To be really fed up with "accommodating" colleague

[Ceci03]

So for background - I've been having a problem with my manager being very inflexible around times etc. So today my colleague is in the office by herself - I would usually be in but have covid - and she works 8-4. I've been on email with her a lot of the day and she said she offered to stay until 5pm as "it's only an hour" and she has things to do. It's just pissing me off. As she knows my struggle with the manager, and she's making me look even worse by being so 'flexible' and the manager doesn't care, she just walks all over her and my colleague doesnt even see that. I mean, I've always been very flexible, and have stayed late, come in early, but when I asked for a small flexibility from the manager, she said no, and has been pretty mean about it, so I've started logging my hours, and requesting time off in lieu which I've never ever done before. Colleague knows all this. AH it just annoys me. She is obviously just 'sucking up' to the manager and it's none of my business. It's just when people do this, they make employees who are "just doing their job" look like they're not doing enough. Or something. Anyone else understand what I mean

I think you're annoyed with the wrong person. It's not colleague's fault that the manager is being a dick to you.

Do you think the colleague is doing it on purpose?

I can see why that might feel annoying but.. you have to disengage from what your colleague does or doesn't do. It isn't any of your business. Maybe she is trying to get a promotion or maybe she simply is someone who likes everything to be done perfectly. Whatever, it is up to her if she is prepared to do more than you are.

I think you need to focus on yourself and your outputs. You can't control what colleague does. Being able to do your job within your contracted hours is a skill to be proud of - if she has to stay late I would view that as a negative sign.

Are you 12?

You are definitely angry with the wrong person here. It's not your colleagues fault your boss is inflexible. She is under no obligation to just do her contracted hours because that is what you have decided to do.

YABU

Be angry with your manager not your colleague.

Yeah possibly she is. She's just so bloody accommodating. I just think our manager gets away with 'murder' cos everyone lets her. I think I'm the only person who is standing up to her - (2 people have resigned as they couldnt cope with her).

It just annoys me. If we all stood together, and refused to be taken advantage of she might realise something. Whereas now I'm jsut the "awkward" person, and my colleague is the "good" one.

If you have a colleague on your team who is a doormat basically, I don't think it's very good for team morale. Good for managers though I guess. Like this colleague is like this all the time. Last week she had covid, and I swear she was really bad, she was on a teams meeting last week and you could tell she had a fever, and she could hardly talk, and couldn't stop coughing. I said to her, 'its ok to take a sick day' and she just said 'no no I'm fine', and struggled on. I just think that that's kinda expected, if one person does it. THe manager expects us all to do it. And now if I feel really bad and want to take some 'sick time' while I have covid - if I need it - I'll be made feel bad, and manager will say "wasnt X so good to work through even though she was so sick" (implication - not like you...)

PS I used to be like this colleague, until I wised up. And yeah you're right. Not my business.

Hows your relationship with her usually? If you usually have a good relationship maybe she thought she was doing you a favour, taking some strain from you while you're having to WFH with Covid?

Sorry - cross post!

@JauntyJinty

Hows your relationship with her usually? If you usually have a good relationship maybe she thought she was doing you a favour, taking some strain from you while you're having to WFH with Covid?

No, she's doing her own work, another thing that's annoying me actually, she is getting very secretive. There has been talk of there not being enough work to go round at the moment, which is why I think she's 'taking' work and not telling me. I just wish it would "work both ways". Like last week I must have said about 10 times 'let me do that', or 'can I help', or 'is there anything I can do so you can finish early, you don't look well', and the answer is always no I'm fine. So I feel then I can never ask her to cover anything for me either. Which I don't anyway. But i

sorry sent too soon. In the end I just stopped asking, as it was getting me down, how "fine" she was even though I could see she wasnt. I think if the manager backed me up she might have, but she seems afraid of the manager, afraid to even take some sick time? or maybe it's just a control thing. I don't understand it tbh, it gets on my nerves

And she's part time and had a 2 hour meeting on monday, that I'm supposed to cover if it falls on one of her 'off days' but no, of course she came on and did it herself, then stayed on email and teams for the rest of the day. Even though she's not supposed to work on Mondays. It's very wearing. Manager should step in , but she wont - she likes it.

Sorry but you’re being unreasonable. Your work colleague is perfectly entitled to act the way she does, it’s not her fault if it makes you look bad. You need to grow up

You have a manager problem not a colleague problem

So you were doing the doormat thing until you realised it gets you nowhere. Now you’re annoyed at your colleague because she’s doing it? YABU

Last week you were complaining that you wanted to work til 4 now someone else is covering the last hour and you're still upset? I get a feeling your colleagues can't win.

You seem really unhappy in your job. I'd use your time at home to look for something else tbh.

Sorry but yabu. Nothing wrong with your colleague going the extra mile

Sorry but you are coming across as bit of a nightmare colleague. You seem to think that everyone should do the same as you and take everything as personal and feel that they should think of how their actions reflect on you.

So your colleague stayed an hour later to finish something. I don't have to rush home after work and prefer sometimes to finish things rather than leaving for the morning. This is not sucking up to my boss etc but just my prefered way of working.

So basically, your way is the correct way and all your colleagues must follow what you do because if they don't you will look bad, even though the way you are doing things is correct.
Have I got that right?

@NotTheOW

You have a manager problem not a colleague problem

This. You colleague has issues balancing their personal /work life boundaries. That’s her issue and I’d leave her to it.

Work on being able to stick to your work boundaries despite colleagues not being able to. There will always be a colleague like her.

@Ceci03

And she's part time and had a 2 hour meeting on monday, that I'm supposed to cover if it falls on one of her 'off days' but no, of course she came on and did it herself, then stayed on email and teams for the rest of the day. Even though she's not supposed to work on Mondays. It's very wearing. Manager should step in , but she wont - she likes it.

I hope you thanked her for saving you work.

She does sound like a bit of a mug.

I think you need to look for a new job OP. It sounds like your working environment is making you unhappy to the extent it's clouding everything about it.

I was just thinking today about a job I was in about twenty odd years ago. I got into conflict with my line manager regarding her double standards, for example a colleague came back from maternity leave full time and was allowed to adjust her hours for childcare, I had requested a job share after my maternity leave a year earlier which she clearly didn't want and she refused to adjust my hours on the handover day which resulted in a full day's nursery fees.

Another colleague who liked to be everyone's favourite started accepting my work from one of the managers although she had her own workload to deal with, the result of which was the job share was selected for redundancy on the grounds we weren't as 'busy' as our other three colleagues. Played straight into my line manager's agenda. My colleague tried to rectify the situation when she realised the effect her people pleasing had had but they still went ahead with the redundancy so know how you feel Op.

I’m pretty sure your colleague doesn’t speak about you the way you speak about her in your post, but we are supposed to agree she is the unreasonable one? You sound delightful.