Husband screaming and swearing at the football

[Santandave]

My husbands fave team are playing, he is screaming and swearing at the tv, my 15 year old has her friends sleeping over, I just texted him from upstairs saying “you are REALLY loud” and he replied “so? It’s my house” I’m disgusted at his attitude, my poor daughter! They are watching a film really loudly but I can’t imagine they can’t hear him! He’s dropped the c bomb about 5 times I’m so embarrassed. I’ve spoken to him before about how emotional he gets watching football and his general outbursts of temper (if someone drops a cup or we forget to put the bin out he totally angrily overreacts) I don’t think this is normal, am I wrong? Am I being unreasonable?

@refreshingseahorse

"Lol. No wonder England never wins anything worthwhile when the majority couldn't care less about a game/a ball being kicked. To win a world cup you need just about the ENTIRE country passionately behind the team every step of the way. Granted your DH was watching a league match."

What the hell? So the whole country swearing at the TV will make us win stuff? Is this some Harry Potter magic type of thing? Can we collectively make other events happen by all swearing at the TV in unison? More research is clearly needed into this phenomenon.

Reread my entire post and subsequent post to get a proper measure of my stance. I was referring to posters' attitudes towards it being "just kicking a ball, a game". Put it into context. Perhaps I should have made myself clearer if you've assumed I'm condoning the man screaming and swearing at home with his DD's friends present. I did say there's a time and place.

Mind you, thinking about it, I can be like this when I watch Question Time.

Mumsnet sometimes prompts this response too

@NameGoesHere

Your dd must be so embarrassed. No doubt they will tell other friends about your do. What a shit he is.

It is hardly highly unusual behaviour worthy of gossip amongst a group of 15 year olds who I'm sure have a million other things to worry and be embarrassed about. My children roll their eyes at their Dads personality change when he watches football but most of their friends Dads are the same. I also don't necessarily agree with the notion that we have at all times act perfectly and like some kind of Stepford parents around our children. We are fully human, with passions, strong feelings, faults, etc. I know a few 'perfect' parents raising children who are nuerotic perfectionists constantly second guessing what is the correct way to behave in every situation. All that said, the non football related behaviour of this man sounds very unpleasant and controlling, that's what I'd be worrying about..

@RonWeasleysBackfiringWand

I was brought up by grandfathers / father who love football and a son and a husband for whom it is there passion.
Never has there a time where their disappointment in a game reached a point where domestic violence was an issue

Im not disagreeing with the statics in relation to football/ violence and it’s an awful awful situation for any women/man/family to be in

I’m just nearly trying to point out that not all men who are football fans should be tarred with the same brush

@llm24 At no point was I saying that all football fans are violent. What I said was in reply to a post where the man’s behaviour is dreadful specifically when the football is on. If you can’t see that, I can’t help you.

I think the problem here is that there were children in the house… it’s really not appropriate

They're 15

[quote llm24]@RonWeasleysBackfiringWand

I understand perfectly well
Just wondering though if the OP had posted her hubbie was watching a game of Tennis would we be having this conversation

It’s the generalisation of men who have a passion for football are or will go onto commit domestic violence that I don’t understand[/quote]
There are no stats that show a rise in domestic abuse following tennis matches.

The link between football matches and domestic abuse is well researched and publicized.

@RonWeasleysBackfiringWand

You didn’t say all football fans are violent but that’s the impression you are giving off and that’s sad you have that impression of others

OP and her daughter shouldn't have to live with either the entitled shouting and swearing during matches, loud enough to hear on other floors of the house.
Or the loss of temper or sulking about bins or dropping things.

Wow my wife is worse than me. We have season tickets for our team and last week she called the ref a fucking cheating blind cunt.

Is football a matter of life and death, no, for some of us it's more important

Yeah it's a really irritating thing about football. I banish husband and son to another room to watch it.

I would hate it, I think that’s really trashy behaviour. There’s no need to be screaming and swearing at the television and I’ve no clue why people suddenly think it’s appropriate if it’s football. I would find it embarrassing and slightly intimidating to be honest.

I also think it’s really nasty and entitled to force everyone else in the house (who have mentioned they don’t like it) to listen to your screaming and swearing).

I am eternally grateful that neither DH nor 2 DSs are in the least this ridiculous about games.

All have a mild interest and will watch something that interests them but none of them would get as silly as described here.

@22Giraffes

The City match was very stressful, me and both dc's were shouting at the tv, they way they were treated was awful and it ended up in a big brawl! No it's not great to be shouting and swearing but football does make people passionate, which seems to be very looked down on, especially here. Maybe I'm more laid back than most though, seeing as I don't shudder in horror at the C word and I certainly wouldn't stop my dc visiting a friend who's dad shouted at the telly when the footie was on!

Screaming and swearing at the TV isn’t ‘passionate’ it’s just aggressive and odd. If you’re so ‘stressed’ by a television sports match played by people you don’t know that you can’t control yourself from screaming and swearing in your home then you need to seek professional help and distance yourself from football games. Everyone else seems to manage not to dissolve into screaming fits at ‘stressful’ television experiences. I didn’t spend the entire of the red wedding in Game of Thrones rolling on the floor screaming you cunts you fuckers arrrggghhh incapable of stopping even when asked by my husband. I’ve never seen anyone do it while watching tennis or snooker or any other sport. Just because it’s a popular sport isn’t an excuse to behave like an idiot.

He sounds like an utter prat and I wouldn't tolerate this.

My DH is a passionate football fan. Used to, pre children, travel the world to watch England play and went to several Euros and World Cup competitions.

1- He doesn't behave like a thug or a lout when attending games. He has a few beers with his mates, enjoys the game, likely shouts and swears then comes home happy (or quietly sulky for a bit if they've lost, but not unpleasant to any of us in any way!)

2- If he watches a game at home, he doesn't scream or swear at the tv because we've got young children (3 and 6) and it would wake them up or frighten them if they were up and also neither of us want them hearing us using foul language. If his team score he tends to do a silly jumping around happy dance which the children find funny and join in with

3- If it's a huge match, and he thinks he likely will get a bit rowdy on the shouting at the telly front he goes to watch it in a pub or at a mates house where there are no children to be concerned about

Its not hard. Sports are not an excuse to behave like an arsehole.

last week she called the ref a fucking cheating blind cunt.

Why on earth would you call someone this?
Why would anyone want to step up and help run a sport where people thought this kind of abusive name calling was ok?

I am very thankful that F1, while a fairly passionate sport doesn't attract this kind of abuse. I dodged a bullet with DH it seems.

Although @mymindisamuckingfuddle DH appears to behave like an adult so it is obviously possible alongside being a football fan.

Grim especially with other children in the house.

@Userg1234

Wow my wife is worse than me. We have season tickets for our team and last week she called the ref a fucking cheating blind cunt. Is football a matter of life and death, no, for some of us it's more important

I hope your wife gets banned. What an awful thing to shout at somebody.

@backtobusy It definitely is possible and obviously I'm only working on a sample of about six men but his friends are like this too. I've had four of them here watching football before with the children here and none of them were aggressive or behaved in a way that I wasn't happy with in front of our children (I'd have kicked them out to the pub if they had have been!).

They are all in their early 40s. It's behaviour that I'd really associate with immaturity though judging by the responses on here sadly it doesn't seem that it's limited to very young men!

If DH is a City fan I think it was wrong to have people over given the importance of the match.

Or he could have headed down to the nearest pub with fans like himself, at least he would be in similar company.

Screaming and swearing at the TV isn’t ‘passionate’ it’s just aggressive and odd. If you’re so ‘stressed’ by a television sports match played by people you don’t know that you can’t control yourself from screaming and swearing in your home then you need to seek professional help and distance yourself from football games. Everyone else seems to manage not to dissolve into screaming fits at ‘stressful’ television experiences. I didn’t spend the entire of the red wedding in Game of Thrones rolling on the floor screaming you cunts you fuckers arrrggghhh incapable of stopping even when asked by my husband. I’ve never seen anyone do it while watching tennis or snooker or any other sport. Just because it’s a popular sport isn’t an excuse to behave like an idiot.

Agree. I’m always happy when football season is finish. Hearing my DH moan about it, sulk, and pretending I care an iota, gets exhausting. Yea get being passionate about things but to the point of aggression, cursing, and being someone no one wants to deal with is ridiculous.

@Thumpkin

I’m going to give you a very different opinion. Is he a Man City fan? The game will have been incredibly stressful. Think of being rear ended in a crash and there then being road rage directed at you - that kind of stressful. It’s hard for non-fans to understand just how emotive football gets. People are still bitter and upset about results years later. People end up in tears and screaming in stadiums and the swearing can be horrendous. I can’t tell you how angry I’ve been at the football at times, as a fan. My mild mannered FIL goes absolutely batshit. I can’t quite believe it afterwards. Agree that it’s totally embarrassing when you have guests and especially 15 year olds because he should really be setting an example. But he’s not a hideous man who needs divorcing simply because he lost his rag at the tv tonight.

His strops over minor things like cups and bins are far less understandable and he needs to stop being so highly strung.

But if he’s a city fan - I’d cut him some slack tonight. His stress levels will have been through the absolute roof. It was a major game which got so heated that the players ended up in a mass brawl at the end.

But it's not the same as someone having road rage over an incident that they are present at, surely? I mean road rage is inappropriate too but I can understand why someone may become angry or cross by someone physically affecting their car/driving.

But, as you say yourself, this is a GAME. He isn't involved in the game physically. He isn't one of the players in the pitch at the time. He isn't even there in the crowd. He is sat in the sofa watching a TV screen.

Football should never be an excuse for inappropriate behaviour from anyone. It's true that domestic violence cases increase when England play football, and even in specific areas when certain teams play. Other violence is also increased, but domestic violence more so. And this is almost always male violence, and often towards women.

When we excuse a grown adult male swearing and screaming at a TV screen, just because he doesn't like what's happening, then we start towards a dodgy route towards the rest of the aggression and violence.

Being annoyed and fed up, fine. Saying the odd word/comment, even swearing, towards the screen - not perfect but can be understandable. Screaming, shouting and using harsh swear words, whilst visitors are in the house as well and after other house members have asked for it to stop - very much inappropriate behaviour.

Why is almost always only football given the same 'protection' when it comes to accepting this level of aggressive shouting and swearing?

We wouldn't find it acceptable at a swimming competition, a netball match, a dressage event, a dance competition, etc would we?

I think its pretty weird that people are trying to compare watching football with watching snooker or a dance competition.

The kid is 15, so will no doubt hear or use the word cunt on a daily basis. That said, the chap should have modified his behaviour with guests being present.

I get very passionate watching my team play. Especially if we've been wronged (the fella who's wife called the ref a blind cheating cunt probably supports the same team as me). Much worse at the game, I've come away with a hoarse throat. You just get absorbed into it.

Obviously the real issue with the situation isn't him shouting at the telly. It's his overreacting to everyday occurrences. That isn't on, and nobody should have to live in fear of dropping something to avoid an earful.

Not entirely sure why the comments on DV are relevant to this post, as the OP hasn't said anything which alludes to him being violent, so as much as the stats paint a grim picture, the insinuation that being a passionate football supporter means you're going to take your temper out on someone with your fists is really not well placed.