparently so. I don't get it either.
PlainJaneEyre · 15/04/2022 08:54

The women laying into the OP? You are treating her exactly like her husband - making her behaviour the number one crime here so deflecting from the original bad behaviour of lying. Hmmmmm there's a term for that ! OP you did the right thing but I think he was just being a dick and a coward.

TheBigDilemma · 15/04/2022 08:58

The problem is this, trust is broken with lies. The OP is angry because he had broke that trust not because he is having an extra day.

I would be angry too, he had just planted a nice big red flag that would make me wonder about how honest he is repeatedly for a long time to come as it could be the start or more lies that would get more elaborated as he feels confident he can get away with it.

Heythere13 · 15/04/2022 08:59

* I could tell he was lying*

Dead in the water relationship

PugInTheHouse · 15/04/2022 08:59

My husband did stuff like this, I don't think I have ever really trusted him because of that. Examples are first time he went skiing with his mates he told me he said he wanted to go for no more than 3 nights when they asked him, they ended up booking 4 nights, he then asked me to check some info on his email about skiing (flight times etc) and very clearly on the email he said he would prefer 4 nights. No idea why he lied, it would make sense to go for 4 nights if skiing. Other time he asked me to book flights for him as he was going to Alicante with his mates. They were actually going to Benidorm. I have no clue why he couldn't have just said that, his defence was that he didn't actually lie, he was flying to Alicante, he never said he was staying there.

Pisses me off really, there are quite a few examples. We have been together 17 years and it still bothers me.

SeedyBloomer · 15/04/2022 09:04

He’s pissed off with you because he lied and you suspected something was off? Are you meant to ignore your gut and accept any old shit? Nice way for him to deflect this from himself. Keep returning it back to him in a factual way: ‘But you lied. I was right to think something didn’t sound right because you did lie.’

5128gap · 15/04/2022 09:16

@Gardeningcreature

Proves just how many deluded women there are. 75% of men admit to cheating on their partners. There will be more who cheat they just don't admit it. Yet here we see women wearing blinkers, blaming the person who called out the liar. Bizzare. As for all this "Prices may go up and down," so what? If the op's dh had said; "Joe and I are staying an extra night as it's cheaper to fly back on the Tuesday. " Then when the op checked and the price was the same, if he wasn't lying he would have said, "Really, when I booked it was only £50, I'll show you the receipt." End of. That's not what happened though. The op caught her dh lying and that is an issue.
This. Can never fathom the hoops some people try to jump through to tell an OP the quacking yellow thing isn't a duck. And blowing a smokescreen over a man's confirmed lies by focusing on a woman's lack of trust, as though the latter isn't a direct result of the former.
Hertsgirl10 · 15/04/2022 09:30

Sorry WTF am I reading here 😂

Sooo if you think you’re fella might be lying and you check, then end the relationship as no trust?

Are you all ok?
Do you all just believe things even if you can see he’s talking bollox? So even a simple thing you think it should be over and that’s that?

I see why so many of you get cheated on and are so gullible cos you just think you can’t check.
I trust my husband but if I thought he was lying I would definitely check cos I trust my instinct more.

Hertsgirl10 · 15/04/2022 09:31

@Heythere13

* I could tell he was lying*

Dead in the water relationship

@Heythere13

For having a brain? She wasn’t wrong was she.

SexiestDogWalker · 15/04/2022 09:34

@1forAll74

It's a bit silly to make such an issue about this. You have put a downer on things now. checking up on flights etc.
That's right. Women should keep quiet and let the menfolk have their sport and their total privacy. Don't know why it matters to OP anyway, she'd only have been in the kitchen or cleaning the house regardless. At least she's got a little more time to prepare a lovely welcome home dinner for him and if she apologises profusely, perhaps the man will feel more kindly toward her. Hmm