Husband screaming and swearing at the football

[Santandave]

My husbands fave team are playing, he is screaming and swearing at the tv, my 15 year old has her friends sleeping over, I just texted him from upstairs saying “you are REALLY loud” and he replied “so? It’s my house” I’m disgusted at his attitude, my poor daughter! They are watching a film really loudly but I can’t imagine they can’t hear him! He’s dropped the c bomb about 5 times I’m so embarrassed. I’ve spoken to him before about how emotional he gets watching football and his general outbursts of temper (if someone drops a cup or we forget to put the bin out he totally angrily overreacts) I don’t think this is normal, am I wrong? Am I being unreasonable?

@Abraxan

Why is almost always only football given the same 'protection' when it comes to accepting this level of aggressive shouting and swearing?

We wouldn't find it acceptable at a swimming competition, a netball match, a dressage event, a dance competition, etc would we?

No, definitely not. I’ve wondered the same.

I think its pretty weird that people are trying to compare watching football with watching snooker or a dance competition.

Why though? It's the competitive nature of the thing that makes it exciting, and the fact that you want one side/person to win and not the other. There is nothing inherently more exciting about football than any other sport, especially other team sports. It's just its popularity and the culture that's grown up around it that have made people behave so crazily about it.

People get really excited about cricket matches, tennis finals etc, but they seem to manage not to rant, swear and scream insults. There is really no justification.

Lots of people get very animated watching other sports - cricket being one of them on occasion! There's a lot of camaraderie in football. I'm often asked which football team I support when I meet new people, but I'm yet to be asked my favourite tennis player or runner.

Very few people relatively follow other teams in other sports to the extent that football fans do. You hit the nail on the head when you said its a culture thing. It is. It's not a British culture thing (I've been in Barcelona when they won the champions league and the celebrations were like nothing I've ever seen!), it's a football thing.

I think its pretty weird that people are trying to compare watching football with watching snooker or a dance competition.

But why is it different really?

They're all competitive sports, with a winner at the end, with people supporting specific groups/people. Cricket, darts, rugby, baseball, ice hockey, you name it - all competitive sports.

Why is football so different to other competitive sports? You really don't get this mass acceptance of verbal (and sometimes physical) aggression with almost all other sports, even when highly competitive.

Even rugby doesn't seem to attract the same level of aggression from supporters as football does, which is possibly the closest style of sport.

@Profanisaurasrex

DH screams and swears at the football too. He doesn’t do this about anything else but he is footy mad, it’s his passion, and he’s very emotionally invested. Doesn’t bother me at all, I just ignore it.

this

If he can't 'control' himself when the footie is on, tell him to shove off to the local pub to watch the game & see how the landlord reacts when he continually drops the 'c' word.

@FrankLampardsBrokenHand

I think its pretty weird that people are trying to compare watching football with watching snooker or a dance competition.

The kid is 15, so will no doubt hear or use the word cunt on a daily basis. That said, the chap should have modified his behaviour with guests being present.

I get very passionate watching my team play. Especially if we've been wronged (the fella who's wife called the ref a blind cheating cunt probably supports the same team as me). Much worse at the game, I've come away with a hoarse throat. You just get absorbed into it.

Obviously the real issue with the situation isn't him shouting at the telly. It's his overreacting to everyday occurrences. That isn't on, and nobody should have to live in fear of dropping something to avoid an earful.

Not entirely sure why the comments on DV are relevant to this post, as the OP hasn't said anything which alludes to him being violent, so as much as the stats paint a grim picture, the insinuation that being a passionate football supporter means you're going to take your temper out on someone with your fists is really not well placed.

So you’re ‘passionate’ and ‘absorbed’ and therefore it’s acceptable to behave like an idiot watching your super special important absorbing sport, but it’s totally ridiculous that anyone would point out others don’t do this with other activities?

There’s absolutely no difference. Other people get absorbed in their favourite sports and activities too, they are also passionate about whatever thing they watch, they just control themselves and show their passion in a civilised and appropriate way. If you’re not able to do that it’s not because football is absorbing and you’re so passionate.

I think if you’re passionate and absorbed about any sport, that “losing control” and shouting in your home is fine. Maybe not so much out in a pub etc, but in your home why not?? That should be the place where you can let yourself go and be yourself.

@Profanisaurasrex

I think if you’re passionate and absorbed about any sport, that “losing control” and shouting in your home is fine. Maybe not so much out in a pub etc, but in your home why not?? That should be the place where you can let yourself go and be yourself.

Because your wife is uncomfortable and has asked you not to. Perhaps I’m projecting my life onto it - I don’t like or allow shouting and screaming in my home. I see it as aggressive rather than passionate. I think if screaming and swearing regardless of how it’s making others in your home feel is you ‘being yourself’ then yourself is not a very nice person.

@Profanisaurasrex

I think if you’re passionate and absorbed about any sport, that “losing control” and shouting in your home is fine. Maybe not so much out in a pub etc, but in your home why not?? That should be the place where you can let yourself go and be yourself.

If 'being yourself' is screaming profanities and losing your temper at a TV screen when there are a group of children in the house maybe you're not ready for a family...

Yes, I think a lot of people are projecting.

Not everyone find shouting or swearing upsetting or offensive. And it doesn’t mean you’ve lost your temper or your control. And it doesn’t mean somebody isn’t a nice person.

What is unacceptable in one house is absolutely fine in another.

He sounds like an bully.

Your daughter must be mortified that her father is such scum.

How can you possibly be tolerating this with children in the house.

This is not normal.

I can only imagine what her friend will go home saying about your home.

Why are you with someone who behaves like this?

Ring Women's aid for support.

@Profanisaurasrex

Yes, I think a lot of people are projecting.

Not everyone find shouting or swearing upsetting or offensive. And it doesn’t mean you’ve lost your temper or your control. And it doesn’t mean somebody isn’t a nice person.

What is unacceptable in one house is absolutely fine in another.

You're missing all of this from the OP I’m disgusted at his attitude, my poor daughter! They are watching a film really loudly but I can’t imagine they can’t hear him! He’s dropped the c bomb about 5 times I’m so embarrassed. I’ve spoken to him before about how emotional he gets watching football and his general outbursts of temper (if someone drops a cup or we forget to put the bin out he totally angrily overreacts)

@Profanisaurasrex

Yes, I think a lot of people are projecting.

Not everyone find shouting or swearing upsetting or offensive. And it doesn’t mean you’ve lost your temper or your control. And it doesn’t mean somebody isn’t a nice person.

What is unacceptable in one house is absolutely fine in another.

But his wife does find it unacceptable. She’s asked him to stop.

I’ve not missed it, I was talking generally, as the discussion had moved into peoples more general views rather than just the OPs situation.

My point is that not everyone who does it is some kind of out of control, bad tempered bully. People were making generalisations and I was saying it’s not always the case and each home and family is different.

And for what it’s worth I would say screaming and swearing does mean you’ve lost your temper - I’ve never seen anyone happily skip along to pick up their lottery winnings screaming ‘fuck! Cunt!’ It’s generally done when someone is in a bad temper.

@Profanisaurasrex

Yes, I think a lot of people are projecting.

Not everyone find shouting or swearing upsetting or offensive. And it doesn’t mean you’ve lost your temper or your control. And it doesn’t mean somebody isn’t a nice person.

What is unacceptable in one house is absolutely fine in another.

You keep missing the point that this is not just about the football. Even if it was, OP does not like it and finds it unacceptable , so what other households do is irrelevant.

I’m not missing the point, I wasn’t commenting on the OPs situation. I was speaking generally.

Clearly in some cases, like the OPs, there’s more too it. Hence not all men doing this can be lumped in with her DH.

Very bad example of what a male partner should be like...your poor daughter.

Ring Women's Aid for support

Because he gets worked up watching a football match?

@Momicrone

So just blokes swearing at the screen

I used to hurl abuse at the radio at Thatcher. I find the current government has the same effect. I’d never criticise anyone else for it.

[quote 1smallhamsterfoot]@Thumpkin it’s a fucking GAME. grow up[/quote]
People must not swear at the football. And yet here you are swearing at a total stranger over something as trivial as a reply to someone else on Mumsnet!

Just read 1984

Urgh how unattractive

"Even if it was, OP does not like it and finds it unacceptable , so what other households do is irrelevant."

Quite likely he's always been like this about his football and the op knew he was like this when she married him.