Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7

Original poster

OH lied about extra day on away.

153 replies

Beccylouuu · 15/04/2022 00:09

OH is going on a stag do to Benidorm in may, which is fine, he told me months ago but no exact dates. Told me the dates yesterday which were Friday to Monday but now today he said he’s going Friday to Tuesday (him and one other pal, the rest of the stag do are coming back Monday) because the flight back is cheaper Tuesday. I could tell he was lying so I checked the flights and they are the same price both days. I told him I’d checked and asked why he felt the need to lie, if he’d just said I’m staying an extra day I would’ve been ok with it but the lying really ps me off!! He’s pd off with me now because I checked the flights and didn’t just believe him. AIBU?

OP posts:

Wife2b · 15/04/2022 02:51

The fact you checked the flights indicates you wouldn’t be ok with him staying an extra day.

Momijin · 15/04/2022 02:57

My ex used to lie like this and like you I wouldn't have minded him doing what he lied about . I hate being lied to.

BadNomad · 15/04/2022 02:58

She only checked because she knew he was lying. Some people are that terrible at lying.

ToiletPoster2 · 15/04/2022 02:58

How do you normally react to situations like this?
He wouldn't have made an excuse unless he thought he needed one and I can't imagine why you'd check if you genuinely didn't mind.

TalkingCat · 15/04/2022 03:08

@Beccylouuu

I wouldn’t have thought so, he works away so he spends more time away than at home!! We’ve not had a holiday in 18 months and he’s not had a lads holiday since December 2019 so I would not begrudge him an extra night in Benidorm. Just pissed off he felt the need to lie 🙄

he works away so he spends more time away than at home!!

Things that make you go hmmm. What woman would put up with that, unless she was ok with an 'open relationship'? Then the extra day away.

This isn't a good relationship. I'd never trust him, based on the 'he works away more than he's at home' thing alone. That's ominous. He wants to live the single life, clearly. Let him then, and leave him.

needmorethanthis · 15/04/2022 03:56

It’s a strange thing to do if everyone else is flying back on the Monday. Wouldn’t he want to fly back with his friends?

BruceAndNosh · 15/04/2022 04:01

Even if the flights were cheaper, he'd still have to pay for.an extra night in hotel

JangolinaPitt · 15/04/2022 04:04

[quote Moser85]@JoyDivisionOvenGlovesx
Doesn't it block the swear words? I sweared recently and I thought it blocked them.

Test: Fuck[/quote]

JangolinaPitt · 15/04/2022 04:05

@NowNowDermot

I see your test 'fuck' Moser, there would be uproar on here if they blanked out the swearing, the threads would be like Swiss cheese

frazzledasarock · 15/04/2022 04:12

If my DH was behaving oddly and saying things which made me I’d also do a quick Google of flights.

How long have you been together do you have DC together?

Does he lie often ?

1forAll74 · 15/04/2022 04:19

It's a bit silly to make such an issue about this. You have put a downer on things now. checking up on flights etc.

frazzledasarock · 15/04/2022 04:20

Why is it OP who’s put a ‘downer’ on things on not the liar who lied unnecessarily who is ruining things?

TalkingCat · 15/04/2022 04:21

@1forAll74

It's a bit silly to make such an issue about this. You have put a downer on things now. checking up on flights etc.

No, it's not silly at all, @1forAll74 . Not at all. And the victim-blaming of the OP saying she has ruined it, when HE lied, is really disgusting. I think any normal woman would check up something if her gut feeling told her something wasn't right, and if he lied about something like this. Wtf?!

TalkingCat · 15/04/2022 04:22

@frazzledasarock

Why is it OP who’s put a ‘downer’ on things on not the liar who lied unnecessarily who is ruining things?

Exactly. The misogyny and victim-blaming in this thread is quite next level and truly disgusting and shameful. The OP has done nothing wrong. It's her OH who has lied and broken her trust.

WTF475878237NC · 15/04/2022 05:09

I can't believe some of the replies here. OP could tell he was lying so looked for proof. It's him at fault here. It's not OK to lie because we want to avoid having a conversation about our needs so just make the decisions without our spouse's knowledge.

"But then I trust my DH implicitly". - so if you thought he was lying about something you'd ignore it?

DancingBarefootOnIce · 15/04/2022 05:14

He must have thought you would have minded otherwise he would not have lied. You checked up on him. It doesn’t sound like a healthy relationship

HELLITHURT · 15/04/2022 05:43

@NowNowDermot

I see your test 'fuck' Moser, there would be uproar on here if they blanked out the swearing, the threads would be like Swiss cheese

Misses point of thread!

LollyLol · 15/04/2022 05:50

He has no right whatsoever to be narked that you checked the flight prices. Let’s hope he has a good explanation for lying and if it comes up in conversation I’d just keep on about how disappointed you are he lied to you.

It’s not a trivial lie because staying away has connotations that he’s up to something behind your back (even though he probably isn’t).

knittingaddict · 15/04/2022 06:16

@steff13

You don't trust him, and a relationship doesn't work without trust.

Let's reframe that shall we. You can't trust a liar and that is the problem, not the op and her lack of trust.

I really dislike posts like yours that make it sound like it's somehow the op's fault that she needs to check on her liar of a partner.

Ponoka7 · 15/04/2022 06:34

I'd think about who the mate is who he's staying on with and why he might want extra time alone. Are they both the type to go with prostitutes, pick up women, but the rest of the group might grass them up?
What's the rest of your relationship/sex life like? I'd want a proper explanation for the lie and the not wanting to come home to you. He's out of the house more than he's in it and not just for work.

TheCurrywurstPrion · 15/04/2022 06:46

I think he’s maybe going to do something he knows you won’t like, or that he’s ashamed of. He made up the lie about the cheaper flights so you wouldn’t ask any more questions about why he’s staying another day.

Alternatively, he’s indulging in the idea that women are naggy people who won’t let their menfolk do what they want.

Either way, it’s deeply unattractive, and if you trusted him before, you now don’t and probably never will again.

I think this might be one of those moments where you have to make a decision about whether you want to cling onto a relationship at the expense of your self-respect, or walk away with your self-respect intact. In years gone by, I’d have chosen the former, but I now believe I deserve better.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

lightisnotwhite · 15/04/2022 06:47

@AChocolateOrangeaday

As a PP has said you clearly don't trust him or else you wouldn't have checked.

My DH goes away fairly often and it would never occur to me to check the flight prices if he had told me that.

But then I trust my DH implicitly.

@Wife2b Sorry but that’s bollocks. Op has said that she could clearly tell he was lying. That’s totally different to checking up for no reason.

Fancylike · 15/04/2022 06:59

@Ponoka7

I'd think about who the mate is who he's staying on with and why he might want extra time alone. Are they both the type to go with prostitutes, pick up women, but the rest of the group might grass them up? What's the rest of your relationship/sex life like? I'd want a proper explanation for the lie and the not wanting to come home to you. He's out of the house more than he's in it and not just for work.

That's what would concern me. Is this mate someone who would encourage hiring sex workers/cheating, and keep the secret? While the rest of the group may dob him in for in.

Gardeningcreature · 15/04/2022 07:00

I was thinking the exact same as Ponaka7

girlmom21 · 15/04/2022 07:00

I can't believe people are actually claiming there's victim-blaming on this thread. There's no victim ffs. Stop exaggerating.

I don't understand the need for the stupid lie. Why did he lie?

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7

Swipe left for the next trending thread